"Oh," I answered the teacher. "I just had an ah-hah! I think that God wants us to come up and love at His level and drop judgment and just love...unconditionally."
Our Sunday School teacher had just shared with us the definition of "agape," the highest of the four forms of love identified by the Greeks:
"Most of your answer was good," came his cautious answer, "but we must make judgment and we must not let ourselves be walked all over by another." Good point.
Now, I have heard this answer all my life, and I believe there is some truth to it. However, I am beginning to believe that this mentality can also be a huge hurdle to truly having charity, this perceived need of "self-defense."
My thoughts that follow are still a work in progress. I am seeking for the truth of it, and, as with many truths, I am sure there are times and seasons for different applications of this truth. Yet what I am seeking right now is an idea that is very elusive and feels...different. Different from my programmed in response and different take than what I took from my Sunday School teacher's answer (he could have meant something different altogether). We shall see.
"Judge but not Condemn"
Back to my story, the teacher's response left me wondering. I have pondered this answer of his, this "don't let your guard down" mentality. This morning as I prayed in my mini war-room over the garbage cans in the corner of my kitchen, I was praying to love a particular person with fervor and this Sunday School teacher's response came into my mind. "We must not let people walk all over us or hurt us. We must still make judgments." I believe some of the spirit of what he said lies in my husband's beautiful and succinct answer to this age-old dilemma of "when to judge":
The Right Enemy
There is a line in "War Room," where the main character throws out this problem to her mentor: "Do I just back off and choose to forgive and let him walk all over me??"
This whole scene is something I need to watch over and over again, but I love her mentor's response: "God is a good defense attorney. Then you can turn your focus to the real enemy. The one that remains hidden. The one that wants to distract you...to deceive you. To divide you from the Lord and your husband. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy....You need to get your heart right with God and you need to do your fighting through prayer."
God doesn't ask us to stop fighting. He wants us to fight the right enemy. I fear that too often I allow my "judgment," my "protect myself" attitude to become an armor that is keeping God's love out and keeping Satan in.
Lay Down My Weapons?
This concept of "not letting down my defenses" led to me to an experience shared in the Book of Mormon:
Their submission at first seems ludicrous...but they are victorious in the end. I guess it depends upon what we consider a "victory"?
Maybe some effective questions to ask ourselves in a given situation are:
--when I put up my defenses, who am I defending myself against?
--do I trust God enough to fight my battles for me, to be my defense attorney?
--have I truly "battled in prayer" and do I fervently pray for God's love for the individual I am contending against or "protecting myself from"?
--is this a case when I need to "lie down my weapons of war for peace" as the Anti-Nephi-Lehis did or a case when, like Captain Moroni or General Washington, when I need to take up my weapons and defend my people and fight with them "for their houses, their wives, their children and their freedom"?
We are commanded to love our enemies. We are commanded to forgive 70 times 7...or eternally. We are counseled to let God fight our battles for us There is a reason for these commandments and this counsel and why they come out a lot more in the scriptures than instructions to fight.
Times and Seasons
There is a time and a season for everything...but have we tried fighting God's way before we shore up our heart and throw up our defenses?
I believe the answers to these questions are personal and to be sought on a situation by situation basis. However, the principle that "forgiveness, love, trust, mercy, grace and God's power are sufficient to make us happy" is universal.
Sometimes, God;s defense will be His call for us to pick up "our weapons of war for peace." Sometimes He uses us to help fight His battles...and sometimes He asks us to lay down our weapons at the feet of those who are fighting us to win the greater battle. Whew. That will take a lot of prayerful discernment and trust. And a lot of "fighting in prayer" as I seek to fight the right enemy.
As my wise husband so often counsels, we need to be careful of universal applications and rather take each situation case by case to determine which action for that specific situation will be best. Perhaps these series of questions will help me decide which unique answer will be mine in any given situation that God will do His will in my life that Satan, the true enemy, will not win.
So I return to my original question: "Let them walk all over me?! ...well, maybe if God is doing my fighting and the victory on the other side of submission is sweeter. Let me pray about it."
Our Sunday School teacher had just shared with us the definition of "agape," the highest of the four forms of love identified by the Greeks:
the highest form of love, especially brotherly love, charity; the love of God for man and of man for God, what some people call "unconditional love."I was thrilled! This matched with everything I had just been thinking about and learning about in my own journey towards letting God fight my battles and truly praying to just love others after watching War Room.
"Most of your answer was good," came his cautious answer, "but we must make judgment and we must not let ourselves be walked all over by another." Good point.
Now, I have heard this answer all my life, and I believe there is some truth to it. However, I am beginning to believe that this mentality can also be a huge hurdle to truly having charity, this perceived need of "self-defense."
My thoughts that follow are still a work in progress. I am seeking for the truth of it, and, as with many truths, I am sure there are times and seasons for different applications of this truth. Yet what I am seeking right now is an idea that is very elusive and feels...different. Different from my programmed in response and different take than what I took from my Sunday School teacher's answer (he could have meant something different altogether). We shall see.
