Look for His presence

Been feelin' a little stormy and worn out inside. I can see the blessings, but it is like through a haze, sometimes: like my eyes can see all the reasons to be joyful, but my heart still feels...stormy.  Strange sensation. 

This morning, we did something I hope to make weekly (we've done it two weeks in a row...a good start :)...).  For our devotional, we watch one conference talk on Mondays and do our conference "bingo" that we usually do on Conference weekend.  Today I picked one by Thomas S. Monson and it was particularly meaningful to me:

Brothers and sisters, it may be safely assumed that no person has ever lived entirely free of suffering and sorrow, nor has there ever been a period in human history that did not have its full share of turmoil and misery. (Amen.)

When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question “Why me?” At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end the night’s darkness. We feel encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, “Is there no balm in Gilead?”¹ We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required. (So true.)

The difficulties which come to us present us with the real test of our ability to endure. A fundamental question remains to be answered by each of us: Shall I falter, or shall I finish? Some do falter as they find themselves unable to rise above their challenges. To finish involves enduring to the very end of life itself....

He goes onto say:

Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.

This should be our purpose—to persevere and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow. Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life. The poet expressed much the same thought in these words:

Good timber does not grow with ease,

The stronger wind, the stronger trees.

The further sky, the greater length.

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow.⁸

Only the Master knows the depths of our trials, our pain, and our suffering. He alone offers us eternal peace in times of adversity. He alone touches our tortured souls with His comforting words:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”⁹

Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, He is with us. He has promised that this will never change.

My brothers and sisters, may we have a commitment to our Heavenly Father that does not ebb and flow with the years or the crises of our lives. We should not need to experience difficulties for us to remember Him, and we should not be driven to humility before giving Him our faith and trust.

May we ever strive to be close to our Heavenly Father. To do so, we must pray to Him and listen to Him every day. We truly need Him every hour, whether they be hours of sunshine or of rain. May His promise ever be our watchword: “I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”¹⁰

I guess right now, the trick is to look around and see His presence, right?

This reminds me of Mother Theresa, who also did not see the hand of the Lord, but kept moving forward doing His will.  Yesterday I heard a new favorite quote from her.  Someone pointed out that, despite all her work with the orphans and poor of Calcutta, they were still just as poor.  She said,

"I was not called to succeed.  I was called to be faithful."

 As C.S. Lewis points out, from the devil's perspective, in the Screwtape Letters:

Our cause is never in more danger than when the human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon the universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.                                                                          -Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis

 

Advice that is a keeper...

...hence, I post it :).

"Fourth, showing genuine love is at the heart of personal conversion and family relations. King Benjamin directed, “Beware lest there shall arise contentions among you.”²⁶ Never forget that Satan is the “father of contention”²⁷ and seeks that family members “fight and quarrel.”²⁸ Brethren (or sisters!), if we are emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive to any member of our family, or bully any person, then we lose priesthood power.²⁹ Choose to control anger. Family members should hear blessings from our mouths, not cursings. We are to influence others only by persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness, and charity

Fifth, obeying the law of tithing is an essential element of faith and family unity. Because Satan uses greed and the pursuit of possessions to sweep families off the celestial highway, Jesus advised, “Beware of covetousness.”³¹ Covetousness is restrained as we project our income, pay an honest tithe and generous fast offering, budget needed expenses, avoid unnecessary debt, save for future needs, and become temporally self-reliant. God’s promise to us is, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you"

"Beware Concerning Yourselves" gen conf. 11/12 Anthony D. Perkins

Darkness and light

Elder Uchtdorf:

There may be some among you who feel darkness encroaching upon you. You may feel burdened by worry, fear, or doubt. To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn.

The best path for healing was to understand and accept that darkness exists—but not to dwell there.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/the-hope-of-gods-light.p16?lang=eng

Keep on keepin' on...

The pioneers were resilient.  How can I be resilient?

Keep going when it is hard.
Keep a smile on my face.
Keep on keepin' on.
Keep saying "hi" to those who have hurt me.
Keep sharing the gospel when the doors have been slammed in my face.
Keep cleaning, even when it gets dirty so fast again.
Keep serving, even when it doesn't seem to make a difference.
Keep talking, despite all those times I have put my foot in my mouth.
Keep being with people, even after I have hurt so many.
Keep loving those who have hurt me.
Keep forgiving myself and others.
Keep the love of God with me even when I feel unworthy.
Keep giving even when I feel there is nothing left to give...for it is in those moments that we discover the ever-increasing capacity of our souls.

