Stillness

It has been quite a learning curve these last few days.  This "what lack I yet" personal question to God has had some pretty  deep answers:

-I need to treat my husband not only as my friend, but as a real person...not a wall to lash out at when things go wrong.
-I need to start treating my oldest son more consistently as an adult.
-I need to be still.

I see my children move around, in constant motion, and have felt to ask them to learn the art of stillness.  However, yesterday, I started seeing myself reflected in their busy motions.  We need to be more still.  My children need it. I need to stop planning things for a while, stop getting our family in motion to do, do, do.  I am not that kind of person that necessarily enjoys busy-ness, but I feel compelled to do it as I see many needs around me and the many desires of my children to do different things.

As I have reflectively observed myself and my intentions, I find that I do seek to be busy, equating busy with valuable, with productive, with "being my best."  It is true that I am busy doing awesome and meaningful things.  However, the lesson right now seems to be to learn stillness.  To learn gentleness. To learn quiet: quiet of spirit.

I have seen that I am really a gentle person underneath all those layers of brusque-ness and initiative and drive.  Maybe I have felt that I have had to fight this gentle person within to be what God wants me to be.  Maybe I am wrong...maybe.