shopping with Hava-lava

Quinn told Hava-lava to pick out some presents for Papaya at the DI for Christmas this morning, then watched as she walked down the aisle, saying, “Papaya likes this one; Papaya likes this one…”, until she had collected the following:

After she had finished,  Quinn told Blossom to take Hava-lava to the next aisle over so he could put the toys back without Hava-lava getting upset.  When Hava-lava came back to the emptier basket she was dismayed: “Where are all of Papaya’s presents?!”  Sweet dear.  Quinn assured her he had taken a picture of all of the toys, and she seemed to be alright.

Cool links from a vision night I presented at for "my" youth...

Okay, they are not all "my" youth (only Tova was, technically...), but I do love each of them dearly :).

I thought some of you friends and family who read this might enjoy some of these clips if you haven't seen them before.  We showed them last night to show people following their vision of who they wanted to be.  I stress the importance (as I did last night) that the only way to true and lasting satisfaction and happiness is doing that under the direction of the spirit.  I believe that the Lord knows our talents and strengths and wants us to develop them in a way that is personally and uniquely satisfying and as a gift to serve others.  The biker in the clip below is inspiring and dedicated, and has undoubtedly inspired many others.  Perhaps he has used it to serve youth by encouraging them and lifting their spirits? Perhaps he has used his talent as a way to raise money for various charitable causes? We can hope so.  The important part is always having the spirit to be with us (in the bottom clip by Elder Bednar) as a measuring stick that our path is the one to lead to our ultimate happiness and satisfaction.

Final note: if you have not checked out "Mormon Messages" on lds.org, they are truly inspirational.  We use them for devotional "wrap-ups" or themes as a family one to two times a week.  They are usually little sections/messages from LDS conference talks with cool images and music to highlight it.  I really like the one where they interviewed the random New Yorkers about gratitude called "The Spirit of Thanksgiving".  When my brother watched it he said, "It renews my faith in people and the goodness of humanity."

http://lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#moments-that-matter-most

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry4BzonlVlw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShbC5yVqOdI&feature=re

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr6ajtA5Otglated

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr6ajtA5Otg

http://www.ted.com/talks/marcin_jakubowski.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_changing_education_paradigms.html

http://vodpod.com/watch/15524744-powerful-inspirational-true-story-dont-give-up

http://seek.deseretbook.com/assets/1016

Youth vs. Teenager: the myth revealed :)!

This incredible article sums up why I want to always call my child a youth, and not a teenager :)...

http://www.home-school.com/Articles/PlattTeenagers.html

Here is a delicious excerpt to tempt you to read the rest :):
"Being immature, youths will always be tempted by pleasures, by flattery, and by illusions, but with an adult world around them, they will be able to make comparisons and judgments. Candy is candy, candy is sweet, candy can be given to you, but nothing in the world can substitute for knowing how to ride your bike. No one can give that to you. No one can do that for you.
Youths tend, then, to know the difference between the things that are really your own -- the virtues -- and the things that come from others, such as wealth, or come easy, such as the pleasures. Good youths like good tests. They want to enjoy adult pleasures after they have earned them by performing adult duties."
"These pleasures (the false ones that rule the world of "Teenagers") are powerful, absorbing, and "quickie." The Teenager craves a melody that will rock him around the clock forever, seeks an experience so intense that he will forget what time it is, and so absorbing that it will blot out all eternity.
"Never does one see a smile on the faces of those enjoying these pleasures. The Teenager is the most free and the least happy of beings. Thoreau said most people lead lives of "quiet desperation." The desperation of the Teenager is not quiet. With the Rolling Stones, they shout, "I can't get no satisfaction."
"The day the Teenager was created was a sad day for every youth in America. Imagine yourself young again, unsure of yourself, swayed by strong passions, by turns ashamed and proud, sometimes shy, sometimes assertive, always awkward, filled with new desires and hard on yourself for having them, drawn toward cliques, tempted by clique cruelty, by affectation, by enslaving pleasures, and by premature bonds, but fighting on, knowing that you want to become something better, someone capable of good work, deserving your own respect, and maybe one day becoming a good parent -- imagine such struggling youths hearing their own parents say, "Relax, take it easy, enjoy yourself, adulthood will happen, don't sweat, this is the time of your life."

