Convergent Messages About Helicopter Parenting

I have always struggled with following through.  Something about that last stage of commitment is so challenging!

I pray for inspiration in homeschooling, personal spiritualiy, personal studies...and then get distracted :).  I tell my kids I will commit to something and then the schedule gets "out of control" and we don't do it.  Or I tell friends and family...same thing.

This last month it has come to the forefront more frequently as I participate in the "Thomas Jefferson for Teens" 22 day "Real You" challenge.  Each day we ask ourselves an introspective question and take a day (or two) to answer it.  Distraction, integrity and commitment have all come to the forefront as challenges I face.  It has been pretty cool to see the patterns and recognize them for what they are.

Even last night, I was reading in a book about visiting teaching and in it, in a hypothetical situation, Joseph Smith was addressing a group of spirits in a pre-earth life scenario, telling them the challenges that they would face.  After sharing his own peers' challenges of being driven from their homes, losing their virtue and their lives to their enemies and being slandered, he turns to a group of individuals from our day and warns that our trial will be prosperity and peace. "You will let yourself get distracted."  That was the key of the message.

He refers to a situation in which a visiting General Authority tells a group to get ready to leave for Jackson County, Missouri at 5 am the next morning.  He warns that only 4 out of 10 will consider it and only 1 will actually go. "You will say...

"If I hear it from the prophet himself, then I will go."

"I have strawberries that are ripe.  I will hurry and get those on and then do head out."

"He can't mean me. I have my mother to take care of and am not very strong myself."

"John can't possibly get work off for at least another week."

The book is about visiting teaching and not putting off our responsibility to reach out, administer, serve and love in the Lord's way, but it hit a chord with me.

I was getting super discouraged last week about my lack of consistency with my kids' scholastic and nurturing needs on a basic level.  I took time to look at the schedule I felt inspired to put up at the beginning of the year, prayed about whether it was still applicable or if it needed some tweaking, and took a deep breath and felt some peace.  I do have an inspired plan and I can trust it.  My son Kel said that one thing he has learned is the rewards of following an inspired schedule.

I think my inner feistiness runs so deep that if anyone including myself tells me what to do, I tend to fight it :D.

So, referring to the "convergence" in the title, I also picked up my reading for the "Mentoring in the Classics" class I am taking online.  The book is "Understood Betsy" and is a refreshing look at parenting.  It takes a look at parenting the "non-helicopter" way, to put it simply.  I tend to hover and worry about my kids when really, they need some freedom and some confidence in their ability to take on problems, figure them out, struggle through failure and succeed.

It was interesting that I also came across a letter I saved from Tova.  It was written shortly before she left on her mission:

"Thanks for the wonderful year, Mom!  You've allowed me to step out and take more control over how my life is going to turn out.  Though you've given me the chance to make mistakes, you've always been there for me to talk to and to get love from."

One tenet of the TJEd Education philosophy I always struggle to incorporate is "You, Not Them."  I see danger in immersing myself so deeply in my own projects and studies that my children are left feeling less important than "Mom's current project."  I know there is balance required and constant evaluation.  The spirit of the application needs to be two ideas combined:
#1 My child has an inner drive to succeed and will rise to it...even without my help and perhaps even better without my help.
#2 My overall focus in my studies and life's mission will always include my children.

I have a quote up in my bathroom that I refer to often. It is actually more of a historical selection from an article about one of my heroes, Marjorie Hinckley.

Gordon and Marjorie established a home of love, mutual respect, hard work, and gospel living. Daily family prayer provided a window for the children to see their parents’ faith and love. As the family prayed together, the children also sensed the nearness of their Father in Heaven.

The Hinckley home was a place of few rules but great expectations. Marjorie spoke about things that were not worth a battle. Describing a parenting approach that she shared with her husband, she said: “I learned that I needed to trust my children, so I tried to never say no if I could possibly say yes. When we were raising a family, it was a matter of getting through every day and having a little fun along the way. As I could see that I wasn’t going to be able to make all of my children’s decisions anyway, I tried not to worry about every little thing.”³⁵ As a result of their parents’ trust, the children felt respected and gained experience and confidence. And when the answer was no, the children understood that it was not an arbitrary restriction.

Few rules but great expectations.  I am excited to try and trust the Spirit more, make less excuses and just act on my inspired lists.  I am excited to see what my children accomplish as I hand over more and more of the ownership of their life's choices in (hopefully!) an inspired way, one that shows love and support and confidence in their own abilities.

