Poem "When Nature Wants a Man"

I loved this poem I came across in the Ensign the other day.  It only had an excerpt (the part around the bold part that I lengthened to include a little more that I liked), but I included the whole thing.  It's about sacrifice and tribulation before the blessing, the refining by fire that life can be...

When Nature Wants a Man

When Nature wants to drill a man
And thrill a man,
And skill a man,
When Nature wants to mould a man
To play the noblest part;
When she yearns with all her heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall praise--

Watch her method, watch her ways!
How she ruthlessly perfects
Whom she royally elects;
How she hammers him and hurts him
And with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay which only Nature understands--

While his tortured heart is crying and he lifts beseeching hands!--
How she bends, but never breaks,
When his good she undertakes....
How she uses whom she chooses
And with every purpose fuses him,
By every art induces him
To try his splendor out--
Nature knows what she's about.

When Nature wants to take a man
And shake a man
And wake a man;
When Nature wants to make a man
To do the Future's will;
When she tries with all her skill
And she yearns with all her soul
To create him large and whole....
With what cunning she prepares him!

How she goads and never spares him,
How she whets him and she frets him
And in poverty begets him....
How she often disappoints
Whom she sacredly anoints,
With what wisdom she will hide him,
Never minding what betide him
Though his genius sob with slighting and his pride may not forget!
Bids him struggle harder yet.
Makes him lonely
So that only
God's high messages shall reach him
So that she may surely teach him
What the Hierarchy planned.

Though he may not understand
Gives him passions to command--
How remorselessly she spurs him,
With terrific ardor stirs him
When she poignantly prefers him!

When Nature wants to name a man
And fame a man
And tame a man;
When Nature wants to shame a man
To do his heavenly best....
When she tries the highest test
That her reckoning may bring--
When she wants a god or king!--
How she reins him and restrains him
So his body scarce contains him
While she fires him
And inspires him!
Keeps him yearning, ever burning for a tantalising goal--
Lures and lacerates his soul.
Sets a challenge for his spirit,
Draws it higher when he's near it--
Makes a jungle, that he clear it;
Makes a desert, that he fear it
And subdue it if he can--
So doth Nature make a man.

Then, to test his spirit's wrath
Hurls a mountain in his path--
Puts a bitter choice before him
And relentless stands o'er him.
'Climb, or perish!' so she says....
Watch her purpose, watch her ways!

Nature's plan is wondrous kind
Could we understand her mind ...
Fools are they who call her blind.
When his feet are torn and bleeding
Yet his spirit mounts unheeding,
All his higher powers speeding
Blazing newer paths and fine;
When the force that is divine
Leaps to challenge every failure and his ardor still is sweet
And love and hope are burning in the presence of defeat....

Lo, the crisis! Lo, the shout
That must call the leader out.
When the people need salvation
Doth he come to lead the nation....
Then doth Nature show her plan
When the world has found--a man!

Angela Morgan

Homeschooling at our House: "Master plans"

On my family blog (link), I am in the process of posting a four part series of my....

*drumroll, please.....*

MASTER PLAN!!!!! MWA-HA-HA-HA!!!

In the first one, I have the "intro" or "why," and then I am breaking it down into:

Part 1-Daily
Part 2-Weekly
Part 3-Monthly
Part 4-Yearly

If I was as cool as my good friend Marni, I would have it in a cool spreadsheet, complete with awesome quotes and a cool picture of "cheerio lady" somewhere, but, as it is, at least it is posted :)...

(You should see her post on "The Cheerios Lady (aka a Mother's sweet revenge)"(link) --so hilarious!)

The Trivium: three stages of classical education

I posted this on my Vanguard Youth site, but wanted to include it here, because it applies so well to my homeschooling.  When I am engaged in a "family discussion," it is challenging to engage my entire family.  I have the "littles," who just want to repeat the story back to me ("grammar stage"), my "middles," who like to make connections with other things they have learned, and my "olders," who are beyond rote-repetition and are more eager to see application.  I see the boredom of the littles (or even middles!) as I excitedly talk about application.  It was a good reminder, as a parent and as a teacher, to be aware of what they are ready for in their learning.

I came across this great article by Susan Wise Bauer, that helps us understand why our 12 year olds in Vanguard don't reason or process information the same way our 15 year olds do :)...why when we ask them to reason and apply it is so challenging at a younger age, when they are just getting into using logic to reason about what they are learning.  I included the entire first part of the article, and give complete credit to her and her genius with no profit to myself, other than the betterment of the world around me, and therefore a benefit to myself :)...

What is Classical Education?

by Susan Wise Bauer

Classical education depends on a three-part process of training the mind. The early years of school are spent in absorbing facts, systematically laying the foundations for advanced study. In the middle grades, students learn to think through arguments. In the high school years, they learn to express themselves. This classical pattern is called the trivium.

The first years of schooling are called the “grammar stage” — not because you spend four years doing English, but because these are the years in which the building blocks for all other learning are laid, just as grammar is the foundation for language. In the elementary school years — what we commonly think of as grades one through four — the mind is ready to absorb information. Children at this age actually find memorization fun. So during this period, education involves not self-expression and self-discovery, but rather the learning of facts. Rules of phonics and spelling, rules of grammar, poems, the vocabulary of foreign languages, the stories of history and literature, descriptions of plants and animals and the human body, the facts of mathematics — the list goes on. This information makes up the “grammar,” or the basic building blocks, for the second stage of education.

By fifth grade, a child’s mind begins to think more analytically. Middle-school students are less interested in finding out facts than in asking “Why?” The second phase of the classical education, the “Logic Stage,” is a time when the child begins to pay attention to cause and effect, to the relationships between different fields of knowledge relate, to the way facts fit together into a logical framework.

A student is ready for the Logic Stage when the capacity for abstract thought begins to mature. During these years, the student begins algebra and the study of logic, and begins to apply logic to all academic subjects. The logic of writing, for example, includes paragraph construction and learning to support a thesis; the logic of reading involves the criticism and analysis of texts, not simple absorption of information; the logic of history demands that the student find out why the War of 1812 was fought, rather than simply reading its story; the logic of science requires that the child learn the scientific method.

The final phase of a classical education, the “Rhetoric Stage,” builds on the first two. At this point, the high school student learns to write and speak with force and originality. The student of rhetoric applies the rules of logic learned in middle school to the foundational information learned in the early grades and expresses his conclusions in clear, forceful, elegant language. Students also begin to specialize in whatever branch of knowledge attracts them; these are the years for art camps, college courses, foreign travel, apprenticeships, and other forms of specialized training.

Of course, there are kids that are more logical and more ready for "rhetoric" sooner than others, but it can explain the struggle (hence, blank stares) that younger scholars experience when asked to reason and apply what they are learning.

