Once again, a transformational moment for me was captured in a series of videos. Perhaps it is because that so often when I am confronted with changes, dilemmas or truths within me or in the world around me, I seek to share the experience with my children in a meaningful way. I have found the most effective way to share it with them is through a teaching environment that involves art or music in some way...art, that beautiful medium of communication that touches another on so many levels! Perhaps it also lends beauty and meaning to my own experience to re-live it with them. Whatever the case, the moment was sweet and I feel I must share.
So, to record this moment, I will just take you through our devotional the moment following one of my "Thousandth Nights"...
We began with "Two Truths and a Lie" from Studio C...humor is a great way to crack open or wake up a mind :).
We are surrounded by truths and lies, and the key is to keep our mind open to the Spirit so he can teach us those truths.
I had all of the kids grab a piece of paper and a pen or pencil or crayon and write or draw anything they could have experienced recently that "wasn't fair" or made them upset or was just downright frustrating. Giving them a few moments, the initial comments gave way to the silence of scratching pencils. I am with them. It always seems that there is so much we can complain about :).
I then had then share (if they wanted to) one or more things off their lists, which ranged from the humorous to the significant:
--"I have to work all day long" (this from Hava, age 7)
--"I didn't get a second bowl of cereal this morning" (Avot, age 19, laughingly shared)
--"My baby didn't sleep much last night"
--"My siblings bug me!"
...just a few examples. (Try it. It is powerful. Whine away on paper...)
I then asked, "What if these very things are what God is allowing to shape us and can each be looked on as a positive thing in our life?" As they thought about this, I played the first verse and chorus of "Blessings" with the words available so they could really follow along:
I asked them again, "What if our blessings were really coming through these very things?" After I allowed them to think about it for a minute, I began.
The night before was not a good night. Baby Zsa was just not going to sleep. After an hour of half-hearted to genuine attempts to help him go to sleep (despite a day of only one short nap!) he was still not going to sleep. It defied logic! I got more and more frustrated, storming around cleaning up while he screamed in the other room, hurting for my child, upset, mad. The other kids gently offered to help and I abruptly shushed them, caught up and wallowing in my own tired frustration.
Unfortunately, when I get whiney and full of self-pity, I tend to blame God. "Why?! Why now? I know you could fix this?!"
Illogical. Pathetic. Real.
When my frustration reached its peak, I took that baby downstairs and plopped him down on the kitchen floor so he wouldn't keep the other kids awake at least and headed to the mud-room to put something away, knowing that the last thing he needed right then was a frustrated mommy. (I am a firm believer of staying away from kids when we are really upset.) I came back in moments later to find him in Daddy's arms. My patient, good husband was there and was determined to help, despite my protests (he had been working on appraisals and still had a bunch more to do, despite the lateness of the hour). The guilt I felt washed over me and I stormed into the mud room again, ranting about everything from the mud to the unfinished house...anything that could possibly be complained about and then some!
The baby went to sleep after a while in Daddy's gentle arms and I sulked upstairs and read a book, theoretically to calm down, but more to protest the gentle reasoning of heaven that I needed some sleep. Yah. I was a piece of work :).
Later that night, I woke up to a gentle crying. It was one of Baby Zsa's "are you there, someone?" little cries, almost more of a question than a cry. Sometimes he just goes back to sleep, so I waited for a moment. When he kept it up, I quietly went it to see what was going on. As I poked my head in the room, the odor of vomit washed over me and realization sunk in: he had been crying because his little tummy ached! Poor little dear! And all mommy could do was feel sorry for her-self?
I picked him up carefully, gathered his bedding, got it washing and then bathed my little boy. Snuggling with him in the towel afterward, I walked down the hall. I had the distinct feeling of God's presence, God watching, waiting...me needing to change and grow. I felt Him there and knew that this was a moment when His intervention would have kept me from a blessing I needed...a transformation, a turning closer to Him.
I rocked my baby back to sleep, penitent. As I did, the words to the Blessings song drifted through my head, "All the while, you hear each spoken need, but love us way too much to give us lesser things." I have allowed myself to get angry at all these little things over the years, feeling justified or that "it is just a little thing." Not any more, God is telling me. It is time to give that anger up. I will no longer just "make it work out," my child. It is time to change.
"I felt so horrible," I told the kids. "I had felt so justified in being angry at Baby Zsa and here he was, hurting. I had been so wrong. I am determined to never get frustrated with helpless babies again!"
I reminded them of their own lists and challenged them to consider how their hardships could each be turned into something to learn from or something to be grateful for. As they were thinking about this, I played the following video:
"Men must trust God no matter what happens."
More than a commitment to not get frustrated with babies, I felt a remorse at my habitual "blaming to heaven" mentality, those thoughts of "why me?" or "this is too hard!" I am so often like Job's friends and, well...that's not who I would pick as my hero of the story :).
Thinking about "blessings come through raindrops," all of a sudden the new Mormon message has new meaning:
We watched the rest of the video,
...and then I bore my testimony.
What if our blessings really do come through raindrops? God asks us to give him our old tattered cloaks, our old tattered selves, to give us new ones. Why is it so hard to give up our old selves? We are certainly comfortable with those mental paths...but those are not paths that lead us back to God. Do we trust Him? I wish I were more like Job. Just imagine! Somehow, thinking of his story has helped me over the past few days.
