Emotions and moving

I think I am at such a mixed state of emotions, that when people ask kindly "how are you?" I think a blank stare best fits how I feel :)...

Tired, emotionally imbalanced, at peace, nervous, uncertain, trusting, ready to cry, enjoying the moment, ready for the moment to pass so I can see what happens next, calculating, befuddled...

You name it: I am probably feeling or have felt it :).

Needless to say, sleep is sporadic, and, whenever I have a few minutes, I wander around, from suitcase to suitcase--rearranging and calculating--, room to room, aimlessly thinking I am doing something, but in reality not doing very much :).

This morning, driving away from dropping off dear Quinn at the airport, I started humming through hymns.  One I had looked up the other day was "When Faith Endures" and my garbled memory of the first verse went through my mind:

"I will not doubt.  I will not fear. God's love and strength are always near.  His promised gift helps me to find an inner strength and peace of mind.  I give my Father willingly, my trust, my prayers, humility.  Something, Something, and love assures that fear departs when faith endures."

As if turning the pages in the hymn book it went to another hymn near that section, "Where Can I Turn For Peace", with the first part of the third verse standing out:

"He answers privately, reaches my reaching...

"In my Gethsemane, Savior and friend."

This is no where near a Gethsemane experience.  In fact, I read over D&C 122 this morning and my many blessings were brought back to my mind.  Really, after reading the Lord's tender answer to an anguished prophet separated from his family and people, my humble gratitude for how easy and wonderful my life is overwhelmed me.  This section is worth reading again and again in its entirety :).  Such a great reminder of all we have to be grateful for.

1 The ends of the earth shall inquire after thy ^aname, and fools shall have thee in ^bderision, and hell shall rage against thee;

 2 While the pure in heart, and the wise, and the noble, and the virtuous, shall seek ^acounsel, and authority, and blessings constantly from under thy hand.

 3 And thy ^apeople shall never be turned against thee by the testimony of traitors.

 4 And although their influence shall cast thee into trouble, and into bars and walls, thou shalt be had in ^ahonor; and but for a small^bmoment and thy voice shall be more terrible in the midst of thine enemies than the fierce ^clion, because of thy righteousness; and thy God shall stand by thee forever and ever.

 5 If thou art called to pass through ^atribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in ^bperils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea;

 6 If thou art ^aaccused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to ^bprison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like ^cwolves for the blood of the lamb;

 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.

 8 The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

 9 Therefore, ^ahold on thy way, and the priesthood shall ^bremainwith thee; for their ^cbounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy ^ddaysare known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore,^efear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever

Here's a great mormon message that goes right along with it...the Parable of the Current Bush: http://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#the-will-of-god

Quinn gave me a wonderful blessing before he left, using that wonderful priesthood that he is worthy of, and, among other things...well, first and foremost actually,...gave me a blessing of peace.  (Second in importance to that, in my mind, was that I would have a mind that was clear and active and that I would be able to keep track of all the kids :).)

It reminds me of the mormon message about a young man and a lightning strike while at football practice:

http://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#sanctify-yourselves

Like that young man, Quinn was ready and worthy to administer to me, using God's mighty power.  The moment may not have seemed so powerful and dramatic, yet it was powerfully personal and poignant, and his worthiness made it possible.  Tender mercy. I will miss him, but am excited for what he will be getting ready while he is away!