Why go to church?

Through the years I have asked myself this many times:
-as a youth, who didn't feel like she fit in her class;
-as a college student in a university where the gospel doctrine teacher taught the Old Testament from a feminist slant, the branch president endorsed rated-R movies, and one student not only told us that we didn't need temples ("our churches are set-apart to do everything we need done"), but challenged visiting Elder Holland about why the church excommunicates so many intellectuals;
-as a mom with young kids who seemed bent on making sure each week was not only stressful and pointless (when I couldn't hear anything), but incredibly embarrassing;
-as a woman in an exclusively Hungarian-speaking meeting, not understanding more than "and" and "also" in sentences.

I never considered not going (alright, sometimes it seemed tempting :)...), but it was merely a question that would drift across my mind....particularly when I didn't seem to hear or understand anything.

Then, two days ago, I came across this powerful article in the March Ensign, called "A Sign from Mosetta".   In the story, the author met Mosetta, a woman in a ward in Mississippi, where the author, Heather, had just moved.  Heather says:

I learned that not only was Mosetta deaf, but she also had trouble speaking. She knew a southern dialect of ASL, could read simple things, and had learned to write the necessities: “I want to …”

Heather relates something Mosetta shared with her on one visit:

She motioned for me to sit down. It became clear that she wanted to talk about the gospel. She pulled out her copy of the Book of Mormon that the missionaries had given her before she joined the Church. She then showed me some other pamphlets she had received from representatives of other religions who had knocked at her door. She shook her head and signed, “No—not for me!” and then, holding the Book of Mormon, smiled and nodded her head “Yes!” while placing her hand on her heart.

I sat there amazed, wondering how she could have embraced the Church and all there is to know about the gospel. With her limited access to gospel knowledge, how did she know she wanted to commit herself to this Church? Did she really know all that Latter-day Saints believed? (At that time there weren’t as many materials as there are today for members who are deaf.) As I thought about it, the answer came swiftly and simply. She knew it was good because she had felt the Spirit in her heart, and that was enough. That realization strengthened my testimony, and I found myself wanting that kind of spirituality in my own life. Until I met Mosetta, I hadn’t known that such a deep level of spiritual sensitivity was possible. (See Alma 32:28.)

So, with that background, this next part of the story truly changed my perspective forever about church attendance:

Mosetta continued to come to church with me for several years. Each week, she sat patiently with a smile on her lips for three long hours on hard chairs. She never heard a word and never made a comment, but she was there.

Can you imagine?  Sitting for three hours in silence, not understanding a word--just to feel the Spirit?  It struck me so strongly:  that is why I go to church each week.  As I partake of the Sacrament (which I can do with squirmy, noisy kids or after listening to the prayer in a different language) and allow myself to feel the Spirit, I can be fed.

Thanks, Mosetta, for your example from Mississippi, and for Heather who shared it.  The power of one little candle, one little nail, sharing across the span of miles and time to touch my life in a powerful way.

Easter testimony...

This morning I was feeling tired and cranky.  The Easter Bunny forgot to get things ready last night, so I was up at 4:30 preparing and hiding the baskets, per family tradition.  I had been up late watching a movie with Q-dawg and the older kids the night before, Spooner was nursing a bunch since he is teething and a little sick, but the thought of those little disappointed faces got me up off my pillow and moving.

Like I said, tired and cranky :).  

I knew I needed to re-fuel, so I sat down to listen to a conference talk, one that had touched me deeply from last conference.   It was amazing.
“Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also”

The following are some special quotes from it that reminded me of the true meaning of Easter and how its message has changed my life forever.

I was reminded of the teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, who taught this comforting doctrine: “The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again...”²

What a glorious blessing this is in our lives. Wouldn’t it be tragic if we didn’t feel great sorrow when we lose a child? How grateful I am to my Father in Heaven that He allows us to love deeply and love eternally. How grateful I am for eternal families. How grateful I am that He has revealed once again through His living prophets the glorious plan of redemption.