Okay...I included three quotes, but it does make you think about truth, doesn't it? 

Calming the storm...

Sometimes God calms the storm.
Sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms his child.

...cool.

Smile

"Smile.
It is easy enough to be pleasant when life flows like a song.
But the man worthwhile is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong. 
For the test of the heart is trouble and it always comes with the years.
And the smile that is worth the praises of earth is the smile that shines through tears."

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Squire and the Scroll-Chess-Chugger-dude's yoga

As I read “The Squire and the Scroll” to the little ones (snuggled all around me!), sometimes I wondered how much they understood.  I am trying to learn Hungarian right now, and know that the more familiar I am with a word, the easier it is for me to pick it out in my reading.  I have been tempted to leave out words entirely, like “virtue”, “purity”, and “valor”, just replacing them with similar terms.  Then, I thought, the way I read those words will convey some of their meaning, and then they will also get familiar with those important terms.  How much time do we spend filling up their heads with simplified, easy to understand fluff because it is quicker for them to learn, when we could be repeating meaningful words to them, words that we want them to internalize and carry with them throughout their lives?  I read the book with new meaning, pausing to explain what some of these important words were, adding emphasis and feeling to those particularly significant phrases that make that book so beautiful and central to what I want my kids to believe in and become.

Today has been a perfect day (I know because I have plenty of imperfect ones to compare it to :)!)  I know because when I need a quick errand done, I have to do it myself or rely upon Maia, Havala, or Piper to do it :).  The others have been engaged in their level of academics: reading, doing Geo- Safari, painting, enjoying the freshly falling snow, watching Mark draw (and being inspired), doing math, playing chess, doing indexing (Kel is an indexing fiend!!  He has already done 596 names!), finishing the Book of Mormon and doing personal progress for the second time (Tova!),…and so on!  They are amazing, and it is so fulfilling.  As Tova shared this morning from her scripture reading, “I have no greater joy to see that my children walk in the Lord”, or something like that.:) (I should look it up rather than slaughter it, but am too lazy :)!)

Lek is quite the challenge when it comes to chess.  We are doing “mentor times” once a day at 1 pm, and he gets to choose what we do: chess, math, cursive (okay, the last was my suggestion).  It has been nice.  He is very challenging to play, and I have come close to losing some of the times, playing my hardest.  I insist I have to play my hardest and enjoy my victories for now, for I sense that in the not too distant future, I am going to have my victories few and far in between. :)

This morning, Avot was teaching the kids Yoga, and she instructed, “spread out your legs, and try to put your face on the floor”.  Rather than doing it sitting up like Avot was, Chugger-dude interpreted it by putting his whole body face down on the floor, with his legs spread out behind him.  Funny!

Worries taken away!

I am hoping we will be able to share my testimony of the Gospel in Hungary.  I was worried about being able to learn enough (I am trying!), but then, yesterday in church, a returned missionary testified about how, time and again, he had an experience where he could organize his testimony in his head in English, and it would come out in perfect Spanish.  The Spirit testified to me at that moment that I will be able to do His work.  To not be able to share my thoughts and testimony would be the hardest thing, and, with the Lord, all things are possible! 

