The Overall Purpose

April 1, 2019

Yesterday Maia exerted so much positive effort in creating and helping others create! It was beautiful. She did it meekly, unselfishly. Such a great example.

I have many things weighing on my mind:

-possible upcoming economic upheavals; I wonder if we should be doing more to get our house ready but I think I still feel "wait" from above

-Drew and Hyrum are starting a Drew-initiated calisthenics program that could be a little too driven and intense for the two of them. I need to prayerfully move forward in my counseling of them.

-The kids have different expenses and opportunities in front of them that I am unable to faciliate...that I should not be solely facilitating but my mother's heart wants to

-I want to homeschool and love them as they need it (biggest thing ever)

-I want my relationship with my husband (which is amazing) to stay strong and want to get rid of my little peevish moments with him and just accept and love him better (maybe I just need to accept and love myself more and not expect him to meet all my needs...he already does so much and is kind and thoughtful)

-I feel daily inadequate to stand in front of my seminary class to teach the word of God in a way that makes them draw closer to God.

-I see the needs of so many around me....I feel overwhelmed

-I want to create, to relax, to savor, to enjoy, to record.

-I fight almost constantly with negative thoughts that bombard, twist and distort.

-I truly want to want to do God's will, but it can feel so hard

As I felt overwhelmed this morning, I turned to listening to 1 Nephi 9, and read this:

5 Wherefore, the Lord hath commanded me to make these plates for a wise purpose in him, which purpose I know not.

6 But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen.

I can trust Him to prepare a way for me. Moving forward with a deep breath and a prayer and a desire to see with clarity the path before me.

**********

As I just knelt in prayer, this is what happened.

There came to mind a conversation I want to have with Drew. Drew is further along in his training than Hyrum to start with. I want to ask Drew what the over-arching goal of the program is. If it is to get to a certain fitness level for both of them, it will be a miserable experience. If it is to develop a love and trust of taking care of themselves to lay the foundation of a life-time of physical fitness, that will make it successful for both of them. Of course, there are times to push and strain and encourage and motivate. But the expectation behind all the pushing is a sense of appreciation and love of the body and how physical exercise can help it.

When I prayed, asking for help to try and learn to love God as Christ would and trust Him as Christ did, I panicked a little at the darkness, at the testing that may lay ahead. And then I heard those same words:

What is the overall purpose in the times to come? These times of testing, of darkness are just to help build a love of doing what I do, of what Christ does. It is not in the perfection of the exercises but the overall change of heart that will happen as you find joy in loving Me and trusting Me.

Christ, as my personal trainer, is much further along than I am. If this program were for both of us to be stretched at the same time to the same degree, all I would experience is frustration.  But His goal is for me to gain a love of serving my God, of serving like He does...and loving it.  That makes it easier that the goal isn't to push me to my max but to teach me to enjoy the journey.  

Or as my husband so eloquently puts it, to enjoy to the end.