Repeat, repeat, repeat...

Please forgive my repetitive posting, but this obviously something I need to think and deal with, so here is some more...

The Savior is at the well with the woman of Samaria, who is flabbergasted that he, a Jew, would even talk to her. (Diversity...love it!)  He tells her that he can give her living water and she, now puzzled, asks: Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?

Don't we do the same?

"What? You can help me do all these things you have asked me to do or that I feel I need to do?  What?  You can help me slow down and find peace?  What?  You can heal me?  What tools do you have?"

Ahhhhh...Sometimes the intention and plan of God seems to have no way, even though my mind tells me that He will provide a way to "accomplish the thing which he has commanded [us]." (1 Nephi 3:7).


Sometimes, I need to act on that tiny twig of belief and faith, doing as it says in that favorite scripture of mine:

 17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us ^acheerfully ^bdo all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the ^csalvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed. (D&C 123)

Cheerfully, eh?  Stand still, eh?

I also love the verses previous to this one:

13 Therefore, that we should waste and ^awear out our lives in bringing to light all the ^bhidden things of darkness, ...

 14 These should then be attended to with great ^aearnestness.

 15 Let no man count them as small things; ...

 16 You know, brethren, that a very large ship is ^abenefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.

Boy, I feel like the small helm!  But wait!  Ah-hah!  Maybe that small helm is how the power of God seems to us amidst the storm?  Or, maybe, we are that helm and we need to decide which captain is steering us through the storm?

Hmmm....

Taking it back to God

I have really been trying to figure out how to simplify and live by the Spirit, and it is such a challenge!  It seems, at times, that those are two opposing things!  For instance, I feel that the Spirit directs that I should keep working on plays, homeschooling all these kids, aspire to still give them piano lessons, spend quality time with my husband, love the kids (and all their different love language needs?!), do Vanguard, be a responsible visiting teacher and friend, socialize and open up my home's spirit to others, (because there are so many times that I really, really, really want to just crawl into a hole with my dear family and never come out :)!), follow promptings for missionary work, etc., etc., etc.

And, yet, if I am truly living by the spirit, I should be able to do all these things the Lord's way and in a do-able way.  I think sometimes I get direction and then come up with a non-God-inspired plan to achieve that direction and then start charging forward: for instance, the "love language" concern above, which is an excellent example of this.  The Spirit says, "Mary, you need to be more loving to your children."  Boom!  Into my head pop all these ways that I have been told (not by the spirit necessarily, but by good, amazing and wonderful people and sources) is the right way to do it.  I think it is important to regard and consider these sources, but before I put my regarded and considered course of action into effect, do I take that next and crucial step to see if my reasoning is indeed a way that is His will?

So many times I want Him to just tell me everything: do this this way, do that that way.  Lately, I have felt a lot more of Him saying, "Yes, this is area you need to change and this is what you need to direct your energies to (missionary work, plays for kids, homeschooling, loving your children, sustaining and loving your husband), but I want you to think through what a good plan of action would be."  I have taken that withouth listening to the crucial follow-up step that is in the Doctrine and Covenants 9:7-9:

 7 Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

 8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must ^astudy it out in your ^bmind; then you must ^cask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your ^dbosom shall ^eburn within you; therefore, you shall ^ffeel that it is right.

 9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a ^astupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write (or do) that which is ^bsacred save it be given you from me.

I need to not only use my gifts of reason and experience and education to come up with a plan of action, but then I need to go back to God to check and see if I need to tweak it or throw it out.  Just because something pops into my head, doesn't mean that it is a good way to accomplish what God has asked me to do.  Sometimes, a little bit goes a long ways, and sometimes He sustains many on a little cruise of oil. like with the widow of Nain.  Sometimes the answer is a little unorthodox or unconventional, like when the prophet told Naaman to go and wash himself in the Jordan river 7 times.  Sometimes the answer is for the prophet himself to do the work, but more often than not, it is the prophet that gives direction.  And always, always the widow's mite is enough.

I know, know, know that the Lord gives, with every commandment, a way to accomplish it.  He doesn't ask us to do the impossible, for with Him, nothing is impossible.  But I believe He wants us to, after receiving direction or even just perceiving a need, to reason it out sometimes for ourselves as we prepare to be more like Him, right?  You know, like holding the child's hands as they learn to walk and then sometimes letting go and letting them fall a little, as they learn their own strength.  However, this is a new reminder to me, as I ponder this this morning...to go back after reasoning and counsel with Him again.

