Rice and Charity

Sometimes I show up at church with a bunch of baggage: stuff at home, stress of inadequacies, feeling sapped.  While I know people are looking for healing, love and acceptance, it can feel so hard to get to church with all my munchkins...let alone smile at anyone or even just smile in general!

This last Sunday, as I walked down the hall and through my mind rushed all the people whose names I had forgotten, all those things I hadn't done and the ways people should and could despise me, --thoughts that usually cause me to shrink within myself--another thought drifted into my consciousness: "Think rice, Mary...love the rice."

I did. I pictured those silly little jars of clean rice marked "love" and transferred that love to every person I passed.  It is crazy how something so small can make such a difference.  All of a sudden I was seeing people I loved and it was easy to smile. I felt such joy, such gladness at simply being there with people I loved. Sometimes I get so pre-occupied with all the stupid and offensive things that I say or the ways what I say could be taken, I get caught up in a little ball of stress that doesn't want to say or do anything with anyone.  This jar thing has been miraculous at helping me.  It is amazing how when you just feel love for others, your pre-occupation with self and your own limitations disappear.

Jars of rice.  Seeing people with love...pure, unmerited, unearned love...love that doesn't need to be merited, love that doesn't need to be earned.

You know something? I have been doing the same thing when looking at myself in the mirror in the morning too, and that has been kind of crazy.  I am becoming more and more okay with myself, who I am and what I do.  I am human.  I make mistakes, but I am also lovable and happy and kind.  I try really hard and I do love people.  Silly how our deep love and concern for others can take a twisted turn and become a burden and a challenge.  The pure love we can direct at others through this process of just visualizing love is beautiful. 

Maybe this love we feel is the gift spoken of in Moroni 7, just after the passage on "charity":

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, ^apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true^bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall ^cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be ^dpurified even as he is pure. Amen.

Best gift ever. :)