Full Circle

     I started reading my friend's poetry dissertation last night.   I couldn't sleep after settling into bed--thanks to a blessedly "necessary" late nap--and decided to pop open the document that had been sitting in my inbox for a couple of weeks.  Whether it was the lateness of the hour, the quiet of the night which allowed my thoughts to feast uninterrupted, or the fabulous use of language my friend used in all her fabulously nerdy brilliance ("nerd" being one of the highest honorifics I can offer), I feel like the world shifted just a little.  Or maybe came full circle.

    My friend alluded that the life of the voice of the poem of Illiadic proportions was drawn from personal experiences.  The rawness of the experiences and the messages laced throughout them gave me a look into a world that I have yet to understand.  Imagine a world where "The Barbie Movie" meets The Boy and the Heron" and it just might capture that same feeling of....something. Maybe a truth (or a million!) that are beautiful and big and yet just out of reach...

    Before diving into my exploration of my reactions to the as of now not-completely-read-150-page-some-odd poem, I have to clearly state that this is not meant to be interpretive of what I feel is almost a sacred work--merely reactive in the sense that I feel I need to work through my initial reaction through writing.  Please indulge me using this platform, although maybe no indulgence is required as this is a self-proclaimed blog following my journey to life found in truth.

    The poem itself is very narrative, in the sense that it captures life experiences and perspectives (and her reactions to both) in a very personal way.  You are drawn into Emily's world--seeing, feeling, thinking as she does.  In one sense my initial reaction is sad.  I mourn for Emily and her self-dubbed quasi-gothic existence.  But even in taking the liberty of using the word "quasi-gothic," I stumble across one of the many often quixotic ideas that have floated to the surface of my musings: labels.

Okay, quick poll:

Do you like labels?  Why or why not?
Are they defining or confining?

Are they inclusive or exclusive?

Are the helpful in identifying? Are they worth the potential condemning side effect?

Are they a shade of finding what is common between us, the same commonality that helps us make connections that last?  Do those shades come back to haunt us?

    SO many of Emily's experiences resonate with me: social shaming, seeing the world around you differently than others do.  But unlike me, she calls out those differences she sees without worrying about couching it in gentle or tactful terms. Which is appropriate. It's introspective. It's her permission to get a glimpse into how she sees the world mingled with a little context--for who can truly understand the context of another's perspective, save God?  She encounters labels as she progresses.  Labels she attaches to herself and labels she attaches to others, even while crying out against unfairness, arbitrariness and insufficiency of labeling.

    And interestingly, as she probes behind the labels, I find myself once again labeled.  Labeled for how I am seeing living my religion, living my womanhood,...even my goals and perspective are seen through a lens of messy labeling.  My dear friend would be the first to say whether or not it was not her intention to do so--being the fabulously real, brilliant, and genuine person that she is. (And it could be "tongue in cheek," a phrase that popped into my mind as potentially fitting but which I had to look up to make sure lol.) It is just so interesting that in seeking to define, qualify and validate our own lives that it seems that we push the people around us and even ourselves into these messy partially false, partially true labels.  From the outside they seem to fit, but they don't capture the journey or frame of reference of choices that lie within the picture we see of other people's lives.  She introduces new levels of labeling that I didn't even know existed.

    My dear friend is one who--to me--defies labels consistently. In fact, it is one of the many qualities of her that I find endearing.  Yet, in reading this poem about Emily, I see a tiny glimpse into her personal journey of discovering truths--about herself, God, herself, society, herself, existence itself and (you guessed it) herself.  I find that she--in seeming to defy so many labels--has actually seemed to find labels that I didn't even know existed that define who she sees herself to be.  I don't even pretend to have any kind of accurate assessment of this work of art my friend generated as her doctoral poetic thesis. What I do find is myself responding to is assessing labels in my own life.  

