The Charging Block..

 Here's my set-up:

I like to get up early, so my desk in my room (which is a beautiful set-up) isn't really an option unless Quinn is up.  I'm learning those little things that bring peace in my journey and they are as unique and individually tailored as this set-up.  And as transitory.

I'm learning so much even in this too.

1) My health is important--hence the heightened platform for my computer so I can stand more often.

2) The charging block for my computer--next to which is the most easily damaged part of the essential recharging cord--needs to be supported and looked out for directly.  I am like that charging cord--receiving and passing forward power and direction--and my needs to be directly looked after.

3) Following little nudges like this can make a difference in the long-term that I don't foresee now.

This was reinforced yesterday. I wanted to make taco soup to use up the tomato soup and chicken broth that I had in the fridge (I hate waste).  It didn't make sense to just make one batch, so I asked the willing to learn Lily to make a double batch.  This double batch didn't really make sense because I have a fridge full of other leftovers ready to spoil. I reasoned that I could freeze and use the extras for my kiddos when I am gone.

I had Quinn divide it in half to only bring half to the lake with us that night when he met up with us.

Fast forward: end of rehearsal I reach out to a friend that we were going to the lake--almost like I couldn't stop myself. (We have had several days of rehearsals and I still have the unhealthy instinct to not "over-invite" people to things lest I overwhelm them. My therapist would call that taking charge of other people's happiness and decisions.)

She showed up!

I wanted to invite her to join us for dinner, but realized that I hadn't asked Quinn to bring all of the dinner, but I invited her anyway and we all had a little bit. She thanked me.

----

But I missed out.  She could see that we didn't have very much. She was so kind and responded to my multiple invitations, assuring her we had enough, which technically we did. But I had a pot full of extra soup at home, which in the long run begged so many lessons.

Lessons not of guilt (she was already planning on taking care of her family's own dinner and wasn't suffering because I didn't) but of missed opportunity and thereby learning:

-try not to overthink things, lol!

-by bringing my abundance with me, I might have enjoyed being able to serve dinner to a woman--a sweet new friend-- who was in the middle of a broken washing machine dilemma and had to go home now and gather her laundry and head to the laundromat!  Wouldn't that have been cool!

So here I am, the morning after...learning.  Not beating myself up. Learning.

What did that interaction feel like yesterday morning?  The interaction when it was probably God nudging me to make that illogical extra?  What made me start analyzing the why?

You see, I've had some people ask about or comment about my take on what I call following the Spirit--so many choices where I've just moved forward in a seemingly illogical direection and seen some cool miracles.  This is how I learn==by looking back at times where it might have been the Spirit and learning.

Not feeling guilty (can I say this enough?) because other people's happiness does NOT hinge upon me or my abilities.  But it does feel super cool to be part of something that brings a little more joy or eases someone's burden a little and I find that learning to recognize these interactions for what they are "mini-lesssons" I'm learning to pay attention more.  Kind of like a melody I recognize, or a feeling...like the groan one in too many romance movies where the main characters make stupid, out of character decisions to develop the plot or the sweet feeling of redemption at the end when all is restored--and one of the main reasons we watch it ;). 

Here's me, owning it! I like this.

Finding Symbolism in Airport Alarms

 Okay, if there's a perfect time ot be at the airport, I have to say, my favorite it in the week hours of the morning.  Well, only if you have a long layover.  So much seating available.  I can lay on the freshly cleaned floors with much less hesitation than usual. (Yes, I do sometimes because when you're tired... and honestly, will you ever see these people again?)

Yes, that's me.  With my eyes closed. I decided to keep it real and keep my first attempt at this selfie; besides, it's an adequate reflection of the time of day, right?

Well, something that happens at 1:30 am in an airport is the testing of an alarm system.  (Not so great for sleeping but I'm in a three hour lag, so 2 am in Vegas is about my normal wake up time in Ohio. Yes, Vegas!  The picture is a giveaway, right?  Too bad I don't care to gamble, although from what I overheard of the "success" stories of fellow travelers, it would be wise to not try, surprise surprise.  But I digress.) Back to the alarms...

So, right before the alarms came on, there was a loud announcement that basically let us know that the alarms were going to be tested, so to no panic.  Then, for the next 30 minutes (or so) they tested various sound and light alarms.  Good thing I was already awake!  Immediately after the first ones went off, I thought, that's super smart!  So many things can go wrong and you want to be sure everything is in place if that emergency should arise.