Oct/Nov. Booklist additions

November/October
"Remembering Isaac"-Awesome, pure, simple...it was like coming home to who I wish I would be, God-centered, service-oriented...right down to wanting my own rack of mugs for friends to come by and enjoy herbal tea and hot cocoa :)
"Single Shard"--alright, goes well with "Remembering Isaac" in that it goes into the process of making pots and the passion that can be felt in creating. (Young Adult)
"I am David" Neat and original perspective on concentration camps in Europe: story of a young boy emerging from being raised in that environment and how he comes to discover safety from fear, joy in beauty and human relations, and, most importantly, God.
"Homeless Bird" Young Adult, beautiful poignant look into life in India.  Loved it...quick read.
"The Tempest" Shakespeare, shorter than I thought.  Loved the characters and insight into human nature as always
"Ghandi" from the Childhood of World Figures.  Liked the end; didn't like the first part with all the focus on his relationship with his wife and all the bad things he did.  Felt like the early part of his life didn't has as much focus on his good as it did upon the poor choices he made and his physical feelings towards his wife.  Alright, perhaps, for an older reader, but something I had a hard time thinking of my Knights of Freedom age boy (8-12) reading. (It is on the approved reading list.)
Still working on "Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc"...

CHRISTMAS CHOCOLATE-AARON & NIESHA-TALKING IN CHURCH

Okay...that funky title is from a brief exposure I had to "Three Word Journal"-ing.  I just glanced at it, applied what I liked, and am probably applying it incorrectly, but oh well for now :)!

Yesterday we made fudge and choco-covered pretzels…I am still sick :).  They were super yummy, and I ate way too many.  It makes me think about a question I have had for a while…I really want my kids to determine for themselves what is too many and what is too little as far as treats, but I also have tended to control how many sweets they get, feeling like if they are given unrestrained access to the treats in the same way I am, they will get sick or addicted.  I feel that if they get too much, they will not have appetite for what is good for them, but I guess it can be a case by case, child by child thing. Hmmmm…Of course, I have to be better at modeling it, of course :)…kind of like exercising, which is so hard to do with all this inversion!!  What to do!

We had a wonderful treat of being able to see my brother Aaron and his amazing wife Niesha and their sweet family yesterday.  It felt so right having them here with us, like no time had passed.  Niesha is deliciously adorable with her cute tummy and little darling inside of it, and Aaron, although exhausted at the time, looked wonderfully just the same as always.  I love family.

Yesterday, a counselor in our new bishopric asked us to speak on Jan. 1, 2012…funny.  Despite being in our old ward for four and a half years, we were never asked to talk.  Quinn was alright with that, and I already had ample times to share between testimony meeting and my inability to keep my mouth shut in classes :).  So it was funny that, not even having our records transferred yet, we were asked to speak.  Our old ward did ask Quinn to speak the week after Thanksgiving.  We had moved out by then (and were planning on visiting family in Idaho possibly that weekend as well), so he said “no” with a sigh of relief :).    I guess they are making up for it in this one!

"called of God" and humility

I have come across another organization several times in my homeschooling experience that felt…puffed up.  When I read in Doctrine & Covenants section 121 this morning, I came across this: 34 Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

 35 Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—

 36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

 37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.

Now, I don’t know if this groups is still “chosen” or not…they have done a great work and served and blessed the lives of thousands with their inspiration.  What I superficially observe at this point is arrogance, contention, and stagnation.  Rather than use it as a judgment stick for them any further, however, I turn that observation inward: what can I learn from this? When has my arrogance interfered with my ability to be truly chosen of God in any capacity, whether in my calling, leading groups, or (especially) as a wife and mother?  As I wonder what the “measuring stick” would be to determine if what I am doing is truly God’s work, the answer seems to come back: the Spirit.  When the Lord says, “Amen to the authority of that man” I feel like “authority” (real, lasting influence and ability to lead, or the kind of authority I want to have, anyway J)= “having the Spirit to guide and direct me.” 

To be a tool in the hands of God is to feel true power, for then you feel His working through you.  You realize it is Him, but He allows you to feel His peace and love.  I am (or should be!) content to let Him be the one with the power, and I just need to find a way to keep humility more a part of my life...especially when "challenged" by my kids :).  

Any suggestions on how to do that last bit?  Realize, in the heat of a moment, what is important in parenting/leading?  To save face? To establish authority? To show love and humility? Strength/weakness?