    I have experienced some of the predatory aspects of society that she experienced.  I experienced the harshness of those around me who try to determine which labels were acceptable and which were not. I could recognize on one level that I was unique, as I sensed were those inexplicable fellow journeyers around me.  I even captured my--and perhaps many others--inner cry of resistance at a young age writing this poem in first grade: 

I'm glad to be free

That's all I want to be

Just free.

And I am glad 

That I am me.

I used to just assume it was patriotic, but after reading this poem, I wonder if even at that age I was crying out against the people seeking to label me all around me. "Does she fit in?" "Does she do this?" "Does she wear that?" "Does she act this way?"  Judgment made.  Sentenced passed. Gavel dropped.  Moving on.

One thing that I have recently striven to do is to steer clear of labels entirely--both those put upon others and those through which I am seen. I have sought to be authentic and in doing so, find myself still heavily labeled. Is avoidance of labels possible?

Is it necessary?

Are they bad? 

Perhaps, like money, it is the use (or misuse) that renders it evil?

 Do not we seek these labels to find context and possible meaning in our existence?  What would it be to not be labeled? I feel like using labels is like committing to a political party: there are some platforms you heartily agree with but do you really have to take on the baggage of all those appalling behaviors of that party as well?

I hate labels. Or do I?

As I child, people used labels both to hate and accept me. I was part of the "nerd herd."  I was a girl and therefore had to champion my own right be able to play sports "with the boys."  I had glasses that leaned outward. I never knew what to say, when to say it, when to be quiet,...seeking always to navigate between the labels around me.  

Because one thing I knew about labels is that they can hurt.

That is something that was brought up as I read Emily's story: pain.  Pain, loss, yearning to be seen for the authentically beautiful person she was in her heart.

I am discovering now that I, too, am authentically beautiful. God taught me that in showing me the humans around me. Every one of you is authentically beautiful.  Moroni 7:48.  Read it, use it, apply it.  Not in some generic kind of "step back and not judge" kind of way.  Really take a moment to let God show you the wonder that is the people around you, the heroes championing themselves through the pain.

But be forewarned, He will turn that cliche upon you: "if you are pointing with one finger, chances are that there are three fingers pointed back at you." If the people around you are so beautifully broken and loveable as they are now, does that not apply to you as well?

And I've sought to live this way, authentically.  Acting on what feels good to me. Always striving to keep God with me in the mix--counseling with Him in all things, but then acting in ways that feel true to truth.  Patterns that will cut through the lies.

And what do I find in the voice of Emily, the shadow of my dear, labeled, heroic, suffering, triumph-ing friend?  

I am behind more labels as I become aware of them--labels that are incomplete as they are confining if we let them be. Sigh.  

But do we not create our own labels as we seek to find companionship and validation with those who share experiences and perspectives? And in seeking to identify that common ground,  do we not define at the same time a valid "label" of commonality?

Apparently, "full circle" can mean that the wheels keep turning... back to the beginning? 

Or changed by the journey from point A to point B and back to point A again?

Thank you my friend--beautiful on the outside and radiant from within. 🧡

"Joy, much more than the absence of discomfort"

 "Joy is much more than the absence of discomfort,"(Elantris, by Brandon Sanderson) a concept powerfully expressed in this book. 

Yet how often have I made this mistake? "I'm feeling something uncomfortable-- pain, disappointment, fear--, therefore, I can't have joy."

This struggle to comprehend the opportunities for joy that already exist in my life amidst the "discomfort" is captured and challenged in my recently revisited mantra from last year:

Philippians 4:11"...I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 

12 "I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 

13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

I can realize joy. 

Collateral Beauty and Job...when things just seem to keep going wrong.

 I tap the two wires together to start up our old computer.  Whirrrr...the struggling motor whirs up so I can capture some thoughts this morning.  That, along with the following pictures, give a little context for the pattern of this morning (and my recent life):

Our in desperate need of fixing washer and dryer...with a little "Penelope looking for her favorite coloring book" in for good measure.

