We watched a segment from the life of Christ as put on by the LDS church about the beatitudes this morning during devotional. It struck me how humble each of the beatitudes are, as well as the fact that they are all a pro-active choice to make in a given situation.
So, knowing that like Enoch, I want to walk with God, I did something I haven't done for a while in my pouting...
...I asked Heavenly Father what He would have me do today.
His answer?
"Lift up your face and be joyful."
The answer came immediately after my silent thoughts to the heavens. It must be an answer because it was totally unlooked for...
...how can it feel like such a hard thing to do, when I have so much to be grateful for?
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The wonder that is your life...
My thoughts have dwelt a great deal upon the power of gratitude in any situation since we have come to Hungary. For some reason, whenever my thoughts start drifting off into self-pity, it seems like most of the time a barrage of positive thoughts and reasons to be grateful. (There are always the moments where I wallow, of course, but for the most part, it has been an interesting phenomenon.)
This thought has crossed with another thought I have had...the miracle and wonder that each life is! As I look at the blogs of friends and family and ask about the lives of those I haven't been in touch with as much or don't hear from so much, I hear so often the same general statement: "Oh, you know. The same thing pretty much every day."
It reminds me of a statement towards the beginning of the most recent Joseph Smith film ("Prophet of the Restoration"), made in the voice of his mother: "There is nothing remarkable about the early life of Joseph...we basically just lived." My thought last time I watched it was: But what was that like?"
So often we fail to see the wonder of our lives...the lives we live every day. We fail to see what makes it different, unique, and marvelous.
This morning, for devotional, we watched the following short clip on the Mormon channel, that went right along with this thought:
Thanksgiving Daily
I read a book, another personal classic that I brought, called "The Seven Wonders of Sassafrass Springs." It is a beautifully written, relatively short youth fiction about a young boy obsessed with the wonders of the world. His dream is to visit them...or at least something away from his little town of Sassafrass Springs. His father challenges him to find seven wonders in Sassafrass Springs in 7 days, and promises that he will send his son to Colorado to visit a relative if he can.
The book unfolds wonderfully, as this young man discovers the wonder in the world around him.
I wish everyone could see the wonder that is their life. I wish they would share it more, like all the women that I have spoken with over the years, encouraging them to share their testimonies, their lives, their personal experiences that seem mundane to them, but can be so uplifting, inspiring, and unique to others.
I think the first step to seeing the wonders that make up our daily, "mundane" existence is cultivating what President Monson calls "an attitude of gratitude."
After watching the above short clip, the Goob remembered another one, wherein random people on the streets of New York City share a variety of grateful responses to one simple question: What are you thankful for? It is short, but full of sincerity, humor, and humanity...my favorite kind of thing!
In the Spirit of Thanksgiving
So do it! Share the wonder that is your life with others! Sometimes, it is through the sharing of something seemingly "un-wonderful" that you discover just how awesomely unique, special, and worth sharing your life is!
(Side note: I loved looking at the intensity of the people's eyes as they shared their feelings...wanting someone to really listen. So cool!)
This thought has crossed with another thought I have had...the miracle and wonder that each life is! As I look at the blogs of friends and family and ask about the lives of those I haven't been in touch with as much or don't hear from so much, I hear so often the same general statement: "Oh, you know. The same thing pretty much every day."
It reminds me of a statement towards the beginning of the most recent Joseph Smith film ("Prophet of the Restoration"), made in the voice of his mother: "There is nothing remarkable about the early life of Joseph...we basically just lived." My thought last time I watched it was: But what was that like?"
So often we fail to see the wonder of our lives...the lives we live every day. We fail to see what makes it different, unique, and marvelous.
This morning, for devotional, we watched the following short clip on the Mormon channel, that went right along with this thought:
Thanksgiving Daily
I read a book, another personal classic that I brought, called "The Seven Wonders of Sassafrass Springs." It is a beautifully written, relatively short youth fiction about a young boy obsessed with the wonders of the world. His dream is to visit them...or at least something away from his little town of Sassafrass Springs. His father challenges him to find seven wonders in Sassafrass Springs in 7 days, and promises that he will send his son to Colorado to visit a relative if he can.
