Fight. Anger. Rage.
I am a fighter. I am intimate friends with those three "little" words.
However, I am also one who craves peace in my heart and for years I have had this battle raging within me...feeling the need to fight for peace. Only, the crazy thing is, that I very seldom "win."
I watched a powerful movie last week:
It was nothing like I thought it would be. It has changed my life. It has shown me what a fighter I really am. And it has shown me how to fight where I can win every time.
(I will give parts away...so please stop here and watch the movie first if you don't want anything given away from the movie. I will try to just include a few transitional parts and lines to save the movie as much as possible, but feel compelled to share my thoughts. It is at "Red Box." Check it out. Best $1.63 investment anyone could make right now.)
I admit that when I first saw it was about "prayer," my little skeptic wheels started turning in my head. "Sure," I thought. "It may be a 'good-feeling' kind of movie...but...." and left it there as I began to watch it. Little did I know how I was going to change.
In the movie, the woman is struggling to find peace in her marriage. She and her husband fight. And fight. And fight. At one point, her older mentor suggests, "Yes, you fight. But do you ever really win? You need to stop fighting the wrong person. And you need God to fight for you."
You watch a woman filled with frustration and anger, seemingly justified frustration and anger, change her "battle plan." She knowingly confronts Satan, the true opponent and pleads with God to fight for her.
I felt so much empathy for this woman. I am a fighter too, willing to "fight for what's right." I do it more often than I realized as I truly took this message to heart: how can I set up a new strategy, a new plan of action through prayer and truly win?
Change in Tactics
Over the next couple of days, whenever I found myself getting in "fighting mode," I would pause, think about fighting Satan instead of whoever was in front of me, and plead, plead, plead with God to fight that battle for me. I wish I could communicate this more passionately through writing!! It has changed my life.
I used to "put up my dukes" when any conflict or situation would come up that I wasn't ready for, to defend myself, or prepare myself,...or something. I would bully my way through to "win" what I wanted, but you know...I always left feeling a little sad. A little defeated. A little like, "that didn't go very well."
It's funny because in the movie, the woman in conflict with her husband questions her mentor: "What am I supposed to do, just lay down and let him walk all over me?"
"Trust God," her mentor pleads, "He is the best defense attorney there is. He will protect you. Trust Him."
So I did that. And when I didn't feel that I could trust Him enough, I plead with Him to help me trust Him...plead with Him to help me trust Him enough to not only protect me, but to love those who I felt had wronged me and then I plead for Him to fight that battle. My causes were good. My intentions are good. My tactics have just been very screwed up.
Victory is Sweet
You may find the sudden change of heart in the movie unrealistic.
Try it.
I can name three specific instances in my own life where battles that have been raging in my heart have already been won in the three days since I watched that film. One time I plead with God for over 20 minutes! "Please help me love this person...and please fight this fight for me!! Change them and the situation!!"
Every time my thoughts of frustration and anger towards a particular individual and situation would arise, I would plead with God, "Take this from me! Fight for me! Please let this person change what they need to and help me love them!" In every one of those situations, I have already seen drastic miracles. These are situations that I have struggled with for years and am fully aware that my "tactics" haven't been working. Applying my new strategy, over the past couple days I have prayed in my heart often while speaking to people I had been emotionally on edge with, pleading with God to change my heart that felt so unchangeable, pleading with Him to shore up my faith in His ability to do so, pleading that He would fight for me!
You know the funny thing? Every time, my prayers would start with more of "fight this fight for me!" than "help me love this person." Every time, by the end I would be pleading more "please, please, please help me love this person more." I guess that is where the true battle lies?
These situations were real. They were important. They were not worth "backing down." I just changed my "battle plan." I still fought. I just fought through prayer. I fought the real enemy. I fought Satan and through the course of those battles, I have discovered people worth loving and fighting with and fighting for.
Fighting my Baby?
Yesterday, I realized there was another battle that I hadn't even realized I was fighting. I was fighting my baby as he got up at 10:30, 12:30, 3:30 and 5:30. I was frustrated. I was bitter. I was full of self-pity.
