"Gifts from the Sea" Thoughts

I have just gathered some thoughts and discussions from a current mentoring group I am in relative to this book on this post so I can keep it even after I leave the mentoring group. I don't know that it will have particular interest to anyone else, but I do highly recommend reading Anne Lindbergh's "Gifts from the Sea" with the question in your heart: "What can I learn from her words?"

Anne compares our relationships with other people as a dance. I loved it! It gave me a good visual about many current relationships I have. Different relationships have different "dancing" styles: formal, intimate, care-free, minimal interaction. They vary with rhythm, frequency and intensity. When we "dance" with someone, you need to be on the same page, dancing the same dance, or it makes the dance unsuccessful or awkward. We need to take the time to communicate with our "dance partner" or at least evaluate the possible expectations of each other in a "dance." And viewing relationships this way we can identify the patterns, beauty and grace that can exist in a myriad of relationships.

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I loved the mentor prompt to read this book on level 5: what message does this book have for me to transform my life? One of the questions that always hovers in my heart as a mother is how to "balance" everything I want to do in my life in my many roles as wife, mother, friend, student, daughter, etc. It has been a long time since a classic has answered this question so personally for me.

One way it answered me was in the chapter of the moon shell. She was talking about the need for stillness: "Woman must be the pioneer in this turning inward for strength...Less able, until the last generation, to escape into outward activities the very limitations of her life forced her to look inward. And from looking inward she gained an inner strength which man i his outward active life did not as often find." I once heard that the mindless repetition of our daily tasks gives our minds time to wander and ponder while our hands are busy. We have lost this in a world full of noise. While this noise is often valuable (listening to inspiring music or talks while doing chores), we have lost the valuable resource of silence. The voice of the universe, the Holy Spirit, your inner self...whatever you want to call it...can most effectively speak to us in silence. I liked that it reminded me that my very limitations are in fact often a good thing. These limitations also force us to prioritize, making constant choices as to what is most important, where our priorities are.

This thought by Anne is followed up by the beautiful end quote of the chapter: "You (the moon shell) will reminde me that unlses I keep the island-quality intact somewhere within me, I will have little to give my husband, my children, my friends or the world at large. Youw ill remind me that woman must be still as the axis of the wheel (love this!) in the midst of her activities; that she must be the pioneer in achieving this stillness, not only for her own salvation, but for the salvation of family life, of society, perhaps even of our civilization." (pg 57, 59 in my book)

This reminds me of an article I listened to on the radio about the severe emotional/mental problems women face when transitioning back into civilian life from the military. The direction of the broadcast was geared towards unresolved sexual harrassment, but the thought crossed my mind, "perhaps it is that the nature of military training and combat runs so counter to the natural woman's role." Now, that doesn't meant I don't believe there isn't a place for a woman in the military, but I wondered if something necessary for the feminine psyche is missing from the intense outward demands of military life?

Just now, I was forced to stop what I was doing on the computer to go and address the needs of my 2 month old. Simple yet constant interruptions like this make me constantly evaluate what I am doing, is it important enough to put in front of the needs of my other responsibilities, etc. "The very limitations of our lives" indeed provide a wisdom and refocusing on what truly matters.

My overall answer that came from this book for me in my life at this time and season was that it is not a question of "balancing," a word that I shudder from simply because the idea of balance runs so counter in my mind to the many different fluctuating demands of my life. I realized it was more a question of "demands": what are the demands in my life? who is making them? do I accept them as needing to be dealt with?" I feel like Anne exposed the demand demons that lurk unacknowledged but ever-present in our lives and forced me to confront them, a painful but cleansing process.

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From "Sami": 

My sister is a journalist, the editor of her local paper. It drives her crazy that I don't watch the news or read the paper. Anne says, "modern communication loads us with more problems that the human frame can carry. ... My life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds." I loved this. This, this is exactly the reason I don't watch the news. I cannot help, over there in Africa, over there in San Francisco, out there in Utah. There is beauty here, I can help right here. In my home, in my neighborhood. I can feed the elderly couple a few blocks away. I can lift the spirits of my lonely neighbor. I can focus right here and respond to my heart right here. I can bloom where I am planted. Now, I have something better to tell my sister. 