The book unfolds wonderfully, as this young man discovers the wonder in the world around him.
I wish everyone could see the wonder that is their life. I wish they would share it more, like all the women that I have spoken with over the years, encouraging them to share their testimonies, their lives, their personal experiences that seem mundane to them, but can be so uplifting, inspiring, and unique to others.
I think the first step to seeing the wonders that make up our daily, "mundane" existence is cultivating what President Monson calls "an attitude of gratitude."
After watching the above short clip, the Goob remembered another one, wherein random people on the streets of New York City share a variety of grateful responses to one simple question: What are you thankful for? It is short, but full of sincerity, humor, and humanity...my favorite kind of thing!
In the Spirit of Thanksgiving
So do it! Share the wonder that is your life with others! Sometimes, it is through the sharing of something seemingly "un-wonderful" that you discover just how awesomely unique, special, and worth sharing your life is!
(Side note: I loved looking at the intensity of the people's eyes as they shared their feelings...wanting someone to really listen. So cool!)
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Stewardship thoughts
It has been an interesting thing, this renting business. As I moved from one place to another, and have felt what I perceived as "limitations" in using other people's things, I have learned a great deal.
A little background: we bought some of our own plates and dishes, not to mention a microwave and some other bigger items, when we moved to our new rental house in Biatorbagy. I felt relief the first time using them, feeling freedom from responsibility to others in caring for them (and replacing them, if needs be).
However, then the thought came, "but what of Quinn, who worked so hard to provide the money for this item...are you not beholden to him to take the best care you can of these things?"
And, then, I came across this scripture in my scripture reading this morning:
D&C 136:27 Thou shalt be adiligent in bpreserving what thou hast, that thou mayest be a wise csteward; for it is the free gift of the Lord thy God, and thou art his steward.
As much as I felt chafed by this whole rental arrangement, it has helped me more fully feel what it means to be a steward over something, verses full ownership. It has helped me realize that all the things I have are truly gifts of God, turned over to me for temporary stewardship, and I am accountable for my use (or misuse) of them. As I clean up the house extra well, be more mindful of things that could break or be scratched by misuse, or try harder to keep markers out of Maia's reach :)...it has been cause for more reflection on my part.
Now, my mom has always taught me through example that people are more important than things. As grandkids have accidentally broken things that are very precious to her, she has lovingly consoled the grandchild first, and then, if she has mourned, she has done it in private. The child comes away knowing it was special to grandma, but they learn that they are more important to grandma than any object.
So how to balance this? Right now, I am trying :) to lovingly teach responsibility to the kids, a respect for others and their things...not just "jumping through hoops to keep someone happy," like my first attitude was. I think it has also shown me a principle behind this teaching--this principle of stewardship and accountability to the Lord who also loves us more than things, but also expects us to be "diligent in preserving" what we have, so that we can be "a wise steward." And I always like it when I am acting on principle...it is more sure.
This whole concept is a little new to me, but has made me be more humble and more mindful of the care I take of things--from the brand-new microwave, to the holey, dirty socks that I am washing by hand and putting a little more effort into keeping nice and whiter. Acting on principle is definitely more rewarding than out of grudging obligation, but I think I will have to continue to think about how to balance "stewardship" and "charity" in our house...
A little background: we bought some of our own plates and dishes, not to mention a microwave and some other bigger items, when we moved to our new rental house in Biatorbagy. I felt relief the first time using them, feeling freedom from responsibility to others in caring for them (and replacing them, if needs be).
However, then the thought came, "but what of Quinn, who worked so hard to provide the money for this item...are you not beholden to him to take the best care you can of these things?"
And, then, I came across this scripture in my scripture reading this morning:
D&C 136:27 Thou shalt be adiligent in bpreserving what thou hast, that thou mayest be a wise csteward; for it is the free gift of the Lord thy God, and thou art his steward.
