Where is my Knight in Shining Armor??

Ladies, you have buried him.

Let me explain.  Hypothetical traditional scenario.

When you first fall in love, boy meets girl, girl meets boy.  While you realize in the back of your mind that there might be imperfections in the him, his strengths far outshines those faults.

Something comes up: your midterm test was a flop, you didn't get the part in the play, your parents are upset with you.

He takes you into his arms, looks lovingly in your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey.  I love you."

You sigh.  Maybe even giggle a bit.  And then you look lovingly back into his eyes, cares are swept away and you are happy once more. And when you are happy, he is happy.

Times goes on, you say, "I do!", place that boy up on his shining steed, plop the bright new armor on him and cheer him on!  "Go!  Fight those battles of providing and protecting!  You can do it."

And he can!

But then comes that first spat with your girlfriend.  You are an emotional wreck.  You look somewhere for someone to fix this and there he is!!! Your glittering knight on his shining steed!  Of course he can fix it!!! He is, after all, your champion.

As you pull him aside to explain the details and give him this new battle to fight and fix, he looks at you with a little confusion.  Of course he wants to help you!  He loves you.  So he takes on that burden, that battle and gives it a go.  

First he tries what worked when you were initially falling in love.

He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey.  I love you."

Unlike when you were falling in love, this is no longer enough.  You step back and let him know he needs to try something else.  Your girlfriend is hurting you and he needs to fix it!  You may even stomp your foot a bit in feminine protest. How can he be your knight in shining armor if he doesn't make it better??

Inside he is probably thinking about what worked with his brother, "Just punch him and then move on."  However, looking at you in your distress, he realizes this suggestion will probably not only not not work, but would itself be heartily rejected.

He instead attempts some masculine words of sympathy and then tries to charge ahead, not really sure how to "fix" this, how to fight this new battle you have given him: the battle of fixing female emotion.

As the years go on, new problems and situations arise in your life:
-car payments
-lack of sleep
-excessive poopy diapers
-infertility and no poopy diapers
-more spats with other women

You bring each new problem to your knight's attention, fully expecting him to fix each one.  At first, he keeps trying the method that first put him up on that charger. He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey.  I love you."

With each dismissal by you that this is clearly not going to fix anything, he sighs, straightens his shoulders and takes on that burden.  Again and again and again.  Come on, you plead...just make me happy!

Soon, he is too weighed down to even get down and try his first approach, that approach that won your heart:

He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey.  I love you."

Not only that, you no longer see the shine in the armor you put on that boy that you fell in love with.  All you see all those burdens--those problems you have given him to "fix."  You might even see the mud you hurled at him in your disgust that he just wasn't doing more... and maybe a poopy diaper or two.

You no longer notice the blood smears mingled in the mess, the blood of his enemies and his own..


Along the way, bigger issues are put on those weary, striving shoulders:
-the leader at church treated you unfairly
-his company lays him off
-the kids are being bullied at school
-the store clerk looked at your clothes with distaste, reminding you you haven't bought new clothes in so long
-the policeman ticketed you unfairly
-the presidential candidates are scary

Some battles your knight gallantly tries to take on, still seeking to protect and to provide his maiden, his love.  But each new victory doesn't seem to make a difference!  He is still carrying on more burdens than he knows what to do with and you are still unhappy.  Sure, you may think sarcastically, great work! You won one battle.  Now what's stopping you from fixing all the others??

His ultimate goal still?  To make you happy.

Now step back.  Take a deep breath.

Remember that boy that you fell in love with?  

Girl meets boy, boy meets girl?

He is still in there and in his heart, he is still trying to face all those battles...


...but then maybe he gets tired.  Maybe he loses heart.  Maybe he sees that nothing he ever does or will do will fix things the way they used to when he would take you in his arms, look lovingly into your eyes and whisper, "It's okay, honey. I love you."

Why is that?
Where is your knight, ladies?
Most men I know have that champion heart, that champion heart that is housed in an imperfect yet trying man.  That champion heart that would like to take that armor off every once in a while and play a video game, watch a movie or catch up on facebook.

That champion heart that would love to be loved just for loving you.  The heart that just wants you to be happy.

Maybe your knight in shining armor is right where he has always been, if he hasn't given up....there in the vanguard, trying to gallantly take on those battles of protecting and providing.  Maybe the problem is that he needs your help to let him give some of those burdens to someone else, to lovingly wipe off the mud and blood of those battles he has fought, to bind up his wounds and rediscover the magic of when he would take you in his arms and lovingly whisper, "It's okay, honey. I love you."