Trusting and Waiting on the Lord...a parable

I have been praying for faith to match my situation right now, and "happened" across this scripture in my morning study yesterday: (Doctrine & Covenants 101)

44 A certain ^anobleman had a spot of land, very choice; and he said unto his servants: Go ye unto my ^bvineyard, even upon this very choice piece of land, and plant twelve olive trees;

 45 And set ^awatchmen round about them, and build a tower, that one may overlook the land round about, to be a watchman upon the tower, that mine olive trees may not be broken down when the enemy shall come to spoil and take upon themselves the fruit of my vineyard.

 46 Now, the servants of the nobleman went and did as their lord commanded them, and planted the olive trees, and built a hedge round about, and set watchmen, and began to build a tower.

 47 And while they were yet laying the foundation thereof, they began to say among themselves: And what need hath my lord of this tower?

 So the master of the vineyard gives specific instructions, his servants begin to do it, and then they begin to question the why of it all.

 48 And consulted for a long time, saying among themselves: What need hath my lord of this tower, seeing this is a time of peace?

 49 Might not this money be given to the exchangers? For there is no need of these things.

 50 And while they were at variance one with another they became very ^aslothful, and they hearkened not unto the commandments of their lord.

 51 And the enemy came by night, and broke down the ^ahedge; and the servants of the nobleman arose and were affrighted, and fled; and the enemy destroyed their works, and broke down the olive trees.

What a terrible result from not faithfully, literally faith-fully, following seemingly obscure directions! So the Lord takes further steps:

 52 Now, behold, the nobleman, the lord of the ^avineyard, called upon his servants, and said unto them, Why! what is the cause of this great evil?

 53 Ought ye not to have done even as I commanded you, and—after ye had planted the vineyard, and built the hedge round about, and set watchmen upon the walls thereof—built the tower also, and set a ^awatchman upon the tower, and watched for my vineyard, and not have fallen asleep, lest the enemy should come upon you?

 54 And behold, the watchman upon the tower would have seen the enemy while he was yet afar off; and then ye could have made ready and kept the enemy from breaking down the hedge thereof, and saved my vineyard from the hands of the destroyer.

 55 And the lord of the vineyard said unto one of his ^aservants: Go and gather together the residue of my servants, and take ^ball the strength of mine house, which are my warriors, my young men, and they that are of middle age also among all my servants, who are the strength of mine house, save those only whom I have appointed to tarry;

 56 And go ye straightway unto the land of my vineyard, and redeem my vineyard; for it is mine; I have bought it with money.

 57 Therefore, get ye straightway unto my land; break down the ^awalls of mine enemies; throw down their tower, and scatter their watchmen.

 58 And inasmuch as they gather together against you, ^aavenge me of mine enemies, that by and by I may come with the residue of mine house and possess the land.

 Notice the difference between this servant and the others:

 59 And the servant said unto his lord: When shall these things be?  (Great Question)

 60 And he said unto his servant: When I will; (Hard Answer) go ye straightway, and do all things whatsoever I have commanded you;

 61 And this shall be my seal and ^ablessing upon you—a faithful and ^bwise steward in the midst of mine house, a ^cruler in my kingdom.

 62 And his servant went straightway, and did all things whatsoever his lord commanded him; and ^aafter many days all things were fulfilled.

"After many days," hmmmm?  How long did Elijah and the widow of Nain have to live off that cruse of oil and grain?  How long were the Jaredites blown upon the waters of the ocean?  How long was the trek across the United States for the early morning pioneers?  HowHow many years of Joseph Smith's life was spent in persecution?

May my faith be equal to the Lord's bidding...

The power of "Intentionally recreating"

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and she said that so often we of the LDS faith underestimate a  line in " The Family: a Proclamation to the World": "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles...[among other things] wholesome recreational activities."

This was brought up as I was sharing some insights I got from a BYU devotional talk I came across not too long ago while listening to the radio in my car.  It was a broadcast on k-BYU on July 17, given by Patti Freeman and titled "Intentional recreation and Things that Matter Most."

Here is a link where, for now, you can either listen to or watch it. (I believe the transcript will be up later.)  I only came in towards the end, but it was incredible...all about the many benefits we get with intentionally recreating as a family (or as mentors with our youth!).

Intentional recreation and Things that Matter Most

When the transcripts are up, I will try and put in my favorite sections for those who don't have the time to listen to, watch, or read the whole thing.

One part that stuck out to me was only a small part of the talk, but she spoke about how when we recreate as a family, it is an opportunity for our sons and daughters (or youth!) to see how men and women appropriately treat each other.  I thought about last May, when Quinn and the kids and I hiked the slot canyons Ding and Dang down by Goblin Valley.  Quinn had to both lower and raise me up several times, offered to help with things, and I deferred to his judgment several times with trust and appreciation for his perspective in the best path for our family.  I had never thought of this blessing of "recreating" together!

Anyway, there were a whole bunch of other great points to it, and to at least listen to the last 20 minutes, in my mind, would be incredibly valuable--seeing as that is all I got from it :).

"Let it begin"...

Listen to this song, really listen to what it says.  The message is incredibly powerful.  It is called "Let it Begin" and it's message is ageless and timeless.  I love the beauty of sacred, inspired music!

For instance, one of the lines goes:  "The mistakes of the past don't define you...they refine you."

https://www.lds.org/youth/music?lang=eng

Enjoy!

Amazing, inspiring video!

Be Strong

I love videos about youth, about diversity, and about faithful courage...this one met all three :).

That "Mary-spunkiness"...

Tonight, I went to do temple work and had an interesting experience.

It is a very amazing spiritual experience, to attend the temple, and normally I just relish it.

However, tonight, I was informed at the desk that there had been a "change in policy" with how that temple did certain things with a change in that temple's presidency.  My first thought was "Really!  Isn't the spirit of the law more important than the letter of the law?  Which one is this serving?"  It was followed by a quick second, "Well, at least the Gospel is still true."

It made me think:
-I am soooo much like my little Hava, my stubborn 3 year old that is a mirror-image of Constance Contraire in "Mysterious Benedict Society" (the name captures the basic personality, for those who haven't read that delightful book).  I guess I cannot wonder where she gets it from :)!  Just don't tell me to jump through a hoop for convenience if it is not principle-based, or please share with me the principle so I can understand...and this tendency of mine is getting worse with age--to get riled up over "letter over spirit" of the law actions. (Don't get me started on the Salt Lake County Library System employees,...sorry, Mom :)!)

-This spunkiness is one reason that I was saved for the last days:  My sheer spunky passion for truth and doing what is right for the right reason.

-I am definitely not a member of my church because I am a follower, conformer, or "it is the easiest way." :)  I don't think conforming for the sake of conforming is within my make-up.

