The trial after the testimony

Have you ever born testimony about something, told someone that "this is what I believe and do!" or  made a verbal or written commitment to do something important...big or small?  And then have you felt like the floodgates of opposition open up to challenge that very thing you were commiting to do, testifying about, or reaffirming?

I have!  It has made me at times reconsider what I say in my testimony or to others :)!

Like the time I bore testimony about how important it is to be patient...and then the next several days I proved how impatient I really am :).  Or when I told my family I am going to the temple, only to have all Hades break loose the rest of the day as I prepare to go--making me doubt if I should or not.

At times like these, I have gone back and forth, wondering if perhaps I just didn't really believe what I said I believed or felt that maybe by saying something true and powerful out loud or recommitting to it, Satan works extra hard to challenge my statements.

Yesterday, in Sunday School we read in Moses 1, where Moses sees God face to face, is transformed in order to do so, and then falls to the earth after beholding God's majesty and glory.  Satan then comes and demands that Moses worship him.  Here's a quick look at what happens from the time God leaves Moses until that point:

10 And it came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural ^astrength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that ^bman is ^cnothing, which thing I never had supposed.

 11 But now mine own eyes have ^abeheld God; but not my ^bnatural, but my ^cspiritual eyes, for my ^dnatural eyes could not have ^ebeheld; for I should have ^fwithered and ^gdied in his presence; but his ^hglory was upon me; and I beheld his ⁱface, for I was ^jtransfigured before him.

 12 And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, ^aSatan came ^btempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.

And here is Moses's reply:

 13 And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a ^ason of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy ^bglory, that I should worship thee?

 14 For behold, I could not look upon God, except his ^aglory should come upon me, and I were transfigured before him. But I ^bcan look upon thee in the natural man. Is it not so, surely?

Moses has been in the presence of God and can tell the difference between God and Satan.  Powerful.

Now, bringing it all back to my earlier thoughts, it takes Moses 4 times of demanding that Satan go away!  4 times!  Moses was just in the presence of God, God could easily have dismissed Satan himself, but after this amazingly phenomenal experience, God leaves Moses to be tested and tried, for His own good purposes.

It reminded me of me, after I have that spiritual moment--that testimony "high" as it were-- when I see the hand of God, His truth and the power of it.  And then Satan comes.  And stays.  And stays some more.  God, I am sure, is nearby.  He has shown me His greatness, His truth, confirming it by the Holy Spirit of truth.  And then sometimes it feels like it was with Moses.  God takes a step back and says, "Now, do you believe it?  Feel for yourself the difference and make your own choice.  Will you listen to Satan, or remember and choose to follow what you learned from me?"

I believe we can all see the loving hand of God in our lives if we choose to look for it, and we too can ask "Where is thy glory, Satan, that we should worship thee?  What have you done for me that I should even listen to you?"

I think there are two ways to make these experiences more like the triumphant Moses one, and not my usual discouraged one:
#1-daily immerse ourselves in the spiritual...in a sense, coming into the presence of God.  When we can remind ourselves what it feels like to be with God, we will recognize more easily the presence of the adversary.
#2-recognize that the presence of adversity not always a sign of personal weakness, but is sometimes is rather an opportunity to really think about where we stand on that issue.  Do we believe God's truth only when it is easy to apply?  That would be like believing it is good to exercise and eat vegetables only when it is easy to do that...but surely it can't be true late at night when it is hard, right? :)

So I guess the adversity, the doubts, the obvious challenge to my affirmations of faith are not necessarily a sign of weakness, eh? And the hope that I get from the story of Moses is this:

 20 And it came to pass that Moses began to ^afear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of ^bhell. Nevertheless, ^ccalling upon God, he received ^dstrength, (remember, he has already called on God 2 times) and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of ^eglory.

 21 And now Satan began to tremble, and the earth shook; and Moses received strength, and called upon God (final time), saying: In the name of the Only Begotten, ^adepart hence, ^bSatan.

 22 And it came to pass that Satan cried with a loud voice, with weeping, and wailing, and ^agnashing of teeth; and he departed hence, even from the presence of Moses, that he beheld him not.

Don't give up.  Good will ultimately overcome.  God has never completely left us.  Sometimes He just steps aside to see what we will do, like a parent does with a child learning to walk, or a kid learning to swim for the first time.  At some point, the parent needs to step back so the child can see for themselves that they can do it!

24 And it came to pass that when Satan had departed from the presence of Moses, that Moses lifted up his eyes unto heaven, being filled with the ^aHoly Ghost, which beareth record of the Father and the Son;

 25 And calling upon the name of God, he beheld his ^aglory again, for it was upon him; and he heard a ^bvoice, saying: Blessed art thou, Moses, for I, the Almighty, have ^cchosen thee, and thou shalt be made stronger than many ^dwaters; for they shall obey thy ^ecommand as if thou wert ^fGod.

 26 And lo, I am ^awith thee, even unto the end of thy days;

God's glory will return. And we appreciate it all the more after the darkness and shadows of adversity.