Remember as you attended the funeral of your loved one the feelings in your heart as you drove away from the cemetery and looked back to see that solitary casket—wondering if your heart would break.

I testify that because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ, those feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up in a fulness of joy. I testify that we can depend on Him and when He said:

“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

“Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.”⁵

I testify that, as stated in Preach My Gospel, “as we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”⁶

I testify that on that bright, glorious morning of the First Resurrection, your loved ones and mine will come forth from the grave as promised by the Lord Himself and we will have a fulness of joy. Because He lives, they and we shall live also. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Amen.

For the want of a Nail...

There is a legend about a battle in medieval England in which a king loses a battle because someone didn't take the time to hammer in that last little nail:

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the message was lost.
For want of a message the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.






We must never underestimate the power of our contribution, of our lives, in the causes around us: the cause of liberty, the cause of family, the cause of righteousness!
  
The thing that God has told me recently to do, my little nail, as it were, is to focus on "doing what we're already doing" at home so that my children can go out to impact the world.  It was a pretty direct statement from the mouth of my exclusively Hungarian-speaking, "no idea what we are doing in our home" branch president in the blessing he gave me, setting me apart as a nursery leader.

Never underestimate the importance of being set apart! :)  I am so grateful that my husband took the time to write down as much as he could as the blessing was given.  To be able to more fully focus on the tasks on hand, not worrying what I am not doing or what else I could be doing, knowing this is my nail to work on, has been freeing and empowering, and given more weight and import to what I am already doing.

Maybe your current nail is inspiring, learning from and teaching others in church callings, family relationships, or community positions, who will go out and change the world...




Maybe it is supporting someone else who is struggling to hammer in their own nail...

Maybe it is nurturing your family so they have the confidence and love to go forward and hammer their nails in where they need to.

Sometimes that nail is something we are already doing.  But, if it is an important "something else" (as those "nails" sometimes are), and we are daily asking God what He would have us do with our day, our week, or our lives, we will know it.  It will be that little thing that is nagging us that we just need to do.  He is the general.  He is omniscient.  And He will win.
 

Creating beauty...even for only a moment...

Tonight I watched the following clip with Liliputian.  It is one of my favorites, combining my love of art and my love of the ocean.  For just a moment, it satisfies my yearning to sit on the cool beach and feel the rush and scent of the ocean breezes.

It makes me think.  This man spent hours creating a work of art that would be gone so soon.  Yet he did it.  How often do we put time into things that seem to crumble so quickly?  Our homes, our families, our children, our friends, our projects?

I think that is one reason why my favorite quote is my favorite quote there on the side :):

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

 It makes me want to go and create something!

Enjoy the Moment

Last Saturday, I reluctantly attended a Stake RS program.  My friend came and picked me up (which helped me go), and she asked if I wouldn't mind playing the piano for the meeting for her, since she had had no opportunity to practice.  As I was sitting there, at the piano, wishing I could understand more, worrying about what wasn't getting done at home, worrying about what I wanted to work on for next week, thinking of how ridiculous my boots looked with the dress I was wearing, the thought popped into my head, "Enjoy the moment." 

I looked out the window across from the piano.  The day was beautiful. The street lovely.  The opportunity to play was wonderful.  I could enjoy the moment.

It made me think about Pres. Uchtdorf's address in the last conference, "Of Regrets and Resolutions" and this quote: "There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it."

A moment is just a minute and a half, Q-dawg mentioned the other day, according to the answer of a Trivial Pursuit question :).  Since I have taken the time to enjoy the moment.  When I get stressed, angry, whiney, I stop.  I enjoy the moment.

We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. “This is the day which the Lord hath made … ,” the Psalmist wrote. “Rejoice and be glad in it.” (ibid)

This morning, Avot had the following poem up for Vanguard from a blog where it was posted, and I thought it was perfect:

Then Laugh by Bertha Adams Backus

Build for yourself a strong box, 

fashion each part with care; 

When it’s strong as your hand can make it, 

put all your troubles there; 

Hide there all thought of your failures, 

and each bitter cup that you quaff; 

Lock all your heartaches within it, 

Then sit on the lid and laugh. 