I know He can make my cruse of oil, my cracket pot, my meager efforts enough.  I have seen the miracle of that in my life in so many ways that defy description.  It may look a little "unconventional" at times (my currently dirty house, my insane upcoming schedule for the weekend, moving to and from Hungary are a few examples of that).  However, I think that part of the problem behind the first two, is that I am trying to answer God's call in a way that I reasoned out, without checking back with Him.

Positive Perseverence

Today for devotional, we watched the new, beautiful video from lds.org about the attributes of Christ:

https://www.lds.org/youth/video/christlike-attributes?cid=HPFR102513149&lang=eng

How do we attain these attributes?  Through persistence, through perseverence, through humility...through experience.

It reminded me of one of my favorite "values.com" videos:

The Wall

How do I teach this to my children?  I know I model it :). I am stubborn to a fault, so I can do that, but to show how to persevere with joy, endure to the end with optimism, that is my challenge.  I am not sure that they want to become like me at the times when I am gritting my teeth and literally enduring. :)  It is not a very pretty picture.

It reminds me of the time my sister-in-law Niesha R. told me that she was working on her attitude in going to church on Sunday.  She said something that stuck with me, "Why would my kids want to go somewhere where I am angrily frantic in the process of going there, miserable in enduring, and visibly exhausted and frustrated at the end?"  She talked about getting ready with cheerfulness, attending with hope, and coming home focusing on the good that happened...or something like that :).

Anyway...since then, it has made me think about the power of my example of not only enduring, but enduring well.   Enduring with a smile :).

Forgiveness

A few days ago, I read the following in St. Luke 11:4: "And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us."

It struck me...that we forgive those that are indebted to us,...not just those who say "sorry" or who have already made restitution.  Wow.  I wasn't sure if I was up to it, but, two days ago, when I felt the frustration boil after speaking with someone who was rude to me, I tried it.

"Fine," I told myself, "I forgive them.  No strings attached.  I am done and moving on, and I love them."  The feeling of freedom was incredible. I usually hold the offense close to my heart, but this time, I just let it go. 

This morning for devotional, we watched the following, and I was reminded of my experience.  This man is truly inspiring and the video beautiful...enjoy!

We spoke in our devotional about how when we are forgiving of others, letting go of the grievance instead of holding onto it, we allow the same to happen with our sins.  We see our sins and our Father in Heaven in a different light...we feel the freedom and joy that comes with asking forgiveness without worrying if the price we need to pay is enough, if that makes sense.  I believe that the degree of forgiveness we extend to others can either soften or harden our hearts as we look at our own sins and consider whether they are forgiveable.

Avot make a beautiful comparison with this concept and Jean Valjean and Javier.  Jean Valjean received forgiveness and freely gave it to others.  Javier withheld his forgiveness and mercy and could not receive it for himself when Jean Valjean extended it to him.  He destroyed himself instead.

Let us let the joy of forgiveness into our lives!

Reflections

I have a new visiting teaching route and it is so inspired!

We went to visit a lady for the first time yesterday and she shared a beautiful gift with us, the story of how her youngest passed away.  It was a sacred and beautiful moment to have her share such a personal thing.

And it brought something to mind....

I am so grateful that, for all the times I brush my children aside and say, "not now" or "tomorrow," the night before my Isaak died, when he turned to me and said, "Mommy!  I left my football at the soccer field!" I loaded up everyone in the van again and headed right back to the soccer field we had just left and looked for it.

I didn't make excuses, I didn't get frustrated with him (the usual response)...

I just did it.  Happily and supportively.

I am so grateful that Heavenly Father inspired me to truly mother him in a kind and gentle way in those last hours before...

Giving

Kosszi, Zita, for sharing this beautiful reminder...

Thanks to all who help save my little ducks...

...when they fall through the grate.

August 2013: Grace for Mother Duck and Me


By Rosie Kaufman

One spring afternoon I was packing my car to begin shuttling my five young children to and from lessons and practices. As I loaded soccer cleats and dance bags, I noticed a mother duck and her ducklings waddling down the sidewalk of our suburban neighborhood.

As I watched, she began to cross the road. Unfortunately, she chose a gutter grate for her crosswalk, and as she passed over it, her babies followed. Four of her ducklings slipped helplessly between the bars of the grate.