That was followed immedately by the thought, much like the voice of the prophets and apostles in our day.  This was fresh on my mind because I was listening to a General Conference talk at the time from President Nelson "Make Time For The Lord" from 2021. I had also just started reading the Doctrince and Covenants, honestly not my go-to book of scriptures. I had just prayed a week ago for God to show my why we study this book, to gain a testimony of it.  As I read the first section, I was immediately struck with several truths that not only applied ot some situations I had been seeking counsel from heaven about, but also the phrase the Lord uses, "to raise a voice of warning in the last days" as calamities and chaos foretold for millenia unfold.  So I'm reading.  And watching for those signs and warnings.

It probably was a natural jump for me to make a connection, then, this morning when the alarms were being tested, against the day of calamity. The airport administrators want everything up and running and in place against the day of emergency.  God wants our lives "up and running" to prepare personally against the impending events that signal the coming of our Lord.

The alamrs were repetitious, perhaps even obnocious.   I admit my heart is not always eager to accept and implement the warnings that seem ofttimes repetitious from the pulpit of those called of God to give us His word.  Here's a sample from the talk I was listening to you and see if any of it might be a familiar refrain...a drill as it were:

"My brothers and sisters, I plead with you to make time for the Lord! Make your own spiritual foundation firm and able to stand the test of time by doing those things that allow the Holy Ghost to be with you always.

Never underestimate the profound truth that “the Spirit speaketh … of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be.”¹ “It will show unto you all things what ye should do.”²

Nothing invites the Spirit more than fixing your focus on Jesus Christ. Talk of Christ, rejoice in Christ, feast upon the words of Christ, and press forward with steadfastness in Christ.³ Make your Sabbath a delight as you worship Him, partake of the sacrament, and keep His day holy.⁴

As I emphasized this morning, please make time for the Lord in His holy house. Nothing will strengthen your spiritual foundation like temple service and temple worship." (Nelson, October 2021)

 So even if those voices of warning may come when we'd rather be sleeping (literally or metaphorically), and even if they seem annoyingly repetitious, maybe it's because that's just what we need to be ready to know just what to do when that day comes...and every day in between.

The alarms were of relatively short duration and I could do other things while being mindful of them. I probably exaggerated when I said thirty minutes. It was probably ten.  Ten minutes. Is it worth those ten minutes, naturally incorporated, to be ready?

Ironically, the topic of the talk and the one that led me to it, "Seek Him With All Your Heart" by Bishop Budge 2024 both emphasized setting intentional, dedicated time to be with God, just as Jesus did during His earthly ministry. If the perfect Savior of the world needed that time, it's something to consider.  (Budge gives great ideas of how to make this time naturally and attainably incorporated into our schedule.)

Just thought I'd share! I'd love to hear ways that you find or make time to be still, to meditate, to take time to be with the Lord and experiences you've had when you've been successful...or not! 

P.S. I have plenty of the latter!  This line stood out from Budge's talk and I'm totally guilty of this! 

The Lord knew—in this fast-paced world full of distractions and in commotion—that making quality time for Him would be one of the major challenges of our day. Speaking through the prophet Isaiah, He provided these words of counsel and caution, which can be likened unto the tumultuous days in which we live:

“In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not.

“But ye said, No; for we will flee upon horses; therefore shall ye flee: and, We will ride upon the swift; therefore shall they that pursue you be swift.” 

In other words, even though our salvation depends on returning to Him often and resting from the cares of the world, we do not. And even though our confidence will come from a strength developed in quiet times sitting with the Lord in meditation and reflection, we do not. Why not? Because we say, “No, we are busy with other things”—fleeing upon our horses, so to speak. Therefore, we will get further and further away from God; we will insist on going faster and faster; and the faster we go, the swifter Satan will follow in pursuit.

Yikes!  Sometimes less is more.  I hear it a lot. Harder to apply for sure! It's one thing to know a thing and another to do it.  Good thing we have these regular "drills."

Planes, Puzzles and Plays--God's Got It Covered

 The other day, I missed my flight.  A day later, I prayed. Here's what happened in the middle...

Today, I set aside time to just BE with my kids.