As much as I felt chafed by this whole rental arrangement, it has helped me more fully feel what it means to be a steward over something, verses full ownership. It has helped me realize that all the things I have are truly gifts of God, turned over to me for temporary stewardship, and I am accountable for my use (or misuse) of them. As I clean up the house extra well, be more mindful of things that could break or be scratched by misuse, or try harder to keep markers out of Maia's reach :)...it has been cause for more reflection on my part.
Now, my mom has always taught me through example that people are more important than things. As grandkids have accidentally broken things that are very precious to her, she has lovingly consoled the grandchild first, and then, if she has mourned, she has done it in private. The child comes away knowing it was special to grandma, but they learn that they are more important to grandma than any object.
So how to balance this? Right now, I am trying :) to lovingly teach responsibility to the kids, a respect for others and their things...not just "jumping through hoops to keep someone happy," like my first attitude was. I think it has also shown me a principle behind this teaching--this principle of stewardship and accountability to the Lord who also loves us more than things, but also expects us to be "diligent in preserving" what we have, so that we can be "a wise steward." And I always like it when I am acting on principle...it is more sure.
This whole concept is a little new to me, but has made me be more humble and more mindful of the care I take of things--from the brand-new microwave, to the holey, dirty socks that I am washing by hand and putting a little more effort into keeping nice and whiter. Acting on principle is definitely more rewarding than out of grudging obligation, but I think I will have to continue to think about how to balance "stewardship" and "charity" in our house...
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Funny international item from my dad...
I got this from my dad, who saw it from his friend on Facebook. I loved it and love the humor things like this (and people like Quinn!) do to brighten our days :)...enjoy!
"Mary,
I thought you would get a kick out of this. For a little background, John Halleck (a co-worker for many years from the Computer Center) lived a number of years in Greece, so he knows the language some. Anyway, this is a recent posting he made on Facebook:
John Halleck
Yesterday, when leaving work, I encountered a very old frail Chinese man wearing a baseball cap. On the front it said "μολὼν λαβέ"
This is a very famous, very defiant Greek expression. When Persia asked the Spartans to lay down their arms, surrender, and give tribute, king Leonidas is claimed to have said this. The English translation is (more or less) "Come and take it!".
I asked the Chinese man if he know what it said. He said "No, is it French?".
Only in America."
"Mary,
I thought you would get a kick out of this. For a little background, John Halleck (a co-worker for many years from the Computer Center) lived a number of years in Greece, so he knows the language some. Anyway, this is a recent posting he made on Facebook:
John Halleck
Yesterday, when leaving work, I encountered a very old frail Chinese man wearing a baseball cap. On the front it said "μολὼν λαβέ"
This is a very famous, very defiant Greek expression. When Persia asked the Spartans to lay down their arms, surrender, and give tribute, king Leonidas is claimed to have said this. The English translation is (more or less) "Come and take it!".
I asked the Chinese man if he know what it said. He said "No, is it French?".
Only in America."
Sunday, November 4, 2012
How does God answer YOUR prayers?
Before I get into this, I want to tell you one of my favorite children's stories...
(And when I say "favorite," I have about one hundred such favorites...I'll share the list sometime :). And, yes, it is 3 am in the morning where I am, but since I can't sleep, I'll put something into writing I have been meaning to do for a little while now...)
It's called "The Happy Dromedary," as told by Berniece Frescher.
"Millions and millions of years ago, when the birds and beasts first came upon the earth, the King of the Animals said "Go and look throughout the land and find a place to live--for you may make your home wherever you choose."
The leopard and the tiger chose to live in the leafy jungle. The bear and the wolf chose the cool, shady forest. The rabbit and the mouse chose the grassy meadow. And the birds chose the trees and the air above the earth in which to make their home.
Not many creatures wanted to live in the hot, sandy desert.
But when the dromedary went out into the world to find her place and came to the desert, she said, "This is where I want to live. Here in the beautiful desert--where the eye can see from horizon to horizon--where there is no sound but silence...and where no snow falls to chill my body and no cold winds blow to weaken my bones."
But, in the beginning, the dromedary, also called camel, did not look the same as she does today, and when she tried to walk upon the desert, her feet sank into the sand.
