How to like myself while doing TJEd
On my way home from my plodding jog with a friend, I started composing this idea in my head :-). I really feel that having a good self-image (where we are at, where we are heading) is the basis for being able to winnow through the excess and draw what is good and necessary for ourselves personally in the books we read, the lectures we attend, the advice we get. If we are stable in our core, we can decide what is truly worthwhile in what is around us, and can establish that same stability in our homes. My first thought was this: Don’t listen to people who could be considered OCD give lectures on organization
Self-image:Take 1 minute to list your strengths: areas of knowledge, skills, passions.
Mine? Reading to children, snuggling, listening, serving, math, English.
When we hear that we have great things to do in this life, it is because we came with greatness born in us. If we don’t verbalize it to ourselves and to our children, we give them license to doubt themselves. It is too costly an indulgence to belittle yourself in front of your children. Let them hear you rejoice in your successes, let them hear you shout, "I’m a genius!!" because by so doing, you give them license to recognize the genius within them. My cousin pointed out, when surrounded by a group of gifted women, that she could do a number of those amazing things if it mattered enough to her to take the time. Very likely, there will always be someone, somewhere better at something than you are. Accept that, move forward in the areas you are inspired are part of your personal mission, and only look at others for inspiration, not comparison/competition.
Analogy of Rug: Some are more red, more vibrant, but only you are the special blend of colors, the special weave, that creates the unique beauty that is your life.
When we hear that we have great things to do in this life, it is because we came with greatness born in us. If we don’t verbalize it to ourselves and to our children, we give them license to doubt themselves. It is too costly an indulgence to belittle yourself in front of your children. Let them hear you rejoice in your successes, let them hear you shout, "I’m a genius!!" because by so doing, you give them license to recognize the genius within them. My cousin pointed out, when surrounded by a group of gifted women, that she could do a number of those amazing things if it mattered enough to her to take the time. Very likely, there will always be someone, somewhere better at something than you are. Accept that, move forward in the areas you are inspired are part of your personal mission, and only look at others for inspiration, not comparison/competition.
Analogy of Rug: Some are more red, more vibrant, but only you are the special blend of colors, the special weave, that creates the unique beauty that is your life.
Recognize their (and your) genius even when they are content being mediocre. It will pass a lot more quickly if you are patient and love them through it..as it will for you! If you keep beating yourself up for what you are not doing, you will not only be less productive when you actually do study, you will also study less, giving up more easily.
Take another minute and write down what is the most important thing you need to get done on a daily basis to strengthen your CORE. You will find that what is possible to write in a minute, you can probably do in half an hour to an hour or less. Sometimes you can sneak in a smidgeon of each item on your list here and there throughout the day. Now I’m not talking about what you’d like to get done. I’m talking about taking care of your core. I heard a lecturer once say at a convention similar to this that if your core is not there, everything else is hard to take care of.
Now do those things daily, and don’t let the fluff–the things that will never be truly done get in the way. If it is important enough for you to feel good about yourself and set a tone for the day, you will find a way either early in the morning, late at night, or those five minutes of freedom while the kids are off fighting in another corner of the house .
Now do those things daily, and don’t let the fluff–the things that will never be truly done get in the way. If it is important enough for you to feel good about yourself and set a tone for the day, you will find a way either early in the morning, late at night, or those five minutes of freedom while the kids are off fighting in another corner of the house .
Keep journals–I will be the first to admit that I am not good at faithfully recording in my journal. However, I do have several different "areas" that I try to record ideas when I can. After I had a personal huzzah about how important it is to me, it has become part of my core routine.
1. Personal School journal –an ongoing list of books I have read, authors, page #s, short synopsis, whether I would recommend it or not...I realized I have been getting an education; I could look back and see a shape to my developing ideals and growth! The beautiful thing, it just takes a few minutes (
2. Personal family journal:
1. Gratitude
2. Funny things for blessings
3. Book notes: those quotes that you just don’t want to get away from you, from friends, books, church
4. Homeschooling journal: I have a friend who likes to jot down what they do at the end of each day so she can see what they have actually accomplished amidst the chaos. I just like to take a day every few months and carefully record every seemingly small detail of what we have done, to keep a running idea of how our homeschooling is developing.