When the mother reached the other side, she realized she was missing some of her little ones and could hear their muffled peeps. Totally oblivious of her mistake, she crossed back across the drainage grate, looking for her missing ducklings and losing two more. With horror and some disgust at her poor judgment, I went to the grate to see if I could lift it. Although I used all my strength, the grate barely budged, and I was late to pick up one of my kids.

Figuring I would have to fix the situation later when I wasn’t so rushed, I hopped in the car while muttering self-righteously, “She doesn’t deserve to be a mother.”

During the next hour and a half, I made many of my recurring parenting mistakes. These are mistakes I have begged forgiveness for many times from both my children and my Father in Heaven. Each time I resolve to do better and not to fall prey to these weaknesses again. When I snapped at one of my kids for teasing another, my words echoed loudly in my ears, “She doesn’t deserve to be a mother.”

Suddenly I felt overwhelming compassion for that mother duck. She was trying to navigate the world with the instincts she was given, just as I was. But sometimes those instincts simply weren’t enough, and it was our children who suffered.

I resolved to get the grate off somehow and lift the ducklings out. As I rounded the corner to our street, I saw a small group gathered. My neighbor had lifted the grate, climbed inside the drainage tunnel, and was gently lifting the ducklings out to safety. The frightened little birds scrambled to find their mother, who was pacing nervously in a nearby bush. She hadn’t asked for help, but my neighbor had stepped in when her protection was simply not enough. I was overcome with emotion as I thought of the Savior doing the same for my children and me.

Sometimes we come up short, even when we have the best intentions and try our hardest. However, the Savior’s “grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before [Him]” (Ether 12:27). It comforts me to know that my shortcomings will not ruin my children and that they will be the recipients of love, peace, understanding, and grace from our Savior. He “reaches my reaching”1 and wants my family and me to succeed. Our shortcomings will not prevail when we humble ourselves and stand with the Lord by our side.

Avot's amazing post!

Our Talents

Check it out...amazing!

Devotional on Talents

Here is a great sequence of "things" to help you ponder on talents:

First, the parable:

Then we read this great article about talents, with the quote after it:
http://www.lds.org/ensign/2003/08/parables-of-jesus-the-parable-of-the-talents?lang=eng#listen=audio

President Gordon B. Hinckley exemplifies this important attitude: “My talents may not be great, but I can use them to bless the lives of others. I can be one who does his work with pride in that which comes from his hand and mind.”

Here are some amazing people who are humble seeking their own unique talents:

These people are amazing!!  They took the talents they were given, or talents that they wanted to have, and are just plugging away :).  Totally inspiring.

On the final note, just a reminder that you were born to be a creator.  Love it!

Out of the Wilderness

I love the example of the disciples in the scriptures, good, yet imperfect men trying to do what God wants them to do.

I was touched by a verse just now.  The Savior just told the disciples that He wanted to feed the multitudes before they left. 

4 And his disciples answered him, From whence can a man satisfy these men with bread here in the wilderness?

Don't you feel that way sometimes?  Like the Lord asks you to do something and you just feel drained of resources?

Just remember the stunning conclusion after the disciples gather all they can muster....

7 And they had a few small fishes: and he blessed, and commanded to set them also before them.
 8 So they did eat, and were filled: and they took up of the broken meat that was left seven baskets.

May I act in faith, and see the miracle that follows!  I guess the key is just making sure I am giving my limited resources exactly where He directs me, eh?  

Spiritual Sanitizer

As I was reading in Mark 7 this morning, I came across the scripture where Christ is berated by the Pharisees because his disciples eat their meal without properly washing, according to the Mosaic Law.  I love the Gospel of Mark, how it was written to the Gentiles, because it helps me understand the Mosaic Law a little better, not taking for granted that I just know it, like some of the other books.

 5 Then the Pharisees and scribes asked him, Why walk not thy disciples according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with ^aunwashen hands?

 6 He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people ^ahonoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.

 7 Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

8 For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the ^atradition of men, as the washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do.

 9 And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition.

 10 ^aFor Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso ^bcurseth father or mother, let him die the death:

 11 But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is ^aCorban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free.

 12 And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother;

 13 Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.

 14 ¶And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand:

 15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can ^adefile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that ^bdefile the man.t

As I pondered on that last verse, it struck me that, even when we physically partake of something that is contrary to our religion, like to drink coffee or smoke for me, it is not as much the actual substance that defiles me (however bad it might be), but it is more the spirit of disobedience in my heart that defiles me.  
This led me to the thought that this verse gives us true and full ownership over our spirituality!  God is promising that outside entities cannot defile our souls, whether physically, emotionally, or visually!  If our hearts are true to Him, seeking to obey His commandments, no matter what other people do to us or show to us, if we are, again, doing everything in our power to live true to what God wants us to do, we cannot be defiled!!