-What was the motivation for the change in policy?  To coerce conformity to an ideal of someone?  Then came the uncomfortable follow-up thought: How often do I do this kind of thing in my home-- "kind of" give someone their agency, while exercising huge powers of coercion and "consequences" to try and get them to do what I want them to do anyway?  Hmmmmm.....For an agency-passionate person, how do I allow for agency in my home?  Satan's plan of force and control vs. God's plan of painful agency...the war goes on, doesn't it :)?

I ended up having a marvelous night...I just learned and thought about concepts that I might not have expected to, coming into the evening :).

I also got to see my parents, who volunteer there on Saturdays, and Quinn got to read some Hungarian names...loved it!

Karate Kid and "Inspire not Require"

Growing up, I enjoyed watching the original "Karate Kid" with Mr. Miagee (sp?).  Something about the underdog mentored by a man wholly dedicated to his principles really intrigued me.

As I was cleaning up the kitchen tonight, I had half an ear out for the new version of this movie playing in my living room.  I saw this little "punk" kid doing repetitive, senseless motions...just because someone told him to.  Now, this kid didn't do it just for kicks--he wanted what the man had to offer to teach him.  He wanted it so much, he was willing to do things that didn't make sense, didn't seem worthwhile.

It made me think of my kids and their education and the power of the Thomas Jefferson Education principle, "inspire not require."  The basic concept of this is that, scholastically, you seek to inspire your children by exposing them to greatness--great ideas, great people--rather than "requiring" them to learn a set curriculum you place before them.  Inspiring is a lot of work.  Yet, tonight, I caught a glimpse of the power of it.

As I study, learn, make connections, create pieces of art, work on my music, get excited about history, math, and science, they see me exploring the world, learning, and making a difference.  I hear them say things like "I wish I could do that!" and "When can I be in your class, mommy?"  I see that young boy on "Karate Kid" putting in so much effort, time, sweat, and dedication to doing what his mentor tells him to do, knowing he can show him the way, and the power of "inspire not require" hits home...as well as it's sister-concept: "you not them" (work on your own education if you want your kids to work on their's...).

As I watched the mentoring in "Karate Kid," I caught a glimpse of my kids writing, practicing laborious, repetitive exercises in math, putting in the hard work of outlining, mapping, and "time-lining" history, wanting to be more physically fit, eating better, studying the scriptures, sacrificing for what is right...just because they wanted what I had, and wanted to be what I am or am becoming (or other people they can be mentored by, thankfully!).

Inspiring is definitely not the easy path, but how rewarding! that I can pursue things that God wants me to learn for my mission, and my kids can join me in that process.  When a person owns their own education, wants it for themselves and for the real fruits it has to offer, the learning curve spikes, and their reception and learning capacity is greatly enlarged.  That's the power of leadership education.

Funny, the strange places you can find truth. :)

Rest to my soul

I came across this scripture today, and it stuck with me today...

 Alma 37: 34 Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find ^arest to their souls.

It made me realize that God knows how hard it can be to do good works...He knows it is not easy!  Yet, the offer is rest to our souls...not our bodies, our souls.  As I faced a dirty kitchen tonight, getting home late after a wonderful time at a reception for an old, dear friend, and knowing that tomorrow is the Sabbath day, I had a split second debate.  I was tired, true, but I knew that I really wanted a day of rest, both for me and for my family.

So my tired body got to work, thinking about this scripture. 

Sometimes it is so hard, as a mom, as a wife, as a person to keep going, to do those seemingly small things that can make the difference of gladness in the lives of those we love.  Yet, His promise is a glorious one, blessing us where it really counts...rest to our souls.

Having done that small labor of love in my kitchen this night, with a vision of a more restful Sabbath before me, I feel rested in my soul.  Good, better, best--it is different for everyone, and, for me tonight, it wasn't to sit and read or rest,...it was to prepare my home for the Sabbath.  As I worked, going through those sometimes monotonous, unthinking motions that I have done so many times before, my mind pondered on wonderful things, and I feel rest in my soul.

(The blessings of work are many, and the activity of engaging in menial, repetitive labor allows our minds to ponder is one of those blessings: see life-changing article on Family Work in the BYU magazine Spring 2000 issue: Article on Family Work . There is also a great shorter version at the next link: Family Work quickie.)

Is it truly that easy...just to look?

A little while ago, my family came across the scriptural story of Moses and the Israelites in the wilderness in our family scripture study.  God had sent poisonous serpents, and people were dying all around.  Moses constructed a staff with a serpent at the top and promised that if the Israelites would just look, they would be healed.  That's it...just look up.

Verse 41 of 1 Nephi of the Book of Mormon offers this insight:

...He sent fiery flying ^bserpents among them; and after they were bitten he prepared a way that they might be ^chealed; and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the ^dsimpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.

 It made me think about Alma 33:

19  Behold, he (Christ) was spoken of by Moses; yea, and behold a type was raised up in the wilderness, that whosoever would look upon it might live. And many did look and live.
20  But few understood the meaning of those things, and this because of the hardness of their hearts. But there were many who were so hardened that they would not look, therefore they perished. Now the reason they would not look is because they did not believe that it would heal them.
21  O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?

So what does it mean to "look"?  How do we "cast our eyes about" that we might be healed?  I have thought a great deal about this.  I thought about reading my scriptures, saying my prayers...anything that makes me "look in the direction of Christ"...temple worship, beautiful art of Him and God's creations, going to church...and I thought about how simple and easy these things are.  I think we make it hard our ourselves, thinking that, somehow, something so easy as opening those pages to read a couple verses, something so simple as kneeling when we are hurting or joyful, couldn't possibly do something as miraculous as heal us.

These thoughts stuck with me for a few days, as I wondered how I can look to Him in my life.

Then I watched the Olympics and, as I watched the women gymnastics, I noticed something that struck me.  When the young ladies came off of their event, having committed some error that seemed beyond their ability to cope with, I watched their coaches.  Their coach would put their hands on their shoulders or on either side of their faces, gaze with intense focus into those young, hurting eyes, and reach them.  I can only imagine what they said, but I imagine it was something like: "You messed up, but you can do it!  Don't give up!  Keep going!  Keep your focus!  You have trained your whole life for this!  You can do it!"

I thought, when we look to Christ, He wants to do the same for us, our faces between His hands, His face focused on ours: "You can do it!  You messed up, you're hurting, you're worried...don't lose hope!  Keep your focus!  I am here! Don't give up!"