So the dromedary went to the King of the Animals and she said, "Oh, Great King. I want to live in the beautiful desert where the sky is as blue as the blue, blue sea, and where the morning sun turns the hills of sand from pink to gold.
"But my feet are so small that when I try to walk upon the desert they sink into the sand and I cannot go far. Please--would you make my feet bigger?"
"As you wish," said the busy Animal King, adn the great King changed the dromedary's feet--making them large, and flat, and floppy.
And the dromedary was very happy.
She went back to the desert. Now she could walk upon the sand PLOP--PLOP--PLOP! went her large, flat feet.
But the way was far between the water holes. And soon the dromedary became hungry and thirsty.
So she went to the Animal King and she said, "Oh, great King. Now I can walk upon the sand, but the was is far between the water holes, and I soon get hungry and thirsty. Please, would you give me a large hump on my back to store food and water?"
And the tired King said, "As you wish." He gave the dromedary a large hump on her back to store food and water.
And the dromedary was very happy. Now she could walk upon the sand with her large, flat feet--and she could go long distances without food or water.
But the other animals laughed at her.
"Look at those funny, floppy feet," said the goat.
"Look at that lumpy hump on her back," said the horse.
"Look how UGLY she is!" cried the tortoise.
The dromedary was very sad.
She went to the King of the Animals again. "Oh, great King," she said. "Now the others call me ugly, and they laugh at the way I look. Please change me back to the way I was before."
And the Animal King said, "You came ot me and asked for large, flat feet to walk upon the desert sand, and I gave them to you. Then you asked for a large hump on your back to store food and water, and I gave you that. Now you come and ask me to undo all that I have done--that even I cannot do."
The Animal King turned away. "Go," he said. "I have much work to finish. Do not bother me again."
The unhappy dromedary hung her head. She went away and hid from the other animals. She wouldn't eat--she wouldn't drink. She just sat and thought.
More than anything else, the dromedary wanted to live in the golden desert, but it made her sad when the others laughed at the way she looked. After much thought, she finally decided that she must go away and find a new place to live. Her head bent low, she plodded slowly back to the Animal King.
"I am sorry to trouble you again, great King, but I must leave the beautiful desert. I cannot be happy there where everyone laughs at me."
The Animal King looked up with weary eyes. "Dromedary," he said, "no other animals was clever enough to think of the special gifts that you thought of for living in the desert. You must not leave, for you will be a most valuable friends to the people who one day will come to live there."
Then the tired King closed his eyes and for a long while was silent. Just as the dromedary had decided that he must have fallen asleep, the Animal King opened his eyes.
"Hummmmmmmm--I have an idea. I'll just make your neck longer and push back your nose a bit--that should do it." And when he was done, he told the dromedary, "Now go and live in your beautiful desert--and be happy."
When next the dromedary met the other animals, she lifted her long neck high. Her chin went up and she sniffed. She pretended that she didn't see the others. At first, the animals laughed--but then a strange thing happened. As they stood looking up at the tall dromedary, one by one, they stopped laughing.
"How very proud she looks," said the goat.
"And so important," said the horse.
"She is important," said the tortoise. "No other animal can walk as far across the hot desert without tiring as she, or travel as many days without food or water."
"My," sighed the animals, "how great and beautiful she is."
And so it is, with her long neck stretched high, and her chin tilted up toward the sky, the happy dromedary walks across her golden desert--
PLOP--PLOP--PLOP!
********************************
Now, like with all fables and allegories, it has its faults, but it has stayed on my bookshelf over the years for various reasons. Like all classics, I have learned many lessons from this one, and, the last few times I have read it to my kids here in Hungary, the following has really stood out.
In the story, the dromedary has a dream,...she has a vision of her "mission" you could say, and what she wants to do...live in the desert.
So, she approaches the Animal King to help shape her so that dream will come to pass.
Her entreaties are met with answers, and she finds out that those answers didn't look exactly as she had planned...or at least she seems to get discouraged at some point with the result of those answers.
It has made me think.
