Complex Factors, Indeed

My heart is full this morning.  Please forgive me as I wax a little political.

I have had the Affordable Health Care Act on my mind a great deal lately.  Actually, since the program was implemented.  I have struggled with my desire to help the poor and my deep concern that this may not be the way.  I loved a post my friend, Les Bishop, contributed to facebook that captures my internal struggle.

I rejoice in those who posted on her feed that their lives are genuinely better because of ACA.  However, I feel it is unsustainable, as is shown by the increasing number of people that fall outside of the line of those who "qualify."  We are starting to "run out of other people's money."  I do not feel that this means we should turn our back on the poor.  I love how Les put it, "I would gladly give my money so someone else could afford to pay for cancer treatment."  Someone expressed their concern with ACA in her feed as follows:

And then there is the 'gap', where my single friend 61 years old and working a physically demanding job as well as taking care of her 88 yr old mother, has fallen. She can't afford the premiums her company is now requiring and certainly can't afford any individual policy, yet does not qualify for coverage under the ACA. I don't know if there is an answer for everyone.

 To which Les eloquently replied:

I wonder what will happen to your friend under whatever new health care laws come around? Or what might have happened before the ACA. There is no easy fix, certainly. There is not a panacea. As is true in everything, complex factors are at play. The world is not black and white, problems are not black and white, solutions certainly aren't black and white.

So what is the solution? Certainly it is not to turn our backs on those who are less fortunate for us. With these questions in mind, I listened to "The Challenge to Become," an excellent talk by Elder Dallin Oaks:

It may seem to be unrelated, but a story he shared caught my mind:

A parable... A wealthy father knew that if he were to bestow his wealth upon a child who had not yet developed the needed wisdom and stature, the inheritance would probably be wasted. The father said to his child:

“All that I have I desire to give you—not only my wealth, but also my position and standing among men. That which I have I can easily give you, but that which I am you must obtain for yourself. You will qualify for your inheritance by learning what I have learned and by living as I have lived. I will give you the laws and principles by which I have acquired my wisdom and stature. Follow my example, mastering as I have mastered, and you will become as I am, and all that I have will be yours.”

Now, I don't mean to speak condescendingly at all, so please don't read that into it.  In a sense, the government is the "wealthy father."  The willing hearts of so many Americans represent his desire to give all that they have to help the poor.  However, so much of what is willingly offered is wasted.

For instance, I watched my crying infant who had a possible elbow out of his socket and calculated, "Is it worth the $1500 it will cost us to take him to the emergency room...or can I remember how to put it back into place?"

Does this same hesitation occur when the health care is 100% provided by the state?

We pay a large premium each month that is steadily rising which we hardly use because it is the cheapest possible program (little actual coverage) to be on and still be "insured."  Two one hour visits of Hava to the emergency room for stitches last year equaled over $2000 out of our pocket. I am not complaining.  We obviously could pay for it.  But is this same mentality of "only use the health care if absolutely necessary" being practiced by those who pay nothing for it?

I have a sweet friend in my life who is poor. She has a heart of gold but has had a hard life and really struggles. She participates in four food-assistance programs and regularly runs out of food.  When I take her to the store, she normally comes out laden down with bags of meat and soda pop, luxuries my family does not purchase in our budget.

I have another friend who regularly takes his family out to eat with his welfare money to restaurants my kids have never set foot in.  Does this make sense? I am not sure. They have told me, "I'd rather not pay for my heating if the government can do it for me."

I love these friends, I do. I don't see that this system is truly helping them though, and it certainly doesn't have education and accountability as part of it.  How to educate and provide accountability?  I believe that is the question that will help us see real solutions.  I love the WIC program.  The carrying out of that program is pretty close to what it should be,I believe.  There is a little more latitude in what they can purchase than is probably necessary, but there is a beautiful education process that happens with it and specific needs are being met.

Yes!  Keep providing resources for those who cannot afford it.  But let's come up with a way that is sustainable and lifts the poor up out of the circumstances and doesn't just feed them in it.  I have seen it in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormons) in their distribution of welfare.  I wonder how or if we could somehow recreate that in our government.

Please, let us reach out and help for the poor.  But let's do it in a way that really helps them and is sustainable.   Les hit the nail on the head:

There is no easy fix, certainly. There is not a panacea. As is true in everything, complex factors are at play. The world is not black and white, problems are not black and white, solutions certainly aren't black and white.