Tell no one else its contents, 

Never its secrets share; 

When you’ve dropped in your care and worry

keep them forever there; 

Hide them from sight so completely

That the world will never dream half; 

Fasten the strongbox securely -

Then sit on the lid and laugh. 

 

 

To finish up this post, I thought President Uchtdorf's words before the first quote fit: Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish.

I have found this to be true.  You just have to choose to find it. :)

**********************************************

The rest of the section that I pulled the quotes from (completely wonderful...better to listen to the whole talk, of course, but here is some :)!):

 "I Wish I Had Let Myself Be Happier

Another regret of those who knew they were dying may be somewhat surprising. They wished they had let themselves be happier.

So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.

We do matter. We determine our happiness.

You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness.

My wife, Harriet, and I love riding our bicycles. It is wonderful to get out and enjoy the beauties of nature. We have certain routes we like to bike, but we don’t pay too much attention to how far we go or how fast we travel in comparison with other riders.

However, occasionally I think we should be a bit more competitive. I even think we could get a better time or ride at a higher speed if only we pushed ourselves a little more. And then sometimes I even make the big mistake of mentioning this idea to my wonderful wife.

Her typical reaction to my suggestions of this nature is always very kind, very clear, and very direct. She smiles and says, “Dieter, it’s not a race; it’s a journey. Enjoy the moment.”

How right she is!

Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. I don’t go cycling with my wife because I’m excited about finishing. I go because the experience of being with her is sweet and enjoyable.

Doesn’t it seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?

Do we listen to beautiful music waiting for the final note to fade before we allow ourselves to truly enjoy it? No. We listen and connect to the variations of melody, rhythm, and harmony throughout the composition.

Do we say our prayers with only the “amen” or the end in mind? Of course not. We pray to be close to our Heavenly Father, to receive His Spirit and feel His love.

We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. “This is the day which the Lord hath made … ,” the Psalmist wrote. “Rejoice and be glad in it.”⁶

Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it."

 

Courage

"You don't realize how strong you are until being strong is all that you have left."

This line from a recent Mormon message arrested my attention and struck deep.  Three powerful minutes, four powerful women, and a beautiful way to reflect upon our own lives and the courage we can and do show each day.

Love it!

My angels...

Have you ever wanted an angel to come right down and tell you something?  You know, a little more direct and physical than personal revelation seems :)?  I normally don't. Normally, I recognize that I can depend upon that still, small voice just as surely (and perhaps even moreso?) than a more physical experience.

Well, Sunday I was feeling discouraged and had the following experience.  I am just going to include the story from my letter in here, since I can't really go into more detail without sharing more than I should of such a sacred experience, but felt impressed to include the experience in a post here.

Dear Gonda Elnok,

I want to thank you so much for the inspired blessing you gave me when you set me apart to be a primary worker.  At the time you gave it to me, I understood very few words, but I felt the Spirit confirm my Heavenly Father's love for me and that He, indeed, wanted me to serve in Primary.

However, last week, as I was there in my first week teaching the little ones, I felt like a failure.  I could speak so little and wondered if I was doing more harm than good.  After the class, I tearfully pleaded with Heavenly Father to send me an angel.  I was exhausted, frustrated, and overwhelmed, and wanted Him to tell me specifically what He wanted me to do and why I was here in Hungary when I seem to make such a mess of things! Surely He could send me an angel to make His answer to me clear!

On the way home, I felt inspired to ask my husband if he remembered any of Heavenly Father's blessing to me when you set me apart.  Quinn reached into his pocket and brought out a paper on which he had written down as much as he could.  He had taken notes and I hadn't even known it!  As he read me the notes of the prayer you spoke, each phrase was a personal, direct answer to my specific questions from my tearful prayer earlier that day. 

It was my "angel answer" that I had asked God for.

I cannot adequately express my gratitude for the strength and peace that the blessing has given me in these following days.  I have had Quinn read it to me again and again, and have thanked Heavenly Father repeatedly for the two of you being my angels that day:  you for being worthy and inspired to give me that blessing, and Quinn for being inspired to write it down for me....