Over the years, Quinn and I have prayed for various things for ourselves and our children. Some of them are probably familiar to other parents: that they will get along, see the good in each other, seek to serve others, come to love God and trust Him, see the good in themselves, both now and as they can become...etc, and etc, and etc. (I love "The King and I" :)...)
Anyway, I have seen so many good things in our little family already, just being in Hungary for a month. Maybe our "cultural adventure" (as Quinn puts it) in Hungary, as different looking as the camel was strange to the other animals, is an answer to so many of our prayers over the years. I know that I have heard many times about people getting answers that don't look the way they expect, and have experienced the same thing as I...as though I really have the perspective to fix my own problems the best way!
Of course, God wants us to be pro-active in seeking solutions and opportunities, much like the camel had ideas for meeting her challenges. However, so many times, the answers we seek only come through taking paths we didn't expect,...and trusting God.
For instance, I used to pray for patience. I stopped that a long time ago...not because I was patient, but because it seemed that whenever I really and sincerely prayed for it, all of a sudden there were in front of me so many ways to test my patience to make it better. Not so fun :).
However, the more I trust that God truly knows the best way to answer my prayers, to make me into that mansion C.S. Lewis talks about in the quote at the bottom of this blog, the more I become the camel, capable and content to be where I was born to be, serve who I can serve, and become whom God sees I can become...uniquely and beautifully so.
I love children's books :)...
(And when I say "favorite," I have about one hundred such favorites...I'll share the list sometime :). And, yes, it is 3 am in the morning where I am, but since I can't sleep, I'll put something into writing I have been meaning to do for a little while now...)
It's called "The Happy Dromedary," as told by Berniece Frescher.
"Millions and millions of years ago, when the birds and beasts first came upon the earth, the King of the Animals said "Go and look throughout the land and find a place to live--for you may make your home wherever you choose."
The leopard and the tiger chose to live in the leafy jungle. The bear and the wolf chose the cool, shady forest. The rabbit and the mouse chose the grassy meadow. And the birds chose the trees and the air above the earth in which to make their home.
Not many creatures wanted to live in the hot, sandy desert.
But when the dromedary went out into the world to find her place and came to the desert, she said, "This is where I want to live. Here in the beautiful desert--where the eye can see from horizon to horizon--where there is no sound but silence...and where no snow falls to chill my body and no cold winds blow to weaken my bones."
But, in the beginning, the dromedary, also called camel, did not look the same as she does today, and when she tried to walk upon the desert, her feet sank into the sand.
So the dromedary went to the King of the Animals and she said, "Oh, Great King. I want to live in the beautiful desert where the sky is as blue as the blue, blue sea, and where the morning sun turns the hills of sand from pink to gold.
"But my feet are so small that when I try to walk upon the desert they sink into the sand and I cannot go far. Please--would you make my feet bigger?"
"As you wish," said the busy Animal King, adn the great King changed the dromedary's feet--making them large, and flat, and floppy.
And the dromedary was very happy.
She went back to the desert. Now she could walk upon the sand PLOP--PLOP--PLOP! went her large, flat feet.
But the way was far between the water holes. And soon the dromedary became hungry and thirsty.
So she went to the Animal King and she said, "Oh, great King. Now I can walk upon the sand, but the was is far between the water holes, and I soon get hungry and thirsty. Please, would you give me a large hump on my back to store food and water?"
And the tired King said, "As you wish." He gave the dromedary a large hump on her back to store food and water.
And the dromedary was very happy. Now she could walk upon the sand with her large, flat feet--and she could go long distances without food or water.
But the other animals laughed at her.
"Look at those funny, floppy feet," said the goat.
"Look at that lumpy hump on her back," said the horse.
"Look how UGLY she is!" cried the tortoise.
The dromedary was very sad.
She went to the King of the Animals again. "Oh, great King," she said. "Now the others call me ugly, and they laugh at the way I look. Please change me back to the way I was before."
And the Animal King said, "You came ot me and asked for large, flat feet to walk upon the desert sand, and I gave them to you. Then you asked for a large hump on your back to store food and water, and I gave you that. Now you come and ask me to undo all that I have done--that even I cannot do."