It became real to me one night as I felt overwhelmed with a new development and consideration in going to Hungary.  I felt despair seeking entrance to my mind, and I was tired enough that I was ready to give in at the moment.  Then, the thought entered my mind, "Look to me..."  I remember distinctly sitting tiredly on the chair, lifting my eyes up towards the wall, and imagining my Savior and Elder Brother before me, looking down at me.  I focused on that thought, and, in a very real way, I felt the worry dissolve away, and perspective come back.  In the long scheme, my worries are very small, and I felt such peace enter my heart...just by looking.

To look to Him....what stops us?  Where do we tend to look?  At the dying, struggling masses around us?  Comparing ourselves or seeking help from them?  How easy is it, really, to look?

 Alma 47:46-47 :

46  O my son, do not let us be slothful because of the easiness of the way; for so was it with our fathers; for so was it prepared for them, that if they would look they might live; even so it is with us. The way is prepared, and if we will look we may live forever.

47  And now, my son, see that ye take care of these sacred things, yea, see that ye look to God and live...

He is there.  He is more real than those coaches at the Olympics, and He is ready, in a very real way, to take our faces in His hands and gaze into our hurting eyes and souls to reach us: "You messed up...but you can do it!  I am here!  Trust me!  You have trained your whole life for this moment! Don't give up!"

Heroes

Beautiful quotes from a book I am reading, "Circle of Quiet" by Madeleine L'Engle:

The common man lives within his capacity; he is probable as well as common; because of this he will choose the safe way. But mankind has progressed only when an uncommon man has done the improbable,  and often the impossible, has had the courage to go into the darkness, and has been willing, out of the nettle, danger, to pluck the flower, safety...

But this is the Age, among other things, of the Anti-hero.  This is the Age of Do-it-yourself; Do-it-yourself Oil Paintings; Just Follow the Numbers; Do-it-yourself Home Organ Lessons; Do-it-yourself Instant Culture.

But I can't do it myself.  I need a hero.  Sometimes, I have chosen pretty shoddy ones, as I have chosen faulty mirrors in which to see myself.  But a hero I must have.  A hero shows me what fallible man, despite and even with his faults, can do...

In looking towards a hero, we are less restricted and curtailed in our own lives.  A hero provides us with a point of reference...

All teachers [and parents!] must face the fact that they are potential points of reference.  The greatest challenge a teacher has to accept is the courage to be; if we are, we make mistakes; we say too much where we should have said nothing; we do not speak where a work might have made all the difference. If we are, we will make terrible errors. But we still have to have the courage to struggle on, trusting in our own points of reference to show us the way.

Amazing!  The courage to be! The need for heroes...

To anyone reading this, I would love to hear who your heroes are, your points of reference!  Thanks!

Hava's prayer and perspective

I have a sweet three year old that repeatedly says in her prayers: "And please bless the baby in mommy's tummy to come out soon."  We smile indulgently, or gently remind her that it won't come for some time, so it will be healthy.

It struck me the last time I heard her, knowing that what she prayed for was good, but not good now:  I wonder if Heavenly Father hears our prayers  and thinks the same thing..."That is good to ask for, but it is not for the best,...not now."

There is a great Ensign article in the latest edition: http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/07/when-good-plans-dont-work-out?lang=eng

It goes right along with this concept.  I think this is something I need to work on :).

Organizing every needful thing...

I just happened across another amazing passage of scripture...imagine that :).

In D&C 88, starting in verse 118, I was struck by a bunch of cool concepts:
-vs 118: I thought the way the verse started was interesting: "...as all have not faith..."  then "seek ye diligently," "teach one another words of wisdom," then "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom."  It made me think of the powerful effects of faith, and how much we can truly learn just by exercising faith and belief.  It made me think about children, and their faith, and how we are to be like them. 
It made me think about faith as central to the whole learning process, and, thus, the Spirit, which is central to learning by faith.  We must feel the Spirit and exercise faith in what it teaches us to be truly taught by faith...which, apparently, is the most ideal way of learning. 
It makes me think about the prophet Joseph Smith and the huge difference in his level of learning at the beginning of his life verses the end of it.  I have read a bit of his "Lectures on Faith" (apparently more appropriately named than I first realized :)!), read his teachings to us in other places, read how we can only imagine how much God has to teach us.  With all my "education," I have a hard time understanding the sophistication of his concepts and terminology at times!  And all this learning happening within twenty years of constant persecution.  Learning by faith indeed!

-vs 119:

 ^aOrganize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a ^bhouse, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

There is a quote I heard once that I wrote in the margin of this verse: "Every home is a house of learning, for good or otherwise." What is being learned in my home?
I also thought that this is a perfect verse to use to evaluate my home.  There is plenty to work on in that verse alone :).

-vs 122:

Appoint among yourselves a teacher, and let ^anot all be spokesmen at once; but let one speak at a time and let all listen unto his sayings, that when all have spoken that all may be ^bedified of all, and that every man may have an equal privilege.

This says it all :)...I think we are going to memorize this for our next verse at the table as a family each morning :).

vs. 124:

 124 Cease to be ^aidle; cease to be ^bunclean; cease to ^cfind fault one with another; cease to ^dsleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be ^einvigorated.

 I think it is interesting that this is spoken so directly and clearly; in particular, the parts about sleeping.   He doesn't say, "unless you have this problem" or "unless you are a night person."  Very directly he promises that our bodies and minds may be invigorated.  Of course, this may be relative, but I could use all the "invigoration" possible with this pregnant body :).

Questionable motivations for peace vs. action...

I love this time of year,..a time to reflect upon the heritage of both my pioneer ancestors who migrated to Utah to escape religious and physical persecution and upon the Founding Fathers and the birth of freedom in America.  (In fact, off topic, there is a great little book I am reading right now that I highly recommend: "American History Stories You Never Read in School but Should Have.")


I love the Declaration of Independence.  It is such an incredible document.  One particular part, though, tends to haunt me: 

"accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to

suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves"

I see this and all my experience "hath shewn" the same...we tend to suffer, "while evils (or problems) are sufferable," rather than try to do something about them.  Sometimes, we genuinely shouldn't do something, if our intended plan of action would just make it worse :).  Sometimes, we just need to wait it out.

However, there are times when we need to act...when is that time? When is it time "to right ourselves"?

I have something of a "rainbow" personality, when it comes to the "Color Code" personality analysis, and tend to take on the "polar opposite" personality of those I am with, depending upon the situation.  For instance, although yellow is my least present color, I can, when I am with "blues," get very "yellow," and want to not worry so much about things :). (Just ask my father-in-law...when I am with him, I am the whitest of whites :)...I think it drives him nuts! Sorry, dad :)!)

I am married to a white, have parents that are white, and feel that much of the society I interact with, when it comes to defending what is right or our personal freedoms, is "white."  From "colorcode.com":

 White: These are the peacekeepers. Peace: the ability to stay calm and balanced even in the midst of conflict, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance and are generally kind, adaptable, and good-listeners.