Funny Pip-alicious

Yesterday Pipalicious said, “You are nicer than a toad!” out of the blue on our way home from painting at our house in Kaysville.  Wow.  I was flattered.  A few minutes later, after she said something funny, Quinn said, “Pipalicious, you are as funny as a toad.”  Silence in the back seat for a moment and then, “Toads are never funny.”   Spoken with all the wisdom of a five year old :).  She is adorable.

cool church Relief Society quotes

I have some cool quotes from the great Relief Society book I want to remember:

Pg. 23“Don’t be limited in your views with regard to your neighbor’s virtues…You must enlarge your souls toward other if you’d do like Jesus…As you increase in innocence and virtue, as you increase in goodness, let your hearts expand—let them be enlarged towards others—you must be longsuffering and bear with the faults and errors of mankind.  How precious are the souls of men!”—Joseph Smith

Ibid: “When persons  manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind.”

This reminds me so much of our mentor meeting yesterday.  We discussed “do unto others” as applied to our youth, and I truly bear witness to the truthfulness of what Joseph Smith said!

I also liked the following quote:

“Let this society teach how to act towards husbands, to treat them with mildness and affection.  When a man is borne down with trouble—when he is perplexed, if he can meet a smile, not an argument—if he can meet with mildness, it will calm down his soul and soothe his feelings.  When the mind is going to despair, it needs a solace…When you go home never give a cross word, but let kindness, charity and love crown your works.”

What beautiful and amazing counsel!  This goes hand in hand with my last book discussion with my lovely Kaysville ward friends.  They had so much good advice and perspective about how to sustain good relationships with our husbands.  It helped me appreciate my own dear man that much more, as I have seen him be so loving, kind, and supportive towards me as I strive to create a more safe environment for him to return home to: telling him when I am frustrated or upset that it is not about him, apologizing when I take those emotions out on him, trying to see when his frustration comes from stress and not disappointment in or frustration with me.  I have especially loved playing basketball with him over the past six months in the morning with “his men”.  I will miss that….probably as much as anything else.

The core and crust of leadership...and us!

As I was preparing for my youth group's January's topic of leadership, I came across the article "The Core and Crust of Leadership" (http://www.deseretnews.com/article/print/705368535/The-core-and-the-crust-of-leadership.html--short and completely worth it!). One thing that struck me was this particular quote: "Most individuals and organizations spend no less than 95 percent of their development efforts and resources on the crust."

(The core of leadership=character. It represents the essence of who you are and what you stand for.
The crust of leadership=all of your knowledge, experience and skills.)

As the author of the article put it: "Both parts are important, but not equally important."

Then, as I was going to do my spiritual prep for the day, I came across the following mormon message http://lds.org/pages/mens-hearts-shall-fail-them?lang=eng. (3 min...so worth it!)

After watching that, it struck me deeply that, despite what the world tells us is important, in these troubled times we need to be putting far more than 5% of our time into our core! Our core is essential, so that our hearts will not fail us and we will be prepared to be the leaders we need to be to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, liberate the captive, and succor the weak.

It brought tears to my eyes as I realized I have no idea what skills my kids truly need to succeed. There are thousands of people out there who are skilled...and scared. However, the truth that Heavenly Father affirmed to me this morning and what I do know is that my children need a core so strong and pure that it will carry them through whatever lies ahead of them. A strong core will give them the drive and determination to acquire the skills they need to face any situation.

And the youth know that. They can see through the often frilly feel of modern education. Their cores are starving for what is meaningful, what is real. Once that is filled, they will do what is necessary to become skilled and successful in a worldly sense, and go and do what their cores tell them is right.

Cool.

Power in gratitude?

During this transition time, I have felt carried by a powerful calm throughout it all...miraculously enough. In fact, I have felt overcome by my many blessings, of all things. I didn't realize how powerful this was until I started feeling a titch grumpy about something the other night. All of a sudden, almost as if from a third party perspective, I watched a barrage of positive thoughts about different things to be grateful for sweep in and overpower the negative thought. I almost thought I heard, "I'm melting! I'm melting!" as it dribbled away.