Then, I recognized those "battle feelings" and realized what I had been doing with my baby! "God," I plead. "Help me fight the real enemy here and please, please, please fight this battle with me."
...and then He sent the song to me yesterday that I wrote about in the previous post. He changed me and the fruits of victory are already tasting sweet.
It is amazing how empowering and peace-bringing this strategy has been! In the past couple of days, whenever I feel those old swellings of frustration, of anger, those battle feelings, I stop and think, who is the real enemy here? And then I start pleading with God again.
As they say in the movie "God's Not Dead": God is good. All the time.
Making the Battle Personal
Next battle plan: myself and food. I have been fighting the battle of eating for comfort, eating to "give me energy" when I am tired...and I am tired a lot! I have not only kept all the weight gained during my pregnancy but have started to gain and it scares me. I know that it is not good, but for any of those who have struggled with weight, "knowing" and "doing" are not always the same thing :S. If only.
Already I have seen progress as I have realized that my self-control is not the only enemy. Satan would love for me to lose any self-control I can show over this temple God gave me: my body. God, on the other hand, can help me win this battle of mastery and wants me to. It is not outside of His interest or capacity. I have just been fighting with myself and that is an ugly battle. Time to change tactics!
The Cost
Sometimes battles will be long. Sometimes they are bloody. We are just starting our study of the Civil War and it was the bloodiest war in US history. "The numbers of Civil War dead were not equaled by the combined toll of other American conflicts until the War in Vietnam." (civilwar.org)
This struck me with a powerful parallel. The battles we face in our own families, in our own homes, often have the highest toll. There was another interesting quote in the article about the Civil War:
How true. How tragically true. And now I have a way of "fighting" for things that are truly important in a way that those I love dearest are not the casualties.
I am a fighter. I am intimate friends with those three "little" words.
However, I am also one who craves peace in my heart and for years I have had this battle raging within me...feeling the need to fight for peace. Only, the crazy thing is, that I very seldom "win."
I watched a powerful movie last week:
(I will give parts away...so please stop here and watch the movie first if you don't want anything given away from the movie. I will try to just include a few transitional parts and lines to save the movie as much as possible, but feel compelled to share my thoughts. It is at "Red Box." Check it out. Best $1.63 investment anyone could make right now.)
I admit that when I first saw it was about "prayer," my little skeptic wheels started turning in my head. "Sure," I thought. "It may be a 'good-feeling' kind of movie...but...." and left it there as I began to watch it. Little did I know how I was going to change.
You watch a woman filled with frustration and anger, seemingly justified frustration and anger, change her "battle plan." She knowingly confronts Satan, the true opponent and pleads with God to fight for her.
I felt so much empathy for this woman. I am a fighter too, willing to "fight for what's right." I do it more often than I realized as I truly took this message to heart: how can I set up a new strategy, a new plan of action through prayer and truly win?
Change in Tactics
Over the next couple of days, whenever I found myself getting in "fighting mode," I would pause, think about fighting Satan instead of whoever was in front of me, and plead, plead, plead with God to fight that battle for me. I wish I could communicate this more passionately through writing!! It has changed my life.
I used to "put up my dukes" when any conflict or situation would come up that I wasn't ready for, to defend myself, or prepare myself,...or something. I would bully my way through to "win" what I wanted, but you know...I always left feeling a little sad. A little defeated. A little like, "that didn't go very well."
It's funny because in the movie, the woman in conflict with her husband questions her mentor: "What am I supposed to do, just lay down and let him walk all over me?"
"Trust God," her mentor pleads, "He is the best defense attorney there is. He will protect you. Trust Him."
So I did that. And when I didn't feel that I could trust Him enough, I plead with Him to help me trust Him...plead with Him to help me trust Him enough to not only protect me, but to love those who I felt had wronged me and then I plead for Him to fight that battle. My causes were good. My intentions are good. My tactics have just been very screwed up.Victory is Sweet
You may find the sudden change of heart in the movie unrealistic.
Try it.
I can name three specific instances in my own life where battles that have been raging in my heart have already been won in the three days since I watched that film. One time I plead with God for over 20 minutes! "Please help me love this person...and please fight this fight for me!! Change them and the situation!!"