My other favorite thing from this book was the call to simplicity. "Simplicity of living, as much as possible, to retain a true awareness of life. Balance of physical, intellectual and spiritual life. Work without pressure. (what is that?)" Coming out of being quite sick for a matter of years, I yearn for simplicity. For the to do list to be meaningful. When Anne described the first day with her sister, making breakfast together, doing the dishes together, then separately working, then coming together again, I felt drawn in. To do what is necessary and still have time for wanted work and needed quiet appeals to me ever so much. Is it possible to begin a relationship in this phase? or no?

Me:

I, too, loved the beauty captured in that day with her sister. It resonates in my heart with something I struggle with: structure time and not content. I loved the idea that I can be working on my tasks next to my children and we can feel a connection without me having to be directly interacting with what they are doing! I love how you put "to do what is necessary and still have time for wanted work and needed quiet." I guess my struggle is to figure out what is truly necessary?

Rachel:

Sami, your comment in passing about coming out of being quite sick for several years gave me the unexpected (but obvious) answer to the question in my mind: How has she taken to this so completely, and her children responded so well, in such a short amount of time? The possible answer, in my mind, is that your sickness primed everyone for it perfectly. The family's core was in sync. There was a harmonious dynamic, an empathy for you and each other, that allowed you to lead out on a path they could trust and "feel," because your family was not fractured by disparate experiences and rhythms. I wonder what you think of this analysis?

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Trena:

I'm intrigued by so many of Anne's ideas. It makes me laugh because the first time I read this book I did not get anything out of it. I wrote no notes and was not looking forward to reading it again. My book is now covered in notes and I want to read it annually. Anne brings up the idea of alone time. How we don't get enough alone time. We fill the silence with noise whether it be radio or television and certainly in my case, social media. She says, "If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others." Later she says, "You will remind me that I must try to be alone for part of each year, even a week or a few days; and for part of each day, even for and hour or a few minutes in order to keep my core, my center, my island-quality. You will remind me that unless I keep the island-quality intact somewhere within me, I will have little to give my husband, my children, my friends or the world at large." While I have to remind myself that a week to myself is not part of my season of life, if I get a few minutes or hours, I am grateful. A few years ago I was invited to a ladies night without kids. One friend told us her husband encouraged her to go to the ladies night because he knew it would help her. She could have her "alone" time without kids for a few hours and return with new found energy to be the mom/wife she wanted to be.

Sami:

I feel the same way, I did not want to even read this book. I have been away from my children for a week, on a cruise, with my sister. I slept the first two days. It was as Anne said, "For me, the break is the most difficult. Parting is inevitably painful, even for a short time." And yet, if I don't get time to myself daily, I start to feel frantic. Chaotic. For me, to totally leave my children is unacceptable, but I must be alone for a bit of everyday. I purposely get up before they do. The ironic thing is, I like to be alone, there is just a guilt bit if I leave them too long. Something that says I should be doing this or that for them. I try really hard not to should on myself. Anne says people don't like being alone. I don't find that true for me. I don't need the radio, I prefer the silence, or the waves.

Me:

I wonder if it is possible to be alone while doing the things that are "necessary" as Anne puts it in our daily routine? Rachel mentioned it in the debriefing video, I believe--the solitude found in doing laundry. I find it when nursing my baby at night. Perhaps we could adopt the idea from the next video about globalism (?) by DeMille for next month where he says that we can approach what we do with an investment mentality or an "entertainment" or escape mentality. Perhaps we can add another mentality: chore mentality. How do we approach our daliy tasks? Do we see laundry, nursing or washing dishes as a chance to be centered and calm or do we see it as a punishment for not training our children better, lol :D?

I resonate with the challenge of finding needed "alone" time while feeling guilt about leaving the little ones. I had a lesson on this lately during a trip to Utah. We live in New York now and have not been home for 2 1/2 years. (Apparently, I still view Utah as "home.") Our entire family had expectations for the trip that I tried to schedule in. I realized mine was to be able to talk to several people, to reconnect with them. After about the third such visit, I found that it was a challenge to organizing such an experience in light of the needs of my many children who were with me. To just leave them time and again to visit with friends felt unacceptable during our brief family vacation time. As one of my last visits fell through I realized I could just call this dear friend! That way my kids would be in their own safe environment, I could connect with my friend...and maybe even get the dishes done! I had created an expectation that "reconnect" needed to be face to face...but it didn't.