An animal really enjoyed the trash someone forgot to take to the garbage bins last night.

The dinner I accidentally forgot I needed to take care of last night...with a splash of the discounted flowers I picked up, because I love flowers!

The last of the 2/3 gallon of water mess I spilled in the fridge and on the floor this morning, which ended up helping clean spots much neglected ;).

Do you ever feel like every time you show up to make something happen or try to get something good done, everything seems to start falling apart?  Yesterday, it was with every motorized thing I touched to help with the yard work: the lawn mower and the weed whacker.  Later it was the movies we tried to watch, the storm that showed up when I was prepping to swim with the kiddos,...and so on and so on.

I was talking with a friend recently about the struggles that returned missionaries seem to consistently face.  At one point, they said, "I think it's just the adversary."

(Now, I'm not saying that the devil was behind me dropping my water pitcher this morning. I'm just saying that maybe there's something behind those times when everything seems to be going wrong--and often when we have determined to set our best foot forward and do what's right.  Or maybe we have been doing a lot of right, and are confused when there seems to still be momentous obstacles in our path.)

Going back to my conversation with my friend:

I've been thinking about this-- this consistent struggle after a mission. 

You said the adversary was possibly behind it. I thought about that and something occurred to me: what if it's similar to Job?

God gives missionaries a chance to really serve Him, immerse themselves in His work, taste of His goodness and mercy.  Then Satan "comes along" and tells God to "give him a chance":

Job 1:8 And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?

 9 Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought? 

10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land. 

11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. 

12 And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.

For two years, they have a "hedge" around them, been consecrated as a missionary with all the protecting covenants/ blessings/powers in place...

... and maybe now that hedge has been removed?"

I often get locked into "transactional relationship" mode: if I obey God, I should be blessed and not experience hardship. If I love and serve someone, they should love and serve me back.  And yes, sometimes things just go wrong...part of this mortal experience.

But there are sure times when it feels like so much just seems to go wrong, and the go wrong again, and then go wrong again!  Where is God in all of this?

Maybe Job's experience is telling and maybe God is just asking, "do you really love Me and want to be like Me?  Even when I don't give you the proverbial sucker for 'getting the shot' of mortal reality?"

******

As I walked home the other night--retrieving the keys for the van that was stranded on the side of a back road with relatively new tires and a slow leak in one of them--I saw the magic. That van situation had thrown a wrench into my entire evening, but it had worked out.  And now? Little lightning bugs lit up the road and trees like Christmas lights.  I heard an owl hooting gently in the distance.  The half moon overhead strew beautiful shadows across the dirt road in front of me...and I felt peace.

I know that in the middle of all the garbage, as we turn our face to God and say, "Even if....give me the strength to sing, It is well with my soul" we will see the twinkle lights:

-my fridge is cleaner

-I get to laugh at my three-year-old's antics...and be grateful for when my laundry machine does work...and that I even have one!

-I have a child who is responsible for the garbage and will take care of that ;).

-My dinner is getting done!

-And because my van was uncertain, we cancelled plans that gave us a little breathing space to work on some jobs around the house that I was itching to get to.

I know, first world problems--but sometimes it's the figurative build up of little bugs on the windshield that can really end up obstructing the road to happiness.

I also keep thinking, "It could be oh, so much worse." I've experienced so much of that worse and have still found God's love and collateral beauty in those times.  I just need to keep looking.

Narcissist? Moi?

     Hey!  Super cool epiphany (and it's super cool that the epiphany is exciting; God's ways are mysterious!): I'm a narcissist!  God has really shown me how much like my little Xai that I am--sweet heart, but seriously a little obsessed with both my own ideas (case in point, how much I download everywhere!), but also with avoiding pain.  But it feels super hopeful and wonderful!  Like a piece of the puzzle has been slid into place...a healthy place.  