While I love all the benefits of these personalities, when I am with them I tend to gravitate to the "red" side...let's get things done!

Red: These are the power wielders. Power: the ability to move from point A to point B and get things done, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of vision and leadership and generally are responsible, decisive, proactive and assertive. 

My interactions with them have led me to ponder these questions: At what point is it important to "suffer while something is sufferable," and when is it important to resolve something that is obviously not resolving on it's own?  I have to really be mindful of this while working with all these wonderful people that I love..and society.  When is what I want to do "what is right" and when is it just my "bi-polar personality disorder" kicking in, protesting the "white" all around me :)?

(There is an excellent quick overview presentation you can skim through that covers the essentials of the color code at:  http://www.mrharris.us/Focus/colorcode/colorcodepdf.pdf...Enjoy!)

Parallels of callings and parenthood

One of the blessings of staying with my parents was to be able to see my dad in action as ward mission leader.  He is amazing at it.  He knows the names of those he is serving, their lives, their interests; he visits them frequently and is willing to rush over to help at the drop of the hat; he is committed to teaching them weekly at church and with the missionaries, whenever he can.  This, I believe, is similar to how he home teaches and has been for years.  I love to see him when he is working with them, and the glow or concern he has on his face after he works with them...all born out of love.

Last night as I was thinking about this, I was struck with a powerful parallel to parenting.

What if we treated our eternal calling of parenthood like my dad does his calling as a mission leader?

Just think about it!  There are several keys that I believe makes him successful and I think they would be powerful tools in parenting:
-He discusses with the ward council each person and their needs and progress over the past week and month.  How often do we discuss each of our kids from that perspective?  Not how much they are driving you crazy, or which clubs or lessons they need to be at, but their spiritual needs and concerns?
-He and the ward council or missionaries come up with a plan of action--something they can do now to either improve their relationships with that person or ways that they can invite them to feel the Spirit.
-He prays about them individually (I believe), and acts on that inspiration (that, I've seen firsthand)...whether it is in the middle of a previously planned event or something that seems strange.
-He calls them, visits them weekly, one-on-one...a visit with the express interest of finding out how they are or how he can help. (Yes, my dad is amazing.)
-He accepts them, whatever stage they are at, and recognizes and celebrates their progress--as a hypothetical example, let's say, they were smoking 20 packs a week and are down to 10, he reports that to the council with excitement about their progress...even if they haven't quit. I have seen him mourn with them as they have tragedies in their lives, become interested in their jobs or things they sell and support them in it...all out of genuine love.
-He goes back and reports on their progress, expresses hope and concern, and then re-vamps the plan as necessary.  Then once again, he moves forward with hope. He acts.

I could take each of these and draw the obvious parallels to parenting, but right now the Spirit is whispering one or two I could start with (discussing the kid's individually with Quinn and coming up with plans of action to do now--not just "wait and see," praying about them individually, celebrating small successes...), and I want to move forward.

Why is it we distance ourselves from our parenting responsibilities and just go through the motions?  Does it hurt too much?  Is it too personal?  Is it just easier to pray from a distance and hope?  Are we looking for what we can do now? Are we celebrating where our kids are at?  Does it seem like it is just going to take forever, anyway, so we put it off?  (We are in it forever, right :) ?)

Just some thoughts...

What an American is...

Whether this was actually written by an American dentist in response to an Afghani ad, to me, is irrelevant.  The truths in it are beautiful about what an American is and the role of God in our freedom:

Written by an Australian Dentist  

To Kill an American 
You probably missed this in the rush of news, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper, an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.  

So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let everyone know what an American is . So they would know when they found one. (Good one, mate!!!!)  

'An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish , Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan. 

An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.

An American is Christian , or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in   Afghanistan . The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses. 

An American is also free to believe in no religion.. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God. 

An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world. 

 The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence , which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.

An American is generous.. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return.... 
When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country! 
As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan

The national symbol of America , The Statue of Liberty , welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America  
Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11 , 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists. 

 So you can try to kill an American if you must.. Hitler did. So did General Tojo , and Stalin , and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself . Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American. 

Balloons...

We have a tradition in our little family--every year, when we celebrate the birthday of my little boy Isaak in November, we make cards, attach them to helium balloons, and let them go to the sky, watching them until they disappear. (My sentimental side wins over my environmental side in this instance :)...)

Last night, at a birthday party for my awesome brother-in-law who just graduated and is here visiting on his way to Oregon, we had a bunch of black balloons out to celebrate.  Thinking of my little boy, I let one go, watching it until it disappeared. 

Now, I observed something as I did this...the point where it begins to be harder to see you have to really focus on where it is in order not to lose it.  And even then, some people can just see it longer than others.  As I sat there, watching it flicker in and out of my range of sight right there at the end, wishing I could see my Isaak again, I began thinking:  this visual acuity is symbolic of our spiritual "eyesight".  Some people can just see better than others spiritually, and some can see things all the way to "the other side."  They can see longer, clearer, and those of us who can't, come to trust them.

You also need to focus on what it is you want to see in order to really see it as long as possible, and as well as possible.  When we allow ourselves to be distracted watching things that aren't really as important, it is easier to lose sight of what it is we really want to see, like that tiny balloon at the edge of our sight.

Just a few thoughts...

Prayer and the Priesthood: our links to God

It is amazing how easy it is to settle into rote phrases and thoughts when praying!  I have been working on really communicating in prayer lately, and it is so hard!  My mind settles into certain phrases that, while certainly reflect how I feel in general (like "Thanks for this day" or "Thanks for the influence of the gospel in my life"), I recognize are not really communicating the depth of what I feel about those phrases...they have lost their meaning as it becomes a pattern.

And then, there's the mental wandering!  Now, I agree with a person I once heard or read that said that when our mind wanders, often it is the paths of inspiration and God is leading us somewhere.  This is true at times, but generally, for me, it is merely a reflection of a lack of focus.  I mean, I am approaching the feet of the Creator of the Universe, my life, my family,...everything around me!  And my mind is wandering?

As I have tried different things to help me focus--talking aloud, focusing visually on the tip of the beautiful mountain I can see from my window, pausing--one thing that I have tried less effectively is visualizing Heavenly Father.  Of course, I don't know what He looks like, and that is the thought I had this morning.

I think that, when I get to Heaven, even if the veil of forgetfulness that is over my mind is not removed, I would feel what God is like, from my many meaningful prayers that I have had with Him.  However, to be able to know what He looks like would be such an honor!

It was with these thoughts on my mind that I read through where I am at in the Doctrine and Covenants, section 84, which is about the priesthood and the amazing power and blessings that come from its presence.  The section I read stood out:

 19 And this greater ^apriesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the ^bkey of the ^cmysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the ^dknowledge of God.

