Submissive Leadership

 Quick thoughts on my scripture reading this morning: 3 Nephi 8-the Lord has control over the very elements but exercises that power very carefully.  That reminds me and actually connects two other things I read about this morning!!!

1 Peter 5: 2 aFeed the bflock of God which is among you, taking the coversight thereof, not by constraint, but dwillingly; not for efilthy flucre, but of a ready mind;

3 Neither as being alords over God’s heritage, but being bensamples to the flock.

4 And when the chief aShepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a bcrown of cglory that fadeth not away.

5 Likewise, ye younger, asubmit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with bhumility: for God cresisteth the dproud, and giveth grace to the ehumble.

6 aHumble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

8 Be asober, be bvigilant; because your adversary the cdevil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

I need to be humble and submissive to those around me and in my stewardship or the devil will rend me as a lion.  We need to exercise the power and authority we carry in any capacity carefully, especially the power that God lends us to fulfill our stewardships….which reminds me of a cool quote from something I read earlier this morning from a talk called “Divine Parenting” from the last conference:: 

"God will do everything He can, short of violating your agency, to help you not miss out on the greatest blessings in all eternity."  (President Nelson) 

This is an interesting model to follow as a parent and as a missionary leader!  That line between respect of agency and stewardship is hard to find sometimes!   This also led me to this other great quote (from another great talk from President Nelson "Salvation and Exaltation" 4/08):  

Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead them toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children He has entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach and persuade.  

I feel like these all tied together well to remind me of the key underlying principle of an awareness of where my stewardship over those under my stewardship begins and ends….and to “learn from the best,” as it were. (Per 1 Peter 2)

Too often we enter into these kind of relationships with our egos leading out: thinking of all we have to offer or feeling a weight of guidance and direction–which can be real! But I know that I am inclined to take on too much and step in too often and too quickly…and too assertively or aggressively.  This is normally born out of fear and ignorance and a lack of faith in the individual.

I would love to hear how anyone who reads this has benefited from leadership that allows them to grow and develop in this way! I know that my heart warms just trying to think of people that have blessed me this way <3.

My morning pep talk from God

 I am facing another week of hours of dress rehearsals with two performances at the end. It is a little stomach-clenching because I don’t just find the best of the best and find a way for them to shine. I take those who have seldom if ever acted and thrust upon them great roles and seek to help them discover the capacity within each of them. It is nerve-wracking but has thus far produced 100% incredible results.

They say that the more work, sweat, frustration and love a an artist experiences with a piece of art, the more the viewers can feel it.  I realized that this is the way with me.  The audience feels that our plays are a little different as they sense the vision of potential that goes into it.  For this is not just my work, but God’s.  Actors and actresses stretch and grow under the vision and tutelage of someone who sees them for more than they see themselves. 

But I honestly get a little stressed at this stage.

As I went to my scriptures for comfort this morning, I started flipping from the back and got caught in Abraham 3:22-23-

22 Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the aintelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the bnoble and great ones;

23 And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast achosen before thou wast born.

I too was chosen for this role as a director of these youth plays, just as I chose the youth in their roles. And the product that I have seen in the past and continue to see as their vision of themselves change--the confidence they gain--is glorious.

I kept working my way backward in my scriptures and this is what I found:

Moses 1: 4 And, behold, thou art my son; wherefore alook, and I will show thee the bworkmanship of mine chands; but not all, for my dworks are without eend, and also my fwords, for they never cease…

6 And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the asimilitude of mine bOnly cBegotten; and mine Only Begotten is and shall be the dSavior, for he is full of egrace and ftruth; …

7 And now, behold, this one thing I show unto thee, Moses, my son, for thou art in the world, and now I show it unto thee…

12 And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, aSatan came btempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.

13 And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a ason of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; 

16 Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the asimilitude of mine Only Begotten.

I am His daughter, made in the similtude of the Son of God.  That’s powerful.

I ended in Moses 6:27 with Enoch:

27 And he heard a avoice from heaven, saying: bEnoch, my son,...

31 And when Enoch had heard these words, he abowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: bWhy is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people chate me; for I am dslow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

32 And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy amouth, and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good.

33 Say unto this people: aChoose ye bthis day, to serve the Lord God who made you.

34 Behold my aSpirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the bmountains shall flee before you, and the crivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore dwalk with me.

Best pep talk ever. We are not only His servants; we are His sons and daughters. He walks with us in His beautifully impossible work...which led me to what I read yesterday morning about a key component that made Captain Moroni so great and successful:

Alma 48:16 And also, that God would make it known unto them ^awhither they should go to defend themselves against their enemies, and by so doing, the Lord would deliver them.

God will lead us where we should go and then our Savior will deliver us. And their track record is very impressive.

May this bless you, my dear missionaries, who are present so often in my heart and my prayers.

Beauty from ashes...

Harmonious background music

I think I am finally getting to the point where I am okay letting my kids grow up.  It is a lot of pressure to be a mom, a parent.  There are a lot of things to do associated with being a mom.  I do love the little things: like Liesl being super proud of herself that the toilet paper she had just wiped herself with made it into the toilet, a valuable feat.  Or watching Penelope sitting next to me “reading” books in her little half coherent, half baby babble.  Seeing my older girls laugh together and my boys zoom around on wiggle cars in “death-defying turns.” Laughing with my grown kids over media.

I will miss all of this and it will leave a hole in my heart that shall never be filled. I have thirteen beings that have made me a momma, who have enriched and stretched me. And when each one leaves–some with more finality than others–there is a vacancy.  My heart is filled and emptied, filled and empty.

Oh, my preciousness…Penelope just leaned over to give me a little kiss from “Pout Pout Fish.” I try not to let the knowledge that this moment, too, will pass from me.  I need to remember that I will make more moments and not let my heart break at the same time that they are gone.

****

I am glad for the Intuitive Eating guide that Tova gave me months ago. I can feel myself changed from the inside regarding food, exercise and appearance, although the changes are slow.  But I have lost 30 pounds since earlier this year, for which I am very grateful, as it will be easier on my heart.

I feel like my spiritual, emotional, social and physical lives have all had background music that was unhealthy in the past–internal dialogues and emotions that were damaging.  You know, you can do the same thing–with different motives and internal drives–and it is totally different if you change that background “music.”  I noticed that this morning as I was running: one song with the same beat as the next created totally different motivation to run.

Spiritually/emotionally: my therapists, Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and Leah White, have given me so much to consider and help realign my spirituality and emotional base.  The pain is still there, but I can acknowledge it and deal with it better (wow! Do I have a lot of triggers for loss around me on a daily basis!!).

Physically: the intuitive eating thing really helps as does the regular physical therapy, yoga, and running at least a mile a day, now that I can.

Socially: I’m trying to follow my current, personal heavenly injunction to not reach out for a season. I am learning more about my value, my strength and how I had ulterior motives in reaching out so many times: reaching out with hope that others would want to reciprocate the connection I yearn for with them.

Some of my realizations are not very pretty.  But it is good to know the truth of a situation to better deal with it than continuously create heartache and struggle with false expectations.  I guess you were right, Bishop Zy Biesinger: manage expectations. I don’t know that I want to manage them, but rather just seek for the genuine truth in a situation and not demand it be different, if it is something that lies outside of my realm of control.

But overall, my physical, social, emotional and spiritual health is all much better than it was even six months ago.  God is good.

All the time.

And all the time,

God is good.