Following through with this idea, I called her yesterday, about a week after we got home and we had a fantastic, renewing, recentering conversation while she snuggled with her sick babies on her couch and I took care of my own kids. While I wasn't technically alone, it was restorative time, which I believe is the same thing we are talking about here. Perhaps one of the keys to finding this rejuvenation is to recognize elements already in our lives that would accommodate this and embrace them?

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Kirsty:

For me, the idea from Reeve Lindbergh in the foreword encapsulates so much of what I gathered from this book. The notion that the book offers 'a kind of freedom' - the 'freedom that comes from choosing to remain open....to life itself, whatever it brings......always, change.' As Anne suggests, the one constant in life is change; whether through our own making or through the circumstances of life. How we face those changes in relationships, roles, work, health, family, etc.... certainly determines our experience of life. They are as inevitable as the waves of the sea. They bring us joy, challenge, heart break, growth. But our attitudes to ourself, our acceptance of what life brings, and the desires that motivate us all determine what our part of the world will look like. Far too often I feel like the life I dream of is not actually the life I am living because there is this desire for more, for better, for improvement. But in actual fact, there is plenty to enjoy right where I am, playing to my strengths, loving those God has put in my path and continuing to be open to life, to love and to learning.

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I thought the comparison to being the center of the spokes of a wheel was a beautiful analogy. It rang true with further application to my relationship with my husband. He is truly like the outer part of the wheel, dealing with the world of providing and protecting our family while I feel more like the heart of our home connecting us all together and supporting and sustaining. Neither one works well without the other;each has different roles, complementary roles. 

I think there are many truths about healthy husband/wife relationships that can be found through application of this analogy and have had fun exploring them. I am aware that no analogy is perfect within itself nor applicable to every situation or person but this one resonates with me!

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I felt like Anne's depiction of how a woman interacts with the world was spot on for me. The visual of a woman being at the center of a wheel with her attention being drawn out to many needs was particularly poignant as I have been struggling with this very situation. I feel so pulled, wanting to interact and meet the needs of so many around me, all the while yearning for the "philosophical peace and calm" she refers to...that quiet center of stability.

It seems that she seemed to suggest to do both wasn't really possible: to be outwardly focused in meeting needs and to be able to create that inward philosophical calm. She seemed to suggest that this is part of what creates angst in many women. Thoughts?

Kirsty:

The old cliche response of 'seasons' springs to mind for me Mary. I really don't think we can do it all, all of the time. But perhaps we shouldn't even hope to be able too. In this season of a 4 and 7 year old in our home, there are things I will be able to do better now than I will do them as the boys get older. And the opposite is true of some things too. I think determining our personal and family values and assessing opportunities and experiences that come our way against those might help us know better what to say yes or no to. My thoughts anyway.

Me:

The imagery of the ocean keeps standing out to me as I read all these comments :D, like I am hearing waves in the background as I read about times, seasons, assessing. Perhaps the old cliches are around for a reason, right? Because they are so true?
Okay...so why is it so stinkin' hard sometimes to embrace seasons?? I can see it from the outside, but when it actually comes down to planning out my day, I find that I always try to plan it to the max, regardless of my season. I am a little intense. Perhaps it is good that I had 12 children so it would be impossible for me to smother any one child with my intensity, lol :).

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My husband and I have been reading this aloud to each other. When I asked him what he didn't like he said that he didn't like how she brought up vague symbolism but wasn't really clear what it represented. He said it is a hard book to listen to. When I asked him what would make a self-improving book easier to listen to, he suggested direct statements and stories to reinforce the point. I thought this was an interesting contrast between his mode of thinking and speaking and my own :). I tend to be philosophical and scattered in thinking and communicating; he is to the point with comments and loves to give supportive examples. This book is definitely right along my lines of thinking!

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Holly:

"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient... To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith." p11 WOW, this brings so many things to my mind that it is almost overwhelming. Childbirth is faith. Core phase is faith, Love of learning is faith, scholar phase is faith... even my own phases when I attempt to push them I feel out of balance. When I ponder, pray and ask for the guidance of God books fall open to the perfect page I need.

