http://www.tjed.org/resources/newsletter/april-2012-inspire/#transition
I particularly like the following segment:
"The vital lessons of Transition, as outlined by Wayne Dyer in What Do You Really Want for Your Children? include:
- Take smart risks
- Don’t put yourself down
- Inner Approval: Don’t emphasize external measures of success
- Don’t complain or whine
- Don’t be judgmental
- Never get “bored”
- Learn from mistakes
- Learn to lose and win well
- Practice smart self-reliance
- Choose to feel at peace and serene
- Realize that life is about smiling
- Never fear your own greatness
(The rest of the article is not much longer, but this was my favorite part.)
It made me think about an on-going conversation I have had with a friend about our children that seem unconcerned with "perfecting" their projects to a higher level, not only in personal studies, but for competitions (like the Odyssey of the Mind they just competed in). We kept asking the youth, "Is there anything else you want to do to improve it?" to which they would think about, and then say, calmly, "No...I think we're good :)."
We have discussed why we want them to compete harder--feeling that our genuine motivation is to show them more of what they are capable of. However, in the process, how would we motivate them? Tell them to compare themselves to others? Tell them that, even though they are content with their level of performance (calm and unconcerned), we are not? Ask them to take something they are happy with and ask them to "put it down"?
It made me think about how effective advice is when it is sought for verses when it is not sought for. I remember reading in some "development of scholar phase" articles that there comes a point when a scholar wants to be pushed and will ask for it. Maybe I am trying to start it too early? I have always hoped to raise children that are strong in their sense of self, without worrying what others around them thought (hence, the many weeks of going to church with unmatching clothes and socks, proudly selected by my kids :)...).
I believe as my kids went to the Odyssey competition, they saw other groups who probably put a little more time and effort into it, but they still came away feeling, "We did alright :)." There were a few things about their performance that I think they learned from (Lek is still trying to figure out why his structure collapsed so much before the adult-engineered structure of the elementary school team beat theirs), but they have put it behind them and moved on.
I see so much of the list above by Dr. Wyer that my kids are already doing that might be jeopardized by my concern over their lack of "drive for perfection" that can really pay off in some professions. Who's to say that they aren't steadily working towards improving themselves, content with the journey and the progress they are making? Am I so "externally/comparison" motivated that I cannot accept their complete acceptance of themselves, where they are at? Do I really want to mess with that? :)
Another example, the other night, the Goob made a pinewood derby car that imitated our "Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine" (our family van). As you can imagine, it was not very aero-dynamic ;), but he was so proud of it! He hurriedly wrote the words on it, the paint job was a quick one (he had other things to do :)...), but he was happy with it. Knowing the type of cars that would be there, and how well they would compete being built more for speed, I wrestled with myself as I stared into those beautiful blue eyes that were so happy with his car, and said, "You're right! It's awesome."
He struggled a bit at the Pinewood Derby, through a bit of tear-filled eyes, as he came in "fourth more than anyone!" (his resolution at the end of the evening of how to come away from it...). However, he began designing in his head his car for next year--using what he saw of the winning cars--, even as he cheered on his friends. All the while with his parents support and love.
After reading this article above, I took the Goob aside and told him how proud I was of how he handled the preparation and events of our Pinewood Derby.
Maybe I have to go back and re-learn some of these skills, skills I could observe and learn from my husband and my kids.
