new "journal" entry

Good morning, Isaak, and Happy Birthday, dear son.

I have felt compelled to begin "journalling" anew, on a daily basis. My dear friend, Angie, and I were discussing our deplorable short term memory,...like remembering what happened the day before. I suggested it was because we are so focused on what is in front of us (which is not altogether a bad thing), and then what I felt was a whispered truth came to mind: this is one reason why we keep journals...to be aware of our days, what we are doing, to reflect and ponder on what has happened in our day. This life is not one to be merely endured and hurried through, never looking back, and what better way than writing in our journals to keep our minds aware of not only what is before us, but what we hopefully learned and experienced behind us. Our life does not consist so much of what is in front of us, but, rather, of what is behind us.

Yesterday I said farewell to my men...my fellow basketball players. I will miss them (and the wonderful exercise I got!). I was easily not one of the best players (in fact, as far as shooting consistency, I was probably the worst, although I had pretty good defense :)...), but they still accepted me into their group, and I loved it. Back to yesterday, I arose early (because that is what I do lately :)...) and baked them and my family a batch of cinnamon rolls, and brought them. I said: “This is not because we are moving, and this is not because we are leaving. These are just in case I never see you again, and we are not talking about it.” They smiled. Quinn (understandably) doesn't like to talk about it, and I can see why, the more people I talk to. It is awkward for most to express themselves, and sometimes it is hard to know how much to say. I love these people...they have done so much for me, taught me, loved me, served me, put up with me :)...and I will miss them. Yet, I learned from my last move, that there are amazing people everywhere, if we just take the time to try to get to know them.

I am sooooooo grateful for the lives that have touched mine, and I will never be the same for having met every single person I have while I moved here. It is just tricky saying goodbye when they (nicely) start talking about how much they will miss me, and I think... “you're crazy” :).

Anyway, another dear friend, Suzanne, took my oldest boys to a science exhibit, leaving hers with me, so I could stay longer for “my basketball time”. Tova also stayed home from her last day at Seminary here, which was super sweet of her and a hard thing for me in that I know how important Seminary is. I made breakfast for her, delivered a plate of rolls to her teachers to thank them, and she was able to work on putting together a movie that she created and we acted out about “Julius Caesar” by Shakespeare. She never ceases to amaze me, that daughter of mine. She learned so much about directing, working with people, and patience, patience, and more patience. I was grateful for my own directing experience so that I was able to help her. It will be fun to see it all put together :)!

My boys with Suzanne had a great time. Apparently there was one exhibit that they were able to mildly electrocute themselves, and they thought that was great. Boys :).

The rest of us hurried and loaded up for Vanguard that morning after I came home, grabbed one cinnamon roll, showered and left again. It ended up being a very busy day! I called to reserve a rental truck (for way too much), ordered the kid's “Book-It” Pizza Hut program pizzas for their lunch (Drew-Piper...and they totally deserved it, with how much they read!), and helped set-up for Vanguard.

I love Vanguard. I don't know how much longer I have with it, but the line goes through my head about “The Road Less Travelled”: “I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence, two roads diverged in yellow wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference...”

I know that the Lord is with us. Like Angie reminded me the other day, Corrie Ten Boom said that we can find the hand of the Lord in every experience in our life if we choose to let Him work His miracles through us, whether it is in the good times, or in the bad. I wrote the following in an email to a dear friend and felt I should share it here:

“I hope you are well, that you can find light in the dark times, and, when it is darkest and everything seems to be closing in, that you can feel that our Savior, our dear Elder Brother, is there with you, as I felt Him when I had just lost my Isaak.

"I can still remember, curled up into a ball of torture on my bed, reliving the horrific event over and over again in my mind, hating myself with a depth I had never before known....and looking back, I can see the blanket of His love surrounding me, even as my core was in such a dark and tight place. He was there. He did not remove the burden, but He was there."

I am grateful for the hand of the Lord in my life, and watch in wonder daily to see the miracles unfold.

The rest of the day was one of those wonders. After dropping off my babies to a dear friend's house, and Suzanne taking my "middles" to her oh, so fantastic "Other Club", I was able to go to see Ben Behunin's pottery shop in Salt Lake. It was amazing. He had forgotten (I was so sorry!), but spoke from the heart. The youth loved him, his insight and wisdom were deep, and he even showed us how he threw a pot! He wants to have his children grow up around art...and he does just that!

One of my favorite parts of what he said was something like, "The universe, God, or the Spirit...whatever you would like to call it" (he is used to speaking to people of all faiths) "wants to speak to you. You have something amazing to share,...you were born to create. But to do that, you must have quiet time, time to ponder, time to reflect. When I shut off the music, close the door to my pottery shop and start working with the clay in the silence, I can hear truth and inspiration come to me. We need time to be quiet, and then we need to carry around a sketch book or journal to record what we think and learn. We all have a message we need to hear, but we need to be quiet enough to hear it."

When I got home, I was blessed to talk to a few ladies as I packed up. It is so hard to clean, because "clean" means "packed up", and it is hard to know what to save and what to put away. I was able to visit with Suzanne about Knights of Freedom (she will be sooooo awesome!), a crazy, wonderful friend from the ward, and Julie, who helped me pack up a few rooms. I felt blessed by friends and love! [ I even got invited to the latest "Twilight" movie, and, because I loved my crazy ward friend so much, almost considered going :)...]

Quinn had his last pack meeting, and was grateful how much the other leaders stepped into help. It was a nice change for him, after their months of other sports event responsibilities. He is such a wonderful man! He has been amazing during this time, as he really strives to be his best and do his best. I am grateful to have such a wonderful friend and companion. It will be great to experience this next stage of our adventure with him!