The Animal King turned away. "Go," he said. "I have much work to finish. Do not bother me again."
The unhappy dromedary hung her head. She went away and hid from the other animals. She wouldn't eat--she wouldn't drink. She just sat and thought.
More than anything else, the dromedary wanted to live in the golden desert, but it made her sad when the others laughed at the way she looked. After much thought, she finally decided that she must go away and find a new place to live. Her head bent low, she plodded slowly back to the Animal King.
"I am sorry to trouble you again, great King, but I must leave the beautiful desert. I cannot be happy there where everyone laughs at me."
The Animal King looked up with weary eyes. "Dromedary," he said, "no other animals was clever enough to think of the special gifts that you thought of for living in the desert. You must not leave, for you will be a most valuable friends to the people who one day will come to live there."
Then the tired King closed his eyes and for a long while was silent. Just as the dromedary had decided that he must have fallen asleep, the Animal King opened his eyes.
"Hummmmmmmm--I have an idea. I'll just make your neck longer and push back your nose a bit--that should do it." And when he was done, he told the dromedary, "Now go and live in your beautiful desert--and be happy."
When next the dromedary met the other animals, she lifted her long neck high. Her chin went up and she sniffed. She pretended that she didn't see the others. At first, the animals laughed--but then a strange thing happened. As they stood looking up at the tall dromedary, one by one, they stopped laughing.
"How very proud she looks," said the goat.
"And so important," said the horse.
"She is important," said the tortoise. "No other animal can walk as far across the hot desert without tiring as she, or travel as many days without food or water."
"My," sighed the animals, "how great and beautiful she is."
And so it is, with her long neck stretched high, and her chin tilted up toward the sky, the happy dromedary walks across her golden desert--
PLOP--PLOP--PLOP!
********************************
Now, like with all fables and allegories, it has its faults, but it has stayed on my bookshelf over the years for various reasons. Like all classics, I have learned many lessons from this one, and, the last few times I have read it to my kids here in Hungary, the following has really stood out.
In the story, the dromedary has a dream,...she has a vision of her "mission" you could say, and what she wants to do...live in the desert.
So, she approaches the Animal King to help shape her so that dream will come to pass.
Her entreaties are met with answers, and she finds out that those answers didn't look exactly as she had planned...or at least she seems to get discouraged at some point with the result of those answers.
It has made me think.
Over the years, Quinn and I have prayed for various things for ourselves and our children. Some of them are probably familiar to other parents: that they will get along, see the good in each other, seek to serve others, come to love God and trust Him, see the good in themselves, both now and as they can become...etc, and etc, and etc. (I love "The King and I" :)...)
Anyway, I have seen so many good things in our little family already, just being in Hungary for a month. Maybe our "cultural adventure" (as Quinn puts it) in Hungary, as different looking as the camel was strange to the other animals, is an answer to so many of our prayers over the years. I know that I have heard many times about people getting answers that don't look the way they expect, and have experienced the same thing as I...as though I really have the perspective to fix my own problems the best way!
Of course, God wants us to be pro-active in seeking solutions and opportunities, much like the camel had ideas for meeting her challenges. However, so many times, the answers we seek only come through taking paths we didn't expect,...and trusting God.
For instance, I used to pray for patience. I stopped that a long time ago...not because I was patient, but because it seemed that whenever I really and sincerely prayed for it, all of a sudden there were in front of me so many ways to test my patience to make it better. Not so fun :).
However, the more I trust that God truly knows the best way to answer my prayers, to make me into that mansion C.S. Lewis talks about in the quote at the bottom of this blog, the more I become the camel, capable and content to be where I was born to be, serve who I can serve, and become whom God sees I can become...uniquely and beautifully so.
I love children's books :)...
Emotionally...done.
Been a hard day.
Not because of things around me...
The kids have been sweet and mindful. Quinn is, of course, wonderful and helpful.
It's just me.
Emotionally tired, with no emotional reserve to meet anything...
