My mind is awash with different emotions. Part of me is soooo excited that I have countertops! And then there is that ugly negative side of me: the whining side :(. "But what about the sink?! It is not hooked up yet!"
Really?!
I am quite frankly getting a little tired of hearing myself whine. I am sure Quinn is, but he just smiles, hugs me, and gives up even more of what non-existent "free-time" he has to work on anything he can in the kitchen, which inevitably means going to the store for more parts or trying things one way and then another.
So I took a minute and just looked at my counter-tops, my kitchen, my beautiful new kitchen and realized something. As happy as I am to have a place to prepare food, store it and clean it up without doing it over dirt, it is not a happiness that is deep in my soul.
Maybe that is my problem. I am seeking for external indicators to make me deeply happy and that will never work.
On the other hand, when Papaya was flying off the handle last night after I turned off the videos they were watching, I took her gently in my arms and soothed her. I opened up a book to read to the little ones at night which I haven't done for a few days and instead of putting Spooner in bed, I set him on my lap and snuggled while I read, "Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?" I smiled as the words of the book reminded me of all the blessings I have. I did get tired and grumpy when Baby Zsa was up most of the night and I did the semi-comatose nursing, but as I looked at my beautiful sleeping Papaya and Spooner, my soul warmed with that deep, true happiness that reaches everywhere.
What is it about human interaction and service that can do that? Crazy. These little ones also fill it deeply. As I called my dear friend Angie and we discussed Thanksgiving plans, she brought up how wonderful that it will be to have little ones around. Yes, they can be noisy and mischevious, we both agreed, but there is something about having them around that makes holidays and life in general just a little sweeter and more magical.
Another thought that I brought up with Quinn last night was "what is the difference between contentment and complacency"? I have been doing the vision board of Kirk Duncan and an interesting side effect for me: I find myself seeing more of the beauty in my life. I want to just be content. I want to slow down the moments, enjoy the snuggles, smile at my kids more and see their faces light up with the knowledge that in the moment, their mother loves them. It is amazing to see the effect of geniunely shown love...and it's ugly opposite of selfishly driven scorn and harsh judgement. Unfortunately I have seen both, both the lighting of the eyes and the crushed spirit following unjust or overly harsh or critical chastisement.
Back to the issue, though: at what point does contentment become complacency and how do I determine which is which? Sigh. I know the answer :). Follow the Spirit. Why "sigh," Mary!! You will know it is true and you will recognize when to act on it.
More of a rambling entry, I suppose, but if anyone has any thoughts or responses to my musings, I would welcome them!
Really?!
I am quite frankly getting a little tired of hearing myself whine. I am sure Quinn is, but he just smiles, hugs me, and gives up even more of what non-existent "free-time" he has to work on anything he can in the kitchen, which inevitably means going to the store for more parts or trying things one way and then another.
So I took a minute and just looked at my counter-tops, my kitchen, my beautiful new kitchen and realized something. As happy as I am to have a place to prepare food, store it and clean it up without doing it over dirt, it is not a happiness that is deep in my soul.
Maybe that is my problem. I am seeking for external indicators to make me deeply happy and that will never work.
On the other hand, when Papaya was flying off the handle last night after I turned off the videos they were watching, I took her gently in my arms and soothed her. I opened up a book to read to the little ones at night which I haven't done for a few days and instead of putting Spooner in bed, I set him on my lap and snuggled while I read, "Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?" I smiled as the words of the book reminded me of all the blessings I have. I did get tired and grumpy when Baby Zsa was up most of the night and I did the semi-comatose nursing, but as I looked at my beautiful sleeping Papaya and Spooner, my soul warmed with that deep, true happiness that reaches everywhere.
What is it about human interaction and service that can do that? Crazy. These little ones also fill it deeply. As I called my dear friend Angie and we discussed Thanksgiving plans, she brought up how wonderful that it will be to have little ones around. Yes, they can be noisy and mischevious, we both agreed, but there is something about having them around that makes holidays and life in general just a little sweeter and more magical.
Another thought that I brought up with Quinn last night was "what is the difference between contentment and complacency"? I have been doing the vision board of Kirk Duncan and an interesting side effect for me: I find myself seeing more of the beauty in my life. I want to just be content. I want to slow down the moments, enjoy the snuggles, smile at my kids more and see their faces light up with the knowledge that in the moment, their mother loves them. It is amazing to see the effect of geniunely shown love...and it's ugly opposite of selfishly driven scorn and harsh judgement. Unfortunately I have seen both, both the lighting of the eyes and the crushed spirit following unjust or overly harsh or critical chastisement.
Back to the issue, though: at what point does contentment become complacency and how do I determine which is which? Sigh. I know the answer :). Follow the Spirit. Why "sigh," Mary!! You will know it is true and you will recognize when to act on it.
More of a rambling entry, I suppose, but if anyone has any thoughts or responses to my musings, I would welcome them!
Ah, the moment of waiting until a project is done and then to realize the peace that comes doesn't compare with the love of children and family. I think the rest of us have waited for the good news the countertops are done! And for me I can't wait for a picture of my daughter in her new kitchen. But true happiness is taking time for the little moments. Seeing the beauty around us. Feeling the promptings of the spirit and the joy when following through with the promptings find you are doing the work of our Savior. I long for the moment I can step into your home and have your little and big ones around. For now I will wait and cherish each post. Love you my daughter! I guess Mark has been on my computer. I'll be him today! :)
ReplyDeleteI was excited to hear from my brother, but love hearing from you! It did seem a little different voice from Mark. Thanks for your insights! I guess sometimes we long for something that seems more tangible, more "complete", only to find that our natural man view of "complete" and "finished" is different from God's.
DeleteI loved your post. That concept of Complacency versus Contentment is really something to consider. We become satisfied with results, but know we can do better, but it is more comfortable to just stop and rest. Considering that as we are complacent or satisfied, we often then think about what is still missing or wrong (as there always is). It is important to take that moment and thank the Lord for the blessing and then move on, receiving even more love and contentment as we strive and progress. Thanks for the note.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess that if we are praying and studying our scriptures, the Spirit will not allow us to be content in complacency :). We can find joy, satisfaction,...contentment...in our daily lives as we review and find those golden moments. Then, as we joyfully or earnestly turn to the scriptures and pray and attend the temple, the Spirit will gently nudge us (or clobber us over the head) with what we should work on next. I think it was in the most recent General Conference that someone mentioned that we shouldn't always be pulling up the plants to check out the growth of the roots. Neither should we stick our heads in the sand :). Thanks for your thoughts!
Delete