Every time my thoughts of frustration and anger towards a particular individual and situation would arise, I would plead with God, "Take this from me! Fight for me! Please let this person change what they need to and help me love them!" In every one of those situations, I have already seen drastic miracles. These are situations that I have struggled with for years and am fully aware that my "tactics" haven't been working. Applying my new strategy, over the past couple days I have prayed in my heart often while speaking to people I had been emotionally on edge with, pleading with God to change my heart that felt so unchangeable, pleading with Him to shore up my faith in His ability to do so, pleading that He would fight for me!
You know the funny thing? Every time, my prayers would start with more of "fight this fight for me!" than "help me love this person." Every time, by the end I would be pleading more "please, please, please help me love this person more." I guess that is where the true battle lies?
These situations were real. They were important. They were not worth "backing down." I just changed my "battle plan." I still fought. I just fought through prayer. I fought the real enemy. I fought Satan and through the course of those battles, I have discovered people worth loving and fighting with and fighting for.
Fighting my Baby?
Yesterday, I realized there was another battle that I hadn't even realized I was fighting. I was fighting my baby as he got up at 10:30, 12:30, 3:30 and 5:30. I was frustrated. I was bitter. I was full of self-pity.
Then, I recognized those "battle feelings" and realized what I had been doing with my baby! "God," I plead. "Help me fight the real enemy here and please, please, please fight this battle with me."
...and then He sent the song to me yesterday that I wrote about in the previous post. He changed me and the fruits of victory are already tasting sweet.
It is amazing how empowering and peace-bringing this strategy has been! In the past couple of days, whenever I feel those old swellings of frustration, of anger, those battle feelings, I stop and think, who is the real enemy here? And then I start pleading with God again.
As they say in the movie "God's Not Dead": God is good. All the time.
Making the Battle Personal
Next battle plan: myself and food. I have been fighting the battle of eating for comfort, eating to "give me energy" when I am tired...and I am tired a lot! I have not only kept all the weight gained during my pregnancy but have started to gain and it scares me. I know that it is not good, but for any of those who have struggled with weight, "knowing" and "doing" are not always the same thing :S. If only.
Already I have seen progress as I have realized that my self-control is not the only enemy. Satan would love for me to lose any self-control I can show over this temple God gave me: my body. God, on the other hand, can help me win this battle of mastery and wants me to. It is not outside of His interest or capacity. I have just been fighting with myself and that is an ugly battle. Time to change tactics!
The Cost
Sometimes battles will be long. Sometimes they are bloody. We are just starting our study of the Civil War and it was the bloodiest war in US history. "The numbers of Civil War dead were not equaled by the combined toll of other American conflicts until the War in Vietnam." (civilwar.org)
This struck me with a powerful parallel. The battles we face in our own families, in our own homes, often have the highest toll. There was another interesting quote in the article about the Civil War:
A "casualty" is a military person lost through death, wounds, injury, sickness, internment, capture, or through being missing in action. "Casualty" and "fatality" are not interchangeable terms--death is only one of the ways that a soldier can become a casualty.
How true. How tragically true. And now I have a way of "fighting" for things that are truly important in a way that those I love dearest are not the casualties.
Excellent thoughts. I don't know when I'll get to the movie, but it's on my list. Your post has already got me thinking about my own battles, though.
ReplyDeleteI love your connection to the Civil War, which made me think of Alma 60:16, talking about how if war hadn't broken out "among ourselves" and instead "united our strength . . . in the strength of the Lord we would have dispersed our enemies." Every time I read that I think of our family, and the fighting we do here instead of fighting the real enemy. You're right - the costs are far bigger.
You are right! Keep fighting Mary! Thanks for the Reminder this morning!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Katie! Miss you!
DeleteI've been trying this. The battles haven't necessarily been huge, but many small ones a day. I think the result for me so far has been that instead of stewing over whatever, I hand it over and I'm done with it. Peace. A miracle in itself.
ReplyDeleteUgh, and that was Marni, signed in as Melanie. :)
DeleteAmen and amen!! It is that AMAZING peace that, to me, is the true victory! That peace that is combined with love for those I previously felt feelings of battle against. It is awesome!
Delete