Humorously, a song is going through my head:
"Take a deep breath, pick yourself up, dust yourself off...and start all over again!"  :D

Thanks, Frank Sinatra!

Milestones that Matter

I loved this article shared by my dear friend, Andrea.  It captures something I have been thinking about a lot lately, as I see my Pipalicious come up to me and talk about how she is trying harder to be nice or share or work hard.  I have recently been reviewing the Thomas Jefferson Education literature I brought with me, about the different phases of learning: core phase, love of learning, and then scholar... (and then...and then :)...)

Here are a couple favs:

There are cultures where parents define intelligence as simply being able to know something needs to be done, and doing it. There are places where learning is not taught, but caught; where being a quiet and astute observer is how a child learns the skills he needs to thrive. 

Research shows that American parents focus on cognitive stimulation, enrichment and development more than parents in many other cultures, such as the Dutch or the Italians, who prioritize different things like routines or even-temperedness. We even justify free play and recess for their cognitive benefits, and talk about how play lays the foundation for academic skills. 

Every society values its own skill sets for its own reasons. The problem in America is that, while we excel at raising spectacularly verbal kids, we have lost sight of other values that we need to foster in our children. 

Now, as with all things that are not straight from the mouth of prophets, I don't endorse the whole thing as truth for me or anyone else...
--I'm not going to start carrying Spooner around all the time
--I will still be prayerfully careful with what I allow my children to watch
--I am not going to have Papaya (2) and Spooner go around diaperless from now on

However, these may be just the thing that someone else feels prompted to do to solve their own parenting issues!  Gotta love agency and diversity :).

Thanks, Andrea!  Just had to share...and keep, for my own future reference.

Link 
The Milestones that Matter Most
Christine Gross-Loh
  
"M-a-t" "M-at." "Mat." My 6-year-old pored over her Bob book, painstakingly sounding out each word. I listened and worried; her older brother was able to read those same words at a much younger age.
It's natural to compare our children and fret over their development. We are encouraged in the United States to look at a child's expected milestones and make sure they are meeting them on time. It wasn't until I started researching global parenting that I discovered how many of a baby's and child's stages and milestones actually aren't universal. What we expect of a child at any given age is influenced and shaped by culture. Viewed through the prism of culture, some notions of "normal" look totally different:
Babies from parts of Africa, the Caribbean or India whose bodies are constantly jostled and vigorously handled by their mothers reach motor milestones earlier than babies in Western cultures, who spend a lot of time on their backs.
Babies in some indigenous cultures who are rarely put down skip the crawling stage entirely.
Vietnamese toddlers don't go through potty training as we know it, because they've been more or less diaper-free all their lives.
In other cultures, babies are never expected to learn to sleep through the night on their own, the terrible twos don't exist and teenagers are not expected to be in conflict with their parents (and they aren't). And as for us? American parents are encouraged to talk, talk, talk to our kids, even when they're babies and can't respond back. Our children become fantastic negotiators. Even as we roll our eyes with exasperation, we are proud of our little budding lawyers. We know that talking to our kids is good for them. We associate verbal prowess with intelligence and some of us may harbor the secret hope that their ability to nag us into capitulating means they will get high scores on the SATs and attend a good college. But not all parents in the world agree. There are cultures where parents define intelligence as simply being able to know something needs to be done, and doing it. There are places where learning is not taught, but caught; where being a quiet and astute observer is how a child learns the skills he needs to thrive.
Research shows that American parents focus on cognitive stimulation, enrichment and development more than parents in many other cultures, such as the Dutch or the Italians, who prioritize different things like routines or even-temperedness. We even justify free play and recess for their cognitive benefits, and talk about how play lays the foundation for academic skills.
Every society values its own skill sets for its own reasons. The problem in America is that, while we excel at raising spectacularly verbal kids, we have lost sight of other values that we need to foster in our children.
Thinking about others, not just themselves: Learning to get along with others is top priority in other cultures. Spanish parents I spoke with told me they stimulate their babies with people, not educational toys. They take them out into public early, welcoming the in-your-face interaction with strangers that most Americans find intrusive. Japanese moms call their babies' attention to relationships more than objects the way we tend to ("Look at that big, grey elephant!"). In one study, when Japanese and American fourth and fifth grade children were asked why they shouldn't hit, gossip or fight with other kids, 92 percent of the American kids answered "because they'd get caught or get in trouble." Ninety percent of the Japanese kids asked the same question responded, "because it would be hurtful to someone else." Research indicates that in cultures which promote collective values -- where children watch people help each other farm, build homes and so forth -- sharing comes more easily to kids than in more individualistic, competitive cultures like our own.
Hanging up their own jackets: Around the world, kids run errands, take buses and trains by themselves, keep track of their own belongings, use knives and cook at an age when we American parents are still putting on our kids' socks, picking their jackets up off the floor, and monitoring what they can watch on TV.
Caring for their siblings: One Swedish boy I interviewed has been bringing his little sister home from school on the bus since he was in elementary school, making her a snack and supervising her homework. When we were raising our kids in Japan, helping out was so valued that our son's school homework included doing chores like watching or feeding his baby sister. One Japanese mom I knew regularly left her kids at home while she went grocery shopping; in our country, this would get her accused of negligence. In our country, we worry that asking siblings to care for each other puts an undue burden on their individual potential. The opposite is true: when we ask our kids to care for one another, it unleashes their potential as nurturing, socially responsible human beings.
It's not surprising that well-intentioned parents cultivate cognitive intelligence and individual achievements as assiduously as we do. These are, after all, such important markers of success in modern-day America. But our focus on outcomes is leading us to look at milestones all wrong -- as a series of boxes and achievements to check off a list on our way to a goal. We focus on our kids' ability to read when they are at an age when we should be focusing on their kindness and character. We worry about overburdening them with chores because they have to do their homework, when we should be cultivating self-help skills that will make them self-reliant, and sending them a clear, unambiguous message: yes, academic achievement is important, but becoming kind and responsible is, too. These are all milestones we don't want to miss.
My daughter's reading still hasn't taken off. But when she closes her book for the night, she reaches for her little sister's hand and takes her to the bathroom, helps her change into her pajamas, and fetches her toothbrush. I've finally realized that she is not doomed to failure, but that she is just developing differently and that her different pace will allow us the luxury of reading aloud for much, much longer. After all, she's only 6 years old. It's time to give ourselves permission to focus less on Mandarin lessons and math enrichment and trust we haven't doomed our kids to failure if we don't sign them up for club soccer at age 8. We can give ourselves permission to concentrate more on fostering kindness in our children, teaching them perseverance and making sure they know how to hang up their own towels.