Me:

This statement really hit home to me as well! I too often seek for immediate results of behavior and have a hard time being patient. I like the different examples of faith you gave, even tying childbirth into that process. I hadn't thought of that before. Life is faith. Waking up and starting each new day requires a degree of faith.

Your last statment reminds me of something a friend told me years ago. I had just come home from a TJEd seminary and was contemplating which mentor I should choose to direct me to the next step. I brought this up to my friend and she asked me for what kind of mentor I was looking for. "I don't know," I replied. "Someone to really help me see the next step and give me direction in my life."

"God is the ultimate mentor, Mary," she said. "He can mentor you in incredible ways. You just have to trust Him."

I have found your statement true many times in my own life. I think it is interesting how I can feel inspired to pick up a particular book as well as inspired when to put it down. It is almost a sensation of "you have gotten what you need out of that one; now move on." Sometimes I am inspired to skim; sometimes to absorb...when I chose to listen and act. :) I have had incredible experiences where I will read an article or pick up a random book and read a little and find that what I just read is relevant soon thereafter in a conversation or problem that arises. That faith in our ultimate Mentor can really create miracles in our hectic lives when we let it!

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Ian:

There is a second main idea that really struck me that I really wanted to share. The environment.
Lindbergh made sure she set up her environment to be as conducive to her purpose and goals as possible.

Our environment can be one of our greatest assets or one of our worst nightmares. Don't you think?

Me:

This statement about the role of environment is my answer to your original question. My big ah-hah so far from this book has been to simplify, simplify, simplify!! After reading the "Channeled Whelk" chapter, I was impressed with the idea that American's have probably the greatest ability to choose simplicity or complexity in life and we so often choose complexity. I remember living in Hungary in a one bedroom apartment with 9 children and having to do our laundry by hand and shop for groceries without a car. The former was done in spite of storms and subsequent clothes in the mud and the latter with only a stroller that I got to drive up a steep hill on the way home. However, I remember being amazed at how I still had the time to do the same schooling, the same bonding experiences as a family that we had been able to do in America. Sometimes the many things we possess to make our lives "simpler" actually get in the way!

Her cottage on the shore comes to mind now as I am going through a deep-clean purge of our house pre-Christmas holiday. I shared Anne's thoughts with my kids during our devotional with the sounds of the ocean from our computer creating an ambience :). They thought it was pretty cool and some of them joined me. My daughter moving out to college in Idaho said it changed what she realized she needed to bring (which will probably free up a lot of van space when we drive cross-country to drop her off :D!). I love the perfect timing of this book in my life.

I also find it is interesting that this book follows "Dumbing Us Down" in this course. The ideas in "Dumbing Us Down" can really make us want to take on the the world. Following that motivating book with one on simplicity and appreciation has been an interesting and benefical contrast for me. Does anyone else have any thoughts on the positioning of these two books back to back? Would the mentors who planned it this way be willing to share their reasoning?

Rachel:

Dumbing us Down has stood as a witness from one with a unique and authoritative perspective that today's mainstream educational system does not nurture or reward individual genius, creativity or innovation. It stands as a challenge and an invitation to define our own educational ideals, describing in uncompromising terms the need for the type of education we'll pursue in this series.

Lindbergh's Gift from the Sea simply cannot be read incorrectly; it is all about pondering, applying it to your life, thinking creatively, intuitively, authentically. Careful thought has gone into the succession from Gatto to Lindbergh - the former being an exposition of what is wrong, the latter, a "healing" book; first the "tell", then the "show."

And while Gatto gives us a template for seeing what is wrong, the audio mentoring for Lindbergh gives a template for finding what is good, right and true, and how to apply it on a personal level, and in our mentoring.

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Ian:

I love the value she gives for personal reflection, thinking, and for being at peace. Taking the personal time for rejuvenating and re-energizing oneself. We live in a society that highly values hard labor, both blue collar and white collar work. We downplay the value of thinking and pondering work; which can be the most valuable, it is definitely a vital part of fulfilling one's mission and achieving great success.

This book was tough for me, I have a hard time slowing down and smelling the roses... But it is a large part of a Leadership Education; learning how to think.

Me:

Amen! I found this book, from necessity, made me slow down in order to savor the truths and really reflect on how to apply them because they were so deep. So true.