A woman in my old ward once said that, if she was to be in a pioneer company, she would have wanted to cross the plains with me..."because you are so strong." ("Built for hard labor" as it says in "Ever After"...) I just keep going.
And I do. I keep going. I feel the fruits of work, see the chaos that happens when I choose not to, and feel the joy of being "anxiously engaged." However, I guess the events of the last week combined with just being 38 weeks along in a new country, trying to maintain has just finally sapped my reserves. And, maybe it's just "my time of the month" :), eh, Quinn? Sometimes, I get tired of being strong. :S
For instance, this morning, as we were lumbering quickly to church (well, I was lumbering), I thought, "There is no way I am going to run for a train today. I will be an hour late to church...I just cannot make myself lumber any faster right now." So what happens? The train pulls up a few minutes early, and we get to hurry. Fortunately, Quinn ran ahead and stalled his way on, so I could cross the tracks and get on. Without a fast lumber. Normally, I can just mentally push myself and do it. Not today, apparently.
All through church, if anyone was slightly nice, the words to a hymn even remotely applicable to me, or, really, if a crayon fell on the floor and I felt too overwhelmed to pick it up, it seemed to open the floodgates of tears. Awesome womanliness :).
During Sunday School, we talked about being like the Savior, and the teacher asked the question, "How can we be like Jesus?" Of course, it was in Hungarian, so I wasn't going to reply aloud and disrupt the flow by having someone translate for me, but it made me think. I came to the conclusion that, to truly be like Jesus, it is to find out the will of God and to do it. Think of Gethsemane, and that poignant plea to heaven, "Let this cup pass,...nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done..." Was there ever a more defining moment of the Savior's ministry than at that moment?
It made me think about bending my will to His, and how, sometimes, it is soooo hard. But, just like Peter returning to his nets and being called back to the work of disciple, this life is truly a matter of making our wills coincide with His. (See the amazing talk by Elder Holland at http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/the-first-great-commandment?lang=eng. I love to listen to it, because his voice is so moving!)
But then, as I was thinking about how emotionally done I felt at that moment, the next verse in 3 Nephi 27 that caught my eye said something like, "whomsoever doeth this, shall be lifted up at the last day," and I realized...we don't lift ourselves up. In a very real sense, I saw myself very literally being lifted up to meet my Maker, much like a babe in arms, a very imperfect, a very needy babe in arms, and brought to be with Him. It is a totally dependent phrase, and reminds me of one of my favorite songs of all time,..."I can only imagine" by MercyMe.
I can only imagine
I know that this moment will pass, that my cup will be replenished. I have experienced the calm after the storm before, and know it will come. (The sun will rise, right :)?) However, in this moment, the words of "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" are such a comfort:
It's amazing how much these words can reach us..in our reaching. I am so grateful for the hymns, grateful for tears that cleanse, grateful for power naps,...
...but, truly, grateful for one who knows.
Not because of things around me...
The kids have been sweet and mindful. Quinn is, of course, wonderful and helpful.
It's just me.
Emotionally tired, with no emotional reserve to meet anything...
A woman in my old ward once said that, if she was to be in a pioneer company, she would have wanted to cross the plains with me..."because you are so strong." ("Built for hard labor" as it says in "Ever After"...) I just keep going.
And I do. I keep going. I feel the fruits of work, see the chaos that happens when I choose not to, and feel the joy of being "anxiously engaged." However, I guess the events of the last week combined with just being 38 weeks along in a new country, trying to maintain has just finally sapped my reserves. And, maybe it's just "my time of the month" :), eh, Quinn? Sometimes, I get tired of being strong. :S
For instance, this morning, as we were lumbering quickly to church (well, I was lumbering), I thought, "There is no way I am going to run for a train today. I will be an hour late to church...I just cannot make myself lumber any faster right now." So what happens? The train pulls up a few minutes early, and we get to hurry. Fortunately, Quinn ran ahead and stalled his way on, so I could cross the tracks and get on. Without a fast lumber. Normally, I can just mentally push myself and do it. Not today, apparently.