Play your garbage :)...

Amazing.  Amazing.  There is so much truth in this video, about intelligence, about education, about the power of music, about hope, about diversity, about creativity...

Go and do, and see the joy!

This morning, once again in devotional, I was touched deeply by a video the Goob selected.  It portrays the situation surrounding Abraham being asked to sacrific Isaac on the altar.  It is on lds.org at http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/old-testament-visual-resources?lang=eng#2011-03-027-akedah-the-binding or click on the following video if it works for you.

It was so touching.  So personal.  I could feel Abraham's despair.  I could see the faith it took Isaac to let his father bind him for the sacrifice.

One part that stood out to me was a time in the film where Abraham implores God for a son.  God tells him to raise his eyes to the heavens:

16 And said, By myself have I ^asworn, saith the Lord, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:

 17 That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy ^aseed as the stars of the heaven, and as the ^bsand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the ^cgate of his enemies;

 18 And in thy ^aseed shall all the nations of the earth be ^bblessed; because thou hast ^cobeyed my voice.

Even though it seemed so crazy, Abraham was told that his seed would be innumerable.  And then he was asked to sacrifice his son, through whom was promised this same posterity!  Surely this would make the fulfillment of that promise impossible!

It made me think of the purpose of our lives according to 2 Nephi 2: Men are that they might have joy. God truly wants us to have joy, just like He wanted Abraham to have that seed without number.  The joy He wants us to have is beyond our comprehension. But, in order to get there, like with Abraham, we will have to just trust God and do some things that seem counter-intuitive...some things that just seem crazy.

Like homeschooling?

Like having lots of children?

Like coming to Hungary?

I have to say that many things in my life don't make sense when I set out to do what God asks, and heaven knows that I do it imperfectly, but I can look back and see the blessings.  Now I just need to keep trusting, right :)?

Devotionals

A friend asked me what our devotionals look like. Because we have a wide range of ages, ours is a little varied.