And then I opened up to Jacob 4:7 this morning: God shows us our weaknesses that we may know that it is by His power and grace etc that we have power.  Seeing myself in the context of Xai and a friend's recent divorce and her reasons why, and then seeing them both through the benevolent lens of narcissists from a recent Brene Brown book I read is super cool!  (Basically, narcissists operate out of a place of pain and trauma.) Exciting, humbling in such a good way. Jacob 4:10: seek not to counsel the Lord but to take counsel from his hand...ye know that he counseleth in wisdom....and in great mercy.  

I had been reflecting upon a few things.  Xai is super obsessed with avoiding pain.  I can see that in myself.  Even the lengths I will go to to avoid future pain.  Many of the obsessive ways that I do things is to minimize the pain that I might feel…kind of symbolized by how I go after a sliver.  I know it will hurt more in the long run so I dig deep and fast and hard, sometimes perhaps inflicting more pain than my child would experience in the long run. Okay, maybe I’m not quite that militaristic about it, but maybe as a real life analogy I am, sadly.  How much pain do I inflict, operating out of fear of future pain?

Xai is also full of great ideas–that he can’t wait to share with everyone around him.  He has a hard time listening to others he is so full of his own ideas.  He also has a super sweet heart.  SO I can see these both in me. I have no bad intent. I’m just a little hyper aware of my own thoughts and am super excited about them and share, share, share!  I’m not completely unaware of those around me. I have become increasingly aware of it over the years and through experiences. In fact, I feel like one collateral beauty of the horrible experience with Isaak really made me start thinking of other people, the pain they feel, and the redemptive power of the Atonement to reach all of us, thereby minimizing any tendency towards comparative quality in my worship and worthiness with those around me.

I have also thought about my friend’s recent sharing about her divorce with her husband, how she felt like for years and years she was not appreciated. She gave and gave and gave and just never felt like her husband was interested in filling her cup.  And when it seemed like they needed to do something, it was like he had given up and that “she wasn’t even worth trying for.”  Now, this is just the lens of interpretation through which I heard her and definitely did not accurately represent her since I can’t know of her experience and the range of experiences and emotions that led her to the place.  But what I took away from it is it is easy for us as woman to seek for love through our service, a toxic ulterior motive. We serve and serve and serve some more.  Yes, because it is right, but also because we hope that in doing so, we will fill our cups of feelings of worthiness or “lovability.”  At least, that is what I have experienced.  My husband is not the villain or disinterested party in my heart that I sometimes paint him to be.  Bless his resilient heart, he will never be enough to offset the voices in my head.  No one will be. As long as I’m strongly advocating for my unworthiness and “unlovability,” the internal voice will be stronger, just as those things up close to our vision are always larger than those at any greater distance.  And maybe our poor husbands can sense this.   Or spouse…maybe it is something anyone can do?

Quinn came into our marriage just enjoying me. I did also to a degree, but over the years have sought for more and more, like the Aerial of “Little Mermaid” and “The Greatest Showman.”

    But this epiphany has been a truly humbling experience but also very exciting.  This is something I can do. And it feels right.

Cool talk I "coincidentally" came across this morning:

Of course, we all have some habits or flaws or personal history that could keep us from complete spiritual immersion in this work. But God is our Father and is exceptionally good at forgiving and forgetting sins we have forsaken, perhaps because we give Him so much practice in doing so. In any case, there is divine help for every one of us at any hour we feel to make a change in our behavior. -- Elder Holland, 10/21

 

The Son rises

 I used to think that one factor-- the main factor-- facing Eve (garden of Eden), Nephi (Laban), Joseph Smith (116 pages) and Mary mother of our Savior (immaculate conception) was the idea of shame in being seen as doing the wrong thing when you know in your core that you are doing what God wants you to do. 

I wonder if the challenge for them in facing their decision was also (and moreso?) the pain they feared to cause the ones they loved... the ones who might not understand what they did and that it was indeed God who had told them to do it. 

But as gods and goddesses ourselves, will not often the higher right be the one that is least understood and seems to cause unnecessary pain?

