I am enough...

I have been struggling to get "ready" for this new year, feeling like, if I just "did a little more", I would be what I need to be. However, as I step back and look at it, my expectations of what I need to do to be "ready", is huge. For the past few weeks, I have silently despaired and outwardly stressed out in response.

I know that Heavenly Father wants me to be doing this right now, but I also know He doesn't want me to live my life in a constant state of panic, stress, or feelings of "not-enoughness"! So how can I do what I need to do, and still have peace? I need to trust, trust that what I have to offer is exactly what He needs and knew I was capable of.

Yesterday in Relief Society, I felt like the following closing statement from the recent LDS General Conference talk by D. Todd Christofferson was spoken directly to me, and it pierced me to the very core:

"May God sustain you in your striving to meet His high expectations and grant you a full measure of the happiness and peace that naturally follow."

If I can embrace with faith His chosen path for me, truly following His spiritual guidance, I can trust that it is enough. I am enough.

Vengeance is mine, thus saith the...mom?

Yesterday, once again, I had a situation in my home where one child took it upon themselves to be the judge and the one who punishes. Something was not right, and, by golly, they were going to make sure that the person in error was going to pay!

I was so frustrated! I knew the situation better, I knew the children involved better, and I knew the best way to teach/discipline them in such a way that it would be less likely to happen again. As in many cases before, I wish that the other kids would stay out of it. Their sense of "justice" and "punishment" tends to make things a whole lot worse--not to mention, there is absolutely no mercy or love involved.

As I fumed and stewed about what to do, I was struck by a thought. How much more must Heavenly Father, our God in Heaven, regret when we stick our oars in, "righting the wrongs" of those around us, when it is really none of our business? He knows the people involved better than we do, He knows the situations, and He knows the best way to teach them, yet, somehow, we seem to think He needs our help to enact His righteous justice.

Of course we need to judge righteously, but (as my incredible husband put it) we don't condemn. Very seldom in the history of the world does the Lord actually use people to step in as His divine hand of vengeance.

It made me think about how sometimes I probably make things a lot worse when I allow myself to judge, condemn, and punish. How do I "punish"? Shunning, excluding, snide comments, unkind thoughts, nights of planning out "what I should say or do" when I next interact with that person so I can "teach them a lesson" or "show them the right way."

Anyway, it helped me see a different perspective, because I could see first-hand in my parent mini-world how frustrating it might be for Heavenly Father to see us hurt each other, those whom He loves so dearly, and for whom He really knows what is best.

Cool thought from Tovacula

My darling daughter shared with me the following cool thought from her reading this morning: A Chinese paleotologist came to a conclusion about some fossils found in China. An American was upset by his conclusion, and this was the Chinese man's response: "In China we can criticize Darwin, and not the government. In America, you can criticize the government, but not Darwin."

Hmmm....food for thought....

Liberty and God

I just read a book called "The Silence of God" about an LDS family in Russia during the transition time from the Romanov's to the communists/socialists. It has made me think a great deal about the noble ideals of communism/socialism, and why it doesn't seem to work. One concept in the book really struck me: government and men do not have power to change men's hearts, only God does, and that kind of society can only work with people with changed hearts.

There are so many similarities between communism and the law of consecration, but with some fundamental differences.

I found a scripture that helped me remember what the essential one is: 2 Corinthians 3:17: "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty."

In every socialistic society I have studied/heard about, there is an attempt to banish all traces of God from society. Why is that?

p.s. I realize I have used the terms "socialism" and "communism" seemingly interchangeably, but I recently learned that socialism is a political vehicle for communism, which is a economic ideal, so felt my use of them in this post probably worked all right :).

p.p.s. I also recently learned that "alright" is not actually a word, according to "Painless Grammar" author Rebecca Elliot...go figure! "Afterwards" is also not a word. Hmmm....

p.p.p.s. I also learned how to spell "grammar" with an "a" instead of "grammer" with an "e". Mary really is growing up! Maybe someday she will know what a "cavity" is, as well as not to get into cars with little old men strangers on 2nd North in downtown Salt Lake City? Stories for another day...