Each child has a day, and they pick the things that have * next to them (or I do, if they don't get done in time to do it)
First we do a patriotic song where some of us march or dance around (more for the littles) and then we do the pledge (the song gets everyone there).
Then we do one or more of the following (typically 4 or 5):

-a story from the friend or New Era for us to read.  We discuss it.
-poem to share (like Shel Silverstein or more classical ones)
-story/article from the Book of Virtues
-mini-clips from Bible Videos, mormon channel things like "I am a Mormon," "Mormon Messages," "Homefront," etc.
-a song to end it
-a prayer by mom

We focus on a virtue a month (this month was faith in God).  The parts of the devotional I pick, I tie into the theme.

The purpose is like a spiritual shot in the arm to get us going, and keep faith and God in the picture.  I also have done memorization with them during this time (the Articles of Faith, for example).  We also go over the schedule for the day.

I feel like this is my time to share my testimony and for them to share things that are important to them.  We also get inspired by the messages on lds.org, and it gives me a chance to make sure my kids are being exposed consistently to inspiring people, poetry, and the church's lit.  It also give us a chance to remember our freedom that gives us the right to homeschool and worship.  Prayer is always essential to me, because in it, I pray specifically over our day and the activities we have, or concerns we have had as a family.

Curious Workmanship

So, I have two new favorite phrases:"Drops of Awesome" and "curious workmanship."  I cannot tell you how many times today I have thought of the two!

Made pumpkin bread for breakfast for my family after scraping out all the squash I over-cooked last night!--drop of awesome!

Didn't brush my teeth, but did do my hair before frantically running out the door to catch up with my family that was on their way to the bus!--drop of awesome!

Made the bus.  That completely counts as a drop of awesome!

And right now, I could totally be doing ONE MILLION other things, but am here, on the computer, with my two babies in my lap, and trying to smile at them, and not worry about what I am not doing, and just enjoy them before they change.  Complete drop of awesome!  I can do this life, one drop at a time :)...

You get the picture.

Well, this morning, I read a few scriptures (drop of awesome!) in between getting things ready for that frantic bus trip to Budapest and came across the phrase "curious workmanship."  I am quite sure I have posted on this before, but re-learned this lesson and need to write about it...again :).

Nephi has just been instructed to build a ship and his brothers have, literally, been shocked into helping him. (1 Nephi 18:1-4)

...and we did work timbers of curious ^bworkmanship. And the Lord did show me from time to time (not everyday!)after what manner I should work the timbers of the ^cship.

 2 Now I, Nephi, did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men,  (he didn't have the internet, poor fellow!)neither did I build the ship after the manner of men; but I did build it after the manner which the Lord had shown unto me; ...

 3 And I, Nephi, did go into the mount oft, and I did ^apray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord ^bshowed unto me ^cgreat things.

 4 And it came to pass that after I had finished the ship, according to the word of the Lord, my brethren beheld that it was good, and that the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine;

Building a ship was a such a huge project!  And Nephi had never done anything like it before.  Sounds like my life!  Parenting, homeschooling, new country and language...all of which have their times when they feel like huge projects and uncharted territory.  Or, how about, just waking up and dealing with contrary-Maryness? :)

So, a couple things stuck out to me...

-He went to the mount oft...he did pray oft.  (Probably more than just token "checking in" at night :).)
Nephi knew he needed God to help him, so he went to Him more often.  How often do I go to the Lord for real direction?  Like the kind of direction Nephi needed about tools, measurements, and dimensions? ...and the Lord showed unto him great things!

-He did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men...and he got something exceedingly fine!  How often do we look sideways to measure our progress instead looking upwards for inspiration of where we can go?  Sometimes, our inspiration causes us to do something that looks a little "outside-the-box" :)...can we have faith enough to act? (Like standing in front of all those Hungarians taking pictures of our family like we were a side-show to the pig slaughtering festival :)? I must confess I waver!)

-The boat was of curious workmanship, and it turned out exceedingly fine.  "Curious workmanship".  Is that the same as "weird"? :)  As I look at my family, we feel a little like "curious workmanship."  I thought of that as we walked through the streets of Budapest today, with people's expressions as dark and gloomy as the weather as they stoicly watched us walk by.  Curious workmanship.  I thought of that with some of the truths that we do in our family, traditions that look just a little different, different from the manner "which is learned by men."

Little phrases.  So powerful.

Drops of Awesome.  Curious Workmanship.

Tender mercies.

