As I face teaching early morning seminary again, I feel overwhelmed. And inadequate. Last year was one joyous miracle after another. I had 2-3 young men, depending upon the time of year and I truly saw God work the miracle of enabling me to homeschool and do seminary and find my family not only "okay" but blessed.
This year I face the tired-ness of the end of my pregnancy and new baby in Oct-ember, a class size that is not only three times as large but now has the dynamic of girls (a very real change from just boys in a group of teenagers!), and some kids that are coming early and leaving later...causing me to plan my classes more specifically to accommodate that need.
Needless to say, I am facing the situation with much the same unease and concern as last year. There are couple more emotional dynamics included that I feel quite frankly unqualified to deal with.
However, the Lord's answer, as last year, is one of peace and not anxiety. I read this article the other day in the Ensign, about a woman who had a child that just defied her ability to raise the way she thought she should be. She got to the point where every day, whenever she had to deal with the behavior or emotions of this "unreasonable" child, she would just pray, knowing that this child was God's before it was hers.
I have also felt that I just need to be kind ("have courage and be kind!" as it says in the recent "Cinderella" movie). I also watched the recent address from our prophet on that matter. I also received an answer in church today during my niece's talk about faith: "unwavering trust in Christ." I need to just have faith.
Today, facing the challenge of tomorrow, I felt God tell me to rest. Just rest. As I thought about how I could rest, I realized that it included reading the scriptures and partaking of the good word of God. Today in church a woman spoke about how during her times of happiness, she could just picture God and our Savior in heaven not only rejoicing with her but even doing a little happy dance :D. She then shared that she recently realized that during our sad times, they do not leave us. "During our times of trial and grief, they are on their knees beside me, arms comfortingly around my shoulders, weeping and mourning with me and saying, 'just hold on a little longer...you can do it.'"
She then shared that when we feel our faith is weak, we have not lost it but rather we have just slowed in our efforts to sustain, strengthen or feed it. My "rest" will be to fill my spirit!
So in a rare moment of peace and quiet in our house, I found myself alone in the downstairs. I prepared some food, got my scriptures out and thought, "I really want to listen to a conference talk too. Which one?" Distinctly, I felt that I should listen/read to a talk from Eyring. As I pulled up the last conference, his first talk didn't stand out to me and I went for the Priesthood session one.
The power of his message--God's message to me--is a clear answer to my struggles in feeling of inadequacy. If you are feeling this way, please take a minute to partake of the feast of this talk, "Walk with Me."
This year I face the tired-ness of the end of my pregnancy and new baby in Oct-ember, a class size that is not only three times as large but now has the dynamic of girls (a very real change from just boys in a group of teenagers!), and some kids that are coming early and leaving later...causing me to plan my classes more specifically to accommodate that need.
Needless to say, I am facing the situation with much the same unease and concern as last year. There are couple more emotional dynamics included that I feel quite frankly unqualified to deal with.
However, the Lord's answer, as last year, is one of peace and not anxiety. I read this article the other day in the Ensign, about a woman who had a child that just defied her ability to raise the way she thought she should be. She got to the point where every day, whenever she had to deal with the behavior or emotions of this "unreasonable" child, she would just pray, knowing that this child was God's before it was hers.
Rely on God
After a particularly hard day, I asked my husband to give me a blessing. During the blessing I was reminded that I am a daughter of God, that He is aware of me and my needs, and that my son is a son of God. Brad was God’s son first, and my husband and I have a partnership with God in Brad’s behalf. I realized that I had not been using all the tools that the partnership provides for me. My husband and I had researched and discovered many resources to help us, but we forgot the most significant one: prayer.I began to pray daily about how I could help Brad. When he was having an emotional meltdown, I would say a quick prayer for inspiration before approaching him. As I relied on God for my support and for inspiration for my son, I got a glimpse of what I could be and what I could do for him. I strived to follow Alma’s words: “And this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God” (Alma 29:9).The changes were immediate. I was flooded with ideas and ways to help Brad. I used family home evening as a tool and prayed for ideas about what to teach. I also read the scriptures with more intent and recognized the great parenting advice they contain. I began to be filled with hope and comfort.As I continued to put into practice the idea that my husband and I are partners with God in parenting our children and using the tools that He has given us, I began to rely on God more and more. I realized that my knowledge of parenting could only go so far, but a loving Heavenly Father, who knows all things and loves my son more than I do, could help me become a better and stronger mother. And though I still sometimes falter, I know where to look for help. I understand now that some trials may not have a time limit on them, but if I keep my eye on eternity, God will help me.
I have also felt that I just need to be kind ("have courage and be kind!" as it says in the recent "Cinderella" movie). I also watched the recent address from our prophet on that matter. I also received an answer in church today during my niece's talk about faith: "unwavering trust in Christ." I need to just have faith.
Today, facing the challenge of tomorrow, I felt God tell me to rest. Just rest. As I thought about how I could rest, I realized that it included reading the scriptures and partaking of the good word of God. Today in church a woman spoke about how during her times of happiness, she could just picture God and our Savior in heaven not only rejoicing with her but even doing a little happy dance :D. She then shared that she recently realized that during our sad times, they do not leave us. "During our times of trial and grief, they are on their knees beside me, arms comfortingly around my shoulders, weeping and mourning with me and saying, 'just hold on a little longer...you can do it.'"
She then shared that when we feel our faith is weak, we have not lost it but rather we have just slowed in our efforts to sustain, strengthen or feed it. My "rest" will be to fill my spirit!
So in a rare moment of peace and quiet in our house, I found myself alone in the downstairs. I prepared some food, got my scriptures out and thought, "I really want to listen to a conference talk too. Which one?" Distinctly, I felt that I should listen/read to a talk from Eyring. As I pulled up the last conference, his first talk didn't stand out to me and I went for the Priesthood session one.
The power of his message--God's message to me--is a clear answer to my struggles in feeling of inadequacy. If you are feeling this way, please take a minute to partake of the feast of this talk, "Walk with Me."
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