Knowing what I do now of the pain of her experiences makes me remember anew the collateral beauty of perspective that can come through heart ache and trials. (We just watched "Collateral Beauty" starring Will Smith so this concept is fresh on my mind.) Times of extreme emotion can cause us to see things more clearly through the starkness of being stripped emotionally down to the core. Her trials I am sure added to her clarity of perspective.

God's Lesson for a Peaceful Heart

I love how God can change us as He guides our education!
I started the year looking for an online program to challenge Drew.  This led me to TJEd High... which had a sign - up bonus offer for the parents to take Mentoring in the Classics for cheap, a program that I have been interested in for some time.
The books I have read and mentoring I have received started by refreshing or resetting the basis for my homeschooling / parenting  (since I cannot really distinguish between the two). Then I read Gifts from the Sea that made me evaluate the pressures of being an idealist, of being a woman, of being a mother in a more healthy light.
But all this inspiration, all these changes, brought on the usual "gird up your loins, bully forward at all cost, beat yourself up to do it" mentality I recognize so well after feeling inspired.
Well, this time the Lord wanted to show me a better way.
On my shelf "A Separate Peace" has sat untouched for months. Well., years... other than being moved.  Ignored as many others have been 😁.
Since August, it has grabbed my attention as kids seem to keep asking what it is about or as they look for books to read and ask me for recommendations. I couldn't really remember the subject or story line... just a feeling from it.
I became more emphatic in my recommendation of this book to no avail.  No one would read it! This great classic that I couldn't remember much about.  Finally, the thought floated in my head, "if you want to get your kids to read it, the best way is for them to see you reading. " So I picked it up.
At that time I was also reading Gift from the Sea and the mentoring on that one focused on how to read a classic. The mentors emphasized asking a mentor for something to look for as we read books.  So I asked them for a question for Separate Peace even though it is not in the curriculum of that course.
I got back that short reply from my previous post: "transformational book... open your heart to the change. " And change my heart did! I have learned to recognize that my heart is at war in so many situations! Just the feeling, the tightness of heart and mind, the feeling of hunkering down in the trenches to protect myself... or something.  Preparing against the need for attack.
However, this book has shown how false, how non-existent, how one-sided these battles really are or can be.
"All of them, all except Phineas, constructed at infinite cost to themselves these Maginot Lines against this enemy they thought they saw across the frontier, this enemy who never attacked that way – if ever attacked at all; if he was indeed the enemy."

A few times since I finished reading this book I have recognized this feeling of ugliness, of discontent in my heart and have been able to identify the underlying war lines I am drawing...and identify that they don't even exist. That I am fighting against an "enemy" that doesn't exist or that exists within myself.

This morning, though, it came up and I couldn't identify what the "battle feeling" was there in response to. That is when the magic of God's education clicked in my head.

While I was shopping at DI for a book for a book exchange, my sister Heidi showed me a book that she loved and was going to purchase to have a second copy, "Mindset."  "I love this book!" she said.  I had never heard of it and she excitedly told me about it.  Then she gave it to me :D, wonderful friend. (You know someone is a true friend when they give you a book that they love!)

I have been reading about how the authors suggest that everyone falls into two mindsets, a "fixed" or unchanging mindset and a "growth" mindset, one that sees challenges and "failure" as learning opportunities. The book defines the two and then basically gives example after example of how those of each mindset respond to situations.

Now, I believe that people don't generally fall into just one or the other mindset in everything they do.  They can see things both ways.  However, fundamentally, I can see myself acting from a fixed mindset, a frantic-ness to work with my resources to live up to what I feel God's expectations of me are in the long run.   As I have read more into ";Mindset" however (combined with Holland's talk: "Be Ye Therefore Perfect...Eventually"), I realize that these expectations are for a long and distant future...and that He is content with whatever I can give at the moment.

Underlying so many of my actions is a constant striving to "finish," to "complete," to "perfect" now...sometimes with no view of how maybe the moment is just a stepping stone for a more futuristic view of my life and who I am.  

So this morning, as I recognized that "heart at war" default inside my heart as I looked at how I wanted to apply the things I have been learning the past few months in Mentoring in the Classics, the examples of "Mindset" came to mind.  I could see how I felt my lot in life was fixed and that I needed to desperately make the most of every thing, of every moment...instead of welcoming the moments as gifts in a long series of moments.  My vision and passion is no less determined, just less frantic...hopefully!