I pray for compassion and charity as I see this issue and the people behind it: that mentality is essential to come up with a truly Christian, a truly God-like solution.  It is not to turn our backs on the poor, those beautiful, struggling people around us.

I just don't see how the current system is working and can keep "working" for those who feel it is.   Perhaps we need to shift money away from other areas of our government to sustain it while we figure out how to implement accountability and education into our programs?  Ach.  As Les said, complex factors indeed.

As a parting thought, I would like to share a video that helps us remember our responsibility to not judge the motives and actions of those who are less fortunate than we are:

A Few Degrees

I look outside
and see a few degrees
transform a world
soft to hard
rain to snow
cool to frigid.

I look inside
and see a few degrees
transform a heart
soft to hard
tears to ice
sorrow to hate.

A few degrees change...
more deadly
without or within?

Is My Service Enough?

I was listening to this talk this morning while making bread:

It occurred to me that my desperate fear and plea is not that I am good enough to make it for myself, but right now, my deepest fear is am I good enough to do what I need to do to help all those hurting souls around me.  Are my weaknesses, inadequacies or choices of priorities hindering others from coming to God?  Are my efforts good enough to solve the problems around me?

Recognizing this fear is important, I think.  It reflects a lack of faith in who is really "fixing the problems" and also takes away from the agency of those around me.

Example of Mary's brain:
I wake up this morning with some genuinely inspired ideas of things I can do with my children today to meet needs they have brought up or needs that I have recognized.  Feeling of excitement.

As I progress in the morning and start jotting these ideas down, drifting into my mind come the situations of people in my ward or friends out of this area whom I have let down, neglected or haven't been able to connect with.  Particularly, those who are hurting or struggling right now come to my mind and I think, "What can I do to help them?"  This escalates until I am overwhelmed with brainstormed ideas, reflections on how my lack of action may have contributed to their situation, and do they know how much I love them even though I am not doing anything for them right now?  

That is my fear.  There are so many good, wonderful people in my life that have blessed me beyond my ability to repay.  People that I love.  People that I could sit down and talk for hours with or do things for and love every minute of it.

But the Spirit keeps whispering to focus on the little (and bigger) bodies in my home that need me even more right now.  And I love doing things with them!  I feel kind of selfish and, well, super peaceful happy when I am laying on the floor making bead necklaces with my babies all around involved in different degrees of creation.  I wonder if I am doing enough to help my neighbor so that they can be happier and know that I love them as I sit and snuggle with my little one on my lap and read to them.  Sometimes the exquisite joy that comes from just sitting and being a mom to my kids seems selfish.  So not enough.

Isn't that crazy?  I love the process of writing.  It helps clarify so much.  Perhaps I have created a false sense of "enough" that equates to being perpetually exhausted or in high-gear of service.  I have truly felt God's enabling power in the past that has blessed my efforts when I genuinely have too much to do and too little time.  It has been incredible to look back on those days and see His hand.  Maybe I need to start trying to see that the slow cuddling, necklace-making days are enough and that God will truly take care of those others that I feel that I am neglecting right now.

Maybe I need to direct more energy to and have more faith in those prayers I send heavenward and believe that they are better than a note dropped off or a plate of cookies.  Maybe I need to just trust the Spirit more, keep those I love in my mind, and just trust that God loves them even more than I do and that if they do need that act of love from me in a particular way, He will tell me.

I know we are need to be "anxiously engaged" in our own good causes.  But my mind and my life are simply not big enough to act on all the impulses of service, fellowship, friendship and love that are in my heart.  That is where I feel my "not enough" and wish it were more.

I wish I had god-like capacity, resources and time to reach out and truly love all those wonderful people in my life and make sure they know of that love.  Because I know what it feels like to be alone. I know what it feels like to have someone care, have someone reach out with a thoughtful word or act. And I truly want those I love to feel happy.  And loved.

I don't want those I love so deeply to think that I don't love them because of something I didn't take the time to do.  How to do that for every wonderful person in my life, a life that has crossed so many paths and been blessed so richly by so many?  Am I doubting my ability to do all God has for me or am I doubting Him, that He can love them for me while I am occupied loving others?

Maybe it goes back to trusting the Spirit more.  God knows the intentions of my heart.  He knows I love these people and want them to feel love.  Feel happy.  May He magnify my efforts and magnify my trust in Him.

