random thoughts

‘Tell the sisters to go forth and discharge their duties, in humility and faithfulness and the Spirit of God will rest upon them and they will be blest in their labors. Let them seek for wisdom instead of power and they will have all the power they have wisdom to exercise.’ -Sister Snow

In the book Daughters in My Kingdom, we read about Sister Hedwig Biereichel, a woman in Germany who suffered much sorrow and deprivation during World War II. Because of her love and charitable nature, and even in her own great need, she willingly shared her food with starving prisoners of war. Later, when asked how she was able to “keep a testimony during all [those] trials,” she replied in effect, “I didn’t keep a testimony through those times—the testimony kept me.”

Ezekiel 20:26: "That I might make them desolate, to the end that they might know that I am the Lord."

it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

I have lots of thoughts, feelings, and emotions going through my head right now. The strongest is, I know my Father lives, and loves me to. I know that He knows what is best for me and that sometimes the answer is lovingly, "no", because "yes" is not what is best. I know that He has in mind what is best for me and those around me, even in seemingly trying times...that those trials will be truly for our good. I guess the key is just remembering, knowing, and trusting that He truly does love me.

"mommy" and the power of words

I went to an Relief Society meeting for my church a couple nights ago and had some time to catch up with an old friend. She is amazing, not the least reason being, even her 17 year old still calls her "mommy",...out of choice.

My first thought was, wow. Why? We talked about it, this term "mommy" and how my friend always wants to be mommy, to kiss away the hurts, to snuggle, to accept, to love. As I listened to her, I realized I was watching someone whose gift was to nurture on an intimate and deep level...a safe level.

So, I brought home this concept and shared it with my oldest daughter. "Wouldn't it be cool if I was soft, gentle, and loving enough to me called 'mommy'?" I said.

She, wonderful, was game to try, and it is amazing how challenging it has been to live up to that appellation of "mommy"! It is very different from "mom", from "mother", and far removed from "I hate you!" (my now 3 year olds favorite phrase lately...although, ironically, she says, "I hate you, mommy!").

And last night, confronted with a particular situation, I realized, I am not mommy, and I would have to do some major overhauls to become mommy.

Now, I know I love my children. I know they love me, and I know that I am trying hard to be a good mom and succeeding in many, many ways. I do realize that, so this isn't a "beat up me" session.

However, despite my appreciation of my friend's gift, I don't know that I will ever be worthy of..."mommy."

The power of a word.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzim5m7oU&noredirect=1

motherhood

Okay, I cannot be done for the morning. The following has been on my mind, and I feel that I should share it/articulate it, whether for my own reflection or for others, I do not know.

The other day, a woman spoke with me about how frustrating it is to be limited by being a mom, not able to fulfill her "element" (Robison's book, I think is the author, ..."The Element".) I briefly share with her my conviction that no woman can find complete satisfaction pursuing personal development outside of her role as a wife and mother. (For those unable to do either, I know that the Lord compensates, but that is for another day!)

Brushing that off, she went on to describe an example, how she used to love cooking, but now it seemed as though her kids were always getting in the way of making it work like it used to, and now she had no delight in something she used to love. "How, Mary? How do you be a mom and still have time to be yourself and find your element??"

This has been on my mind lately, and I wish that I could have articulated my reply that night, but here it is.

I truly believe that we, as women, are first and foremost nurturers, creators, bringers of light and comfort to our families. This is our primary element. The beautiful part of this is that "nurturing" can look different to each woman; each woman has the ability to create sometime uniquely hers..."her element". For instance, my sister-in-law in Florida has the amazing gift to enjoy her children. I watched in awe as she spent a good amount of time (it may have been only 5 minutes, but it seemed like a long, long time :)...) "nibbling" her plump little 7 month old...and enjoying it! "I thought, 'Wow.' That's all I could say was, 'wow.'" (as quoted from "Lily's Purple Plastic Purse") She is an amazing nurturer! I felt so inadequate, watching her. Yet, I have come to realize that my children need my kind of nurturing...my personal element.

How can it be that we can truly "find ourselves", "have 'me' time" and enjoy progression while being a mom? When we find ways to develop our talents and "find our element" while serving our family, we will find joy unspeakable.

Now, I have the unique opportunity to exercise many talents while teaching my children in a homeschooling environment. My knowledge of science, history, math, grammar (I can spell it right now!), and many other subjects has increased tremendously as I re-learn to teach them. However, it is more than that. When I increase my talent for playing the piano in order to bring peace to the home, as I use my talent for cooking to teach my children how to move past "failure" point, as I learn side-by-side with my kids how to paint scenery, build a chicken coop, and serve others, I am being a mom first and foremost and enjoying the sweet satisfaction of finding out more fully what my element is...and what it is not! (Thank goodness for electronically gifted friends!)

