Taking it back to God

I have really been trying to figure out how to simplify and live by the Spirit, and it is such a challenge!  It seems, at times, that those are two opposing things!  For instance, I feel that the Spirit directs that I should keep working on plays, homeschooling all these kids, aspire to still give them piano lessons, spend quality time with my husband, love the kids (and all their different love language needs?!), do Vanguard, be a responsible visiting teacher and friend, socialize and open up my home's spirit to others, (because there are so many times that I really, really, really want to just crawl into a hole with my dear family and never come out :)!), follow promptings for missionary work, etc., etc., etc.

And, yet, if I am truly living by the spirit, I should be able to do all these things the Lord's way and in a do-able way.  I think sometimes I get direction and then come up with a non-God-inspired plan to achieve that direction and then start charging forward: for instance, the "love language" concern above, which is an excellent example of this.  The Spirit says, "Mary, you need to be more loving to your children."  Boom!  Into my head pop all these ways that I have been told (not by the spirit necessarily, but by good, amazing and wonderful people and sources) is the right way to do it.  I think it is important to regard and consider these sources, but before I put my regarded and considered course of action into effect, do I take that next and crucial step to see if my reasoning is indeed a way that is His will?

So many times I want Him to just tell me everything: do this this way, do that that way.  Lately, I have felt a lot more of Him saying, "Yes, this is area you need to change and this is what you need to direct your energies to (missionary work, plays for kids, homeschooling, loving your children, sustaining and loving your husband), but I want you to think through what a good plan of action would be."  I have taken that withouth listening to the crucial follow-up step that is in the Doctrine and Covenants 9:7-9:

 7 Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

 8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must ^astudy it out in your ^bmind; then you must ^cask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your ^dbosom shall ^eburn within you; therefore, you shall ^ffeel that it is right.

 9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a ^astupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write (or do) that which is ^bsacred save it be given you from me.

I need to not only use my gifts of reason and experience and education to come up with a plan of action, but then I need to go back to God to check and see if I need to tweak it or throw it out.  Just because something pops into my head, doesn't mean that it is a good way to accomplish what God has asked me to do.  Sometimes, a little bit goes a long ways, and sometimes He sustains many on a little cruise of oil. like with the widow of Nain.  Sometimes the answer is a little unorthodox or unconventional, like when the prophet told Naaman to go and wash himself in the Jordan river 7 times.  Sometimes the answer is for the prophet himself to do the work, but more often than not, it is the prophet that gives direction.  And always, always the widow's mite is enough.

I know, know, know that the Lord gives, with every commandment, a way to accomplish it.  He doesn't ask us to do the impossible, for with Him, nothing is impossible.  But I believe He wants us to, after receiving direction or even just perceiving a need, to reason it out sometimes for ourselves as we prepare to be more like Him, right?  You know, like holding the child's hands as they learn to walk and then sometimes letting go and letting them fall a little, as they learn their own strength.  However, this is a new reminder to me, as I ponder this this morning...to go back after reasoning and counsel with Him again.

I know He can make my cruse of oil, my cracket pot, my meager efforts enough.  I have seen the miracle of that in my life in so many ways that defy description.  It may look a little "unconventional" at times (my currently dirty house, my insane upcoming schedule for the weekend, moving to and from Hungary are a few examples of that).  However, I think that part of the problem behind the first two, is that I am trying to answer God's call in a way that I reasoned out, without checking back with Him.