Ladies, you have buried him.
Let me explain. Hypothetical traditional scenario.
When you first fall in love, boy meets girl, girl meets boy. While you realize in the back of your mind that there might be imperfections in the him, his strengths far outshines those faults.
Something comes up: your midterm test was a flop, you didn't get the part in the play, your parents are upset with you.
He takes you into his arms, looks lovingly in your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
You sigh. Maybe even giggle a bit. And then you look lovingly back into his eyes, cares are swept away and you are happy once more. And when you are happy, he is happy.
Times goes on, you say, "I do!", place that boy up on his shining steed, plop the bright new armor on him and cheer him on! "Go! Fight those battles of providing and protecting! You can do it."
And he can!
But then comes that first spat with your girlfriend. You are an emotional wreck. You look somewhere for someone to fix this and there he is!!! Your glittering knight on his shining steed! Of course he can fix it!!! He is, after all, your champion.
As you pull him aside to explain the details and give him this new battle to fight and fix, he looks at you with a little confusion. Of course he wants to help you! He loves you. So he takes on that burden, that battle and gives it a go.
First he tries what worked when you were initially falling in love.
He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
Unlike when you were falling in love, this is no longer enough. You step back and let him know he needs to try something else. Your girlfriend is hurting you and he needs to fix it! You may even stomp your foot a bit in feminine protest. How can he be your knight in shining armor if he doesn't make it better??
Inside he is probably thinking about what worked with his brother, "Just punch him and then move on." However, looking at you in your distress, he realizes this suggestion will probably not only not not work, but would itself be heartily rejected.
He instead attempts some masculine words of sympathy and then tries to charge ahead, not really sure how to "fix" this, how to fight this new battle you have given him: the battle of fixing female emotion.
As the years go on, new problems and situations arise in your life:
-car payments
-lack of sleep
-excessive poopy diapers
-infertility and no poopy diapers
-more spats with other women
You bring each new problem to your knight's attention, fully expecting him to fix each one. At first, he keeps trying the method that first put him up on that charger. He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
With each dismissal by you that this is clearly not going to fix anything, he sighs, straightens his shoulders and takes on that burden. Again and again and again. Come on, you plead...just make me happy!
Soon, he is too weighed down to even get down and try his first approach, that approach that won your heart:
He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
Not only that, you no longer see the shine in the armor you put on that boy that you fell in love with. All you see all those burdens--those problems you have given him to "fix." You might even see the mud you hurled at him in your disgust that he just wasn't doing more... and maybe a poopy diaper or two.
You no longer notice the blood smears mingled in the mess, the blood of his enemies and his own..
Along the way, bigger issues are put on those weary, striving shoulders:
-the leader at church treated you unfairly
-his company lays him off
-the kids are being bullied at school
-the store clerk looked at your clothes with distaste, reminding you you haven't bought new clothes in so long
-the policeman ticketed you unfairly
-the presidential candidates are scary
Some battles your knight gallantly tries to take on, still seeking to protect and to provide his maiden, his love. But each new victory doesn't seem to make a difference! He is still carrying on more burdens than he knows what to do with and you are still unhappy. Sure, you may think sarcastically, great work! You won one battle. Now what's stopping you from fixing all the others??
His ultimate goal still? To make you happy.
Now step back. Take a deep breath.
Remember that boy that you fell in love with?
Girl meets boy, boy meets girl?
He is still in there and in his heart, he is still trying to face all those battles...
...but then maybe he gets tired. Maybe he loses heart. Maybe he sees that nothing he ever does or will do will fix things the way they used to when he would take you in his arms, look lovingly into your eyes and whisper, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
Why is that?
Where is your knight, ladies?
Most men I know have that champion heart, that champion heart that is housed in an imperfect yet trying man. That champion heart that would like to take that armor off every once in a while and play a video game, watch a movie or catch up on facebook.
That champion heart that would love to be loved just for loving you. The heart that just wants you to be happy.
Maybe your knight in shining armor is right where he has always been, if he hasn't given up....there in the vanguard, trying to gallantly take on those battles of protecting and providing. Maybe the problem is that he needs your help to let him give some of those burdens to someone else, to lovingly wipe off the mud and blood of those battles he has fought, to bind up his wounds and rediscover the magic of when he would take you in his arms and lovingly whisper, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
And you would smile and whisper back, "I know. I love you too."