"Judge but not Condemn"
Back to my story, the teacher's response left me wondering. I have pondered this answer of his, this "don't let your guard down" mentality. This morning as I prayed in my mini war-room over the garbage cans in the corner of my kitchen, I was praying to love a particular person with fervor and this Sunday School teacher's response came into my mind. "We must not let people walk all over us or hurt us. We must still make judgments." I believe some of the spirit of what he said lies in my husband's beautiful and succinct answer to this age-old dilemma of "when to judge":
We always make judgments. We just must not condemn.I feel that this is part of the answer...this difference between condemnation and judgment. However, I think there is more.
The Right Enemy
There is a line in "War Room," where the main character throws out this problem to her mentor: "Do I just back off and choose to forgive and let him walk all over me??"
God doesn't ask us to stop fighting. He wants us to fight the right enemy. I fear that too often I allow my "judgment," my "protect myself" attitude to become an armor that is keeping God's love out and keeping Satan in.
Lay Down My Weapons?
This concept of "not letting down my defenses" led to me to an experience shared in the Book of Mormon:
Maybe some effective questions to ask ourselves in a given situation are:
--when I put up my defenses, who am I defending myself against?
--do I trust God enough to fight my battles for me, to be my defense attorney?
--have I truly "battled in prayer" and do I fervently pray for God's love for the individual I am contending against or "protecting myself from"?
--is this a case when I need to "lie down my weapons of war for peace" as the Anti-Nephi-Lehis did or a case when, like Captain Moroni or General Washington, when I need to take up my weapons and defend my people and fight with them "for their houses, their wives, their children and their freedom"?
We are commanded to love our enemies. We are commanded to forgive 70 times 7...or eternally. We are counseled to let God fight our battles for us There is a reason for these commandments and this counsel and why they come out a lot more in the scriptures than instructions to fight.
Times and Seasons
There is a time and a season for everything...but have we tried fighting God's way before we shore up our heart and throw up our defenses?
1 To every thing there is aThrough my own insecurities, I feel sometimes like my answers aren't "right" or "don't fit" what what my teachers have in mind. I feel shut down. I feel insecure. I feel even attacked sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like I shouldn't keep going to classes (yes, this has been a battle over the years with many teachers...must be my problem, eh :)?). Will my "protection of myself" in these situations be a victory for me and for God or for Satan who does not desire my good or the good of anyone in that classroom?a season, and ab time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 Aa time to be born, and a time tob die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
6 A time toa get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time toa rend, and a time to sew; a time to keepb silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time toa hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
I believe the answers to these questions are personal and to be sought on a situation by situation basis. However, the principle that "forgiveness, love, trust, mercy, grace and God's power are sufficient to make us happy" is universal.
Sometimes, God;s defense will be His call for us to pick up "our weapons of war for peace." Sometimes He uses us to help fight His battles...and sometimes He asks us to lay down our weapons at the feet of those who are fighting us to win the greater battle. Whew. That will take a lot of prayerful discernment and trust. And a lot of "fighting in prayer" as I seek to fight the right enemy.
As my wise husband so often counsels, we need to be careful of universal applications and rather take each situation case by case to determine which action for that specific situation will be best. Perhaps these series of questions will help me decide which unique answer will be mine in any given situation that God will do His will in my life that Satan, the true enemy, will not win.
So I return to my original question: "Let them walk all over me?! ...well, maybe if God is doing my fighting and the victory on the other side of submission is sweeter. Let me pray about it."
We need to not let the true enemy win! The spirit of contention is not of the Lord. It sounds like you may have an insecure teacher. Build him up. God will fight our battles.
ReplyDeleteI like that idea...to build him up! Thanks, mom!
DeleteGreat thoughts! I love how often we are thinking along the same lines. We watched War Room last night and it answered a lot of things for me. And so have your great thoughts and perspective. Thanks Mary!
ReplyDeleteI hadn't marked this as read on my blog feed and went back to it, and the initial experience brought something to mind. When my biggest boys were little I was a very inexperienced and naive RS counselor (a wonderful thing actually). I taught a lesson once on the priesthood (from a manual, nonetheless). Afterwards, the RS president told me she hoped this certain woman wasn't offended, because she was divorced and apparently felt burned by "the priesthood." The whole thing confused me. Doctrine is doctrine, and why should I tiptoe around that in a lesson?
ReplyDeleteIt makes me wonder, though, if the teacher has an experience or knows of someone else in the class he was trying to protect from feeling they had to give all. Like you said, the need for self-defense.
Like another lesson I taught about keeping the Sabbath Day holy, with a woman immediately defending her husband for working on Sunday. A person's choices are between them and God, not them and the RS teacher. We should be striving to follow, not to be the exception.