Divorce and Marriage

C.S. Lewis had some deep thoughts on these subjects, in "Mere Christianity":

 The Christian idea of marriage is based on Christ's words that a man and wife are to be regarded as a single organism--for that is what the words 'one flesh' would be in modern English.  And the Christians believe that when He said this He was not expressing a sentiment but stating a fact....The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union. 
As a consequence, Christianity teaches that marriage is for life.  They regard divorce as something like cutting up a living body, as a kind of surgical operation.  Some thing the operation so violent that it cannot be done at all; others admit it as a desperate remedy in extreme cases.  They are all agreed that it is more like having both your legs cut off than it is like dissolving a business partnership or even deserting a regiment.

Divorce, even when considered necessary, is painful.  All would agree on that, I believe, and just like in this kind of operation Lewis compares it to, the side effects and long term ramifications can be tragic and hard.  My heart goes out to those considering or in that situation!

Putting the matter of divorce aside, let's move forward to Lewis's beautiful thoughts on marriage and love:

What we call 'being in love' is a glorious state, and, in several ways, good for us.  It helps to make us generous and courageous, it opens our eyes not only to the beauty of the beloved but to all beauty...Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing.  There are many things below it, but there are also things above it.  You cannot make it the basis of a whole life.  It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling.  now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all.  Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go.  

And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ' being in love' usually does not last.  If the old fairy-tale ending 'They lived happily ever after' is taken to mean 'They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,' then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years?  What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?   

But of course ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense--love as distinct from 'being in love'--is not merely a feeling.  It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God.  They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself.  They can retain this love...'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise.  It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."