And you would smile and whisper back, "I know.  I love you too."

Quote from "How Children Learn"

Love it!  Of course, I am sure there are all types of exceptions to the child described below (that's what makes us unique, right?), but it is interesting to consider the truths we can find in it!

"Let me sum up what I have been trying to say about the natural learning style of young children. The child is curious. He wants to make sense out of things, find out how things work, gain competence and control over himself and his environment, do what he can see other people doing. He is open, receptive, and perceptive. He does not shut himself off from the strange, confused, complicated world around him. He observes it closely and sharply, tries to take it all in. He is experimental. He does not merely observe the world around him, but tastes it, touches it, hefts it, bends it, breaks it. To find out how reality works, he works on it. He is bold. He is not afraid of making mistakes. And he is patient. He can tolerate an extraordinary amount of uncertainty, confusion, ignorance, and suspense. He does not have to have instant meaning in any new situation. He is willing and able to wait for meaning to come to him–even if it comes very slowly, which it usually does..." (pg 185, "How Children Learn" by Holt)

Boys and the media...

        We have limited screen time in our home, because, especially in boys, it takes a long time to get that stimulation out of their system so that they may engage once again in productive learning.     For instance, when we had what we loving call "screen time" (at least the kids refer to it lovingly) once a day, the preoccupation of the entire day was, "what are we going to watch after school, Mom?" I have noticed in my home that when they become addicted to that stimulation, there is no quiet place allowed for efficient, Spirit-led learning that happens in the calmness of the soul.

       Violent games are very exciting and addictive to particularly young men, who are transitioning into manhood with all the strong hormones and emotions that go along with it.  These strong feelings can be easily stimulated by violent or even merely intense games.  The powerful surges of testosterone are there for a reason in young men, and to be artificially stimulated (especially on a regular basis) can be weakening and incredibly addictive.  For instance, I believe it weakens the young man, “taking him out of the battle” as it were, when he is constantly preoccupied with "how to get to the next level" or "how to build the next civilization" in on online, artificial environment.  

        Our young men were destined to engage in great causes, fight battles, and discover truths in courageous ways.  I believe that Satan counterfeits the feelings of satisfaction gained by doing this in the real world with online imitations that yield no tangible results, and leave one feelings stimulated, but empty.  (I have wondered at the rampant depression in our young men; would that happen if they were out building castles, fighting battles for truth and liberty, or conquering or exploring the wildernesses…be they the physical wilderness or the “wilderness” of their minds?)

                I do not believe that our young men are ready to find a healthy balance for these intense media-driven stimulations and the changes their manly bodies are experiencing  when immersed in it—especially between the ages of 10 and at least 14 for now (based upon personal observation and experience).  Their character needs to be molded beforehand, and they need to come into a sense of their manhood without the influence of counterfeits, if they are going to be fit warriors in the cause of truth and liberty. We must not send them into life with these powerful tools--their drive and passion and sheer manliness--before they know how to use them.  To me it seems like giving them a huge battle ax that they cannot wield, let alone use, and telling them "go ahead and play with it and see what you can do."      

             Maybe my analogy is a little too strong, but maybe not. I have a huge respect for the men of history that have taken their manliness and done something with it, and know that we can only have a free society and happy, satisfied men if they are allowed and enabled to "fight the battles they were born to fight".  I realize there are all types of factors involved with that, and perhaps some parents will feel that some use of the online games and other stimulating media is actually precisely what their son needs to prepare.  I lovingly refrain from judgment, just would like to encourage us as parents to use the media cautiously, aware of the powerful influence it can have in shaping the minds and lives of our young men.

     Elder Bednar gave some awesome counsel. He stresses that he realizes the great good media and modern technology provide for us...that they are not inherently bad.  He merely suggests that there are two questions we can ask ourselves as we use modern technology in our everyday life:

1) Does the use of various technologies and media invite or impede the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost in your life?

2) Does the time you spend using various technologies and media enlarge or restrict your capacity to live, learn, love, and serve in meaningful ways?

Actually, he doesn't just suggest, he raises an "apostolic warning".  I love what he says in the video below: "To be encircled about eternally in the arms of God's love will be a real, and not a virtual experience..."

There is an awesome mormon message about this at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CstRqAlAZf0

I would like to finish this post with an awesome video by Elder Christofferson titled, "Let us be Men"

http://lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#let-us-be-men

I am grateful for the husband I have, and that he is such a man.  I hope to create an environment in my home that will allow my boys to become men free from addiction and free to choose the good over the bad influences in their life because they can tell the difference...