I am pretty set in my defaults, but just seeing how these seemingly "random" books are affecting a change in my heart made me pause this morning and marvel at a God who teaches me so well in the seeming randomness of my life.

A Heart at War

I am reading "A Separate Peace" and asked Oliver and Rachel DeMille (who are mentoring my "Mentoring the Classics" class right now): do you have any mentor prompts for me for this book?

Oliver says: That’s a transformational book. The mentor prompt for that one is: Read it. When you come to a place where your heart wants to open up and change - let it happen.
 

I have been thinking about this prompt as I read the book and I had some huge epiphanies this morning.

I feel that the message for me from this book is this: I make assumptions of motives in relationships around me due to a heart at war. 

This leads to the following:

--sabotaging relationships based upon mistaken assumptions, often almost without thinking about it;

--a heart at war with others around me that leads to erratic behavior (like Gene's jouncing the branch even while sticking up for Leper, with whom his "war" is to not give into bullying tendencies as so many others do);

--frequently one-sided battles, as in the case of Gene and Phineas;

--"oppositional behavior": I have always tended to manifest "contrasting" behavior to those around me. If someone is bold, I am cautious. If someone is outgoing and optimistic, I am reserved and pessimistic. If people are cautious, I am bold. If they are narrow-minded and pessimistic, I am open-minded and optimistic.  Looking over what I just read, even my descriptions bring out my negative labels of others.  Again, this battle.

--I default to frustration or attack when confronted with opposition in any form...even and perhaps even especially within myself.

First, I realized that I do manifest this behavior with my poor, dear husband.  I have blamed him for years for things that he probably isn't even aware of.  Similar to Gene's perception of his imaginary battle with Phineas, my perception of my husband's actions have created conflict that simply isn't there.  These imaginary battles lead to behavior on my part that is destructive and crippling.

Then I realized that this conflict is a reflection of what is going on in my own heart with myself.  My outward "battles" are a reflection of my inner battles.  When I don't accept myself, when I even reject myself, I impose that frame of mind with the relationships of those around me.  This is the painful beauty that lies at the core of "Judge Not That Ye Be Not Judged," I believe.  When our minds are in the frame of reference of judging ourselves in a particular area, we transfer that same frame of reference to those around us and judge them from the same perspective.  By training ourselves to not judge others and just accept them, we automatically train ourselves to not judge and just accept ourselves.

For instance, if I neglect to keep up with the housekeeping to the standards I desire, I attack my decision-making and motives, feeling that by so doing that I am deliberately sabotaging the peace of myself and those around me.  When my children don't keep up with their stewardships, I impose my same mindset of "choice" and often misinterpret incomplete results as deliberate poor decision-making... and not just innocent ignorance or forgetfulness.

Gene's heart is at war. And it kills his relationships with those around him.

At one point, he compares the arrival of the first New Hampshire snow with the arrival of war in their lives.  It comes dramatically, demanding attention. It comes early before expectation, when the ground is still green and the plants still in bloom.  It comes in waves, ever stronger, until the campus at Devon is locked under inches of snow premature to Gene's expectation. How often is this the case in the wars we fight with each other? At first there is this exciting novelty of strong emotions, until our hearts are locked under the cold hard ground. (Compare to "The Snow Queen" ice in the heart analogy: distorts the good in what we see to become undesireable.) 

Following the encompassing arrival of the snow in Devon comes the drudgery of Gene's working in it on the railroads,... ironically, even as Leper is discovering the wonder of the beaver's dam  while skiing.  Symbolically, the war has the same kind of entrance into Gene's life. At first it dramatically makes an entrance into their lives and then pulls back a little.  Bit by bit the war, like the snow, gradually comes to consume their lives, locking their progress into a stasis until they are forced to confront it and find their role in it.  In my life I allow my personal battles to develop the same way, often getting into lock-down mode in a relationship without even realizing it.  A frozen mindset develops until books like this awaken me to an awareness of it.

Even the symbolism of Gene's vs. Leper's reaction to the snow plays a part in the beauty of this analogy.  Gene takes on a job in the snow that is at first entertaining with expectation of payment. This job turns into an experience of painful exertion and monotonous repetition.  Gene's approach to relationships and life in general is at first one of enjoyment and then drudgery with painful exertion.  Does he create this in his expectations of school? of relationships? of life?