Let me explain. Hypothetical traditional scenario.
Something comes up: your midterm test was a flop, you didn't get the part in the play, your parents are upset with you.
He takes you into his arms, looks lovingly in your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
You sigh. Maybe even giggle a bit. And then you look lovingly back into his eyes, cares are swept away and you are happy once more. And when you are happy, he is happy.
Times goes on, you say, "I do!", place that boy up on his shining steed, plop the bright new armor on him and cheer him on! "Go! Fight those battles of providing and protecting! You can do it."
And he can! But then comes that first spat with your girlfriend. You are an emotional wreck. You look somewhere for someone to fix this and there he is!!! Your glittering knight on his shining steed! Of course he can fix it!!! He is, after all, your champion.
As you pull him aside to explain the details and give him this new battle to fight and fix, he looks at you with a little confusion. Of course he wants to help you! He loves you. So he takes on that burden, that battle and gives it a go.
First he tries what worked when you were initially falling in love.
He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
Unlike when you were falling in love, this is no longer enough. You step back and let him know he needs to try something else. Your girlfriend is hurting you and he needs to fix it! You may even stomp your foot a bit in feminine protest. How can he be your knight in shining armor if he doesn't make it better??
Inside he is probably thinking about what worked with his brother, "Just punch him and then move on." However, looking at you in your distress, he realizes this suggestion will probably not only not not work, but would itself be heartily rejected.
He instead attempts some masculine words of sympathy and then tries to charge ahead, not really sure how to "fix" this, how to fight this new battle you have given him: the battle of fixing female emotion.
As the years go on, new problems and situations arise in your life:
-car payments
-lack of sleep
-excessive poopy diapers
-infertility and no poopy diapers
-more spats with other women
You bring each new problem to your knight's attention, fully expecting him to fix each one. At first, he keeps trying the method that first put him up on that charger. He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
With each dismissal by you that this is clearly not going to fix anything, he sighs, straightens his shoulders and takes on that burden. Again and again and again. Come on, you plead...just make me happy!
Soon, he is too weighed down to even get down and try his first approach, that approach that won your heart:
He takes you in his arms, looks lovingly into your eyes and whispers, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
Not only that, you no longer see the shine in the armor you put on that boy that you fell in love with. All you see all those burdens--those problems you have given him to "fix." You might even see the mud you hurled at him in your disgust that he just wasn't doing more... and maybe a poopy diaper or two. You no longer notice the blood smears mingled in the mess, the blood of his enemies and his own..
Along the way, bigger issues are put on those weary, striving shoulders:
-the leader at church treated you unfairly
-his company lays him off
-the kids are being bullied at school
-the store clerk looked at your clothes with distaste, reminding you you haven't bought new clothes in so long
-the policeman ticketed you unfairly
-the presidential candidates are scary
Some battles your knight gallantly tries to take on, still seeking to protect and to provide his maiden, his love. But each new victory doesn't seem to make a difference! He is still carrying on more burdens than he knows what to do with and you are still unhappy. Sure, you may think sarcastically, great work! You won one battle. Now what's stopping you from fixing all the others??
His ultimate goal still? To make you happy.
Now step back. Take a deep breath.
Remember that boy that you fell in love with?
Girl meets boy, boy meets girl?
He is still in there and in his heart, he is still trying to face all those battles...
Why is that?
Where is your knight, ladies?
Most men I know have that champion heart, that champion heart that is housed in an imperfect yet trying man. That champion heart that would like to take that armor off every once in a while and play a video game, watch a movie or catch up on facebook.
That champion heart that would love to be loved just for loving you. The heart that just wants you to be happy.
Maybe your knight in shining armor is right where he has always been, if he hasn't given up....there in the vanguard, trying to gallantly take on those battles of protecting and providing. Maybe the problem is that he needs your help to let him give some of those burdens to someone else, to lovingly wipe off the mud and blood of those battles he has fought, to bind up his wounds and rediscover the magic of when he would take you in his arms and lovingly whisper, "It's okay, honey. I love you."
And you would smile and whisper back, "I know. I love you too."
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