Last night, we had missionaries from our church over for dinner. They shared a message with us about wisdom.
"What is wisdom?" they asked.
We came up with this answer: experience combined with God's perspective on how to apply knowledge.
Pinball!
Thinking some more about wisdom and knowledge this morning, I find that wisdom is like a pinball game.
You gain knowledge--whether from schooling or experience-- and it's pinging around and around in your head, like a ball in your inner pinball game. It isn't until God directs it with those levers at the bottom that you score and go anywhere with your knowledge.
But you have to invite Him to play with you.
Perhaps this analogy resonated with me because that is how it gets for me in challenging situations--ideas, thoughts, scenarios, problems--just ping around in my head, not going anywhere. Like wearing paths down in the woods, I create mental tracks that become ruts and I just get stuck.
Mental Health
I have found this particularly true with my mental health challenges that I have been confronting this last year. They are truly the fruits of a lifetime of mental health challenges but they have come to a head. I have seen time and again points where I will get to a standstill mentally and emotionally and just can't get those pinging balls to connect with a solution to ease the tension. I currently have a terrific therapist--a specialist in child loss and trauma, which is particularly helpful--and between direct revelation and Heavenly Father acting through her, I've seen a lot of Him directing my thoughts and knowledge in a fruitful path, sometimes completely tearing up the terrain and reconstructing the whole scene.
And, time and again, the truth of the following scripture is apparent:
1 Cor. 1:25--Because the afoolishness of God is wiser than men;
I find that when I am stuck in my inner pinball machine, if I submit and let Him guide my thoughts, sooner or later I score. Then I feel like my son Xai did this morning, when he ran around the house happily announcing, "The power is back on!" after they went off last night. It was 2 am, but when the lights come on, it's worth a happy dance no matter the time.
Running
About six years ago I was running with my son Kel in Medina NY. Neither Kel nor I am fond of running, but he made a point that morning.
"Mom, I feel like when I push myself in exercise, it's like there is a box that opens inside of me and lets out some of my harder emotions, helping me release frustrations," he observed. Piper shows the same reaction after a race. She said that she feels her emotions more extremely in the time after that ultimate exertion.
Apparently this morning, running created that openness for me.
I had hit a point in a relationship that I just couldn't seem to get past and, after last night's discussion with the Elders, I specifically prayed this morning, "Please, God, help me see the situation with wisdom." I think in the past I always wanted Him to fix things--take away the pain, change it. This morning's prayer seemed a little different. I just wanted Him to help direct the inner pinballs clattering madly in my brain.
So back to running, I headed out in the early hours with my earbuds on and my personal song-list singing in my ears. A little Vivaldi set the stage, followed by Blackbird by Gentri. Pushing myself in my lumbering I felt my inside open up and then a song hit my heart. I got an answer, and it came right as I hit the bottom of a huge hill, like a huge nudge from a pinball machine lever operated by a Father who loves me...
And then it was followed by this one--another ping from the levers-- a song that has always resonated with me. While it is from the perspective of a father, I find it has been very instructive applied to my roles as wife and mother, roles that God told me in my patriarchal blessing would be the most important thing I ever do in this life; roles that I am finding more and more joy in as I deliberately allow myself to enjoy them.
I was grateful for the reminder of what matters most to me, despite what other relationships may feel like right now. I am grateful I can focus on those and trust God to help me work with the others, just as He has with my family.
The final lever that struck my ever-pinging mental balls was one of deep connection, through a song called, "God Only Knows" from King and Country:
I know that what appears as "foolishness" of God always trumps the knowledge and perspective of our mortal eyes. I am grateful for the reminder from the Elders to let God guide my inner pinball game to score some great perspective and answers today. While they may not seem to answer the question and problem I thought I was facing, He helped me to see where I really needed answers and perspective.
Peace. Love. Score.
The inner pinball machine is quiet for a while. I'll take it. And thanks, running, for unlocking my heart enough to receive it.
No comments:
Post a Comment