"If you are comfortable, you probably aren't leading"

Whenever I quote from Oliver DeMille, I feel like I need to add the caveat that while I love the part I quoted, sometimes I don't understand all of what he says enough to say that I endorse all he says.  However, I felt these thoughts bore mentioning.

Just to kick it off, he starts out with speaking of the contrast of the perhaps "old fashioned" intent to build character and answer to the inner drummer verses the more common mantra today: fit in.  Seek approval...or at least followers ;).

Here is where part of his thoughts go, with me particularly liking the first and third paragraph but throwing in the second for context:

If you are comfortable, you probably aren’t leading. (Nor are you, for that matter, likely to be experiencing effective leadership from anyone else.) Decline, on the other hand, is typically mired in comfort, until a major crisis or setback arises, when chaos and terror set in. But the path to such events is usually filled with what past generations could only describe as weak, though one still deals with the stresses of trying to meet the approval of others, punctuated with as much free-time entertainment as possible.

Philosophers and scholars have long been fascinated with the idea of “socialization”. It is at times the supreme goal of societies (“is the society savage or advanced?”, “let’s make sure they get socialized”), and on the other hand it typically coincides with growing weakness, mediocrity, sloth. Softness. Whining. Calls for more government help to get by. Ultimately, decline. For Aristotle, this division began with the difference between the community (a group of families, each choosing and acting as individual units, while generally coordinating and working together for common goals—always voluntarily) and the city (the “civis”, root of the word “civilization”, made up of many more people than a community, so many in fact that the most “efficient” way to govern them was for a few elites to rule things from the top down; for the few to tell the many how to live). This has ever been the great divide: bottom-up self rule by individuals,families, and communities, versus top-down rule by a group of elites, usually through government.

The first naturally adopts individualistic goals and mannerisms; the other flourishes as people put aside individualism and desire mainly to fit in. Elizabeth Bennet versus Caroline Bingley, to put a fine point on it. Colonel Brandon vs. Willoughby. It is the Ayn Rand hero versus today’s “acceptable” modern man or woman. John Adams considered this the great battle of humanity, and the choice each of us needs to make in life: either to serve, improve, and progress, or, alternatively, to spend our lives trying to impress others.[v]"

Commandments: a matter of trust?

This morning I had a conversation with one of my teenagers about his using my cell phone at night. I spoke about how it is hard to set rules in place as much as I like agency and don't like conflict (because rules seem to inevitably create conflict). Maybe it is time to have a devotional about the principle behind rules. That it isn't a matter of lack of trust. In our case as parents, it is Quinn and I seeking through inspiration those tools, those structures, that will guide our family in correct paths. If that is the case, then I need to abide by them as well. Super cool!

It is true that there are certain privileges or rights that are only exercised after certain progression. I wouldn't want Xai cutting with knives or Elijah fixing the electric work. But are these the same as the kind of rules that I am speaking of? Great question.

Hmmmm...

I just read this article on an lds.org blog about the Gospel being the hack to eternity:

"Last month, some friends and I were catching each other up on our week. One friend shared that he was taking on the burden of his mom’s alcoholism recovery. He was just younger than me, and that sounded like the worst task ever.

Later that night, the conversation moved to how expensive smoking is and how someone we knew had been going through a pack of cigarettes a day. (Do the math; it’s so much money!) She was trying to quit and was going through withdrawals. Her son was really happy she was quitting, though. His dad had died of a drug overdose, which made any drug use that much scarier for this kid.

Finally, our conversation ended on coffee—how much people drank every morning (and afternoon and sometimes night) and how they missed their lattes now that they couldn’t afford them daily.

As I drove home, thinking over all these conversations, I had the thought, “The Word of Wisdom is basically the biggest life hack ever.” (If you don’t know, a “life hack” is a way to make your life better, live more efficiently, etc. As someone online described it, a life hack is what was formerly known as “a good idea.”) It’s as if God said, “Here’s a way to save you money, help you stay healthy, protect your kids, and avoid really tough emotional burdens, including your own and others’ addictions.” It’s almost as if God anticipated all the problems we’d be up against and gave us a way to avoid half of them.

With any of God’s commandments, we have the choice to follow them or ignore them. But as I thought of the Word of Wisdom as a set of guidelines from God that both anticipates and protects us from so many challenges, I thought, “What if all of God’s commandments work that way?” What if a loving Heavenly Father, who has experienced this life and its challenges, has given a guidebook to help us navigate the world as painlessly as possible? And what if He gave that to us because He loves us and wants to protect us?

Want to be content with what you have, to be happy and grateful? “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house” (Exodus 20:17).

Want to avoid guilt, incarceration, crippling bail and court fees? Want to keep people’s trust and respect—and your job? “Thou shalt not steal” (Exodus 20:15).

Want to stay close to God so that He can guide and direct you and help carry your burdens? “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind” (Matthew 22:37).

The list goes on and on. Every single commandment can protect us from heartache, make our lives easier, keep us out of trouble, or just help us find peace. And all with so very little personal cost or inconvenience. (And no hidden fees!)

I certainly don’t want to minimize God’s commandments as mere guidelines or helpful life hacks. They’re much bigger than that. But they’re also really that simple. Heavenly Father can’t protect us from everything. But as a loving parent, He would like to prepare us and protect us from the cost of our choices—by guiding us to make better ones.

Of course, we can keep the commandments and still have bad things happen. So why bother?

Because we’ll never know what we are being protected from through our obedience. Because it helps free us from a life of self-inflicted wounds. Because obedience helps us stay close to God. Because it puts us in position to repent when we choose wrong. Because we trust God to know how to bless and protect us.

The list goes on and on. It is so much longer than the list of reasons not to keep the commandments.

For better or worse, God lets me choose how obedient I want to be. I get to choose how much I open myself to the blessings He has for me. So why keep the commandments? Because I want my life wide open to the help God is trying to give."

It would be good to have a family discussion about it. I pray that the Spirit will make people open to it. To know that Quinn's and my motives are to help our children grow by seeking the Spirit to guide us in providing rules and instruction. It is not a matter of trust. It is about doing the right thing at the right time.

Just as the commandments are not a matter of whether God trusts us or not.  They are just the right thing to do at the right time.