Journal: fighting the darkness within with words of truth from without

March 31, 2019

This morning I still woke up in a gloom. The ground is covered with a beautiful covering of snow. I woke up with a cute little boy in my bed. Xai is a cute little chatter box snuggler. It was quiet and it was before my alarm.

Why am I grumpy? Great question. It has seemed that every moment that in the last 24 hours that I have not deliberately directed positive things going into my brain, like pure doctrine being spoken through scriptures and conference talks, I have been on a negative spiral. Perhaps this is what it means to cling to the word of God during the mists of darkness?

I listened to President Nelson's talk, well, President Oaks first, last night, and he reaffirmed a healthy and correct look at women and their roles: supportive, positive, nurturing, that raising children is the highest and holiest thing I could be doing. Listening to President Nelson's talk this morning reinforced the positive feelings about myself and my life that Satan, it feels, is trying to actively to negate. Here are highlights that stood out to me:

It is wonderful to be with you, my dear and precious sisters. Perhaps a recent experience will give you a glimpse into how I feel about you and the supernal abilities with which you are endowed. One day while I was speaking to a congregation in South America, I became exceedingly excited about my topic, and at a pivotal moment, I said, “As the mother of 10 children, I can tell you that …” And then I went on to complete my message... My wife Wendy heard it, and she was delighted with my Freudian slip.

In that moment, the deep longing of my heart to make a difference in the world—like only a mother does—bubbled up from my heart. Through the years, whenever I have been asked why I chose to become a medical doctor, my answer has always been the same: “Because I could not choose to be a mother.”

You have the capacity to sense what someone needs—and when he or she needs it. You can reach out, comfort, teach, and strengthen someone in his or her very moment of need. Women see things differently than men do, and oh, how we need your perspective! Your nature leads you to think of others first, to consider the effect that any course of action will have on others.... Tonight I urge you, with all the hope of my heart, to pray to understand your spiritual gifts—to cultivate, use, and expand them, even more than you ever have. You will change the world as you do so.

As women, you inspire others and set a standard worthy of emulation.

Gathering scattered Israel is a cause that desperately needs women, because women shape the future. So tonight I’m extending a prophetic plea to you, the women of the Church, to shape the future by helping to gather scattered Israel... As you prayerfully study the Book of Mormon, I promise that the heavens will open for you. The Lord will bless you with increased inspiration and revelation.

Be intentional about talking of Christ, rejoicing in Christ, and preaching of Christ with your families and friends.2 You and they will be drawn closer to the Savior through this process. And changes, even miracles, will begin to happen.

Please teach those whom you love what you are learning from the scriptures. Teach them how to turn to the Savior for His healing and cleansing power when they sin. And teach them how to draw upon His strengthening power every day of their lives.

Third, establish a pattern of regular temple attendance. This may require a little more sacrifice in your life. More regular time in the temple will allow the Lord to teach you how to draw upon His priesthood power with which you have been endowed in His temple. (I have felt this!)

My fourth invitation, for you who are of age, is to participate fully in Relief Society. I urge you to study the current Relief Society purpose statement. It is inspiring. ... It describes who you are and who the Lord needs you to be at this precise time as you do your part to help gather scattered Israel.

My dear sisters, we need you! We “need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices.”4 We simply cannot gather Israel without you.

I love you and thank you and now bless you with the ability to leave the world behind as you assist in this crucial and urgent work. Together we can do all that our Heavenly Father needs us to do to prepare the world for the Second Coming of His Beloved Son.

Jesus is the Christ. This is His Church. Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I cannot describe the peace I feel as I have the Spirit confirm this. Move forward. Gather God into my heart. More fully align my will with His. As I do, I will become one of the faceless numbers that serve and love. Actually, rather, I will not become faceless. I will take upon me His face, just as His Son did in perfect harmony? Is that what I truly want? That is the question.