 20 Therefore, in the ^aordinances thereof, the power of ^bgodliness is manifest.

So, thought I, the weekly ordinance of the sacrament, the ordinances in the temple...in these are the power of godliness, we get to feel and witness of the power of God.  How wonderful that we have the priesthood!

Continuing on--

 

 21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the ^aauthority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is ^bnot manifest unto men in the flesh;

It made me think of how important these "routine" things are.  Then this next verse really caught my eye:

 23 Now this ^aMoses plainly taught to the children of Israel in the wilderness, and sought diligently to ^bsanctify his people that they might ^cbehold the face of God;

That we might behold the face of God!  What a blessing to seek after!

In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to really make my prayers more meaningful and focused on Him, hoping for that day when I can see Him again.

"Saving your marriage"

There is so much discussion about marriage in the world around us--from society wide discussions about it's deterioration and definition (see a great article about the latter by my very own dad!-- http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765579204/Adjusting-the-definition-of-marriage.html),  to more local and personal discussions about individual marriages of friends and family members that are struggling.

My heart is very tender about this subject, having seen the suffering of those in abusive or strained relationships first-hand lately.

 So...when I saw the title of a clip on lds.org "Saving Your Marriage", I was naturally curious.  It is at the following link, and is only 2 min 15 sec. :)...
http://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#saving-your-marriage

Then!  I was reading in this fascinating book, "Circle of Quiet" by L'Engle, in which she has her own opinion about why the youth are so jaded about marriage and promises in general:

They have trial marriages, or just share a pad rather than entering into relatinoships which are intended to last for life, often following the example of parents who have separated or divorced, with the concomitant philosophy that if you try marriage and it doesn't work, you quit.  They are rebelling not against our morality and discipline but against our lack of morality and our lack of discipline. They are are unwilling to commit themselves with promises of fidelity in relationships because they have known too many grownups make these promises and then break them as though they didn't matter.

Somehow or other, promises...must be redeemed.

[Some youth ask]: But isn't it better not to make the promises at all?  Isn't it more honest?

I shook my head. "No. I don't think so.  And I think i do have a right to talk to you about this, because I've been married to the same man for almost twenty-five years, and we love each other more now than we did twenty-five years ago.  When we were married we made promises, and we took them seriously.  No relationship between two people which is worth anything is static...There've been a number of times in my marriage when--if I hadn't made promises--I'd have quit."

...Perhaps we made [the promises] youthfully, and blindly, not knowing all that was implied; but the very promises have been a saving grace.

I thought this quote went excellently with the video article!

Article on counseling and unity

I read this great article on counseling as couples from the recent issue of the Ensign, and a couple things really struck me about being effective counselors together, whether in the church, as a couple, or in other organizations where we work with other people to gain a consensus.

http://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/06/counseling-together-in-marriage?lang=eng

"Elder M. Russell Ballard explained that the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles comes to a united decision before they act on any issue: “We discuss a wide variety of issues, from Church administration to world events, and we do so frankly and openly. Sometimes issues are discussed for weeks, months, and occasionally even years before a decision is made.”¹ Unity is so important that they will not move forward with a decision until unity has been achieved." (Under Principle 1)

I think some times we are so eager to move forward with decisions that we need to take time to stop, ponder, and really consider the viewpoint of one another.  Of course, even as I write this I think..."but, surely, there has to be exceptions!  How can we truly be united about every decision before making it?"  I think of the times that I tell two of my children who are quarreling that they must stay together until they work it out, and one of them deliberately withholds their consensus in a move of power over the other :S.  Argh!

I love the follow-up counsel, with my obvious favorite parts emphasized :)....

"It is not uncommon for couples to struggle in coming to a unanimous decision, especially when the issue at hand is significant. Further, when spouses are more concerned with being right than with gaining consensus, “communication with Heavenly Father breaks down, [and] communication between spouses also breaks down. And Heavenly Father will not interfere. He doesn’t generally intrude where He is not invited.”⁴ The key is to actually invite—rather than exclude—our Heavenly Father into our discussions. If we humbly work together and listen to each other, we gain the essential blessing of the Lord’s guidance.

It is important to make united decisions with the guidance of the Spirit—especially if the decision doesn’t seem logically to be the best choice. President George Q. Cannon (1827–1901), First Counselor in the First Presidency, explained that the Lord sustains the counsel of united leaders and that He will improve their less-than-perfect plan and will “supplement it by His wisdom and power and make it effective.”⁵ This promise is offered to all councils, including couples." (ibid)

Powerful!  I love that the key is truly to invite Heavenly Father to be a part of our counsels.  I am one that tends to drive Him away with my arrogance and stubborn pride in counsels.   It reminds me of when Joseph Smith was translating the plates, had an argument with Emma that morning, couldn't translate, and had to go and fix it first.  I have experienced this (obviously not while translating :), but while working on projects or parenting)-- we cannot do God's work if we do not have Him with us.

I also love, love, love the promise that "He will improve [our] less-than-perfect plan and will 'supplement it by His wisdom and power and make it effective.'"  INCREDIBLE!!  It reminds me of my recent favorite book--next to the Book of Mormon.  I read it for the millionth time this morning (I like talking like my kids, sometimes), and still found myself weeping over it's many meanings.  It is called "The Apple Pip Princess" by Jane Ray...available at libraries in Davis County and Salt Lake, but I had to purchase on for my own to take to Hungary.

Anyway, in "The Apple Pip Princess" the youngest sister is striving to show her father that she can do something, and she chooses a path that is riddled with meaning, but the part I want to emphasize that is relevant to the above quote is when she is discouraged, at the eve of the seventh day, the day before her Father comes to evaluate which of his daughters is worthy of His kingdom.  The once-desolate land around her is now green with the haze of fresh seedlings, evidence of her work over the past six days, but she knows that it is not enough.  Her friend turns to her and says, "your work with grow."  

The next morning, she awakens to find the land full of trees, shrubs and crops to feed the people that she and her family rule over, the people who in the past six days have rallied around her and helped in her work.  I felt so strongly that God will magnify our efforts, just as this little girl's seemingly "not-enough" efforts were magically multiplied to benefit her land. 

Then, reading this article, it struck me that He can do the same with the united decisions we make.  I have been in situations many times, where I feel the consensus was less than ideal, from my perspective, anyway :).  To think that He will honor the sacrifice, humility and trust of our consensus, when done in the presence of His Holy Spirit, and "supplement it by His wisdom, power, and make it effective"!!!  So cool!!

Have you ever grown anything in the garden of your mind?

Thank you, Mr. Rodgers!  Awesome...

