I have been thinking a great deal about motherhood since talking to a dear friend about her daughter's struggle to feel that she is doing little more than "babysitting" all day long with her two little ones at home. I remember those days so vividly! The days full of seemingly endless repetition of cleaning up messes, feeding mouths, and comforting and napping that just started over again sometimes even before you "finished" with one task! I have thought long and hard what I would say to such a young woman, and have written down a few of my thoughts on this gorgeous mother's day morning.
I have been "brainwashed" over the years by countless wonderful older women that before I know it...the kids will be gone, and I must enjoy their littleness while I can. It took many times hearing it, but I am coming to appreciate it more and more. Unfortunately, it took me losing a child to truly appreciate even their messes, their orneriness, and the frustrations they can bring on, but hopefully others can learn from me without having that experience. :)
I realize that one of the great struggles as a young mother is seeking to find meaning and validation in the daily experience. There are things that a woman can do as a mother that accentuate her mothering experience and don't compete against it! Find ways to make motherhood a mode of life, not just something you are enduring temporarily. Motherhood is about progressing personally in a way that completes, not competes with your progression as a daughter of God. Only you and your Heavenly Father can know what books are yours to read (sometimes they are children's books!), what goals there are to set (not yelling for one whole day :)...),... what ways there are to keep "becoming". Seek His counsel daily and be content with what He advises is best for you to do that day! You will find that you will blossom and progress more as a woman, as a daughter of God, as you find joy in the ofttimes self-less service of motherhood.
Motherhood is not limited to the changing of diapers and endless routine! Motherhood and womanhood is about creating an environment physically (clean bottoms and full tummies!), spiritually (personal and family prayer and scripture study and temple attendance/personal worship), and emotionally (the mentality that you, your children, and others around you have intrinsic worth which will be literally liberating as you come to accept that!) that allows you, your children, and others around you to feel the love of God, be open to His inspiration, and imperfectly try to become the people we yearn to become.
The beautiful thing about doing God's will, though, is that He lets you enjoy the journey! Don't get so caught up in whether your child knows their ABC's and your house is immaculate or has all the latest "decor". Enjoy watching your child discover the wonders of the world around them, the wonders of their body! Enjoy watching the peace that settles over other's faces as you warmly invite them into your less-than-immaculate home and accept them for who they are. Enjoy the feeling of love and acceptance that can wash over you at the end of a day full of chaos in which you caught a couple of verses of scripture, prayed and snuggled with your little ones in between messes and battles, and the house is still standing...knowing that God has accepted your offering.
My final advice to all mothers and women is that we must learn how to find joy in an imperfect existence:
(1)find reasons to laugh and smile in the monotony and in the messes
(2)find things to be grateful for in every situation!
(3)Paste a smile on until it fits there more naturally :)
Our lives and the lives of those around us will never follow our personal expectation of perceived "perfection", until we come to change our definition of perfection! "Perfection" is a process that includes life's idiosyncrasies, life's challenges, life's "interruptions"...that is our perfect life as we allow these to shape us to become the daughter of God we were meant to become.
A parting quote from Eliza R. Snow: We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones....Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for these responsibilities."
Enjoy the journey and happy Mother's Day!