The next verses added additional insight:

 21 For from within, out of the ^aheart of men, proceed evil thoughts, ^badulteries, fornications, murders,

 22 ^aThefts, ^bcovetousness, ^cwickedness, ^ddeceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

 23 All these ^aevil things come from within, and ^bdefile the man.

As I pondered the word "defiled," it made me think of "disinfectants," and how obsessed modern society is with sanitizing themselves physically.  What if we paid as much attention to the cleanliness of our souls, how often would we seek to apply repentance...the ultimate "soul sanitizer" to cleanse us of pride, of deceit, of covetousness...

Hmmmmm.....

Looking for the Gentle Side of God's Commands

I think it is amazing that they hymns are not only inspired in their content, but in their sequence.  Right after "Be Still, My Soul" with it's line of "the Lord is on thy side," comes "How Gentle God's Commands" and how we can "cast our burden at His feet and bear a song away."  What a beautiful follow-up!



As I pondered on these two hymns this morning in the respite of sitting on the bench, waiting for my team's turn to play basketball, the phrase "how gentle God's commands" stuck with me...

"gentle"..."command"....

These two words seem so opposite!  I have often looked at this line and focused on the part of "giving up my burden to Him," and I guess I always thought the gentleness was in the giving up of my tasks to His capable shoulders.

I never thought of there being a gentleness to His commands.

I tend to focus on the impossibility of a task before me, on the difficulty, on the challenge that seems to be required.

Could it be there is a gentle side that lies within the command itself?

For instance, as I prepare for a young acting group I felt prompted to take responsibility for, all I can think of is how far "behind" I am and how prone to failure and mistakes I seem to be.  I look at the time my emotional and physical preparation seem to take me away from my family, the very people I am doing it for!

Could it be that there is a joyful and gentle side in this journey to get this acting group to the end?  Time spent with wonderful youth, including my own....shared experience in meaningful production....time to laugh and create together with my kids...

Somehow, I suspect, if I can focus on that aspect, the gentle side of God's command, then the burden will be lifted, not by the removal of the task, but in how I handle it.

May the Lord help me to see it ever thus, the gentle side of all His commands...

pray in faith...and then DO

First off, this woman is barely supplying the basic needs of her family.  Sometimes, that is all I feel I am doing.

She looks around, and sees that her children are gone.  I can only imagine the feelings of her heart...her despair.

I see her fall down in despair and pray in faith, this simple, beautiful woman.  Then she stands up, resolute, and starts moving, running, in the direction her faith takes her.  And she finds her children.

Sometimes I let my lack of faith limit my motion.  I let my fear keep me immobile, fear of the unknown, fear of making the wrong choice, fear of letting people down.

Today the message God had for me was pray in faith,...and then move.  You will see the path unfold before you...

How to take a little time to add time to your life...

I try to read an ensign article or words of the prophets daily to keep my soul and heart in harmony with truth...at least for a few moments :).   Today, I opened up to the most recent First Presidency message by Elder Eyring in the Ensign called "Recognize, Remember, and Give Thanks." ("Felismerés, emlékezés és hálaadás")  These are normally pretty short, and are the words of men we recognize as inspired with God's message for us in these latter-days...I figure I should keep up to speed :).

A phrase caught my heart this morning: "It is easy for us to become mechanical in our prayers of gratitude, often repeating the same words but without the intent to give our thanks as a gift of the heart to God."  "Guilty as charged," I ruefully thought.  "Mechanical" describes my prayers all too often :S!  But I had never thought of giving our thanks as a "gift of the heart to God."

The Holy Ghost brings back memories of what God has taught us. And one of the ways God teaches us is with His blessings; and so, if we choose to exercise faith, the Holy Ghost will bring God’s kindnesses to our remembrance.

You could test that in prayer today. You could follow the command “Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things” (D&C 59:7).

I tried it...it was amazing.  It was like my mind jumped from blessing to blessing and I felt my heart get lighter and lighter.

 You could try [expressing gratitude] as you write an entry in your journal. The Holy Ghost has helped people with that since the beginning of time. You remember that the book of Moses says, “And a book of remembrance was kept, in the which was recorded, in the language of Adam, for it was given unto as many as called upon God to write by the spirit of inspiration” (Moses 6:5).

