"Mary, I just feel so selfish sometimes it scares me!"
My friend and I were having a great heart to heart on Sunday and we both left feeling uplifted and strengthened. And then Monday happened.
Have you ever seen "Facing the Giants" and the coaching/struggling scene?
Boy. That was yesterday.
I felt insane, I felt crazy. I felt bipolar. I felt selfish. I hated myself. I felt border-line nervous break-down at times. Catatonic. Enraged.
I cried out to heaven, "Are you sure you will not give me more than I can handle???"
It was intense. The kids were awesome. Quinn was 100% supportive. I was dry-walling, everything felt like it was going wrong and it felt that each new piece of drywall that went up took hours. And they did. Three and a half pieces. The whole day. I didn't really feel the Spirit with me at times and then at times I could feel the Lord teaching me. I yelled. I cried. I accused wrongfully. I apologized. It was just a day that was just so hard.
Most days are pretty good. I ride high on the wings of the Spirit. Sunday was like that. Bi-polar? Maybe a little. Yesterday, though...I was ready to quit on all kinds of levels.
Remember that scene? This morning as I thought about yesterday, the end of the scene where the coach is yelling, "Don't quit!!!! Don't quit!!!! I need you."
Maybe there is a method to God's madness, but sometimes it sure hurts. Maybe someone else out there can relate and you can just know that you are not alone.
Don't quit.
My friend and I were having a great heart to heart on Sunday and we both left feeling uplifted and strengthened. And then Monday happened.
Have you ever seen "Facing the Giants" and the coaching/struggling scene?
I felt insane, I felt crazy. I felt bipolar. I felt selfish. I hated myself. I felt border-line nervous break-down at times. Catatonic. Enraged.
I cried out to heaven, "Are you sure you will not give me more than I can handle???"
It was intense. The kids were awesome. Quinn was 100% supportive. I was dry-walling, everything felt like it was going wrong and it felt that each new piece of drywall that went up took hours. And they did. Three and a half pieces. The whole day. I didn't really feel the Spirit with me at times and then at times I could feel the Lord teaching me. I yelled. I cried. I accused wrongfully. I apologized. It was just a day that was just so hard.
Most days are pretty good. I ride high on the wings of the Spirit. Sunday was like that. Bi-polar? Maybe a little. Yesterday, though...I was ready to quit on all kinds of levels.
Remember that scene? This morning as I thought about yesterday, the end of the scene where the coach is yelling, "Don't quit!!!! Don't quit!!!! I need you."
Maybe there is a method to God's madness, but sometimes it sure hurts. Maybe someone else out there can relate and you can just know that you are not alone.
Don't quit.
I don't personally relate, but you gave me a very helpful picture into someone else's mind who has really been struggling the past few days.
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