Amazing children's book

"The Sugar Child" by Monique De.Varennes- an incredible children's book about a girl made of sugar (kind of like the idea of the gingerbread man) and her parents, knowing that any kind of bad weather or crying will make her sugar melt, protects her from the weather and from grief.  However, it turns out that it is by crying for the sickness of a friend, that the girl find out that her tears do indeed melt the sugar away and transform her into a real girl.  A powerful parable about how a meaningful life and one full of happiness is not found in protecting us from sorrow or pain, but from experiencing the good and the sad... "A time to weep, a time to mourn..." Eccles. 3:1-8

Even the pictures are oh, so tender.  Beautiful.

Homeschooling at our House: "Master plans"

On my family blog (link), I am in the process of posting a four part series of my....

*drumroll, please.....*

MASTER PLAN!!!!! MWA-HA-HA-HA!!!

In the first one, I have the "intro" or "why," and then I am breaking it down into:

Part 1-Daily
Part 2-Weekly
Part 3-Monthly
Part 4-Yearly

If I was as cool as my good friend Marni, I would have it in a cool spreadsheet, complete with awesome quotes and a cool picture of "cheerio lady" somewhere, but, as it is, at least it is posted :)...

(You should see her post on "The Cheerios Lady (aka a Mother's sweet revenge)"(link) --so hilarious!)

The Trivium: three stages of classical education

I posted this on my Vanguard Youth site, but wanted to include it here, because it applies so well to my homeschooling.  When I am engaged in a "family discussion," it is challenging to engage my entire family.  I have the "littles," who just want to repeat the story back to me ("grammar stage"), my "middles," who like to make connections with other things they have learned, and my "olders," who are beyond rote-repetition and are more eager to see application.  I see the boredom of the littles (or even middles!) as I excitedly talk about application.  It was a good reminder, as a parent and as a teacher, to be aware of what they are ready for in their learning.

I came across this great article by Susan Wise Bauer, that helps us understand why our 12 year olds in Vanguard don't reason or process information the same way our 15 year olds do :)...why when we ask them to reason and apply it is so challenging at a younger age, when they are just getting into using logic to reason about what they are learning.  I included the entire first part of the article, and give complete credit to her and her genius with no profit to myself, other than the betterment of the world around me, and therefore a benefit to myself :)...

What is Classical Education?

by Susan Wise Bauer

Classical education depends on a three-part process of training the mind. The early years of school are spent in absorbing facts, systematically laying the foundations for advanced study. In the middle grades, students learn to think through arguments. In the high school years, they learn to express themselves. This classical pattern is called the trivium.

The first years of schooling are called the “grammar stage” — not because you spend four years doing English, but because these are the years in which the building blocks for all other learning are laid, just as grammar is the foundation for language. In the elementary school years — what we commonly think of as grades one through four — the mind is ready to absorb information. Children at this age actually find memorization fun. So during this period, education involves not self-expression and self-discovery, but rather the learning of facts. Rules of phonics and spelling, rules of grammar, poems, the vocabulary of foreign languages, the stories of history and literature, descriptions of plants and animals and the human body, the facts of mathematics — the list goes on. This information makes up the “grammar,” or the basic building blocks, for the second stage of education.

By fifth grade, a child’s mind begins to think more analytically. Middle-school students are less interested in finding out facts than in asking “Why?” The second phase of the classical education, the “Logic Stage,” is a time when the child begins to pay attention to cause and effect, to the relationships between different fields of knowledge relate, to the way facts fit together into a logical framework.

A student is ready for the Logic Stage when the capacity for abstract thought begins to mature. During these years, the student begins algebra and the study of logic, and begins to apply logic to all academic subjects. The logic of writing, for example, includes paragraph construction and learning to support a thesis; the logic of reading involves the criticism and analysis of texts, not simple absorption of information; the logic of history demands that the student find out why the War of 1812 was fought, rather than simply reading its story; the logic of science requires that the child learn the scientific method.

The final phase of a classical education, the “Rhetoric Stage,” builds on the first two. At this point, the high school student learns to write and speak with force and originality. The student of rhetoric applies the rules of logic learned in middle school to the foundational information learned in the early grades and expresses his conclusions in clear, forceful, elegant language. Students also begin to specialize in whatever branch of knowledge attracts them; these are the years for art camps, college courses, foreign travel, apprenticeships, and other forms of specialized training.

Of course, there are kids that are more logical and more ready for "rhetoric" sooner than others, but it can explain the struggle (hence, blank stares) that younger scholars experience when asked to reason and apply what they are learning.

Karate Kid and "Inspire not Require"

Growing up, I enjoyed watching the original "Karate Kid" with Mr. Miagee (sp?).  Something about the underdog mentored by a man wholly dedicated to his principles really intrigued me.