In the meanwhile, there is so much in my head. So much I've chosen to put into my life...I have just been plain overwhelmed lately.  Even eliminating so much, I still find my self-doubt, criticism, lack of answers and mental health history just seem to sabotage the space I'm intentionally seeking to carve out for myself in my life. Self-sabotage, not trusting...it all came together in doing puzzles with my Penelope and Liesl this morning as God lovingly brought truths out during our "play":

*Sometimes I can't attach the piece I want to (that I pick out, I chose) because the other pieces aren't in place yet-I hate this lesson, honestly.  Sometimes you just have to wait for that vision, that moment, because the timing around you--circumstances, personal readiness, other's readiness--is just not right. (Homeschooling groups in Medina NY comes to mind!)

*Sometimes need to take apart a set of pieces in my life that's put together already to attach it to the next set to it-sometimes you have to have a season of deconstruction to make room for what's coming next.

*Sometimes I have to move out of the way physically for a piece to be put into place-we need to be movable to create space for the changes we want.

*Sometimes it takes some rotating to fit something in..you're just turned around-again, sometimes the change needed isn't so much physically, but just how we see things.

*Getting frustrated often makes it harder-while this is self-explanatory, I found doing it with a volatile, yet sweet and intentional three and six year old brought this lesson to life more sweetly and clearly.

*Hyperfocusing on one piece often makes me miss the piece I actully need to put the whole puzzle together. Penelope did this several times, trying to fit the piece in her hand "that was super special" into a spot.  It just wouldn't fit-those special blessings and dreams we seek sometimes just don't fit into that spot in our lives that we want them to.  Too much idealism, hyperfocusing on what we thing should be happening in our lives or other's lives...can just lead to frustration.

*Can't see the place to put the piece because another piece is covering the spot.  Penelope couldn't find where one of her pieces went because the rest of the pieces (symbolic of goals and dreams perhaps?) were all jumbled around and covering where it went-sometimes taking time out to clear out the jumble of ideas and potention in our lives and sort through it is important so we can find the place for pieces that come next.

*Often others help and put in large pieces of the puzzle-often God sets our puzzle piece space up like I do for my little ones so we can feel the satisfaction of putting that piece into place.

*And a lesson that stood out  particularly at the end, sometimes we pick out puzzles that are too hard for us because we really, really, really want to do them.

These lessons and the flight experience made me reflect upon our crazy and miraculous week of Acting Camp.  I truly felt God inspire me and sustaing me in what I could do and help me feel content with what I could not.   I felt the freedom to take time for myself--applying some of my self-care practices. I saw God change the words in my mouth as I was speaking them as a mentor.  It was just...incredible.

I felt God impress upon me the lessons learned that week and "suggest" that I could apply them to the bigger play that is my life, with all of it's seasons and scenes.

My morning pep talk from God

 I am facing another week of hours of dress rehearsals with two performances at the end. It is a little stomach-clenching because I don’t just find the best of the best and find a way for them to shine. I take those who have seldom if ever acted and thrust upon them great roles and seek to help them discover the capacity within each of them. It is nerve-wracking but has thus far produced 100% incredible results.

They say that the more work, sweat, frustration and love a an artist experiences with a piece of art, the more the viewers can feel it.  I realized that this is the way with me.  The audience feels that our plays are a little different as they sense the vision of potential that goes into it.  For this is not just my work, but God’s.  Actors and actresses stretch and grow under the vision and tutelage of someone who sees them for more than they see themselves. 

But I honestly get a little stressed at this stage.

As I went to my scriptures for comfort this morning, I started flipping from the back and got caught in Abraham 3:22-23-

22 Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the aintelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the bnoble and great ones;

23 And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast achosen before thou wast born.

I too was chosen for this role as a director of these youth plays, just as I chose the youth in their roles. And the product that I have seen in the past and continue to see as their vision of themselves change--the confidence they gain--is glorious.

I kept working my way backward in my scriptures and this is what I found:

Moses 1: 4 And, behold, thou art my son; wherefore alook, and I will show thee the bworkmanship of mine chands; but not all, for my dworks are without eend, and also my fwords, for they never cease…

6 And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the asimilitude of mine bOnly cBegotten; and mine Only Begotten is and shall be the dSavior, for he is full of egrace and ftruth; …

7 And now, behold, this one thing I show unto thee, Moses, my son, for thou art in the world, and now I show it unto thee…

12 And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, aSatan came btempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.

13 And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a ason of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; 

16 Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the asimilitude of mine Only Begotten.

I am His daughter, made in the similtude of the Son of God.  That’s powerful.