Honestly, I was a little awed by the whole thing. I had always been told "count your blessings", etc., but all of a sudden it took on a whole new meaning. It took on shape and form as a power to truly dispel the gloom of negativity.

Now, it will be interesting to see the pedal hit the medal, but hopefully it will stick in my brain, now that it is more visual....

scripture reading with Chugger-dude

The other night during our regularly scheduled session of scripture study, Chugger-dude, my practical six year old, was keeping close tabs on his father, Q-dawg.

You see, Q-dawg is expert at slipping in words like "hippopotamus" and "abominable" when he is helping the younger ones say their scriptures. Pipalicious has picked up on it, so will be careful not to say the inevitable "abominably" at the end of each verse she recites back after her father...unless she is not paying attention.

Well, Chugger-dude, ever the chivalrous one, has joined Pipalicious in her efforts to foil their father's attempt to change the scriptures. So, back to the other night, Q-dawg "read" aloud something like, "...and left the body...abominably." And before Pipalicious could recite it back, Chugger-dude cried out, "Don't do it!!!! It says 'buddy' STOP nothing!! There isn't any more! 'Buddy' STOP and then there is nothing else!!" Whew. He saved the day on that one.

I think Chugger-dude is still reeling from the trauma of being told that Q-dawg is reading "Island of the Blue Sharks", despite the fact that Chugger-dude keeps pointing out that "sharks" does NOT begin with a "D". Our poor children.

mentoring vs. "discussion faciliator"

My friend asked me a question, and it made me think...

What is the difference between being merely an instructor or discussion facilitator, and a mentor, who knows strengths and weaknesses and lovingly encourages me to be better? We were discussing one of my loves, the Vanguard Youth group I have been privileged to be associated with. Here are my thoughts:

Love. Love and inspiration.

One of the oft-overlooked (or purposefully neglected) methods of showing and learning to love is spending time together.

I know the youth in this group, know their strengths, and can individually acknowledge their strengths while encouraging them to strengthen their weak areas.

When I am with the youth, I am with the youth. I like to sit near them, rub shoulders with them, play the games with them, talk to them during lunch (when I am not feeding my own little ones), comment to them before and after class, go to game night, go to movie night, participate in the service with them.

As women, as friends, I have noticed that during these "down times", we tend to gravitate to each other. We have not been so effective gravitating to the youth. It is through seemingly meaningless activities like playing a game with them that I learn about hesitations, see smiles at certain jokes, see strengths and colors coming out.

Washington chose not to stay at Mount Vernon when he easily could have enjoyed its comforts. We would all do well to consider why.

It requires a lot of time, and, sometimes I don't feel like I have it. I believe that God knows what we are capable of and will inspire us. In Bonds that Make us Free I learned a great truth. We know when we are justifying to ourselves why we cannot make it to something and when we just plain can't. He makes up the difference, fills our family's love cup when we need to be elsewhere, and helps us help each other to love these youth so we can truly mentor them.

We cannot judge each other and where we spend our time, for we are accountable to God and not each other (thankfully!), but that is something to consider. Make the most of the time you do spend with the youth. You can always call your friend, but you cannot always bond with a youth. Our time with them is fleeting and precious.

I think it is important to see ourselves, in a sense, as discussion facilitators when we get up in front of everyone as we teach...to remember that we are there to help them arrive at truth and teach and learn from each other...not just to share everything we know and learn. However, to add that element of love and understanding enables us to become mentors as well.

Do what you can to engage and love (pray to love Moroni 7:48...God can give you the love you need to be the servant He needs you to be!) and you will be enough.

Spilt Sugar and Latin boxes

Among the few things I am saving in this move is a little box of Latin flashcards that I used, maybe, five times in college. Crazy, eh? With all I am getting rid of? Unfortunately, this box represents an unfulfilled debt.

A friend at college, hearing that I was taking Latin, allowed me to borrow his blue box containing 1,000s of little flashcards to help me. I married Quinn, moved away, and haven't see Matthew, my friend, since.