There is a way to increase our talents side-by-side with parenting. Yet perhaps even more significantly, the talents to snuggle, clean, beautify, laugh, read, serve, love, listen, accept, forgive, support, hug the unhuggable,...nurture are much, much, much more important talents than we realize.

The world (and Satan!) does not validate these talents, but they are essential to creation. To give the child the gift of knowing that they are loved, that they are of worth, that they matter is huge, and will give them the confidence to do anything they need to in this life.

The worth of souls is truly great in the sight of God, and there is no other capacity that we can make more of a difference than in the lives of our children or those we are called upon to nurture, to love, to support.

Now I just need to remember that in my own life, right? :)...on those days when I am pulling out my hair, frustrated by that "one more mess!" that I need to clean up, wanting some peace and quiet, confronted by all that I am not doing while being a mom. However, most of the time, I realize that, at the end of the day, if I have told each of my kids I love them, borne testimony to them, and hugged each of them, there is truly little else that matters as much or brings as much satisfaction and peace.

I am in my element!

hope

I have been "stuck" in 1 Nephi lately in the Book of Mormon..."stuck" because there have been so many incredible lessons in there for me for my time of life right now! It is incredible. I used to feel like it was a nice story, a fun and exciting way to begin a book of scripture to draw people in as they study the truthfulness of it all, you know, to give them something to keep them going through 2 Nephi :). Well, this amazing part of an amazing book has truly been the voice of God to me through the scriptures over the past few weeks and I would like to share a little of it with you.

Early this morning I had my typical once a month (and sometimes once a week!) moment of, "How in the world can I do all that I feel that God wants me to do?!" For those who know me well, they know that I have quite a few things going on, and, as I have prayed about what to let go, it's like I hear a little chuckle up in heaven and an answer, "You'll be fine, Mary. Remember, this is My work."

Well, I am always concerned though...am I doing what He wants me to do? I am fully aware that I am unable to do all that I do, and have seen His incredible, incredible enabling power make miracles in my life as things come together and He still gives me time to do, well, some laundry :). (Some weeks my house is definitely more clean than others, but I think that this is just because He knows how soothing that is for my soul :)!) However, there are always those moments of doubt...

So this last week, I have run across a few gems in 1 Nephi that have been running through my mind in answer to my prayers.

Nephi knew that the Lord had commanded Lehi's family to retrieve the plates from Laban. However, he didn't see a way. In fact, their first two attempts to get them ended in perceived failure and life-threatening situations. (I can relate to the "failure" part :)!) Yet, as I learned from Edison when we studied him last year in my youth group, "failure" is an incredibly powerful learning tool of how not to do something! Through those two instances of "failure", Nephi learned (or I did, anyway) some great lessons:
1) From his first attempt: Just because I know something is the will of God, doesn't mean that others always do--but that doesn't mean it ceases to be the will of God.
2) From his second attempt: the angels are on hand to step in when it is really bleak, but in the meanwhile, they are around us, supporting us, and God is always, always aware of where we are at.

So...the first two attempts were not a waste of time.

Well, the third attempt has been intensely on my mind this morning as I look at what I need to do to get ready for my kid's play, fix my chicken coops rapidly disintegrating roost, share vision of my youth group with those incredible youth who are currently transitioning into adulthood, rotate our clothing in the house so my babies are no longer running around in shorts, take care of my callings, doing enough of that previously mentioned laundry to keep everyone in socks...preferably matching ones at that...and minimize the stink caused by a 2, almost 3, year old who keeps putting on panties when my back is turned, supporting my husband with wise use of resources and a joyful countenance, and just plain being a mom who loves her kids--doesn't neglect them!-- and teaches them (I do homeschool, you know :)... and we need to do that every once in a while).

So...back to the third attempt.

As I cast my thoughts heavenward this morning, the scripture in 1 Nephi 3:7 again went through my mind, that I know that the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save He shall prepare a way for them to accomplish the thing which He hath commanded them. So I pled, "I know there is a way--wilt thou please show me how?" What I had read in 1 Nephi 4:6 ran through my mind at that point, "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do..." and it was probably a good thing for Nephi, too, this "not knowing"! Because what was about to be asked to do in order to do the Lord's will? Slay a man....kill someone!

Okay, okay...I know that I don't need to kill anyone to get done what the Lord wants :), but it gave me pause to think. Sometimes, the Lord answers us with unconventional answers, ways of doing things that may seem impractical and unrealistic, and, maybe, just wrong to others. Now, I am not saying that I am going to go and violate any of the commandments at this point :). It just struck me, as I plead that He would lead me as He did Nephi to accomplish His work, that I should be ready for any answer He might give me.

Perhaps the answer will be to "let it go" on some things, and "charge forward" on others.

Do I trust Him enough? I must, and I will, for He has never let me fall before...He has just allowed me to learn a great deal, and shown me the miraculous wonders of His hand that supports us as we imperfectly seek to do His will...

...the cracked pot, remember?