The Garden of your Mind

Clip that makes you think...

Ad by Catholic Church
We talk in my Vanguard youth group about the role of religions in society...not to force people to join them or to rule over them, but to remind them of not only their moral groundings, but their obligations to God--whichever religion a person chooses to belong to.

Our founding fathers knew that for our nation's liberty and freedom to survive, we must be a moral and religious people.  This ad reminds me of that role of our churches.

I commend the Catholic church for reminding us the importance of voting and examining the issues that are most important to us.

Wonderful movie about moms!

My friend sent this to me for mother's day, and I finally watched it...so neat!

Best Job

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=NScs_qX2Okk

Patterns- Koelliker's General Conference talk 2012

In my youth group (forgive me the term of possession :)...), I love to point out how important it is to find patterns in the world around us, in the books we read, in the lives we study, as patterns reveal true principles.  For instance, people may say something or "talk up" some new fad or idea, but until there is a pattern that proves the validity of it, you must be careful.

For instance, one "pattern" I have found that is true in my life is that when I feel a certain way, which I have come to recognize as being under the direction of the Holy Ghost, if I move my feet in the figurative or literally direction it tells me to go--however blind--therein lies happiness and peace, even after some struggles.  I cannot know the other paths or how I would have felt if I had taken those instead, but, like in Robert Frost's poem, I have taken the one "less traveled by" many-a-time, and "that has made all the difference."

Koelliker said something about patterns that I loved, along with the great scripture after it:
"Patterns are templates, guides, repeating steps, or paths one follows to stay aligned with God’s purpose. If followed, they will keep us humble, awake, and able to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit from those voices that distract us and lead us away. The Lord then instructs us, 'He that trembleth under my power shall be made strong, and shall bring forth fruits of praise and wisdom, according to the revelations and truths which I have given you' (D&C 52:17)." (Ensign, May 2012)

Sustaining our leaders

You know, it's funny how we can get so confident in where we are at or casual in our willingness to receive divine inspiration.  Just this morning, as I was flipping through the Ensign, I saw that the first article, from the First Presidency, was about sustaining our leaders who are called of God.  "I do that..." and was just going to flip past.  Then, something whispered..."but what if there is something I miss that Heavenly Father wants me to know?"

So I read it, and was blessed and humbled.

My level of "sustaining," the spirit whispered, is below where it should be...and it should be better so I can be blessed.  The story President Eyring told was touching, humbling, and the following quote really struck me:

"We can determine to pray daily for someone called by God to serve us. We can thank someone who has blessed us by his or her service. We can decide to step forward when someone we have sustained asks for volunteers.

"Those who uphold the Lord’s servants in His kingdom will be sustained by His matchless power. We all need that blessing." (Ensign, June 2012, pg 3?)

I know I could use "being sustained by His matchless power," and I know that the Lord always makes good on his promises. :)  Time to reflect on those that serve me in callings and how I can better sustain them.  Maybe I should even reflect upon what it means to be a citizen of the United States and support and uphold the government we elect?

It is oddly liberating to be shown a path of truth and choose to just follow it, rather than question or equivocate about "how well I am doing already."  I should probably do it more often. :)

Amazing, amazing, AMAZING book!!

On our way back from Goblin Valley last week on a family camping trip, I popped in the book, "Teach as though your hair is on fire" (or something close to that) by a teacher by the first name of Rafe.  He teaches in downtown LA, and has since 1984.  He has won numerous teaching and arts awards for his style and classroom, and I was transformed as I listened to his advice.  He is down-to-earth, funny (my 10 and 14 year old loved it!--at least the first CD), and incredibly wise. 

Among other things, he talks about the six levels of motivation (from lowest to highest): fear, reward, praise, it is "the rule", to be considerate of others, and because it is the right thing. 

For parenting, teaching, living I highly recommend this as a book with principles that are true about interactions with others, particularly students and children, and in looking at our own lives.

And, for my dear Sister Rausch, one of his favorite books is "To Kill a Mockingbird", for its examples of the six levels. 

The Goob and Kelrazor and I have been able to discuss the six levels as we encounter characters in the scriptures, in books, and in movies, and it is eye-opening...especially when applied to ourselves :).  I have found myself thinking a great deal about the foundation of trust he mentions that is crucial in his class (along with some examples both from himself and fellow teachers about how trust is lost), his advice for exciting learning, and how he treats his students.

EXCELLENT BOOK!!  A must-read/hear for everyone...in my humble opinion :)...

Perspective on judging

It is funny the thoughts that run through my head as I am laying by my toddler, hoping she will go to sleep, inflamed eye teeth and all. :S

As I rub shoulders with marvelous women in my homeschooling, it is inevitable that we are confronted with our different styles of parenting.  Sometimes, as we discuss expectations and standards in our various groups, it is challenging.

I have run into this in the church and in my own family, examples of different families, striving to do what is best for their own family, often doing things that seem completely different from what seems right for another family.

Let me share an example.

When I first married into my husband's family, I was immediately struck with love and great respect for his oldest sister.  As I watched her begin her family and raise her kids in her own unique way, in many ways different from the home she was raised in, I gained an appreciation for the genius of our Heavenly Father in sending down different personalities to different families.  I have watched her over the years, learning from her example of love, patience, and tolerance.  There are things that she does that do not feel right for me in my family culture, but I have seen her children thrive, develop their talents, and become amazing people as she does what she feels is right for them.

Similarly, his other sister, with whom I was great friends in high school, has always struck me with her integrity, acceptance of others, and selfless serving (much like their father).  She, too, has chosen many things that are similar to what I do in my home and many things that are different, yet she, too, has raised beautiful, engaging children full of talents, a love for life, and who are genuinely just good people.

I think it is too easy to take our personal revelation/inspiration/perspective and impose it on others, judging them using standards that are uniquely adapted for our family.

Of course, I believe there are some things that are just not right: abuse, neglect, sin, etc...However, sometimes, things appear different when seen from a different perspective.  For instance, some parents may feel it is abusive to allow children to eat junk food when they are too young to really discern what is good for their bodies and what isn't.  I know that I have waited for years for someone to call me into DCFS (Dept. of Family Services, I think is it's full name) for doing something wrong :).  There are a few times, I almost called myself in :).

I think most parents are doing their best, and, despite the many various ways we parent, we are turning out a huge amount of amazing people who go forward to bless and serve in the world around us.  We each uniquely apply truths within our home to the best of our ability, and need to cut each other some slack. :)  We have no idea what the true situation is in the home, the background, and even what the needs are of an individual child.  That right of knowledge belongs to the parents.

