How Far are You From the Giver?

I just listened to an interesting talk yesterday and it has been on my mind:

“The greater the distance between the giver and the receiver, the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement.”

When I was younger, we participated in the WIC program. I remember "maxing" out the check with the best items I could, trying to get the most of what the program offered for my family.  I love and support the program, but my mentality makes me reflect.  If I had been able to look into the eyes of those tax-payers who were paying for my food, would I have had the same attitude? If I had seen what they, themselves, were putting on their tables, what they could afford, would I have the same attitude?

What does entitlement look or, better perhaps, sound like?

"That's not fair."
"I deserve to have them help me."
"My situation is worse than theirs...they should be helping me."
"Why aren't you helping me?!?!?"


Sometimes it is easy for me to get into a corner emotionally and wish that everyone around me could just see how much I was hurting or struggling and then fix it.  Whether it is my poor husband, children, or anyone else I might know, I have unfortunately felt this way.  To feel sad, lonely or depressed is not the problem.  It is my sense of "someone else should fix this!!!!" called out in vengeful rage that I can now see is the problem.

The concept—“the greater the distance between the giver and the receiver, the more the receiver develops a sense of entitlement”—also has profound spiritual applications. Our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, are the ultimate Givers. The more we distance ourselves from Them, the more entitled we feel. We begin to think that we deserve grace and are owed blessings. We are more prone to look around, identify inequities, and feel aggrieved—even offended—by the unfairness we perceive. While the unfairness can range from trivial to gut-wrenching, when we are distant from God, even small inequities loom large. We feel that God has an obligation to fix things—and fix them right now! 

Too often I have cast a sullen eye towards Heaven, followed by the accusing thought..."You can fix this!"

So how can drawing closer to the "ultimate Givers" really help?

I was thinking about that this morning.  Well, in the scriptures there is example after example of good people experiencing hard or bad things.  Sometimes their whole life is.  Not only that, the scriptures challenge us that:

 Romans 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in ^atribulations also:

 D&C 58: 3 Ye cannot behold with your natural ^aeyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the ^bglory which shall follow after much tribulation.

 4 For after much ^atribulation come the ^bblessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be ^ccrowned with much ^dglory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.

 5 Remember this, which I tell you before, that you may^alay it to heart, and receive that which is to follow.

So when those questions of entitlement and self-pity coupled with blame arise, perhaps it is time for me to draw closer to those from whom I am seeking "the Fix."  Whether it is my husband (who, heaven forbid, may have struggles and burdens of his own) or my children (who are, heaven forbid, imperfect just like me and also have struggles and burdens of their own) or others, who, I am sure, if I just scratched the surface, have their own crosses they are bearing.   There is some cool quote somewhere from conference that I couldn't find (if someone could, it would be AWESOME :D!!!!), but it goes something like this: If we assumed that most of the people around us were experiencing some great trial at this very moment, we would be right.

So I guess I need to ask myself some questions when I am feeling this entitlement, this "injustice,":
 -"how far away am I from the person/Being I expect help from?"
-"how can I get closer?"
-"is it really their job to 'fix' this, or am I supposed to be learning from my trial right now?"

The trainer doesn't reach into the water during an Olympic match just because the athlete they trained seems to be struggling.  They wait for their triumphant conclusion, a conclusion that only comes after the struggle.

God promises:

 1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation ^ataken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be ^btempted above that ye are able; but will with the^ctemptation also make a way to ^descape, that ye may be able to ^ebear it. (Kel's favorite scripture....love that guy.)

If it is not good for us and we are willing to obey His commandments--following His escape route-- then we will be able to escape if the trial is more than we are able to bear.

If we could only see our trial and struggles through the eyes of the trainer, I suspect we would feel a lot less the victim and more the spiritual athlete. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right, honey :)?
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Great Eyring follow-up talk

“And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.”2

That explanation helps us understand why we face trials in life. They give us the opportunity to prove ourselves faithful to God. So many things beat upon us in a lifetime that simply enduring may seem almost beyond us. That’s what the words in the scripture “Ye must … endure to the end”3 seemed to mean to me when I first read them. It sounded grim, like sitting still and holding on to the arms of the chair while someone pulled out my tooth.

It can surely seem that way to a family depending on crops when there is no rain. They may wonder, “How long can we hold on?” It can seem that way to a youth faced with resisting the rising flood of filth and temptation. It can seem that way to a young man struggling to get the training he needs for a job to support a wife and family. It can seem that way to a person who can’t find a job or who has lost job after job as businesses close their doors. It can seem that way to a person faced with the erosion of health and physical strength which may come early or late in life for them or for those they love.

But the test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well. We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us. And to endure well is to keep those commandments whatever the opposition, whatever the temptation, and whatever the tumult around us. We have that clear understanding because the restored gospel makes the plan of happiness so plain.

That clarity lets us see what help we need. We need strength beyond ourselves to keep the commandments in whatever circumstance life brings to us. For some it may be poverty, but for others it may be prosperity. It may be the ravages of age or the exuberance of youth. The combination of trials and their duration are as varied as are the children of our Heavenly Father. No two are alike. But what is being tested is the same, at all times in our lives and for every person: will we do whatsoever the Lord our God will command us?

Knowing why we are tested and what the test is tells us how to get help. We have to go to God. He gives us the commandments. And we will need more than our own strength to keep them.

Refiner's Fire video.  Humbling.