1. Personal School journal –an ongoing list of books I have read, authors, page #s, short synopsis, whether I would recommend it or not...I realized I have been getting an education; I could look back and see a shape to my developing ideals and growth! The beautiful thing, it just takes a few minutes (
2. Personal family journal:
1. Gratitude
2. Funny things for blessings
3. Book notes: those quotes that you just don’t want to get away from you, from friends, books, church
4. Homeschooling journal: I have a friend who likes to jot down what they do at the end of each day so she can see what they have actually accomplished amidst the chaos. I just like to take a day every few months and carefully record every seemingly small detail of what we have done, to keep a running idea of how our homeschooling is developing.
Schooling: Perspective
Take another minute and write down the most important things you want your children to know. For me it is that they have a God in Heaven who loves them; that they can reach Him through prayer and studying our core book; and that they each have a genius within them that they will have eternity to develop to accomplish their part in God's grand mission...but they better get started as soon as they can :). It is also that they know how to work and be decent to those around them. And finally, that they know I love them. At the end of the day, sometimes this is pretty much all we have accomplished, but I can look back and see this and know that even if math wasn’t so great that day, and we didn’t have any ah-hah’s, the most important things were taken care of.
Take another minute and write down the most important things you want your children to know. For me it is that they have a God in Heaven who loves them; that they can reach Him through prayer and studying our core book; and that they each have a genius within them that they will have eternity to develop to accomplish their part in God's grand mission...but they better get started as soon as they can :). It is also that they know how to work and be decent to those around them. And finally, that they know I love them. At the end of the day, sometimes this is pretty much all we have accomplished, but I can look back and see this and know that even if math wasn’t so great that day, and we didn’t have any ah-hah’s, the most important things were taken care of.
Your children are also your classics. Angie Baker, at a UHEA convention a few years ago, when asked about her personal studies with so many children, said that at that time, her new baby, only a few months old, was her classic that she was studying on a daily basis, a classic that was changing daily, and would only stay that way for so long.
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,
For babies grow up, I’ve learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, got to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.
Author Unknown
For babies grow up, I’ve learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, got to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.
Author Unknown
Remember, sometimes only one day in 10 will be perfect. Expect that. I heard that at one of my first homeschooling conventions several years back, and it has stuck with me. Our definitions of "perfect" may range, but mine is one where the kids do their jobs on their own flawlessly (or with minimal help). They are excitedly participating in Momschool and eagerly do what they have committed for their daily studies. People make up quickly after fighting (I am realistic...there will be arguments), and I will spend quality one-on-one time with each of my seven children. I will do all my studies, and dinner will be ready on time.
have a Walden Day–let the bells ring! Keep a basic time schedule (don’t tell the kids your having a Walden Day (), but don’t force anything. See what happens, where your limitations are (like mentoring four children 6 and under while inspiring your oldest two to keep focused on their areas of stewardship (), and then realize,...that is probably what happens on most days!
Free time is not a bad thing. If the kids get finished with their commitments early, let them play outside, run around, read a book, play a game...and don’t feel like you are failing since they are not working on their next publication or reviewing their Latin!
Free time is not a bad thing. If the kids get finished with their commitments early, let them play outside, run around, read a book, play a game...and don’t feel like you are failing since they are not working on their next publication or reviewing their Latin!
Make it fun!! Don’t be afraid to improvise or throw the daily lesson into the wind if the kids decide they are done...inspire not require, remember?
KISS (keep it simple sweetie/stud) Be consistent with those things that are most important in the face of adversity. We have had a few, not many, devotionals when it is just my 10 y.o perfect daughter, and my baby girl marching around singing patriotic songs and doing the pledge...and even then, the baby likes to wander off. We just do it, and eventually they all come around.
Laugh...a lot Wear pants that don’t fall down when your toddler tugs on them
Invite your husband to witness the chaos of dinner prep with four "helpers" six and under all hovering in the kitchen, round my feet, on the counter top, adding ingredients...so he can appreciate the miracle it is to have dinner emerge out the other end of the kitchen.
Invite your husband to witness the chaos of dinner prep with four "helpers" six and under all hovering in the kitchen, round my feet, on the counter top, adding ingredients...so he can appreciate the miracle it is to have dinner emerge out the other end of the kitchen.