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) described that process of inspired writing: “Those who keep a book of remembrance are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives. Journals are a way of counting our blessings and of leaving an inventory of these blessings for our posterity.”²

As you start to write, you could ask yourself, “How did God bless me and those I love today?” If you do that often enough and with faith, you will find yourself remembering blessings. And sometimes you will have gifts brought to your mind that you failed to notice during the day but that you will then know were a touch of God’s hand in your life.

I pray that we may make a continuing effort in faith to recognize, remember, and give thanks for what our Heavenly Father and our Savior have done and are doing to open the way home to Them.

I don't believe that doing this takes time out of our lives...I believe it gives time back to us.  It takes away from us the time-consuming tendency to dwell on what we don't have, what is going wrong, and why things aren't working and gives us the perspective of what God is doing in our lives to make things possible.  It is powerful.  It is enabling...and it only takes a few moments :).

a little about me today...

This morning, well, lately, I have been missing so the quiet peace of Hungary...how at the end of the day, the day was done.  We had finished. Whether things were "complete" or not, we just stopped and finished.  Life back here in America doesn't seem to have that...what is the difference?

As I have been trying to prayerfully balance the urgency of groups getting going and the inevitable drama, negotiation, and "checking up on things constantly" that comes with it and the needs of my husband and children to have a safe haven to come home to, not to mention that little thing called "settling in," I have felt a little daunted at times.  Well, not so much daunted as a little wistful.  I know God is with me. I know things will "work out" as I have seen in the past with me consistently not being as prepared as I would like to be but being as prepared as I need to be for God to do His work through me.  Like in the story of Gideon in the Bible, sometimes God takes away our support and confidence in numbers so that we can see that the work is truly His, as I was so beautifully reminded in the Veggie Tales version of that story. (Priceless.)

Yet, sometimes I would just like to see that the little I am doing in the moment, as I seem to wander in circles with a book in my hand putting out fires, is enough. Sure, at the end I see it, but sometimes it is hard to know and feel peace in the journey.

This morning, as I took my sit on the bench waiting for my turn to play basketball again with the group of guys Q-dawg and I play with three mornings a week, I pulled up Q-dawg's phone that has the conference app on it.  I looked at Elder Eyring's talk that we discussed in church on Sunday, and decided to read it again.  It was amazing.  Here are some highlights....

--At this Easter season we are reminded of why we love Him and of the promise He makes to His faithful disciples to become His beloved friends. The Savior made that promise and told us how, in our service to Him, He comes to us. One example is in a revelation to Oliver Cowdery as he served the Lord with the Prophet Joseph Smith in the translation of the Book of Mormon: “Behold, thou art Oliver, and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love.”²

I experienced the joy of coming closer to the Savior and of His coming closer to me most often through simple acts of obedience to the commandments.

You have had such experiences. It may have been when you chose to attend a sacrament meeting. It was for me on a Sabbath when I was very young. In those days we received the sacrament during an evening meeting. The memory of one day more than 65 years ago, when I kept the commandment to gather with my family and with the Saints, still draws me closer to the Savior.

It was dark and cold outside. I remember feeling light and warmth in the chapel that evening with my parents. We partook of the sacrament, administered by Aaronic Priesthood holders, covenanting with our Heavenly Father to always remember His Son and keep His commandments.

At the end of the meeting we sang the hymn “Abide with Me; ’Tis Eventide,” with the words in it “O Savior, stay this night with me.”³

I felt the Savior’s love and closeness that evening. And I felt the comfort of the Holy Ghost.

After reading that this morning, I pulled out the hymn and sang it to myself.  What a beautiful reminder of the Savior's presence, that when we ask Him to be near us, when we draw near to Him. 

The Savior made that promise and told us how, in our service to Him, He comes to us.

I know that what I am doing is God's will, even if I don't feel sufficient for it, just as I know that I need to write these words even if I can't get them out of this RIDICULOUS italics mode. (You name it, I've tried it...) See?  How can a woman so riddled with imperfection still hope to be sufficient?

Remember, Mary, God uses the broken pots to create beauty.  How does it always seem to come back to that :)....

When I think of the Savior and try to do something to draw closer to Him, my fear, my doubt, my wavering diminishes, even if just a little, and if I just sit still and think of Him, read of Him, or sing of Him, somehow I feel peace.