When God doesn't seem to be listening

This week in seminary we had a discussion about the statement: "God doesn't answer my prayers the way I hear that other people get answers.  He doesn't seem to hear me. I don't think that he loves me because he is not answering my prayers"...or something like that.

We discussed the incorrect assumptions behind that statement:
-If God loved me, He would give me everything I asked for when I asked for it.
-God should answer everyone the same way because that would be fair.
-If He doesn't answer right away, He must not be listening.
-I know what is best for me and God would give it to me if he loved me.

The power of the exercise comes when we flip each of those statements into correct ideas:
-Because God loves me, He will not give me something I ask for if it is not good for me.
-Because we are all unique, God answers us personally and specifically.
-Because God loves me, He will wait for the right time to answer my prayers.
-He knows what is best and will answer me when it will help me the most...because God loves me.

Any parent can see the truthfulness in how God works among the children of men.

As I knelt to pray this morning, I realized that deep down I have believed that we work towards being righteous enough that God answers all our prayers and our lives are one blessing after another.  What has happened because of this underlying belief is that when things go wrong or my prayers seem to fall upon deaf heavens, I have interpreted it as something I am doing wrong or imperfection on my part or God's disappointment with me.

A further realization hit me this morning (and partially during our discussion): God will answer me, always.  I just may not like the answer.  He answers not out of frustration, disappointment or unworthiness on my behalf but more out of readiness of me to get that answer or appropriateness of the answer...because underlying all His work in my behalf is a love that is constant, a goal that I return to live with Him again.

The goal is for my will to align with His, to see His hand, to trust His direction and actions in my life.   To accept that this life is a test and He truly knows what is best for us.

One of my kids shared a scripture in Mosiah (23?) the other day about how God trieth the patience of his children.  He doesn't just allow Satan to tempt us, but He actually tries our patience...out of love.

Overwhelmed? Feed your faith.

As I face teaching early morning seminary again, I feel overwhelmed.  And inadequate.  Last year was one joyous miracle after another.  I had 2-3 young men, depending upon the time of year and I truly saw God work the miracle of enabling me to homeschool and do seminary and find my family not only "okay" but blessed.

This year I face the tired-ness of the end of my pregnancy and new baby in Oct-ember, a class size that is not only three times as large but now has the dynamic of girls (a very real change from just boys in a group of teenagers!), and some kids that are coming early and leaving later...causing me to plan my classes more specifically to accommodate that need.

Needless to say, I am facing the situation with much the same unease and concern as last year.  There are couple more emotional dynamics included that I feel quite frankly unqualified to deal with.

However, the Lord's answer, as last year, is one of peace and not anxiety.  I read this article the other day in the Ensign, about a woman who had a child that just defied her ability to raise the way she thought she should be. She got to the point where every day, whenever she had to deal with the behavior or emotions of this "unreasonable" child, she would just pray, knowing that this child was God's before it was hers.

Rely on God

After a particularly hard day, I asked my husband to give me a blessing. During the blessing I was reminded that I am a daughter of God, that He is aware of me and my needs, and that my son is a son of God. Brad was God’s son first, and my husband and I have a partnership with God in Brad’s behalf. I realized that I had not been using all the tools that the partnership provides for me. My husband and I had researched and discovered many resources to help us, but we forgot the most significant one: prayer.

I began to pray daily about how I could help Brad. When he was having an emotional meltdown, I would say a quick prayer for inspiration before approaching him. As I relied on God for my support and for inspiration for my son, I got a glimpse of what I could be and what I could do for him. I strived to follow Alma’s words: “And this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God” (Alma 29:9).

The changes were immediate. I was flooded with ideas and ways to help Brad. I used family home evening as a tool and prayed for ideas about what to teach. I also read the scriptures with more intent and recognized the great parenting advice they contain. I began to be filled with hope and comfort.