Every time I see this box, every time I am tempted to get rid of it, I think, "...but what if I actually see him again, and can return this to him?" It sticks with me, unfulfilled, unresolved, this outstanding debt between us.

This reminded me of an "ah-hah" I had a few days ago about parenting. While we were moving, Kelrazor and his friends were loading up our van, and a full container of sugar was spilt. Kel came to me, asking if he should save any of it (like the stuff on top), and I said, "No, just clean up by sweeping it into a garbage can," then went back to what I was doing.

Later that day, I came across the left-overs of that mess...mostly cleaned up, but still enough to create a sticky mess if it wasn't taken care of a little more. Kel was gone--helping upack the moving truck at our new house--so I just grumbled and started cleaning up. I thought about how I would bring this up when I saw him next, thinking to teach him about accountability.

Yet, as I considered this and swept, the thought flashed through my head, "But Mary, if you remind him or lecture him on this, without giving him the means to fix it, you are going to make him feel guilty but rob him of the chance to fix it." My son has a depth of compassion and justice, and he is very sensitive to doing something wrong.

The more I thought about this, the more I realized how terrible that would be! To point out to a child a mistake and then prevent them from being able to fix it!

It made me think about Heavenly Father, you know, a kind of "what would He do?" moment, and I realized that if there is something we need to learn from, He lets us feel the guilt, but allows us to fix our mistakes. True, He often softens the consequence and the Atonement enables us to fix things to the best of our ability. He also fixes what we are unable to fix. I also think there are times when comments need to be made after the fact, but to make it truly productive, a way should be provided for them to fix (or at least help fix) the problem...otherwise, I wonder, how effective is it for us to initiate guilt, without providing an outlet to fix it?

Interestingly enough, Tovacula brought up a similar point about doing something wrong, but being frustrated that she wasn't able to fix it.

Anyway, it has made me careful in getting after my kids for doing something wrong. It has made me think, "why would I point out their fault?"...would it be to let them fix it, learn from it, or just feel guilty about it and hope that guilt will prevent further action?

Thoughts?

moving and working

Yesterday, our family had the challenge of raking up the leaves on our half acre lawn from our huge cottonwoods and other trees before the storm came in. Miracle happened, the storm waited, and it is all back in our compost pile. As we dumped the final leaves back there, Quinn mused aloud, "I hope the next owners want a compost pile." :) It made me think about all we have done to our property, all the time and sheer muscle we have put into making it better, and I commented, "At least we left it better than we found it."

That makes me think about life and work. Sure, my husband and I had an ideal of what we were going to do with this property, but, really...to have left it better than we found it is success indeed. And what we learned about work?
-Work, work, and more work...and it is still never done.
-Everyone should have to shovel manure and get a little splatted on them to realize that a)pretty much everything cleans up and b)humility.
-When I was raking,-- surrounded by the quiet,-- mindlessly, repetitiously stroking leaves together, I had time to get to know myself a little more and think about all the things I would try and do and say if I were president of the United States :). Work is good time to ponder!
-Everyone has to pull their weight or something is ruined or someone else has to pay the price...there is never such thing as "something for nothing"
-Work truly is a blessing (see the BYU Mag article about Family Work...Spring 2000, I believe)
-Kids only truly learn how to work if you work right alongside with them
-When I work with my kids, I have some of my best conversations with them, and rarely a disagreement if we are both laboring hard.
-What we work on and consecrate our life to, becomes ours, in a very real, emotional and physical sense. Actually, I guess it is more of a shared ownership with God, who has given us stewardship...or is it even ownership?

Moving is a challenge, but I have loved the cleansing feeling of throwing away so much and giving what is or might be good to the DI or friends. I was burdened with too much stuff! I kept so much of it for so long, "just in case" my kids ever wanted to learn it, only to find that if we did ever use it, it was only for a short while. Well, there are a few things I actually used (Saxon math books!), but many that were extra. I found that the things my kids need to know I could write up, type up, print off a worksheet, or play a game with them in order to teach them...and then I don't have to store anything!