And then I closed the letter.

They were my angels. Every phrase Quinn read to me, standing at the busz stop, went right to my heart, answering questions and pleas that I had not even voice, but kept close to my heart...the deepest longings of my soul.

And it came not from but through a man who does not speak my language and knows so little of me,...because it came from a God who knows every part of me and speaks a language so intimate it can reach those parts of my soul.

I got my angelic message, and know God hears me.  It was a good day!

******************************

Maybe one of the things that prompted me to include this letter is something my dear friend, Jolene, wrote to me the other day:

"Jessica (her returned missionary daughter) told me once that a non-member told her that we members talk alot about our trials.  So I've been thinking about that lately and paying more attention, and we really do.  I think it's important to know and see the Lord's hand in our trials.  I also think its very important to see the Lord's hand in our success and happiness as well.  I know God is there to rejoice in my little achievements and the joy I feel so much of the time.  I think its really good to talk to our friends and especially our non member friends about all the good things surrounding us and let them know God is with us through all of that too.  I hope we don't think or feel that He is only there to support us when we are weak and sad and overwhelmed but He is with us always.  There is a scripture that says, See a good day*.  I think it's our responsibility to see a good day.  Like I said, I just get mad some days.  Sometimes I just don't want to see a good day."

I love my friends!

*I had to look up the "see a good day" reference :).  There is one in 1 Peter 3:10 ..."he that will love life, and see good days," but I also thought of Psalms 118:24: 24 "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will ^arejoice and be glad in it."

The Prophets have a message :)...

My home page is lds.org, so I get to see when all the new messages and cool stories come out, and I've really enjoyed it.  Most of the time, I just quickly click past the first opening page, though, en route to other things.

I had done this quite a few times with the most recent display until yesterday, when I actually stopped and read it:

"A Message from the First Presidency to All Church Members"

Hmmmm...they have a message for me?  Could this be like Samuel on the wall?  Or Lehi preaching in Jerusalem?

The "subtitle" was: Learn about strengthening the family and the Church through the priesthood.  Wow.  Who doesn't want to strengthen their family?

Sooooo... (I had to think through this...slow brain :)...) the prophets have a message to tell me about helping my family?

Does that mean I listen to it now? I actually took the time to wonder.  Funny, huh, the self-talk/excuses/etc. we give ourselves?  Of course I want to strengthen my family, and here the Lord has handed something to me on a silver platter and I just need to listen!  Should have been a no brainer, but somehow, it wasn't :).

Still haven't finished listening, but I will :)!

"The Lord of hosts mustereth the host of the battle"...are our youth ready? Are WE ready :)?

 In Isaiah 13, there is an excerpt at the end of verse 4 and the beginning of verse 5 that made me think of the youth of today from many faiths:

"The Lord of hosts mustereth the host of the ^bbattle.  5 They come from a far country, from the end of heaven"

Our youth have truly been chosen and mustered "from the end of heaven" to engage in the battle for truth and good on this world!  However, the opposition is fierce!

The other day, my son recommended the following scripture from his scripture study in the New Testament, 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, and I thought it fit as the answer of these youth to that opposition:

 8 We are ^atroubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in ^bdespair;

 9 ^aPersecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not ^bdestroyed.

It is not going to be easy!  Freedom and truth was never easily defended.

Look at the life of George Washington.  I recently read "The Real George Washington" and was struck by the endless stream of tragedy, betrayal and deprevation that plagued that noble man and his efforts to gain freedom for America with his beleaguered, under-fed, under-clothed troops.  It was not pretty.  It was not perfect.  It was not simple.  It was an endless stream of hardship!

Our youth need to learn that, just because they are doing the right thing, at the right time, it may not be easy, perfect, or even bearable :).  It is a battle, in every sense of the word, and they must not get discouraged.

My daughter found a poem for a devotional some days ago that perfectly complements these ideas:

"Go Forth to Life" by Samuel Longfellow

Go forth to life, O child of earth!
Still mindful of thy heav’nly birth;
Thou art not here for ease, or sin,
But manhood’s noble crown to win.