As I continued to put into practice the idea that my husband and I are partners with God in parenting our children and using the tools that He has given us, I began to rely on God more and more. I realized that my knowledge of parenting could only go so far, but a loving Heavenly Father, who knows all things and loves my son more than I do, could help me become a better and stronger mother. And though I still sometimes falter, I know where to look for help. I understand now that some trials may not have a time limit on them, but if I keep my eye on eternity, God will help me.

I have also felt that I just need to be kind ("have courage and be kind!" as it says in the recent "Cinderella" movie).  I also watched the recent address from our prophet on that matter.  I also received an answer in church today during my niece's talk about faith: "unwavering trust in Christ."  I need to just have faith.

Today, facing the challenge of tomorrow, I felt God tell me to rest.  Just rest.  As I thought about how I could rest, I realized that it included reading the scriptures and partaking of the good word of God.  Today in church a woman spoke about how during her times of happiness, she could just picture God and our Savior in heaven not only rejoicing with her but even doing a little happy dance :D.  She then shared that she recently realized that during our sad times, they do not leave us.  "During our times of trial and grief, they are on their knees beside me, arms comfortingly around my shoulders, weeping and mourning with me and saying, 'just hold on a little longer...you can do it.'"

She then shared that when we feel our faith is weak, we have not lost it but rather we have just slowed in our efforts to sustain, strengthen or feed it.  My "rest" will be to fill my spirit!

So in a rare moment of peace and quiet in our house, I found myself alone in the downstairs.  I prepared some food, got my scriptures out and thought, "I really want to listen to a conference talk too.  Which one?"  Distinctly, I felt that I should listen/read to a talk from Eyring.  As I pulled up the last conference, his first talk didn't stand out to me and I went for the Priesthood session one.

The power of his message--God's message to me--is a clear answer to my struggles in feeling of inadequacy.  If you are feeling this way, please take a minute to partake of the feast of this talk, "Walk with Me."

"Put The Savior First"

This morning I was praying to know how to give more of my will to God's.  He told me to get up off my knees and He would show me. I read Abinadi's last testimony, a very black and white  clear look at what final judgment will be like as well as where our hearts need to be.

Then I went to the gym.

Now, I am really good at putting going to the gym off until "later in the day"...which usually equates to "not happening."  Well, today I realized that I could fit it in since Drew is on breakfast and it will be cooked while I am exercising.  I could do that, I thought.

Lately, being as far along as I am in my pregnancy, "exercising" means walking, which allows me to read the Ensign while I do it.  I have found such faith and inspiration and have been grateful for the answers I have received while exercising.  And today, it took on new light.

I turned to the article "Put the Savior First" from the July 2017 Ensign and was blown away by the strong answer to my prayer.  I realized that in going exercising and reading the Ensign, God was able to get my attention directed to the answers I was missing in the Ensign articles!  It wasn't just about exercising my body, but I was receiving a cleansing of the Spirit. When the Spirit nudged me to exercise, it wasn't just about the exercising.

"While I was a young business professional, I heard a voice shout inside me, “You need to leave this place and this job.” So, I walked out on Wall Street—leaving a large bonus on the table—and joined a small investment company in Boston that paid me less than half of what I was then earning.
I did not doubt that voice. It made neither logical nor financial sense. It made no sense to many of my friends, and I could not fully explain it to them.
In time, though, as I followed the voice of the Spirit to walk away, doors opened that allowed me to become an instrument in the hands of the Lord in helping lift countless people out of poverty, disease, and hopelessness. The decision to leave made sense only in hindsight, but being true to the voice changed everything.
Whether you are on the farm pitching hay and harvesting potatoes, in the home raising a family, or at the office working as a manager, you will not be whole and healed and fully empowered unless you receive the voice of the Spirit and go and do whatever it directs."

I am going to put portions of the rest of the article in here. It is just so beautiful.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. That note read in part: “What is important in the end is what we have become by our labors. … Wise are those who make this commitment: I will put the Lord first in my life, and I will keep His commandments. … This is the ultimate significance of taking upon you the name of Jesus Christ, and this is what we should ponder.”1

Yours too is a choice of how best to apply your degree and talents. You can use your training either to bring light to yourself or to bring the Savior’s light to others.

