Polaroid

 Pain is becoming something else-- almost a sacred opportunity to mourn with someone,  to commune with them in the most sacred of spaces. 

I still obsessively panic-avoid it on some levels... but I'm realizing more and more it's healthy role in the scheme of things. 

Basically, there's no point you can get to that I won't want to be with you or know you. 

You could become whatever worst version of yourself that you fear or feel you may become and I would want to be there with you, if you'd let me. 

I will never intentionally push you away. I may misread your interactions with me to mean that you want distance and try to honor that (obviously, I'm not so great at that).

I know what it feels like to know that there's some point of becoming who you struggle not to be--some point you can reach where you're unlovable to those around you.  😔 it's a reality I live in. 

I'd rather be messy individuals living life side by side than strangers behind walls... but I'm used to walls and super great at hurting people and making them want to build walls. 

In some ways Polaroid is my song. Listened to it in the shower this morning…. So many ways I relate to the voice behind the words. 

Even if love is often that Polaroid, better in pictures,  God had taken me places that fill the void.