Talk, Listen & Read–but know when to do it!:
*Establish a habit of listening to your children, on individual date, following that parental instinct/divine direction/impulses (don’t be afraid to deviate!) to do it when it is most important (story about Kel, walking Fly, talking about schedules/fighting, "I like fighting!"
*a dear friend of mine once told me that when her kids are all wrangling, she grabs the few closest ones and plops herself down on a couch to read to them.
*Establish a habit of listening to your children, on individual date, following that parental instinct/divine direction/impulses (don’t be afraid to deviate!) to do it when it is most important (story about Kel, walking Fly, talking about schedules/fighting, "I like fighting!"
*a dear friend of mine once told me that when her kids are all wrangling, she grabs the few closest ones and plops herself down on a couch to read to them.
Let them determine what they need to learn, and then follow through. Through academic interviews/mentor meetings (whatever you want to call them!) discover what it is that they are crazy about, help them capture a vision of who they want to become, and help them set a plan. This doesn’t mean set the plan for them and then ask their approval. It means, look at their goals and dreams, tie in the different academic fields involved in preparation for those goals and dreams, and help them set realistic goals for themselves that they can be motivated to do. Then let them succeed/fail/struggle, then come back and re-evaluate during the next meeting. I like to start really small, particularly with my nine-year-old boy ("do you think you can do one math problem a day?"). He will sometimes get defensive and challenging, declaring that he is capable of so much more. I remind him of the distractions that will likely arise, but express my confidence in his ability to do whatever he sets him mind to do. Then, again, turn it over to them, where they just report back. Then it’s not mom determining what "I have to do"! Liberating! When they realize you are truly giving them ownership over their education and you structure the time in such a way to allow them to follow-through, they will get more and more excited.
This doesn’t mean you step back completely. I like to find things we can
do together throughout the week and plan for those...otherwise I find myself gravitating to my own studies or the more vocal demands of the little ones. Start small (five minutes of German a day or a week!), but be consistent in making them a priority for at least part of the day.
Then, make allowances for "core" days (Walden days) but, in our house,
when they want to throw off responsibility for their schooling in the face of immaturity, they also throw of the privileges of responsibility, like computer time or playing with friends. (
This doesn’t mean you step back completely. I like to find things we can
do together throughout the week and plan for those...otherwise I find myself gravitating to my own studies or the more vocal demands of the little ones. Start small (five minutes of German a day or a week!), but be consistent in making them a priority for at least part of the day.
Then, make allowances for "core" days (Walden days) but, in our house,
when they want to throw off responsibility for their schooling in the face of immaturity, they also throw of the privileges of responsibility, like computer time or playing with friends. (
Organization
Work systems: find out what works from other people
prioritize–start with basics then move on from there
try and adapt
See Article on Family Work, BYU Magazine, Spring 2000! It is life-changing!
Work systems: find out what works from other people
prioritize–start with basics then move on from there
try and adapt
See Article on Family Work, BYU Magazine, Spring 2000! It is life-changing!
You will never be done.Pick different times of the day where you feel it is important to have the house clean...it will never be 100% of the time.
Decide on preferred levels of cleanliness
If you just can’t stand how something looks, save it for your time, and learn to enjoy the satisfaction of working alone. It’s bad when on Sunday the most relaxing thing you can do is to wander around, straightening the house by myself without interruption...and I am not OCD!
If you just can’t stand how something looks, save it for your time, and learn to enjoy the satisfaction of working alone. It’s bad when on Sunday the most relaxing thing you can do is to wander around, straightening the house by myself without interruption...and I am not OCD!
Take ownership over your life!! The minute you decide that you are at the mercy of your schedule, you have lost control and have become a victim. Example of when I kept wanting to scrapbook "when I was done cleaning" only to realize that if I really wanted to scrapbook, I needed to clean some other time...I realized cleaning was cathartic, and now accept that I scrapbook when I can, but I clean when I must because I choose to!
Take home message!
1. Decide what is most important, plan it into your day
2. Recognize fluff
3. Realize it is you who has made this schedule, for a reason. If it is driving you crazy, identify why (is it the schedule or you and your insecurities?)
2. Recognize fluff
3. Realize it is you who has made this schedule, for a reason. If it is driving you crazy, identify why (is it the schedule or you and your insecurities?)
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