As I was cleaning up the kitchen tonight, I had half an ear out for the new version of this movie playing in my living room.  I saw this little "punk" kid doing repetitive, senseless motions...just because someone told him to.  Now, this kid didn't do it just for kicks--he wanted what the man had to offer to teach him.  He wanted it so much, he was willing to do things that didn't make sense, didn't seem worthwhile.

It made me think of my kids and their education and the power of the Thomas Jefferson Education principle, "inspire not require."  The basic concept of this is that, scholastically, you seek to inspire your children by exposing them to greatness--great ideas, great people--rather than "requiring" them to learn a set curriculum you place before them.  Inspiring is a lot of work.  Yet, tonight, I caught a glimpse of the power of it.

As I study, learn, make connections, create pieces of art, work on my music, get excited about history, math, and science, they see me exploring the world, learning, and making a difference.  I hear them say things like "I wish I could do that!" and "When can I be in your class, mommy?"  I see that young boy on "Karate Kid" putting in so much effort, time, sweat, and dedication to doing what his mentor tells him to do, knowing he can show him the way, and the power of "inspire not require" hits home...as well as it's sister-concept: "you not them" (work on your own education if you want your kids to work on their's...).

As I watched the mentoring in "Karate Kid," I caught a glimpse of my kids writing, practicing laborious, repetitive exercises in math, putting in the hard work of outlining, mapping, and "time-lining" history, wanting to be more physically fit, eating better, studying the scriptures, sacrificing for what is right...just because they wanted what I had, and wanted to be what I am or am becoming (or other people they can be mentored by, thankfully!).

Inspiring is definitely not the easy path, but how rewarding! that I can pursue things that God wants me to learn for my mission, and my kids can join me in that process.  When a person owns their own education, wants it for themselves and for the real fruits it has to offer, the learning curve spikes, and their reception and learning capacity is greatly enlarged.  That's the power of leadership education.

Funny, the strange places you can find truth. :)

Organizing every needful thing...

I just happened across another amazing passage of scripture...imagine that :).

In D&C 88, starting in verse 118, I was struck by a bunch of cool concepts:
-vs 118: I thought the way the verse started was interesting: "...as all have not faith..."  then "seek ye diligently," "teach one another words of wisdom," then "seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom."  It made me think of the powerful effects of faith, and how much we can truly learn just by exercising faith and belief.  It made me think about children, and their faith, and how we are to be like them. 
It made me think about faith as central to the whole learning process, and, thus, the Spirit, which is central to learning by faith.  We must feel the Spirit and exercise faith in what it teaches us to be truly taught by faith...which, apparently, is the most ideal way of learning. 
It makes me think about the prophet Joseph Smith and the huge difference in his level of learning at the beginning of his life verses the end of it.  I have read a bit of his "Lectures on Faith" (apparently more appropriately named than I first realized :)!), read his teachings to us in other places, read how we can only imagine how much God has to teach us.  With all my "education," I have a hard time understanding the sophistication of his concepts and terminology at times!  And all this learning happening within twenty years of constant persecution.  Learning by faith indeed!

-vs 119:

 ^aOrganize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a ^bhouse, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

There is a quote I heard once that I wrote in the margin of this verse: "Every home is a house of learning, for good or otherwise." What is being learned in my home?
I also thought that this is a perfect verse to use to evaluate my home.  There is plenty to work on in that verse alone :).

-vs 122:

Appoint among yourselves a teacher, and let ^anot all be spokesmen at once; but let one speak at a time and let all listen unto his sayings, that when all have spoken that all may be ^bedified of all, and that every man may have an equal privilege.

This says it all :)...I think we are going to memorize this for our next verse at the table as a family each morning :).

vs. 124:

 124 Cease to be ^aidle; cease to be ^bunclean; cease to ^cfind fault one with another; cease to ^dsleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be ^einvigorated.

 I think it is interesting that this is spoken so directly and clearly; in particular, the parts about sleeping.   He doesn't say, "unless you have this problem" or "unless you are a night person."  Very directly he promises that our bodies and minds may be invigorated.  Of course, this may be relative, but I could use all the "invigoration" possible with this pregnant body :).

good news about homeschooling in Hungary!

