I had an interesting series of emails about this topic with a lady in our Relief Society women's organization for my church that went like this:
Her--
Hello Sisters,
We invite all sisters ages 11 and up (Primary, Young Women, Relief Society) to participate in All Sisters Sunday this Sunday, March 14 at 11am. Our discussion focus will be on sisters in the Restoration. Listed below are four brief bios with sources of the sisters we will focus on.
Phoebe M Angell: mother of Truman Angell (church architect, including of the SLC Temple), 10 children and a very unhappy marriage, divorced, moved with the church multiple times as single mom, practiced “social medicine,” was a midwife, became president of the Female Council of Health in SLC in which she presented lectures and shared recipes for natural prescriptions
Source: At the Pulpit ch. 6: https://www.
Emmeline B Wells: joined the church at 16, got married and moved to Nauvoo a month before Joseph was killed, trekked west, leader of the women’s suffrage movement both on national and international scale, editor of Woman’s Exponent newspaper for 37 years, general RS president who preserved grain that became crucial during WWI shortage
The Diaries of Emmeline B. Wells: https://www.
Martha Cannon: born in Wales, trekked west at a very young age, received four degrees by 25: a bachelor's in chemistry, a medical degree, a bachelor's of science, and a bachelor's in oratory, she went to medical school per Brigham Young's request for more women in Utah to become formally educated, became one of first woman doctors in Utah, first female state senator (beating her husband in the election), resident physician at Deseret Hospital, which was run completely by women 1882-1894
Jane Manning James: free Black woman, walked from Connecticut to Nauvoo (800 miles) because she wasn’t allowed passage due to the color of her skin, lived and worked with the Smith family, trekked west, although denied the full blessings of the temple during her lifetime she continued faithful and participated in baptisms for her ancestors in the temple
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Me--
Just a plug...could we also feature a woman who was a traditional mother, who lived a gloriously "ordinary" life? I'm super excited to study these diverse women. I would also hope our daughters and sisters can celebrate women who quietly and simply are "just mothers."
I respect the beauty of your presidencies ability to receive revelation, so perhaps these women featured are the entirety of what is needed. Again, just a thought...
Respectfully,
Mary :)
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Her--
Mary,
Thank you so much for this email plug. It’s given me a good reminder about how to present these sisters :). I would love to hear more about what you mean when you say “just mothers.” I feel that women who stay home full time (of which I am one) take on lots of roles and responsibilities in their spheres of influence and it’s hard to pin them down as only one thing.
In the newsletter email we wanted to include a brief overview of each woman and her life. Since it had to be short and concise the role of mother was squashed in with a lot of other things these women did. Each woman did take on the role of mother and most of them were stay at home mothers during that stage of their lives but in other stages they also chose to involve themselves in other causes too.
I’d also love to hear more on your thoughts of being gloriously ordinary. What does that look like to you? Some of these women pushed the bounds of society and had big leadership roles but not all of them did. Some also lived simply by their faith. You probably haven’t had a chance yet to look at the resources we listed under the bios but I’d be interested to hear what you think after reading more about them.
Thank you for reaching out! :)
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Me--
Hi!
Thanks for your reply :D. You are right, I hadn't read the bios completely yet. I have done so now and, as anticipated, they are truly amazing women who made a difference either through activism or through standing for something through hard times. I anticipate it will be a great discussion on Sunday and was grateful for the time and effort put into finding the links and the women to study.
"Gloriously ordinary"--perhaps a little background. I think I am speaking from a view I have had for years and have had to personally deal with, a view that says, "Yes I am a mother,...but what else?" As you say, motherhood is entwined in our lives in unique ways. Each of us approaches it differently, truly, and often the way we approach it naturally leads to influence in other areas. Sometimes we have impact that is independently generated, either concurrent or following our "time as mothers." I respect that heartily. And many enjoy that.
My own road of motherhood has always felt a little...not enough. "Yes, I change diapers and get kids ready for life...but what impact am I making?" I feel like this is a similar message or mentality of many women who approach motherhood. Perhaps I see it as the "motherhood-plus" package, which is totally fantastic and wonderful for many. But in my path I have also rubbed shoulders with a precious few who view their roles of nurturing within their home throughout their children's lives and others who wander in and out as enough. It is simple and it is beautiful. They are truly happy and joyful in "just being moms." They nurture, focus on their home environment, etc. They are content. I guess I want the discussion with my daughters on this day that celebrates this version of womanhood in addition to the "motherhood plus" versions that have been featured that mention in passing their mothering time amidst their other claims to fame, which are, again, truly remarkable and laudable.