When dealing with this conflict of parenting styles in the homeschooling community, I was struck with an analogy from the Book of Mormon (for those not familiar with the story, it is in 1 Nephi chapter 3 and 4 of that book).  The following is from a post I sent to a friend:

"We are not privy to other's spiritual direction. Let's pretend that we are seeing through the eyes of one of Nephi's old buddies in Jerusalem.  He is peeking over the wall into the house of Laban, and lo and behold!  He sees his good ol' righteous brotha' in Laban's house!  Not only that, oh goodness!  He is chopping off Laban's head...oh my!!  And then putting on his clothes, lying to his servant, and stealing his plates!  One can just imagine the thoughts of the friend: 'Boy, Nephi has really gone downhill since he left Jerusalem.' " :)

This post is more for me than for anyone.  It is easy to be caught up, as we each strive to do our best, with comparing with other families--what we are and what we aren't doing, and making judgment calls on them as we establish our own standards and feel what is right for our family's situation at the time. 

It is also tricky as family cultures overlap at visits or socials, and fundamental differences in family standards conflict.  I try to keep this analogy of Nephi and Laban in my head, which could apply to situations in the Bible (Abram took whatever land Lot left him, and Joshua's directive was quite the opposite--take the city that belongs to someone else and raze it to the ground before claiming it).  We need to stop judging, teach our children respect for each other's differences and how to love, and then follow that advice ourselves :).  Hopefully it can go both ways, without people feeling either "holier than thou" towards others, or threatened by standards that might seem "holier than thou" to them.

For instance, my brother and I discussed on Sunday, how he and his family love the game Minecraft.  He says it is so fun and easy to get lost in the world of Minecraft for he and his kids...in fact, it is a fun family event for them all to get on and play together.  When he thoughtfully offered to let me use one of his many accounts, I smiled and explained that our home has to have an environment of learning most of the time, because there is no physical separation for my kids between school and home, like his kids have.  My kids can't "go to school to learn" and then "come home and lose themselves".  When I have tried allowing more electronics when they were younger, they were always craving the next time on the computer or video game, and were unable to engage in the kind of free application of learning I try to allow for in my home.  Two different homes, two different needs.

Perhaps a better way to put it is in the words of my husband, "judge righteously, what is right for yourself, but never condemn." My husband put it well, when emailing a sister a few years ago, referring to a country song (very unusual for my "anti-country" husband :)...):  it depicts a girl going to an abortion clinic, singing to those who are throwing stones and words at her on her way--"you'll never know why I do the things I do unless you've walked a mile in my shoes."

Our Heavenly Father knows what is happening, background and situation.  We need to trust that this is enough.  Just because someone does something differently, doesn't necessarily mean it is wrong.  Maybe they feel inspired to do it, and it is not for us to make that call for them, no matter how it looks.  It makes me think of when someone told me to rinse my hair with beer, but I was too paranoid of what others would think if they saw me at the grocery store buying beer to do it at the time :).  Silliness.  How cool would it be to live in the world, doing our best, and just know that others are not judging us!  I believe it has to start with us not judging...tricky :)!

Great article on key principles learned in Transition to Scholar (ages 9-14)

Just came across this wonderful article about key things learned during this phase:

http://www.tjed.org/resources/newsletter/april-2012-inspire/#transition

I particularly like the following segment:

"The vital lessons of Transition, as outlined by Wayne Dyer in What Do You Really Want for Your Children? include:

• Take smart risks
• Don’t put yourself down
• Inner Approval: Don’t emphasize external measures of success
• Don’t complain or whine
• Don’t be judgmental
• Never get “bored”
• Learn from mistakes
• Learn to lose and win well
• Practice smart self-reliance
• Choose to feel at peace and serene
• Realize that life is about smiling
• Never fear your own greatness

Consider how important this list of lessons is, and you’ll realize just how vital this period is in each young person’s life. Leading child developmental psychologists Erik Erikson and Jean Piaget taught that adults can go back and “renegotiate” this phase if they didn’t fully learn the lessons, but what parent wouldn’t want their children to learn these as youth."

(The rest of the article is not much longer, but this was my favorite part.)

It made me think about an on-going conversation I have had with a friend about our children that seem unconcerned with "perfecting" their projects to a higher level, not only in personal studies, but for competitions (like the Odyssey of the Mind they just competed in).  We kept asking the youth, "Is there anything else you want to do to improve it?" to which they would think about, and then say, calmly, "No...I think we're good :)."

We have discussed why we want them to compete harder--feeling that our genuine motivation is to show them more of what they are capable of.  However, in the process, how would we motivate them?  Tell them to compare themselves to others? Tell them that, even though they are content with their level of performance (calm and unconcerned), we are not?  Ask them to take something they are happy with and ask them to "put it down"? 

It made me think about how effective advice is when it is sought for verses when it is not sought for.  I remember reading in some "development of scholar phase" articles that there comes a point when a scholar wants to be pushed and will ask for it.  Maybe I am trying to start it too early?  I have always hoped to raise children that are strong in their sense of self, without worrying what others around them thought (hence, the many weeks of going to church with unmatching clothes and socks, proudly selected by my kids :)...).

I believe as my kids went to the Odyssey competition, they saw other groups who probably put a little more time and effort into it, but they still came away feeling, "We did alright :)."  There were a few things about their performance that I think they learned from (Lek is still trying to figure out why his structure collapsed so much before the adult-engineered structure of the elementary school team beat theirs), but they have put it behind them and moved on.

I see so much of the list above by Dr. Wyer that my kids are already doing that might be jeopardized by my concern over their lack of "drive for perfection" that can really pay off in some professions.  Who's to say that they aren't steadily working towards improving themselves, content with the journey and the progress they are making?  Am I so "externally/comparison" motivated that I cannot accept their complete acceptance of themselves, where they are at?  Do I really want to mess with that? :)

Another example, the other night, the Goob made a pinewood derby car that imitated our "Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine" (our family van).  As you can imagine, it was not very aero-dynamic ;), but he was so proud of it!  He hurriedly wrote the words on it, the paint job was a quick one (he had other things to do :)...), but he was happy with it.  Knowing the type of cars that would be there, and how well they would compete being built more for speed, I wrestled with myself as I stared into those beautiful blue eyes that were so happy with his car, and said, "You're right!  It's awesome."

He struggled a bit at the Pinewood Derby, through a bit of tear-filled eyes, as he came in "fourth more than anyone!" (his resolution at the end of the evening of how to come away from it...).  However, he began designing in his head his car for next year--using what he saw of the winning cars--, even as he cheered on his friends.  All the while with his parents support and love.

After reading this article above, I took the Goob aside and told him how proud I was of how he handled the preparation and events of our Pinewood Derby.

Maybe I have to go back and re-learn some of these skills, skills I could observe and learn from my husband and my kids.

"Scissons beat paper"

Loved this!