Woohooo!!  It's legal!!

http://www.hslda.org/hs/international/Hungary/default.asp

basketball, racquetball, and learning

For Valentine's Day, my honey and I tried out a free membership to Gold's Gym for one reason: racquetball.  Quinn is quite the natural with racquetball as he is with other sports, and so the two of us together is somewhat laughable.  The first game, I scored a miraculous 5 as he got back into the groove, and then the next game was more normal with a 21:1 finish, followed by a game of 21:0. (There was actually a game that was 21:13 or 14, but that is definitely the anomaly :)...)

I am okay with this.  It is really quite impressive to watch Quinn's z-serve zap back and forth faster than I can respond to, and sometimes I actually return his serves (very rewarding, I assure you :)...)  He even let me in on the "secret" of how to know what kind of serve he is doing to do based upon where he bounces the ball before he serves it...as if my brain is going to work fast enough to see where he bounces it, translate that to a serve, and then make my old-mom body respond fast enough to actually return it?!  Funny :).  As I told him, it is all I can do to hit the ball when I can, let alone plan where it is going to go when I hit it, or try to figure out where it is going to end up after bouncing all over.

 Towards the end of our second day playing racquetball, part of me kind of gave up.  I mean, my overall score was maybe in the twenties (thinking optimistically), and he was in the 100's--literally :).  What was the point, I thought briefly.  Is he really having fun?  Am I really getting better?

Well, last night, playing basketball with my women, I was in a situation where I was dribbling up to half court with one woman in hot pursuit on the side, and another fixed at the half-court side line, ready to trap me.  As I raced towards the second one and the one on my left closed in, I saw in my mind in a flash what I needed to do, stopped quickly, zipped the basketball across to the left, cut across behind the woman who had been on my side, and dashed left, leaving the two of them to crash together.

 I don't know if I described it well or not, but the point is, I was actually able to see a situation ahead of time, and act quickly to respond to it--just like I had been practicing in that racquetball game!  I am very much a thinker and a planner, hesitant to quick action, weighing out every possibility in my brain before acting:  good in some situations, not good in racquetball :).   Yet, my time on the racquetball court helped train my brain to think and act in a pressure situation.

So, as I am going through my notes from previous seminars, etc, I came across this quote from an article written by Robert Harris, "On the Purpose of a Liberal Arts Education" (my copy is from March 14, 1991).  It is under the heading: "The more you learn, the more you can learn" (which goes against my old belief that my brain would just fill up and run out of room--not logical, but real to me :).)
"Good learning habits can be transferred from one subject to another.  When a basketball player lifts weights or plays handball in preparation for basketball, no one asks, "What good is weightlifting or handball for a basketball player?" because it is clear that these exercises build the muscles, reflexes and coordination that can be transferred to basketball--building them perhaps better than endless hours of basketball practice would.  the same is true of the mind.  Exercise in various areas builds brainpower for whatever endeavor you plan to pursue."

So is that why Yale was content with "Celtic Archaelogy" as a credit towards fulfilling my generals for graduation? :)  [We learned about the "evolution" of the safety pin from the dawn of time, and I wondered how that was going to help in my overall education--now I know :)!]

(For full article, see: Robert Harris: "On the purpose of a liberal arts education" at http://www.virtualsalt.com/libarted.htm)

How to teach brilliant kids?

As we prepare to leave the country, I have been pondering how I can teach my teenagers who are taking off in their education.  There is no way I can read all that they read and still be a mom, let alone teach the younger ones.  I have prayed and pondered about the answer for a while, and, yesterday, I read this article in the Ensign that perfectly answered my question.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/teaching-after-the-manner-of-the-spirit?lang=eng

Here are a couple of key quotes that stood out to me, for those who don't have the time to read the whole thing:

"While we are all teachers, we must fully realize that it is the Holy Ghost who is the real teacher and witness of all truth. Those who do not fully understand this either try to take over for the Holy Ghost and do everything themselves, politely invite the Spirit to be with them but only in a supporting role... All parents, leaders, and teachers have the responsibility to teach “by the Spirit.”

"...First, the Holy Ghost teaches individuals in a very personal way. This makes it possible for us to intimately know truth for ourselves. Because of our different needs, circumstances, and progression, the Holy Ghost teaches what we must know and do so we may become what we must be...