Lately I am finding more and more joy daily in just taking a deep breath and immersing myself in the simple, unanticipated non-routine that is the life of a mom in nurturing stage. Spilled messes, watching my children discover, trying and failing regularly and then seeing them love me and trying again. None of these are particularly descriptive, but are worth celebrating. I am content with my life. I don't need others praise. But I guess I was just thinking it might give the young women among us another option besides the "...but what else" approach to motherhood. You know, if there was included in the discussion a mom who wiped up poop, made mistakes and was happy doing it anyway. I love the peace I feel now--after years of worrying if my life's contributions were not enough--the peace of knowing that I am enough "just being a mom," and not worrying about my influence outside of my home as the priority.
Sister Hinckley is not in this time period featured, but she is an example of that. I think the bios were wonderful but focused on the before and after of this stage that we often pay lip-service to as the crown of a woman's purpose. Again, I am completely chill with the discussion moving forward as it is :D. I get it... it is nice to see that we can make "more" of our lives than just being a mom. These thoughts have just been stirring a lot in my head lately and so were fresh on the surface when I got the email about what we are discussing. I am super happy to leave it as it is. I think it is a wonderful idea and very inspiring. I hope this came across how I wanted it to. Email is so hard. I hope you can feel that this is more a philosophical answer than an impassioned one.
All the best!
Mary-------
...and then me later...
I just thought of a different way to look at it :).... hope you don't mind being my sounding board (would love your thoughts).
After reading about these women, I don't come away with a feeling, "Wow! I can't wait to be a mom to snotty nosed children who keep me awake all night because that's (all by itself) AWESOME." They all share this underlying theme regarding motherhood, "Yes, I was a mother, but look at what else I could do" or "look how these things I did (or this person I was) really made a difference."
Yes, one woman gardens as she mothers. Another sews. Another has the gift of conversation or mindfulness. Let's please include those beautiful examples like y'all did 
. But perhaps we could also include one that says, "I woke up, breathless with excitement at what I would learn from my kids today." "I knew that changing diapers for the millionth time was on the agenda, but I'm in a place where I celebrate every poop because it means health. " "I looked up from where I worked in the garden and had to put down my trowel as I watched my 7 year old lean over to show his 3 ready old sister a new caterpillar, holding her tiny hand in his." Each of these perspectives could happen in any motherhood scenario, regardless of the talent or other very meaningful different ways we mother. I just feel that our youth, particularly young women, are hearing all they can do while being a mom that they miss the beauty of just enjoying the journey ... letting the "plus" of those "motherhood plus" life plans be the focus.
I did for the first several years.
It was being exposed to those moms I mentioned that found joy and satisfaction in not just everything they were able to do while mothering but the experience itself that have helped me see the beauty of those commonplace components inherent in every parenthood experience.
This was fun! Again, it helps me round out and refine some things I've been pondering lately that your email brought to the forefront. And again.... just sounding ideas out...
Respectfully,
Mary
Says the girl currently running basically everything homeschool in Ohio.
ReplyDeleteThose quiet mom moments are certainly beautifully there. I watched a surprising TED talk recently by an LDS woman saying we need to stop holding up motherhood as a glorious ideal, and it bothered me a lot. I've heard women say they don't like being a mom, and I feel terrible for them. At the same time, I think it took a lot of growth in myself AND my children (seeing fruits of the work) before I really appreciated this work.
Maybe they were working on their inspiration, and it also pricked your mind to add to your own (since you said it had been on your mind). We do have incredible work inside our homes. Maybe to highlight that they need to list the women's names and have bios of their children instead of the women. I think we would do a disservice to keep all that light in our homes. As in the work you've done in the past and now, if you weren't doing it, how many really would step into that place? We have other work to do as well.
Thought provoking response as always, my friend :).
DeleteI think it was more that I left the conversation/dialogue feeling like the focus was, "look at all the things they were able to do besides being a mom!" I don't think it is so much the trying to "keep the light" to ourselves. I think that if we are intentionally parenting, the light will naturally spread...but it is not the spreading that's the focus. The focus can be (and this is different for everyone) on the helping your kids develop in the best way you know how (whether by intervention or by stepping out of the way...each situation is different). Naturally, your gifts get used and expanded and light spreads.
Case in point,...I have done a few things that have influenced people outside of my home. It has very naturally flowed from the needs that my children have. I haven't started by saying, "How can I change the world?" I have thought, "What do my kids need and what can or should I do to help address those needs?" Organically, groups and events have flowed from that need or the expression of my talent in meeting those needs.
I feel like there is more of like you said in your first paragraph, a discontent with "just being a mom." I just would love to see more discussion about how wonderful that is...maybe I just need to read and share more. :D How wonderful it is to focus on the kids first and then if it happens to spread, beautiful.
--Mary, not Piper :D