The Future is Bright

 I have to write!! I hope the Spirit can stay with me so I can capture everything.

1) My inspiration from this morning's prayer was that I need to learn to be myself and enjoy doing so! So perplexing, challenging and fun!

2) I was inspired by something Karen wrote on FB this morning:

Have you ever tried running while you’re crying? It’s extremely uncomfortable....

I was out enjoying my run up the canyon today, missing my hiking buddy, Cassia, when the song “Slow Down” came on by Nichole Nordeman. (I’ll link it in the comments, if you dare to listen, just don’t do it if you’re running) I cried through the first verse as I thought of her. Then the second verse made me think of Williamwho will be leaving me soon as well.

I was grateful that I’ve had the feeling lately to let go of things that I can’t get done as fast as I’d like and trust more in God to take care of it.

I have had times as I’ve tried to write my book and create my program where I try to “push through” to get things done at the expense of more important things. I’m grateful I’m learning to do that less and trust God in the process. I find he lets me know the next step much more clearly when I’m focused on what matters then when I’m trying to push through and do things my way in the time frame I want.

I know God wants moms to develop their gifts and use them to light the world. Our kids also need to see us trying. But I also know that He will guide us baby step by baby step into how to do that even when the pace seems slow, I know the results will be awesome because they are His.

I needed to hear this because sometimes I get so frustrated worrying that I am making the wrong choices between my mission as a wife and mother and my mission as a community-impacter. This was a beautiful reminder.

3) The next reminder came from a talk by Joy B. Jones:

I am grateful for the perfect examples from our Savior’s life. With the Son of God standing before him, Pilate asked Jesus, “Whence art thou?”

Jesus remained silent.

Then saith Pilate unto him, Speakest thou not unto me? knowest thou not that I have power to crucify thee, and have power to release thee?

Jesus answered, Thou couldest have no power at all against me, except it were given thee from above.38

Jesus calmly reminded Pilate who was really in control of the situation. He looked to His Father in every thought. He didn’t doubt. He didn’t fear.

This reminded me that I need not fear anything. I can post things on fb to start my new groups here in Ohio in the middle of COVID and just not worry about it. If something cannot be used for good, God will now allow it. If it yields adversity, it is part of God's plan to improve me.  

No need to remind me about analyzing and trying to think things through before I do them.  My problem tends to be over-thinking and over-analyzing. 

And I've already had some break-throughs and miracles happen. It is like what happened in our "Come Follow Me" reading for our religion this week, Doctrine & Covenants 6-9: we can desire things, stumble and fall, and God will be there to help us get up again and perhaps redirect.

I love when the future feels bright!

Natural Man vs. Childlike

 I've become kind of obsessed with battling the natural man.

Unfortunately, it has turned most things into a battle and, honestly, I get tired of fighting.

As I hit 250 lbs with this last pregnancy it scared me.  True, I lost the token 13-ish when the babe was delivered and went down a bit after discovering my all time not-so-great record.  However, I have a vision of being able to keep up with my kids--let alone my grandkids--and being heavy and out-of-shape is not part of that vision.  

So when I hit that mark, my thoughts turned towards creating a plan.  I am good at plans.   God tells me something is good. I plan.  Now, the hard part has been sticking to plans. 

Enter, natural man.

THE INSPIRATION

I pondered and pondered and my ideas kept coming back to the idea of training for a marathon over the course of a year.  Being completely transparent, I really have no desire to run a marathon.  Ever. Or even run those 20 mile prep routes leading up to it.  However, I do know that any plan that outlines how to get ready for a marathon a year in advance has got to have a slow enough curve of plans that it would even embrace my body and mentality.  

I knew that this "year" plan was inspiration because my usual brain would not accept so tame a route.  However, my usual brain was transformed a bit by my son Drew's observation that it is more effective to aim to create habits than it is to set goals.  When you are developing a habit, if you miss a day, you just try the next day...not so big a deal.  If you set a goal, there is a specific end in sight and you "fail" if you don't hit it...and feel like a failure if you don't stick to it.

So combine this morphed brain with an idea that kept floating back to my mind when I kept kicking it out.  Must be inspiration!  (God knows that He has to give me time to accept ideas.  Very rarely do I get "Mount Sinai" experiences with revelation.)  I knew my natural man. I would be excited, plan, get discouraged/distracted and not progress...except around the waistline, in the wrong direction.

THE PLAN

The year plan breaks up the training into trimesters.  The first three months, you get out 3-4 times a week and walk or jog for 30 minutes.  That's it. No further clarification or specification.  So you get out there and move in a forward motion and you are succeeding.  The person who developed this plan must have talked to Drew.  It is completely about forming habits!  I could do this and fail and fail and I wasn't really failing.

THE REALITY

The first week, I went out once.

The second, not at all.

Maybe two times the third week...you get the picture.

By the end of one month, there was one week that I went out three times.

But when I did go out, I wasn't stressed about pushing myself to accomplish some kind of speed or endurance. It was just about getting out.  I realized after about the fifth time that I could just stop "jogging" whenever I wanted to...and my body would actually want me to start jogging on its own from time to time.  And the week that I went out three time, I noticed that the jogging time turned into a longer and longer stretch!  It wasn't a push, a battle of mental energy like exercising normally is for me. I just did what my body wanted to do...and it wanted to do more each time I went out! On it's own!

Now I like to go out. I know it is not going to be a battle but a time for my body to explore where it is at. I allow myself to walk or jog or stop and ponder depending upon what I feel like doing.  I actually try to make it a part of my day because I like to do it, and not just because of how my body feels after I exercise. I set the timer for 30 minutes and go.

I may not be "up to speed" after three months but I am developing a habit that I have never done successfully before...all because I'm letting myself be natural.

THE CONCLUSION

As I jogged along one time, I was contemplating this natural inclination to push myself and started pondering about the difference between natural man and being childlike.  My natural man wanted to eat and not go outside. I did have to overcome that "natural" thing. God had told me to do that several times.  However, I was becoming childlike in my experience of jogging, naturally wanting to progress and improve.  When we can get ourselves in a place to let ourselves be childlike and explorative of truth, then we will naturally want to improve. There's no natural man about it.

For the ^anatural ^bman is an ^cenemy to God, and has been from the ^dfall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he ^eyields to the enticings of the ^fHoly Spirit, and ^gputteth off the ^hnatural man and becometh a ⁱsaint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a ^jchild, ^ksubmissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

(A great way to memorize this amazing verse!)

Defusing the Internal Volcano

I'm going to try and share my daily inspiration here in case it helps others.

I got up with great expectations this morning.

Enter child stabbed in the hand with a pencil. 

Anticipated but not planned for wet bed.

Puppy attacking kitties during breakfast routine of family creed, poem, song and prayer.

And then I watched a cool video about my friend and a new group she is starting....and I wished so desperately to be in that place that I wish I could be whenever all my great friends back in Utah keep doing the awesome things they are doing--I wish I could be there with them sharing their journey. And that wish is pretty intense.

As I built up for an internal volcano, I was reminded of a story contained in this talk I listened partly to yesterday (probably around 20-40 minutes in):

Then I decided to go ahead and do the list I felt inspired to work on when I got up, not making excuses or thinking too much about why I shouldn't and rather how I could make it work.

That meant exercise.

While exercising, I listened to the following:

This applies more to me than my husband, who is super good about making his family first and dreams second.  It reminded me that I am not doing this alone.

This gave me hope to keep trying.

This one just let me lumber while praising my God who loves me so much.

I feel renewed for my day.