Tho’ passion’s fires are in thy soul,
Thy spirit can their flames control;
Tho’ tempters strong beset thy way,
Thy spirit is more strong than they.

Go on from innocence of youth
To manly purity and truth;
God’s angels still are near to save,
And God Himself doth help the brave.

Then forth to life, O child of earth!
Be worthy of thy heav’nly birth!
For noble service thou art here;
Thy brothers help, thy God revere!

To touch it all off, I just came across this quote that my friend shared in her Vanguard group (I love connections!)
 from "The Journals of Ralph Waldo Emerson"  Selected and Edited by
Robert N. Linscott
p.43 - The wise man in the storm prays God, not for safety from
danger, but for deliverance from fear.  It is the storm within which
endangers him, not the storm without.

Just because life isn't easy, it doesn't mean we are not doing what God wants us to do!

Daily Walk with God

I am amazed at the power and rejuvenation that I feel each day when I spend at least a few minutes either reading the scriptures or listening to the words of his servants, the prophets. 

I am so grateful for the many technologies that make it easier for all of us busy people to do it, too!

For instance, this morning my bathroom just reeked (probably happens at other people's houses, too :)...).  I had put cleaning the bathroom off long enough, so I turned on a talk from Elder Eyring, "Where is the Pavilion?" from the last LDS General Conference and listened to his soothing words of comfort and peace as I scrubbed.  I definitely didn't catch all the words (kids.) but I caught enough that I feel peace.

Then there are the fun, catchy movies, messages, and "I am Mormon" clips from the LDS media library that my kids also enjoy watching so it gets them calm for a little and I get a little shot in the arm of spirituality.  I find that, even though my spiritual immersion is seldom "perfect" (I rarely catch most of a talk, let alone every word), I always come away feeling better.

I feel like it is a way to come to the well of living water, even when I feel overwhelmed by everything else, and get that little boost that helps God be with me.  It truly is a water that always quenches that spiritual drought, that emotional emptiness.  I just need to "Think to Drink" every time I feel down, and not let Satan distract me with cookie dough :). 

Thank goodness for the many resources we have to help us draw closer to Him!

Do it!  You'll not regret it!

The power of a life with vision and faith

I have been reading "The Real George Washington" with my older kids this month, and there are soooooo many amazing lessons to be learned in it: patriotism, courage, virtue, good government...the list could go on and on!

However, I think that my "take home message" was this:
The power of a life lived with vision and faith is incredible and long lasting.

Just think about it:
George Washington fought when outnumbered, persisted with what limited materials he had;
-was denied by Congress on numerous occasions when he asked for needed supplies and pay for his soldiers;
-was betrayed on numerous occasions by fellow soldiers and even friends;
-faced huge debts and ruin with a farm that was left unattended as he served in the army for long years of seemingly fruitless war;
-saw fellow generals betray him on the field--even disobeying direct orders;
-watched his two half-children die (and had none of his own!);
-left his wife and the comforts of his beloved Mount Vernon;
-lost more battles than he won;
-and watched the clothes rot off the backs of his starving soldiers during long winter months, as they lay down on the frozen, snow-covered ground with nothing to cover them!

And I thought I had problems!

Yet, through it all, he writes letter after letter filled with faith in God and the divine hand of Providence in the cause of the American people.  He speaks of his frustration and discouragement, but he keeps doing what he can with what he has, time and again, knowing it is the right thing to do.

I thought about how that applies to me:
-when the days are crazy and everything seems to be going wrong;
-when my imperfections seem to outweigh the good I am doing;
-when children, friends, or family say or do things that disappoint, discourage, or frustrate me;
-when my personal comforts are put on hold for others and it still seems to do no good...

...do I keep going with the attitude of Washington? "Yeah, this current situations stinks, but I know what I am doing is what God wants me to do, so I know that somehow, in the end, when all is said and done, His cause will be triumphant." 