We see Gene enter relationships with a calculating approach, analyzing how to make the most of each relationship, followed by a warlike vengeance to carry out what he feels like his side of the battle requires.  He is willing to do this beyond the initial moments of fulfillment, with a mindset that if he just sticks it out, he will get "paid" at the end of the day in almost mercenary fashion.

Leper's approach to the snow is one of wonder and expectation. 

I see painful parallels with my own approach to life verses that of my husband.  His outlook is one of looking for the wonder and beauty in relationships around him. This is not done in naiveté.  It is done out of choice.  Unlike Leper, he is aware of the harshness and demanding work possible in our approach to life...and he chooses to find the joy.  I see the potential of labor and get locked into it.  I don't see the ski trip and the beaver's dam of life; I see the work, the "payment," and carry on through the drudgery.   We are both choosing our approach to the "snow" of our lives and sometimes unwittingly by default choosing what rewards we get as a result of our choice.  Isn't this so often the case with choices?

So to determine how to find this separate peace, how to end this warring in my heart, is the next question: a war that is often being fought so one-sidedly in my relationships with others. I find I can and have turned anything into a struggle for victory, from visiting teaching to friendship to marriage to homeschooling.

This is interesting to note in light of my struggle to incorporate the principles of the recent books in the Mentoring the Classics series.  My main struggle is to let go ownership of my children's education. I realize now that I have subconsciously adopted the mindset that if I just battle enough through the drudgery and the self-conceived opposition, my children will succeed. In their name and "for their good" I am actually battling against them and their genius.  

What would happen if, instead, I chose to strap on my skiis and look for the wonder?

And, even if I don't end up seeing the beaver emerge from its dam, can I, like Leper and my husband, still be content and inspired by the experience in the snow that I do have?

And can I refrain from turning these new epiphanies into my newest battle ground?

Transformational book indeed...and I am only halfway through.  Perhaps it is also time to read "Anatomy of Peace" again?

God Calls To You

I organized some of my favorite thoughts from a recent conference talk and wanted to "save" it somewhere:

God calls to you.

God knows your every thought, your sorrows, and your greatest hopes. God knows the many times you have sought Him. The many times you have felt limitless joy. The many times you have wept in loneliness. The many times you have felt helpless, confused, or angry.

Yet, no matter your history—if you have faltered, failed, feel broken, bitter, betrayed, or beaten—know that you are not alone. God still calls to you.

I testify that when we embark upon or continue the incredible journey that leads to God, our lives will be better.

This does not mean that our lives will be free from sorrow. We all know of faithful followers of Christ who suffer tragedy and injustice—Jesus Christ Himself suffered more than anyone. Just as God makes the “sun to rise on the evil and on the good,” He also allows adversity to test the just and the unjust.4 In fact, sometimes it seems that our lives are more difficult because we are trying to live our faith.

No, following the Savior will not remove all of your trials. However, it will remove the barriers between you and the help your Heavenly Father wants to give you. God will be with you. He will direct your steps. He will walk beside you and even carry you when your need is greatest.

Perhaps you don’t consider yourself all that useful; perhaps you don’t consider yourself a blessing in somebody’s life. Often, when we look at ourselves, we see only our limitations and deficiencies. We might think we have to be “more” of something for God to use us—more intelligent, more wealthy, more charismatic, more talented, more spiritual. Blessings will come not so much because of your abilities but because of your choices. And the God of the universe will work within and through you, magnifying your humble efforts for His purposes.

His work has always advanced on this important principle: “Out of small things proceedeth that which is great.”11

When writing to the Saints in Corinth, the Apostle Paul observed that not many of them would be considered wise by worldly standards. But that didn’t matter, because “God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.”12

The history of God’s work is filled with people who considered themselves inadequate. But they humbly served, relying on the grace of God and His promise: “Their arm shall be my arm, and I will be their shield … , and they shall fight manfully for me; and … I [will] preserve them.”13

No matter your position in your community or in the Church, God will use you, if you are willing. He will magnify your righteous desires and turn the compassionate actions you sow into a bountiful harvest of goodness. --President Uchtdorf 10/17