I ended in Moses 6:27 with Enoch:

27 And he heard a avoice from heaven, saying: bEnoch, my son,...

31 And when Enoch had heard these words, he abowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: bWhy is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people chate me; for I am dslow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

32 And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy amouth, and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good.

33 Say unto this people: aChoose ye bthis day, to serve the Lord God who made you.

34 Behold my aSpirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the bmountains shall flee before you, and the crivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore dwalk with me.

Best pep talk ever. We are not only His servants; we are His sons and daughters. He walks with us in His beautifully impossible work...which led me to what I read yesterday morning about a key component that made Captain Moroni so great and successful:

Alma 48:16 And also, that God would make it known unto them ^awhither they should go to defend themselves against their enemies, and by so doing, the Lord would deliver them.

God will lead us where we should go and then our Savior will deliver us. And their track record is very impressive.

May this bless you, my dear missionaries, who are present so often in my heart and my prayers.

Beauty from ashes...

Hitting the wrong target?

 This morning, listening to the following story brought tears to my eyes:

"Many years ago, I went to a summer Scout camp with our son Justin. As the activities got underway, he excitedly announced that he and his friends wanted to earn the archery merit badge. Doing so required the boys to pass a short written test and hit a target with their arrows. My heart sank. At the time, Justin was quite frail due to cystic fibrosis, a disease he had been battling since birth. I wondered if he could pull the bow back far enough to send the arrow to the target.

"As he and his friends left for the archery class, I silently prayed that he would not be humiliated by the experience.
"A couple of anxious hours later, I saw him coming up the path toward me with a big smile. “Dad!” he exclaimed. “I got the merit badge! I got a bull’s-eye; it was on the target next to mine, but I hit a bull’s-eye!” He had pulled the bow back with all his might and let the arrow fly, unable to control its trajectory. How grateful I am for that understanding archery instructor who never said, “Sorry, wrong target!” Rather, upon seeing Justin’s obvious limitations and earnest effort, he kindly responded, “Good job!”
"That is how it will be for us if we do our very best to follow Christ and His prophets in spite of our limitations. If we come unto Him by keeping our covenants and repenting of our sins, we will joyfully hear our Savior’s commendation: “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”*

I had just finished posting the following to my sweet daughter-in-law, Réka Biesinger, who had followed up on my recent visit with a question about how I am doing:
"I'm adjusting to being home ❤️. I am soaking in all the beautiful spirits around me, but can get overwhelmed with their needs and the endless options of things to do.

"I can totally relate to your need to keep things clean and orderly-- but sometimes that means pushing someone else's needs away; not strengthening my body for future service through my "essential" exercises; not cooking or creating things for a Halloween party; not playing a game with Tova while she's here; not going on a walk in the beautiful fall weather with my darlings....
Not doing the family calendar.
Not working on the plays and songs for our choir.
Not doing ministering.
Not studying Hungarian so I can better speak with my grandson and the beautiful Hungarian people 😉.
Not filling my personal cup of peace to strengthen and enlarge my capacity to serve.
And not sleeping, lol! (Which is probably why I'm up at 4 in the morning writing this to you ❤️)

"All such great things 💛. But I simply cannot do them all.
"So I'm seeking God's perspective through prayer and scripture: so I can feel peace when my laundry is a mile high and there are dishes in the sink 😏.

"Besides, my vacuum is broken so that's a bit of a pain to even do that simple thing.🤣

"But there is so much beauty in each moment that passes that I don't want to let stress overshadow that.
"So I'm choosing to let a lot of things go in the moment. Trusting that trying my level best is awesome, and, worst-case scenario, I dig through my laundry pile for panties for Liesl."

So when I heard the story about "missing the target" this morning, I wept. God had heard my breaking heart underneath my bravado--my concern, my earnest weak attempt to do some little good despite all I saw as "needing" to be done.
Sometimes a good cry is very clarifying.

Stepping back, I'm grateful for my limitations, honestly. They are teaching me to prioritize, have faith in Christ to literally compensate for every pain and problem caused by both my activity and inactivity, and to choose to see my life with purpose, beauty and hope.**
******

*"Hallmarks of Happiness: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/10/31sabin?lang=eng&fbclid=IwAR3RSga7ko3sCgqq3Ou3Ac_L4YvrQbalsiHWTagyo5U3JGXZzCi00X53iLs

**which last phrase, ironically, is the theme of my children's book for Piper that I just started illustrating,... another "good thing" 😏.