Moving has made me appreciate eternity (friends forever!), evaluate priorities (I pretty much only moved food storage, memories, and books!...oh! and my pillow-top mattress :)...), and consider God's will for me in my life.

A song that I heard as a child keeps going through my mind as I think of leaving so much and so many that I love. It comes from "My Turn on Earth", the song, "I'm not ready" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmR3DNBRrzo):
"Is it over. Have I finished the game? Have I found what I came here to find...Just a few moments more to the moment I leave it all behind me.
I'm not ready, I don't want to go, I cannot bear to leave, if I leave what I came for undone.
I don't think I am through! There are things I must do, there are still some things left that I must say...I cannot bear to leave."

The song itself is a little cheesy, but the lyrics keep floating through my mind.

Oh well...better go attack that dish full of dishes before my baby wakes up and I need to leave for our next stop in life...

...too late! :)

new "journal" entry

Good morning, Isaak, and Happy Birthday, dear son.

I have felt compelled to begin "journalling" anew, on a daily basis. My dear friend, Angie, and I were discussing our deplorable short term memory,...like remembering what happened the day before. I suggested it was because we are so focused on what is in front of us (which is not altogether a bad thing), and then what I felt was a whispered truth came to mind: this is one reason why we keep journals...to be aware of our days, what we are doing, to reflect and ponder on what has happened in our day. This life is not one to be merely endured and hurried through, never looking back, and what better way than writing in our journals to keep our minds aware of not only what is before us, but what we hopefully learned and experienced behind us. Our life does not consist so much of what is in front of us, but, rather, of what is behind us.

Yesterday I said farewell to my men...my fellow basketball players. I will miss them (and the wonderful exercise I got!). I was easily not one of the best players (in fact, as far as shooting consistency, I was probably the worst, although I had pretty good defense :)...), but they still accepted me into their group, and I loved it. Back to yesterday, I arose early (because that is what I do lately :)...) and baked them and my family a batch of cinnamon rolls, and brought them. I said: “This is not because we are moving, and this is not because we are leaving. These are just in case I never see you again, and we are not talking about it.” They smiled. Quinn (understandably) doesn't like to talk about it, and I can see why, the more people I talk to. It is awkward for most to express themselves, and sometimes it is hard to know how much to say. I love these people...they have done so much for me, taught me, loved me, served me, put up with me :)...and I will miss them. Yet, I learned from my last move, that there are amazing people everywhere, if we just take the time to try to get to know them.

I am sooooooo grateful for the lives that have touched mine, and I will never be the same for having met every single person I have while I moved here. It is just tricky saying goodbye when they (nicely) start talking about how much they will miss me, and I think... “you're crazy” :).

Anyway, another dear friend, Suzanne, took my oldest boys to a science exhibit, leaving hers with me, so I could stay longer for “my basketball time”. Tova also stayed home from her last day at Seminary here, which was super sweet of her and a hard thing for me in that I know how important Seminary is. I made breakfast for her, delivered a plate of rolls to her teachers to thank them, and she was able to work on putting together a movie that she created and we acted out about “Julius Caesar” by Shakespeare. She never ceases to amaze me, that daughter of mine. She learned so much about directing, working with people, and patience, patience, and more patience. I was grateful for my own directing experience so that I was able to help her. It will be fun to see it all put together :)!

My boys with Suzanne had a great time. Apparently there was one exhibit that they were able to mildly electrocute themselves, and they thought that was great. Boys :).

The rest of us hurried and loaded up for Vanguard that morning after I came home, grabbed one cinnamon roll, showered and left again. It ended up being a very busy day! I called to reserve a rental truck (for way too much), ordered the kid's “Book-It” Pizza Hut program pizzas for their lunch (Drew-Piper...and they totally deserved it, with how much they read!), and helped set-up for Vanguard.