The whole plan of salvation seems to pivot on the allowance and even embracing of the potential pain that comes with, right choices,  growth and learning. (Bury our weapons of war or take them up in our defense?) 

Yet we often seek that less painful path as a default, facing that conundrum of "men are that they might have joy."

I guess joy doesn't always mean an absence of pain. 

***

Regardless, we will never go out of existence. 

The sun always rises after the pain. 

We can only feel it, though, if we turn our faces to the Son. 

God is good. 

His ways are higher than our ways. 

Seek to be Meek ;)

 I have recently really been struggling to have faith and hope despite all the crazy awesome blessings I have and it was frustrating!  Then I ran across a scripture in Moroni and I have become a little obsessed with meekness, lol.  God tells us there that we cannot have faith and hope without meekness.  Weird.  So I can't have faith and hope unless I'm meek?  Wait!  So did that mean I was being prideful and that was why I didn't have faith or hope?  I don't believe this is always the root of sadness, for sure! But it sure has been something of an immediate cause of effect in my life.

So I did what's called a "word study" on meekness, where you gather cool quotes and scriptures about it, and I thought I would share it with you. I would love to hear any thoughts you may have about it!

MEEKNESS: Softness of temper; mildness; gentleness; forbearance under injuries and provocations.

Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 

Number 12:3 (Now the man Moses was very ameek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.)

Moroni 7: 43 And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be ameek, and lowly of heart.

“The Savior’s meekness and perfect walk before all mankind, “even in those times of severe persecutions and abuse which were heaped upon Him by a wicked and adulterous generation,” qualify Him as the perfect teacher from whom we are to learn the lessons of eternity…

Meekness is not weak, timid, or passive. Meekness is the quality of being God-fearing, righteous, teachable, patient in suffering, and willing to follow gospel teachings. A meek person is not easily provoked or irritated, pretentious, arrogant, or overbearing. Whereas humility generally denotes acknowledging dependence upon God and receptivity to counsel and correction, a distinguishing characteristic of meekness is a particular willingness to learn both from the Holy Ghost and from other people who may seem less experienced or capable, may not hold prominent positions, or otherwise may not appear to have much to contribute.” (Elder Bednar, “Walk in the Meekness of my Spirit,” 2017)

Neal Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: Meekness is needed in order for us to be spiritually successful—whether in matters of the intellect, in the management of power, in the dissolution of personal pride, or in coping with the challenges and routine of life. With meekness, living in “thanksgiving daily” is actually possible even in life’s stern seasons. (BYU Speeches, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles October 21, 1986)

Personal definition:  Meekness is powerful, God-centered self-control, which not only helps me control myself, but also gives fertile ground for the birth of faith and hope.

Personal application:  I want to have hope and faith in my life.  To do so requires meekness, which is “the dissolution of pride” and I’ve already felt the fruits in my life.   I have also seen it be powerfully applied in the lives of others and am excited to apply it more!  When in doubt, seek to be meek!

Submissive Leadership

 Quick thoughts on my scripture reading this morning: 3 Nephi 8-the Lord has control over the very elements but exercises that power very carefully.  That reminds me and actually connects two other things I read about this morning!!!

1 Peter 5: 2 aFeed the bflock of God which is among you, taking the coversight thereof, not by constraint, but dwillingly; not for efilthy flucre, but of a ready mind;

3 Neither as being alords over God’s heritage, but being bensamples to the flock.

4 And when the chief aShepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a bcrown of cglory that fadeth not away.

5 Likewise, ye younger, asubmit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with bhumility: for God cresisteth the dproud, and giveth grace to the ehumble.