*****
Years ago my father said the following: “The real challenge today is not in outer space but in inner man. To reconcile the how of our living with the why of our existence and in the synthesis to emerge the child of God that we know we are. … May your life bear an unalterable testimony that there is knowledge—independent of reason—[a knowledge that is able to alter lives and which can only be found through obedience] to the voice of … God within us.”2The ultimate foundation of all you do in life should be to live so that the voice and integrity of the Spirit take precedence as the powerful, necessary force in determining your actions, both professionally and personally.
You live in an age that needs a profound inner spiritual rebirth. Yours is a time that calls for men and women willing to assert their birthright of choice to alter and shape lives and institutions in a way that reflects the moral and spiritual values dictated by the Spirit of God. Unless you can arrive at that point, you will idolize and surround yourself with the trivial.
Acting according to the Spirit, however, is not always easy. It often requires significant sacrifice and at times deep obedience against the purely rational mind.

I am sure each of you has given thought to your future. Most of you have probably thought, “It’s now time to become part of the real world.” Let me assure you it is not and never will be that time. Rather, this is the time to resolve forever to stand above the world—your goal must not be assimilation into the real world but to disrupt it. 

 By the voice of the Spirit, you will be asked to walk unmarked paths, many times needing to do things that make little sense. You will have to build a Kirtland Temple, like Joseph, with no money; or retrieve brass plates, like Nephi, against an army of 50 (see 1 Nephi 3:31; 4:1).

It is not the maximization of wealth or success that underpins the command to “let your light so shine before men” (Matthew 5:16); rather, it is Spirit-directed acts of sacrifice and courage that build and edify. These also are the acts that blaze new pathways that astonish this world.

The intimate and absolute test of your life will be whether you hearken with exactness to the voice of the Spirit of God within you—using all the talents and gifts and education He has given you.

For better or worse, the reality of our world is that we live in a day and hour when both good and powerful evil share the geography of our time.
You are not here by accident. You are here by choice. You wanted the opportunity to prove yourself. You are here at a time of morally twisted opposition that calls “evil good, and good evil” (Isaiah 5:20). You elected to stand here to give service and to love.

Today we have great divisions before us. Within and without the Church there exist real stumbling blocks. Outside we are pressed daily by violence, invasion of individual liberty, discrimination, poverty, immorality, disease, and so much more. Inside the Church many struggle to reconcile and understand same-gender attraction, the role of women, or certain Church doctrines or historical events. Many struggle with doubt, lack of confidence or resources, zealousness, commitment, meeting schedules, leaders who offend, friends or children who stray, prayers that seem unanswered, or broken trusts through emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. 

The night of the Lord’s Atonement began with the Savior commanding the disciples to make and renew a covenant to always remember and honor His sacrifice. Then, as described in the Gospel of John, He knelt and washed the feet of those who would in a few short hours betray Him, deny Him, or fall asleep in His most needed hour. He exhorted them to be one with Him, to forgive, to wash the feet of others, and to love each other as He loved them. He asked that they raise their vision to His vision. (See John 13.)

Can you see that the great charge of the Atonement of Christ is to love as He loved? To love those who betray, who offend, who fall asleep, who deny, who doubt, who are overzealous and cut off an ear with a sword or wound a heart with a harsh word or deed? To be long-suffering with those who will not hear and who will not love back? 

I keep in a frame on a wall in my home office these words of Elbert Hubbard: “God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.”3

This is the pattern that the Lord places before us as we work to do His work to lift others: we will be called upon to suffer innocently if we are to achieve what He needs us to achieve as His light before men.

We have around us many who are spiritually dead, and you must be willing to be laughed to scorn. Like the Savior, you must move forward against a world that does not believe, and you must not “shrink” (D&C 19:18) before the taunting of our secular world.