Mary's growing up...

Everyone, I have an announcement to make...

I have learned how to export a file in PDF format so I can send attachments that people can actually open! Woohoo for me!

Someday, when I am really cool I will be just like my friend, Marni, who seems to know how to do all those things in her sleep :).

Cutting my Hollyhocks

I have some purple mini-hollyhocks (I think that's what they are...) that grow next to my front porch. The first year they grew, I loved their purple blooms! In fact, as they grew older and older and decayed before my eyes, I refused to cut them, holding on to what I thought was my last chance to enjoy them for the year. Finally, they were such a huge eyesore, that I decided to finally cut them.

Lo and behold! I found a few weeks later (now well into fall) that they were growing again! I could have cut them back much earlier and actually had another set of beautiful blooms instead of watching the old ones wither, die, and then just look plain ugly for a while :).

So now, each year, as soon as they start withering, I cut them down at the base.

As I saw the regrowth happening now in my flower bed after cutting them back a few weeks ago, I was struck by an analogy. There have been times when I have felt "cut back", kind of like I had to start over again. It hurt, it was miserable, and it seemed like it was happening when I was doing my darn'd-est to keep on growing and doing my best.

It made me think about how there are seasons in our lives, seasons for growing, and seasons for starting over, or even just hibernating for a while :). Sometimes we cannot just keep growing, growing, growing, pushing ourselves to just "keep it up". When we do that, we can look just plain ugly like this hollyhock bush by my door.

It made me wonder, what seasons do I have? Do I keep pushing myself when I should be going back to basics?

And then, I thought, do I have faith when life seems to "cut me back"? When everything seems to drop out of the bottom, as it were? Do I see it as time to consider, time for regrowth, or do I whine and complain?

Then, --as so often seems to happen when I have something on my mind-- this morning I came across a scripture in 2 Corinthians 4 that seemed to teach me a little more about having faith in times of trial...
15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the ^athanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the ^ainward man is renewed day by day.

17 For our light ^aaffliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and ^beternal ^cweight of glory;

How cool is that! Now, I just need to learn from it and enjoy my seasons more, right?

Funny!

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
~Miss Piggy~

Thanks, Peggy, for sharing this one!

The Great and Abominable...school?

After months of joking around about the junior high being built across the street, months of feeling just a bit miffed at the "great and spacious building" that replaced the idyllic view we had before of pasture and silo, months of grumbling to neighbors about all the hassle, noise, and dirt that has kicked up from the construction, I have come to a decision...

...but let me go back a little!

Last Sunday in church, we were taking the opportunity to introduce ourselves since we just split our ward. My neighbors took the chance to voice their extreme discontent about the junior high and I was able to hear how bitter and selfish it sounded. Sure, it has been a hassle, but the area really needs it and there really isn't a very good place for it.

So, my decision, stop grumbling and look for the good side! My kids have a sidewalk to ride and walk on instead of the side of the road; we have fields to play on; my kids can catch Seminary and Orchestra if we want to when they get to that age; and...well, that's about all I can think about for me, but the benefits to most of our community far outweigh my little inconveniences.

And isn't that what living in a society is all about? Tolerance of what is tolerable, finding the good in what we can, and picking our battles for those that really matter.

A little bit of Heaven

I went to Millhollow two weeks ago with my family: primitive camping, too! As I walked from the campground to the lake, as I watched my children play in the stream, as I sat and rubbed shoulders with my amazing extended Buchanan family, I thought, "This must be what Heaven is like." The meadows full of blooming flowers, the pines, the water, the people, the laughing, the living, the struggling, the back to basic feel of it all--it was incredible. I was heartbroken to get back home and was more depressed than I have been for a while, but I was glad for a glimpse of heaven that week.