6 aHumble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

8 Be asober, be bvigilant; because your adversary the cdevil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

I need to be humble and submissive to those around me and in my stewardship or the devil will rend me as a lion.  We need to exercise the power and authority we carry in any capacity carefully, especially the power that God lends us to fulfill our stewardships….which reminds me of a cool quote from something I read earlier this morning from a talk called “Divine Parenting” from the last conference:: 

"God will do everything He can, short of violating your agency, to help you not miss out on the greatest blessings in all eternity."  (President Nelson) 

This is an interesting model to follow as a parent and as a missionary leader!  That line between respect of agency and stewardship is hard to find sometimes!   This also led me to this other great quote (from another great talk from President Nelson "Salvation and Exaltation" 4/08):  

Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead them toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children He has entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach and persuade.  

I feel like these all tied together well to remind me of the key underlying principle of an awareness of where my stewardship over those under my stewardship begins and ends….and to “learn from the best,” as it were. (Per 1 Peter 2)

Too often we enter into these kind of relationships with our egos leading out: thinking of all we have to offer or feeling a weight of guidance and direction–which can be real! But I know that I am inclined to take on too much and step in too often and too quickly…and too assertively or aggressively.  This is normally born out of fear and ignorance and a lack of faith in the individual.

I would love to hear how anyone who reads this has benefited from leadership that allows them to grow and develop in this way! I know that my heart warms just trying to think of people that have blessed me this way <3.

My morning pep talk from God

 I am facing another week of hours of dress rehearsals with two performances at the end. It is a little stomach-clenching because I don’t just find the best of the best and find a way for them to shine. I take those who have seldom if ever acted and thrust upon them great roles and seek to help them discover the capacity within each of them. It is nerve-wracking but has thus far produced 100% incredible results.

They say that the more work, sweat, frustration and love a an artist experiences with a piece of art, the more the viewers can feel it.  I realized that this is the way with me.  The audience feels that our plays are a little different as they sense the vision of potential that goes into it.  For this is not just my work, but God’s.  Actors and actresses stretch and grow under the vision and tutelage of someone who sees them for more than they see themselves. 

But I honestly get a little stressed at this stage.

As I went to my scriptures for comfort this morning, I started flipping from the back and got caught in Abraham 3:22-23-

22 Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the aintelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the bnoble and great ones;

23 And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast achosen before thou wast born.

I too was chosen for this role as a director of these youth plays, just as I chose the youth in their roles. And the product that I have seen in the past and continue to see as their vision of themselves change--the confidence they gain--is glorious.

I kept working my way backward in my scriptures and this is what I found:

Moses 1: 4 And, behold, thou art my son; wherefore alook, and I will show thee the bworkmanship of mine chands; but not all, for my dworks are without eend, and also my fwords, for they never cease…

6 And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the asimilitude of mine bOnly cBegotten; and mine Only Begotten is and shall be the dSavior, for he is full of egrace and ftruth; …

7 And now, behold, this one thing I show unto thee, Moses, my son, for thou art in the world, and now I show it unto thee…

12 And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, aSatan came btempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.

13 And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a ason of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; 

16 Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the asimilitude of mine Only Begotten.

I am His daughter, made in the similtude of the Son of God.  That’s powerful.

I ended in Moses 6:27 with Enoch:

27 And he heard a avoice from heaven, saying: bEnoch, my son,...

31 And when Enoch had heard these words, he abowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: bWhy is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people chate me; for I am dslow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

32 And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy amouth, and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good.

33 Say unto this people: aChoose ye bthis day, to serve the Lord God who made you.

34 Behold my aSpirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the bmountains shall flee before you, and the crivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore dwalk with me.

Best pep talk ever. We are not only His servants; we are His sons and daughters. He walks with us in His beautifully impossible work...which led me to what I read yesterday morning about a key component that made Captain Moroni so great and successful:

Alma 48:16 And also, that God would make it known unto them ^awhither they should go to defend themselves against their enemies, and by so doing, the Lord would deliver them.

God will lead us where we should go and then our Savior will deliver us. And their track record is very impressive.

May this bless you, my dear missionaries, who are present so often in my heart and my prayers.

Beauty from ashes...