*************
I have learned that "anxiously engaged" does not equal frenzied or frantic.
1828 dictionary definitions of "anxious": Very careful; solicitous
Greatly concerned or solicitous, respecting something future or unknown; being in painful suspense

Three Keys to Knowing God Better and New Look at "Perfect"

Letter to my Tova, capturing some thoughts I have had lately and maybe others would have something to add or learn from my mistakes and experiences.

It is a beautiful Saturday morning and I am journaling, blogging and "taking care of business" like emails and writing to Congressmen and Senators to protect Vidangel's right to help us filter in the comforts of our own home.  Typical morning, right? 

Unfortunately we have had a phenomenal number of "accidents" this morning.  Spooner peed on the new rug twice yesterday.  Papaya had an unusually bad pee accident in Bink's crib including a huge amount of bedding.  Someone hadn't rotated the laundry as they should so I had to rouse them out of bed at 6 am to get it rotated.  Nothing like "accountability," right? :S  Sometimes it does hurt.

Anyway, then an unusual person accidentally wet the bed while on the new fold out bed in our couch about an hour later and Binks woke up completely soaked with urine because I didn't change him again before putting him to bed.  I am surrounded by the smell of urine and by the feel of yuck.  That is hard for me.  

However, I have been trying to change my heart towards affliction.  Yesterday Binks pulled down the allowance jars off the counter-top and they "exploded" all over the floor: glass, change and paper money.  As I walked in I felt surprisingly calm.  I felt immediately that this was a test: am I really going to control my anger and let it go?  I said a prayer, a deep and meaningful one, before proceeding.  As I cleaned up I felt no victimization, bitterness and only a tinge of regret.  It was beautiful.  Our Savior and our Heavenly Father can truly help us overcome all our weaknesses and make them strong.  

My reaction was not my usual one, which is why I am noticing it.  Normally, it is all those things I didn't feel at that moment in the kitchen threshold and while cleaning up.  Over 20 years of parenting and I am finally starting to reign in my temper.  There is truly hope.

I have been thinking a great deal about "the one needful thing" mentioned by the Savior to Martha.  I feel the answer is to love God and serve Him with all your heart.  How do we express that love?  How do we carry out that service?  That is part of the one needful thing...to be able to understand and accept that for ourselves.  Humility.  Surrender.  Hope.  Contentment. Trust.  Faith.  Action.

I believe a key part of learning how to do the "one needful thing" with our lives is coming to know our Father in Heaven better.  The bishop shared something cool in his testimony last week.  He said that just like with our earthly fathers, we can develop a better relationship with our Heavenly Father by doing the following:

#1: take an interest in his/His work

#2: Demonstrate trust in him/Him

#3: Ask his/His advice

Pretty cool potential for thoughts on that one, right?

One last thought before I go that I think you would like.  We did a word study on "Finisher" and there were a couple cool definitions from the 1812 dictionary I think you would like:

Finisher: one who completes or perfects (Jesus si the author and finisher of our faith)

Finish: To arrive at the end of, to complete, to make perfect, to accomplish; to polish to the degree of excellence intended (isn't that cool??)

Perfect: "having all that is requisite to its nature and kind"  

There is no one standard of "perfect" for anyone, which also supports the Greek definition of "perfect"= complete.  

We all have different degrees of excellence intended for us.  We all have different requirements of what make us perfect according to our nature and kind. Isn't that cool??  Much food for thought.

Anyway, love you girlie.  Keep smiling and know you are in our thoughts and prayers often.

Much love,

Mommy

I think I am a Millenial...and that is not necessarily a good thing

This is one of the most insightful perspectives I have heard on the "Millenials"...and confirms many things I have studied and experienced myself. I am so guilty of fostering it, too! Ironically enough, it confirms my favorite book about Amish Parenting that teaches some very counter-culture parenting techniques, like "kids who are told they are awesome constantly and get awards for coming in last actually have lower self-esteems." Still trying to wrap my brain around this and how to show love and support without creating entitled kids. Anyway, food for thought.

Although I don't agree with his victimization of the Millenials. I think that is reinforcing the problem. Although his "no cell phones" policy would be good.

Soooooooooooo amazing. Eye-opening.
It explains why it was so hard to judge our family's game of "Chopped" last night. They just couldn't take getting chopped! Time to think about why I am parenting. And my personal addictions to social media.