Morning walk with my family and friends

Okay....

After trying to prove I am "not a robot" 10 times (I mean really,...is there such a key as a backward "k"??), I needed to take a break.  :)  I have just spent the morning checking up on a few blogs of family and friends, and I feel fed. 

I love people, old and young.  I am amazed at the beauty they bring into my life.

One thing that came up in my "walk" this morning, was to live like each day was your last.  This has been very strongly on my mind lately, as different situations have worried me about the well-being of my loved ones...Papaya disappearing at church, Q-dawg not answering his phone all day, etc.  It is amazing how losing a loved one can really make you appreciate the good and the bad, realizing that, good or bad, each life experience we have with others is truly precious.

I love the following song:

Ahhhh..."sweet Time."  To snuggle with the littles, smile your heart out at them when you don't have the time to snuggle, to laugh where you could take offense, show physical affection to my husband and kids (even those porcupine-ish older ones :)!)...I find that these are the things I do when I am in this state of mind.
 
Thinking about that song also almost always leads me to the next song:

This song is a gift of perspective.  I mean, really...at the end of the day, to consider this moment really puts things where they should be.  Some things pass, some things, hurt, but, in the end, it is not what we have done so much as how what we have done has changed us...and how much we have tried to earnestly do God's will.  He knows our hearts.  He knows our intent, even when we are desperately imperfect.

I am grateful for my walk today, for my family and friends...for all of you who have touched my life with light and love.  My heroes in so many ways.  Love you!

My personal, spiritual Olympic trainer

We do something at our house called a "WAM" (since Q-dawg creates acronyms of everything): a "Weekly Accountability Meeting" where weekly (or monthly or bi-annually :)...) we get together with our older children one on one, look at their overall goals and encourage them to set weekly goals and commitments to achieve those goals.  We call it a "running partner" arrangement, as we are there for them to encourage and support them, not dictate what those goals should be.

Anyway, I am not so good and doing them consistently, but like with so many of those things that we try to do consistently (like Family Home Evening and scripture study), you've got to start somewhere and somehow, even the inconsistent ones are still effective. (And make you want to do more :)!)

Back to the WAM: I had one on Sunday with the Goob, and it was one of those magical ones.  I saw his mind open to the possibilities as he really started to grasp that what I do in our homeschooling is to help him fulfill his dreams...not just fill his life with busy-work and guilt :).  He planned some great goals, one of which I wanted to share.

We do a youth group called Vanguard, a group with the express mission to help youth (and everyone!) realize that they each have a God-given mission and as they seek for truth and to serve and really work at it, they will come to know what that mission is.  I believe they are missions that include strengths and passions that they have right now, coupled with interests, depth, and skills that they will develop through God-inspired education.  There is a weekly base of knowledge we ask them to study and then they are free to take it from there, internalize/study it out to create understanding, and then apply it to their lives to make it stick deeper...to create intelligence.

Well, we are studying having courage in the face of uncertainty this week, and for part of that are reading a section of C. S. Lewis's "The Last Battle."  The Goob really wants to be what he calls a "media-maker," so with his goals for preparation for Vanguard this week, I suggested he make a Lego-animation of something out of the Last Battle this week or an example in the life of someone who showed courage in the face of uncertainty.   He loved the idea!

Last night, before going to bed and after getting home from a wonderful Family Home Evening with our friends, the Tindalls (amazing family!!), the Goob came to me and said, "Mom, I didn't get to my movie today.  Will you tell me when it is 10? I'll be in the other room working on it."    10 came and went and, over 1500 pictures later, the Goob came into where Q-dawg and I were watching "Man of Steel" and showed us his film. 

That kid is amazing.  The things he can do with Legos, a video camera, and clay!  I will have to see if there is a way to post it, but I wanted to record this cool moment in our homeschooling.  If only all of our kids could own and realize a personalized education like this all the time!  The older ones are catching the idea and I am excited to see it spread on down the ranks :).  These kids are all unique for a reason and I hope that they (and everyone else I can get this to!) can realize that we are all born for a specific reason...that God enjoys and uses our unique strengths to change the world and make it better! 

It is an amazing feeling to be spirit-led in your education and see the benefits as you read "as much as you can" for this project, "just happen" to watch a certain clip,  a person "just happens" to mention something...and have them all come together, overlapping, to create an epiphany and be just what I need for a particular teaching moment or personal life lesson.  I am definitely not the pro at this, but am so grateful that, as I have sought truth and tried to be humble and open to it, the lessons I have learned have been personally life-changing and brought such joy.

This reminds me of an "ah-hah!" I had:

I have been slowly and steadily working my way through the Gospels of the Bible on the advice of a friend, who "just happened" to say that she had done the same, looking for ways that the Master Teacher, our Savior Jesus Christ, taught those around him.  It has taken me a long time for, in the middle of reading it, trying to methodically push myself through to "get it done," something I "just happened" to be reading suggested that slowly savoring and pondering was more effective than charging through to the end.

So as I was applying these two gems, I came across John 18:11 and have been slowly savoring a verse.  The Savior just emerged from the Garden of Gethsemane and is facing the mob.  Peter has just cut off the ear of the servant, whom we miraculously know the name of...Malchus. 

11: Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?

 Shall I not drink what God has given me?  The life, blessings, and challenges that are uniquely mine?  It reminded me yesterday, as I was pondering, of an Olympic coach and athlete.  The coach doesn't coddle, doesn't pamper.  He pushes, he encourages, he demands...knowing that the athlete cannot truly find what his capacity is until he is pushed, encouraged, or demanded. 

We will never know the capacity of our incredible, godly and divine spiritual heritage that is present within each of us until we are stretched.  The Lord "chasteneth those he loveth," the scriptures say.  Our capacity, our greatness, our individual potential is beyond our imagination.  Our loving "Heavenly Coach" wants us to see it...and we can only see it as we are pushed, encouraged, and stretched to our current capacity...and then made to go just a little bit further.

