How I Test

When I was in high school, I was a pro at the system. I knew how to cram for a test and get A's.  Success, I thought.

However, deep down I knew that I hadn't really learned all that much, or much of what I had learned had gone in one ear and out the other.   At the time, I didn't realize that the true way to succeed was to actually learn what was being taught.  I had endured late nights of cramming and hours of grief and stress...for what?  A grade?

My husband, on the other hand, not only seemed to remember so much of what he had learned, he actually knew how it applied.  It was amazing to me.  Sure, I may have jumped through enough hoops to get A's, but as far as acquired intelligence, I envied my husband and his actual knowledge that he came away with.


This morning I gazed out the kitchen window as I prepped a turkey for Sunday dinner, thoughts tumbling with the rays of sunshine.  For a moment, I felt myself see my own situation from a different perspective.  All the problems, worries, doubts and concerns shrunk as I remembered, this life is not the end.  There is eternity and this life is just a test.

Just a test.

That phrase brought me back to my own experience of education and I thought, "I wonder if I am just doing enough to get the A, or am I really learning?"

For most of my life, I have been guilty of the previous...old habits die hard, I guess.  The talk by Renlund at General Conference reminded me that when we are closer to the giver, the tester, to God, the less we feel a sense of entitlement, the more grateful we are for what we have been given.  I have been scraping by so often, going through those motions, allowing myself to feel picked on when things don't go just right.

Time to trust, Mary.  Time to let this test change me so I can really learn.  Otherwise, I will just end where I began, with a lot of tests taken, a lot of grief endured, with nothing to show for it.  Ouch.