"...With the current conditions of the world, we desperately need real learning and teaching in our homes, meetings, and gospel classes. I know that your quest to improve may seem overwhelming at times. Please do not become discouraged with your progress. I think back on my experience hiking with my children (he shared this in the article). We agreed that every time we stopped to catch our breath, rather than focusing exclusively on how much farther we needed to go, we would immediately turn around and look down the mountain. We would take in the scenery and say to each other, “Look how far we’ve come.” Then we would take a deep breath, quickly turn, face uphill, and start climbing again one step at a time. Brothers and sisters, you can parent, lead, and teach after the manner of the workings of the Spirit. I know you can do this. I testify you can do this, and lives will change. <sup>"

This whole article reminded me of a conversation I had with a very wise friend about 7 years ago on the way to a TJEd conference.  The topic was mentors, and I was speculating aloud who my mentor would be who would take me where I needed to go.  She asked why I wanted a mentor...what specifically I was seeking for in them.   As I pondered this question, she said something like, "I think the only true mentor we need to turn to is God, and if we seek His direction, He will mentor us."  We went on to discuss how there are definitely people we meet who teach us specific things and can guide us in specific areas, but she counseled against leaning too heavily on any one mentor,..."they just don't know you and who you are and where you are at...only God does." 

Being reminded of this conversation, I realized that the very intense and personal mentoring I had experienced over the past five years from Heavenly Father could be experienced by my children, and that He could very specifically direct them as He has so specifically directed me: read this book, read this article, go to this class, don't finish this book--you've got what you needed out of it, talk to this person, write this down, share this, forward this article, stay home with your family--you don't need this one, etc.  It has been amazing, and always, always done quietly.  I have learned to trust this voice, this voice of my Perfect Mentor, even if I am not perfect yet at following it.  

However, unlike earthly mentors, He has limitless resources, time, knowledge, and personal acquaintance with me and the needs of my husband, family, and extended family and how my education can fit in with those responsibilities.  It has been amazing to see Him use this cracked pot (me :)...) create wonders and beauty that I have been able to stand back and see His hand in, even while fully aware of my weaknesses.   (I have also learned that He provides the water :)...see the "cracked pot parable".)</sup>

woman takes on the computer...and loses again

The other day, I was being a good homeschooling mom and getting some worksheets and coloring pages ready for a "preschool" class that has actually morphed into a handwriting/cursive/letter class for all but the two oldest kids. [I told the "olders" of the "youngers", that it is geared towards Pipalicious and Hava-lava, but they could come if they want to help, or participate nicely. ]

We have had great fun in this class, but, as with most things I get engaged in for my kids, at one point or another it becomes the battle of the computer!  Something goes wrong, something won't open, the computer freezes, or the printer has some kind of mystical problem with it.

Now, you would think that, being a daughter of a brilliant computer analyst and sister to so many computer geniuses, some of it would rub off.  Well....no.  :)

So, when the computer becomes a living thing to me, a creature with many evil, ugly heads, reared up to attack, I do the only thing I know how to do: rant, rave, shut it off, and curse the thing.  Okay, maybe I just rant a little and shut it off, but these "problems" sure seems to happen often!  Right in the middle of a brilliant mother moment, the only thing that seems to stand between me and success is some fluky bug in the computer. 

Nice. 

So I did what any self-respecting homeschool mom does: I walked away from the computer and my nicely planned lesson, and faked it.

*******
Although, that leads me to another thought (imagine that...me?).  It reminds me about how in the ancient history times I am studying with my "olders", when the people were ignorant of the cycles of nature and basic laws of the universe (as I am of the computer), the world around them became a mystical land, full of demons and gods at war with one another and the humans (just as the computer problems I face seem to be supernatural and "out to get me").

Hey!  And that can relate to our relationships with others!  When we are ignorant of people and their situations (which, most of the time, we are), it is easy to be offended by something they do and say. We create in our minds situations where other people are devious and scheming--out to get us!--, when, really, almost always, there is some kind of story behind why they are acting how they are, often with nothing to do with us.

(See an amazing blogpost on this at: http://www.decentlittlecottage.blogspot.com/...hope that is alright, Julie!) 

Ignorance sure isn't bliss, sometimes. :)

My friend shared a story in Relief Society many years ago that relates to this:  She said that she often has a problem with "road rage".  She read a story about another woman who likes to make up reasons why people are behaving poorly on the road: i.e.  perhaps they cut her off because they were in a rush to get to the hospital to have a baby.  Well, my friend, being the good woman she is, decided to commit herself to applying this.

The next time someone cut her off and she felt her temper rising, she raised her clenched fist at the person, shook it, and shouted angrily (in her car, of course): "Have a nice baby!!!!!"

Good intentions :).