All through church, if anyone was slightly nice, the words to a hymn even remotely applicable to me, or, really, if a crayon fell on the floor and I felt too overwhelmed to pick it up, it seemed to open the floodgates of tears. Awesome womanliness :).
During Sunday School, we talked about being like the Savior, and the teacher asked the question, "How can we be like Jesus?" Of course, it was in Hungarian, so I wasn't going to reply aloud and disrupt the flow by having someone translate for me, but it made me think. I came to the conclusion that, to truly be like Jesus, it is to find out the will of God and to do it. Think of Gethsemane, and that poignant plea to heaven, "Let this cup pass,...nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done..." Was there ever a more defining moment of the Savior's ministry than at that moment?
It made me think about bending my will to His, and how, sometimes, it is soooo hard. But, just like Peter returning to his nets and being called back to the work of disciple, this life is truly a matter of making our wills coincide with His. (See the amazing talk by Elder Holland at http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/the-first-great-commandment?lang=eng. I love to listen to it, because his voice is so moving!)
But then, as I was thinking about how emotionally done I felt at that moment, the next verse in 3 Nephi 27 that caught my eye said something like, "whomsoever doeth this, shall be lifted up at the last day," and I realized...we don't lift ourselves up. In a very real sense, I saw myself very literally being lifted up to meet my Maker, much like a babe in arms, a very imperfect, a very needy babe in arms, and brought to be with Him. It is a totally dependent phrase, and reminds me of one of my favorite songs of all time,..."I can only imagine" by MercyMe.
I can only imagine
I know that this moment will pass, that my cup will be replenished. I have experienced the calm after the storm before, and know it will come. (The sun will rise, right :)?) However, in this moment, the words of "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" are such a comfort:
1. Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?
2. Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.
3. He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.
Text: Emma Lou Thayne, b. 1924. © 1973 IRIReaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.
It's amazing how much these words can reach us..in our reaching. I am so grateful for the hymns, grateful for tears that cleanse, grateful for power naps,...
...but, truly, grateful for one who knows.
Friday, November 2, 2012
"And the sun rises!"
One of my favorite moments in all the movies I have watched is when, trapped in Helm's Deep by hoards of evil creatures bent on destroying humankind, the King of the Rohirim (sp?) makes the critical decision to charge out to meet them, facing certain death.
He doesn't know what the end will be, but, inspired by Aragorn, he decides to meet it with courage.
As he charges out, calling out to his dispirited soldiers and sounding the battle horn in defiance of that evil, he sees the first rays of the sun, and says one of my favorite lines of all time...
"...and the sun rises!"
I have thought of that moment, that beautiful gift we are given each day that offers such hope to me. I love the feeling of charging out to meet whatever overwhelming forces may lie before me..."and the sun rises." I love the newness of each day, the lightening of soul that comes with those first precious rays of the sun, and the promise of hope that each day brings with it.
That line gives such hope and faith to me, and I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that clarion call in my head in the morning with the sunshine pouring through my window... "and the sun rises!"
Now, I may have it worded wrong :), and the sequence of events in the movie a little askew, but it is the message of hope, strength, and courage that come with it that inspire me when the days can seem so dark or overwhelming.
And the sun rises!
He doesn't know what the end will be, but, inspired by Aragorn, he decides to meet it with courage.
As he charges out, calling out to his dispirited soldiers and sounding the battle horn in defiance of that evil, he sees the first rays of the sun, and says one of my favorite lines of all time...
"...and the sun rises!"
I have thought of that moment, that beautiful gift we are given each day that offers such hope to me. I love the feeling of charging out to meet whatever overwhelming forces may lie before me..."and the sun rises." I love the newness of each day, the lightening of soul that comes with those first precious rays of the sun, and the promise of hope that each day brings with it.
That line gives such hope and faith to me, and I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that clarion call in my head in the morning with the sunshine pouring through my window... "and the sun rises!"
Now, I may have it worded wrong :), and the sequence of events in the movie a little askew, but it is the message of hope, strength, and courage that come with it that inspire me when the days can seem so dark or overwhelming.
And the sun rises!
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