You know, it is interesting how much Satan can work to try and make you feel of no worth. For the past few days, I have had a hard time feeling like I am doing anything :)! From one mess to another, it seems, I work my way through my day.
Today, however, I decided that I am not going to keep being the grumpy, pouty mom! I am going to put a smile on, love my kids, show them my approval of them, and just clean up the messes.
You know, it's funny. I never run errands (okay, maybe once every couple of weeks), I only have one child in one sport (and it's almost over), my house is dirty in all the corners, my kids keep me "in" on all the bad things that all their siblings are doing, I almost never iron (sorry, honey), and my yard is full of weeds. I also haven't finished a book in a couple of months. (I have started a bunch, though!)
Then I go to church or somewhere else and people tell me how wonderful they think I am...
"Really?" I wonder. All I can see is all the amazing things they are all doing :).
The other day I opened a bottle of the "bread and butter pickles" that I had bottled last month, and it knocked my tastebuds off...with it's mushy fiery-ness! Ahhhh! Somehow, I messed up the recipe. Awesome. And how many bottles do I have of it? :)
I miss my family. I have many far away that I don't take the time to visit or talk to. In fact, I have some coming in this weekend to town that I haven't seen in some time, but do I visit them? Do I call them up to tell them how much I care, how much I miss them, how I wish we spoke more? Of course, they never call or anything either, but it takes two, and I should just be the one to start, right?
Anyway, sorry for the random ramblings. I think the reason why I started all this was that--weird thing--even with all these "off" feelings, I still feel peace at the end of the day. I snuggled some, I worked some, I loved some, I read some, and I bore my testimony to my children...and I think most of them were even listening :).
Hopefully, all the little things that I did do will change who I am for the better more than all the little things I didn't do will leave me lacking...
On a slightly different note....I'd like to send out a thank you to all my hero-friend women whom I think of as I work through my day, those whom I saw yesterday and those whom I haven't seen for years; the women that shared their insights, their fears, their shortcomings, their successes. Their voices whisper in my head in my head, during the day, at night...shaping me and helping me in ways they can never know.
Another random thought...today, I figure I have my PhD in family science with all the discussion groups I've participated, parenting/childhood development books I've read, labwork I have performed (every day, some nastier than others), and exams I've had...oral and written :). I have defended thousands of theses (sp?) on various subjects from how many hours is it "ethical" to spend on the computer in a day to why I have the right to say when it is time for bed.
And right now, two of my munchkins are splashing in the bath (or I should say, splashing all the water out of the bathtub)--driving my dear husband to distraction, poor man!--while our choir music is blasting through the house, dinner is mostly cleaned up, my 10 year old is playing with features of the power point presentation he is making on birds (with sound effects, of course), and my baby is out "jumping" on the tramp with her 13 year old brother.
Maybe I should go?
...and maybe, tonight, I just needed to take a moment to share that I, too, am human. Pedestals are dangerous places to fall from and I want to keep off of as many as I can. Hopefully this email helped me get there :)...
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