I love Vanguard. I don't know how much longer I have with it, but the line goes through my head about “The Road Less Travelled”: “I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence, two roads diverged in yellow wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference...”

I know that the Lord is with us. Like Angie reminded me the other day, Corrie Ten Boom said that we can find the hand of the Lord in every experience in our life if we choose to let Him work His miracles through us, whether it is in the good times, or in the bad. I wrote the following in an email to a dear friend and felt I should share it here:

“I hope you are well, that you can find light in the dark times, and, when it is darkest and everything seems to be closing in, that you can feel that our Savior, our dear Elder Brother, is there with you, as I felt Him when I had just lost my Isaak.

"I can still remember, curled up into a ball of torture on my bed, reliving the horrific event over and over again in my mind, hating myself with a depth I had never before known....and looking back, I can see the blanket of His love surrounding me, even as my core was in such a dark and tight place. He was there. He did not remove the burden, but He was there."

I am grateful for the hand of the Lord in my life, and watch in wonder daily to see the miracles unfold.

The rest of the day was one of those wonders. After dropping off my babies to a dear friend's house, and Suzanne taking my "middles" to her oh, so fantastic "Other Club", I was able to go to see Ben Behunin's pottery shop in Salt Lake. It was amazing. He had forgotten (I was so sorry!), but spoke from the heart. The youth loved him, his insight and wisdom were deep, and he even showed us how he threw a pot! He wants to have his children grow up around art...and he does just that!

One of my favorite parts of what he said was something like, "The universe, God, or the Spirit...whatever you would like to call it" (he is used to speaking to people of all faiths) "wants to speak to you. You have something amazing to share,...you were born to create. But to do that, you must have quiet time, time to ponder, time to reflect. When I shut off the music, close the door to my pottery shop and start working with the clay in the silence, I can hear truth and inspiration come to me. We need time to be quiet, and then we need to carry around a sketch book or journal to record what we think and learn. We all have a message we need to hear, but we need to be quiet enough to hear it."

When I got home, I was blessed to talk to a few ladies as I packed up. It is so hard to clean, because "clean" means "packed up", and it is hard to know what to save and what to put away. I was able to visit with Suzanne about Knights of Freedom (she will be sooooo awesome!), a crazy, wonderful friend from the ward, and Julie, who helped me pack up a few rooms. I felt blessed by friends and love! [ I even got invited to the latest "Twilight" movie, and, because I loved my crazy ward friend so much, almost considered going :)...]

Quinn had his last pack meeting, and was grateful how much the other leaders stepped into help. It was a nice change for him, after their months of other sports event responsibilities. He is such a wonderful man! He has been amazing during this time, as he really strives to be his best and do his best. I am grateful to have such a wonderful friend and companion. It will be great to experience this next stage of our adventure with him!

Work and property

I have been thinking a lot about work and property since last week, and had the coooooooolest epiphany!

For those who aren't familiar with my Vanguard Youth group, here is a little background. This month in Vanguard we are studying property, what it is exactly, and why it is essential to the principle of freedom. We discussed last week how property becomes ours when we take it out of nature ourselves (or purchase the rights to it's natural state from someone else), and then add our labor (physical, emotional, and mental), our essence, ourselves to it.

For week 1 the youth were able to mold clay (which they will fire later). I was pondering this morning how when they molded the clay, it became more and more their own and how cool that was. Then my mind jumped back to the scripture from last month about: “we are the clay, and thou (Lord) art the potter, and we all are the work of they hands.”

Here it is, the cool “ah-hah”!! When we allow ourselves to be molded out of our natural state by the Lord, we become His. Cool, cool, cool! It brings tears of joy for me to consider this, for this is all I think I want, to become His, truly and completely! But here is the challenge, because sometimes, I really want to remain in my natural state, too. Hmmmm....

Oh!!!!! And I just thought about how we can "purchase" it from those who own it. When we sin, we become slaves to the devil, but Christ has literally has purchased us with His blood.

I love ah-hahs! They just seem to keep going!