As I have been trying to prayerfully balance the urgency of groups getting going and the inevitable drama, negotiation, and "checking up on things constantly" that comes with it and the needs of my husband and children to have a safe haven to come home to, not to mention that little thing called "settling in," I have felt a little daunted at times. Well, not so much daunted as a little wistful. I know God is with me. I know things will "work out" as I have seen in the past with me consistently not being as prepared as I would like to be but being as prepared as I need to be for God to do His work through me. Like in the story of Gideon in the Bible, sometimes God takes away our support and confidence in numbers so that we can see that the work is truly His, as I was so beautifully reminded in the Veggie Tales version of that story. (Priceless.)
Yet, sometimes I would just like to see that the little I am doing in the moment, as I seem to wander in circles with a book in my hand putting out fires, is enough. Sure, at the end I see it, but sometimes it is hard to know and feel peace in the journey.
This morning, as I took my sit on the bench waiting for my turn to play basketball again with the group of guys Q-dawg and I play with three mornings a week, I pulled up Q-dawg's phone that has the conference app on it. I looked at Elder Eyring's talk that we discussed in church on Sunday, and decided to read it again. It was amazing. Here are some highlights....
--At this
Easter season we are reminded of why we love Him and of the promise He
makes to His faithful disciples to become His beloved friends. The
Savior made that promise and told us how, in our service to Him, He
comes to us. One example is in a revelation to Oliver Cowdery as he
served the Lord with the Prophet Joseph Smith in the translation of the Book of Mormon:
“Behold, thou art Oliver, and I have spoken unto thee because of thy
desires; therefore treasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and
diligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee
in the arms of my love.”2
I
experienced the joy of coming closer to the Savior and of His coming
closer to me most often through simple acts of obedience to the
commandments.
You have had such experiences. It may have been when you chose to attend a sacrament
meeting. It was for me on a Sabbath when I was very young. In those
days we received the sacrament during an evening meeting. The memory of
one day more than 65 years ago, when I kept the commandment to gather
with my family and with the Saints, still draws me closer to the Savior.
It
was dark and cold outside. I remember feeling light and warmth in the
chapel that evening with my parents. We partook of the sacrament,
administered by Aaronic Priesthood holders, covenanting with our
Heavenly Father to always remember His Son and keep His commandments.
At
the end of the meeting we sang the hymn “Abide with Me; ’Tis Eventide,”
with the words in it “O Savior, stay this night with me.”3
I felt the Savior’s love and closeness that evening. And I felt the comfort of the Holy Ghost.
After reading that this morning, I pulled out the hymn and sang it to myself. What a beautiful reminder of the Savior's presence, that when we ask Him to be near us, when we draw near to Him.
The Savior made that promise and told us how, in our service to Him, He comes to us.
I know that what I am doing is God's will, even if I don't feel sufficient for it, just as I know that I need to write these words even if I can't get them out of this RIDICULOUS italics mode. (You name it, I've tried it...) See? How can a woman so riddled with imperfection still hope to be sufficient?
Remember, Mary, God uses the broken pots to create beauty. How does it always seem to come back to that :)....
When I think of the Savior and try to do something to draw closer to Him, my fear, my doubt, my wavering diminishes, even if just a little, and if I just sit still and think of Him, read of Him, or sing of Him, somehow I feel peace.
I've been feeling inundated with kiddo friend the past week or two, to the point that I told Melanie, "I think we need to move to Hungary do or family can just BE." Which made me think of you, and how overwhelmed life is probably feeling. Right before I read this I was thinking I'll have to all you about that, and I didn't even have to, so that's a little more quiet for you. :)
ReplyDeleteRemind me to help you with the italics.
Love you, Marni! Life is too short to put friendship on the shelf...feel free to call :).
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