Shall we drink our individual cups?  I am grateful I don't know what my full cup looks like yet.  I am sure I would say, as did the Savior, "let this cup pass."  But on the other side of that cup is everything our Father hath for us: eternal life, families being together forever, eternal peace and the amazing joy that I have only captured a glimpse of those precious times when I am truly an instrument in the Lord's hand.  There is nothing like it.  Week by week, day by day, hour by hour, if I can only seek to trust my personal spiritual Olympic trainer and put my education and life in His hands, I am sure I will have the most challenging, and yet the most rewarding life that I can personally experience.

The trial after the testimony

Have you ever born testimony about something, told someone that "this is what I believe and do!" or  made a verbal or written commitment to do something important...big or small?  And then have you felt like the floodgates of opposition open up to challenge that very thing you were commiting to do, testifying about, or reaffirming?

I have!  It has made me at times reconsider what I say in my testimony or to others :)!

Like the time I bore testimony about how important it is to be patient...and then the next several days I proved how impatient I really am :).  Or when I told my family I am going to the temple, only to have all Hades break loose the rest of the day as I prepare to go--making me doubt if I should or not.

At times like these, I have gone back and forth, wondering if perhaps I just didn't really believe what I said I believed or felt that maybe by saying something true and powerful out loud or recommitting to it, Satan works extra hard to challenge my statements.

Yesterday, in Sunday School we read in Moses 1, where Moses sees God face to face, is transformed in order to do so, and then falls to the earth after beholding God's majesty and glory.  Satan then comes and demands that Moses worship him.  Here's a quick look at what happens from the time God leaves Moses until that point:

10 And it came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural ^astrength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that ^bman is ^cnothing, which thing I never had supposed.

 11 But now mine own eyes have ^abeheld God; but not my ^bnatural, but my ^cspiritual eyes, for my ^dnatural eyes could not have ^ebeheld; for I should have ^fwithered and ^gdied in his presence; but his ^hglory was upon me; and I beheld his ⁱface, for I was ^jtransfigured before him.

 12 And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, ^aSatan came ^btempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.

And here is Moses's reply:

 13 And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a ^ason of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy ^bglory, that I should worship thee?

 14 For behold, I could not look upon God, except his ^aglory should come upon me, and I were transfigured before him. But I ^bcan look upon thee in the natural man. Is it not so, surely?

Moses has been in the presence of God and can tell the difference between God and Satan.  Powerful.

Now, bringing it all back to my earlier thoughts, it takes Moses 4 times of demanding that Satan go away!  4 times!  Moses was just in the presence of God, God could easily have dismissed Satan himself, but after this amazingly phenomenal experience, God leaves Moses to be tested and tried, for His own good purposes.

It reminded me of me, after I have that spiritual moment--that testimony "high" as it were-- when I see the hand of God, His truth and the power of it.  And then Satan comes.  And stays.  And stays some more.  God, I am sure, is nearby.  He has shown me His greatness, His truth, confirming it by the Holy Spirit of truth.  And then sometimes it feels like it was with Moses.  God takes a step back and says, "Now, do you believe it?  Feel for yourself the difference and make your own choice.  Will you listen to Satan, or remember and choose to follow what you learned from me?"

I believe we can all see the loving hand of God in our lives if we choose to look for it, and we too can ask "Where is thy glory, Satan, that we should worship thee?  What have you done for me that I should even listen to you?"

I think there are two ways to make these experiences more like the triumphant Moses one, and not my usual discouraged one:
#1-daily immerse ourselves in the spiritual...in a sense, coming into the presence of God.  When we can remind ourselves what it feels like to be with God, we will recognize more easily the presence of the adversary.
#2-recognize that the presence of adversity not always a sign of personal weakness, but is sometimes is rather an opportunity to really think about where we stand on that issue.  Do we believe God's truth only when it is easy to apply?  That would be like believing it is good to exercise and eat vegetables only when it is easy to do that...but surely it can't be true late at night when it is hard, right? :)

So I guess the adversity, the doubts, the obvious challenge to my affirmations of faith are not necessarily a sign of weakness, eh? And the hope that I get from the story of Moses is this:

 20 And it came to pass that Moses began to ^afear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of ^bhell. Nevertheless, ^ccalling upon God, he received ^dstrength, (remember, he has already called on God 2 times) and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of ^eglory.

 21 And now Satan began to tremble, and the earth shook; and Moses received strength, and called upon God (final time), saying: In the name of the Only Begotten, ^adepart hence, ^bSatan.

 22 And it came to pass that Satan cried with a loud voice, with weeping, and wailing, and ^agnashing of teeth; and he departed hence, even from the presence of Moses, that he beheld him not.

Don't give up.  Good will ultimately overcome.  God has never completely left us.  Sometimes He just steps aside to see what we will do, like a parent does with a child learning to walk, or a kid learning to swim for the first time.  At some point, the parent needs to step back so the child can see for themselves that they can do it!

24 And it came to pass that when Satan had departed from the presence of Moses, that Moses lifted up his eyes unto heaven, being filled with the ^aHoly Ghost, which beareth record of the Father and the Son;

 25 And calling upon the name of God, he beheld his ^aglory again, for it was upon him; and he heard a ^bvoice, saying: Blessed art thou, Moses, for I, the Almighty, have ^cchosen thee, and thou shalt be made stronger than many ^dwaters; for they shall obey thy ^ecommand as if thou wert ^fGod.

 26 And lo, I am ^awith thee, even unto the end of thy days;

God's glory will return. And we appreciate it all the more after the darkness and shadows of adversity.