I might fall again, but my heart has changed. My direction is different than it was before, closer to where it needs to be. May I trust God more. That seems to be a common thread of these posts :). Maybe that is what it all boils down to...just trusting Him.
So, to record this moment, I will just take you through our devotional the moment following one of my "Thousandth Nights"...
We began with "Two Truths and a Lie" from Studio C...humor is a great way to crack open or wake up a mind :).
I had all of the kids grab a piece of paper and a pen or pencil or crayon and write or draw anything they could have experienced recently that "wasn't fair" or made them upset or was just downright frustrating. Giving them a few moments, the initial comments gave way to the silence of scratching pencils. I am with them. It always seems that there is so much we can complain about :).
I then had then share (if they wanted to) one or more things off their lists, which ranged from the humorous to the significant:
--"I have to work all day long" (this from Hava, age 7)
--"I didn't get a second bowl of cereal this morning" (Avot, age 19, laughingly shared)
--"My baby didn't sleep much last night"
--"My siblings bug me!"
...just a few examples. (Try it. It is powerful. Whine away on paper...)
I then asked, "What if these very things are what God is allowing to shape us and can each be looked on as a positive thing in our life?" As they thought about this, I played the first verse and chorus of "Blessings" with the words available so they could really follow along:
I asked them again, "What if our blessings were really coming through these very things?" After I allowed them to think about it for a minute, I began.
The night before was not a good night. Baby Zsa was just not going to sleep. After an hour of half-hearted to genuine attempts to help him go to sleep (despite a day of only one short nap!) he was still not going to sleep. It defied logic! I got more and more frustrated, storming around cleaning up while he screamed in the other room, hurting for my child, upset, mad. The other kids gently offered to help and I abruptly shushed them, caught up and wallowing in my own tired frustration.
Unfortunately, when I get whiney and full of self-pity, I tend to blame God. "Why?! Why now? I know you could fix this?!"
Illogical. Pathetic. Real.
When my frustration reached its peak, I took that baby downstairs and plopped him down on the kitchen floor so he wouldn't keep the other kids awake at least and headed to the mud-room to put something away, knowing that the last thing he needed right then was a frustrated mommy. (I am a firm believer of staying away from kids when we are really upset.) I came back in moments later to find him in Daddy's arms. My patient, good husband was there and was determined to help, despite my protests (he had been working on appraisals and still had a bunch more to do, despite the lateness of the hour). The guilt I felt washed over me and I stormed into the mud room again, ranting about everything from the mud to the unfinished house...anything that could possibly be complained about and then some!
The baby went to sleep after a while in Daddy's gentle arms and I sulked upstairs and read a book, theoretically to calm down, but more to protest the gentle reasoning of heaven that I needed some sleep. Yah. I was a piece of work :).
Later that night, I woke up to a gentle crying. It was one of Baby Zsa's "are you there, someone?" little cries, almost more of a question than a cry. Sometimes he just goes back to sleep, so I waited for a moment. When he kept it up, I quietly went it to see what was going on. As I poked my head in the room, the odor of vomit washed over me and realization sunk in: he had been crying because his little tummy ached! Poor little dear! And all mommy could do was feel sorry for her-self?
I picked him up carefully, gathered his bedding, got it washing and then bathed my little boy. Snuggling with him in the towel afterward, I walked down the hall. I had the distinct feeling of God's presence, God watching, waiting...me needing to change and grow. I felt Him there and knew that this was a moment when His intervention would have kept me from a blessing I needed...a transformation, a turning closer to Him.
I rocked my baby back to sleep, penitent. As I did, the words to the Blessings song drifted through my head, "All the while, you hear each spoken need, but love us way too much to give us lesser things." I have allowed myself to get angry at all these little things over the years, feeling justified or that "it is just a little thing." Not any more, God is telling me. It is time to give that anger up. I will no longer just "make it work out," my child. It is time to change.
"I felt so horrible," I told the kids. "I had felt so justified in being angry at Baby Zsa and here he was, hurting. I had been so wrong. I am determined to never get frustrated with helpless babies again!"
I reminded them of their own lists and challenged them to consider how their hardships could each be turned into something to learn from or something to be grateful for. As they were thinking about this, I played the following video:
"Men must trust God no matter what happens."
More than a commitment to not get frustrated with babies, I felt a remorse at my habitual "blaming to heaven" mentality, those thoughts of "why me?" or "this is too hard!" I am so often like Job's friends and, well...that's not who I would pick as my hero of the story :).
Thinking about "blessings come through raindrops," all of a sudden the new Mormon message has new meaning:
We watched the rest of the video,
...and then I bore my testimony.
What if our blessings really do come through raindrops? God asks us to give him our old tattered cloaks, our old tattered selves, to give us new ones. Why is it so hard to give up our old selves? We are certainly comfortable with those mental paths...but those are not paths that lead us back to God. Do we trust Him? I wish I were more like Job. Just imagine! Somehow, thinking of his story has helped me over the past few days.
I might fall again, but my heart has changed. My direction is different than it was before, closer to where it needs to be. May I trust God more. That seems to be a common thread of these posts :). Maybe that is what it all boils down to...just trusting Him.
I love how you share your struggles with your children and how the gospel gives you the ability to learn and improve. What an amazing devotional it must have been. Love you my daughter!
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