So, here am I --no matter how ugly, dirty, or discouraging the process may look!-- re-committing to look to God's will from me in the everyday, in this year and the years to come, and then doing what I can and being okay with that.

I mean, look at what George Washington did and became!  He led a raw, inexperienced people on to defeat the most powerful empire in the world; he supported the collection of differing states coming together to enjoy an amazing experiment in democratic republic, and he reluctantly became the first president of this great country, defining this most critical role in a new government...all while fully aware of his deficiencies.

If we can just trust that we were put here, in this place and time to do what God needs us to do, as individuals and groups, think of what we, together with God, can accomplish!

The power of rules based upon truth

As I walked to the store with Papaya in the stroller, we prepared to cross a street when a car came zooming across our path, driving mere inches away from the two of us.  Startled by the apparent thoughtlessness of this driver's recklessness, it set me thinking about several situations I have had here in Hungary where people are just, well, rude.

I know rudeness happens everywhere, but it seems like there are consistent ways where people here seem to push the line of decency.  Rather than go into specifics because I am limited in my time right now, I wanted to record some of my thoughts and "wonderings."

For years, these people have been repressed in a system rigid with numerous rules: some logical and for the good of the people, but many merely whimsical...because the people in charge could make those rules--rules that were not based upon principles; rules that were made to ensure control.  I wonder if, feeling stunted and repressed under the weight of so many rules not based upon truth, they began to fight against all rules, whether they were good rules or not.

I have already shared how our doctor said something like: "We in Hungary believe in rules, but believe they only apply to everyone else."

Perhaps, in their effort to fight against that kind of control, they now seek freedom from even the unwritten, unspoken rules of decency?

Can that happen in a home, where rules are administered on the whim of the parent, and not upon principles of truth?  Can a child or youth, born with their own ability to recognize true principles, recognize the fallacy of "rules for power" and in turn start fighting against all the rules of the home, both those that are good and true and those that are not?

You know, like those dogs that are trained to fight? They are pestered, driven, and badgered so much that they soon just lash out at everything?

Can a people be driven to that point?

I wonder.

Content in what matters

As I perused my handy-dandy "Meet the Dugger's" shabby second-hand book, desperately reviewing their "blanket-training technique" in answer to my tornado two-year-old, I happened to see a quote about how contentment--with what we have and situations that may be frustrating--is one of the hardest things to teach our children, but that it is very important.

Hmmm...

It stirred a little thought in my brain that echoes the messages I have been getting from On High the last couple turbulent days: "Be still" "Be content" "Count your blessings"...and over all that, the message: "Trust me...."

It is the message I got from reading "You are Special" by Max Lucado to my little ones when I read the lines: "You are special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes....Come to me every day and let me tell you how much I love you."

It is the message I got when reading "No Room for a Sneeze" (complete personal classic!!), where the couple keeps going to a wise man (God, in my book), and the answers he gives them to help with their problem seems to look a lot worse than the original situation as they trustingly follow the wise man's advice!  Trust me...I see the end picture.

Anyway, so today I tried it.

"Mom, can I exercise during devotional?  I don't have much time this morning and want to shower before our Hungarian tutor comes."  Calm, calm...personal grooming is important.  Devotional.  Spirit. Distraction that comes.  Hmmmm...contentment = follow the spirit and then be good with whatever happens.  Hmmmm...not easy!

Answer?  I felt inspired to insist on no exercise during devotional, and then opened our kid's picture scripture book to the story of Job, a terrific example of being able to be content.  We read that.  The spirit was thick.  Song and prayer.  Shortest devotional on record...contentment. Deep breath. All is good!

Later, I came across this quote when I googled "how to teach children to be content" (you can learn anything online, right :)? It was worth saving, although I found no other helpful tips on that site :) :
"The old hymn, “It is well with my soul”, has been buzzing through my mind today and I looked up the story behind it.  Horatio Spafford, a wealthy Chicago Lawyer, lost a son to Scarlet Fever, then lost all his investment properties in the great Chicago fire.  Distressed, he decided to take his wife and four daughters to England for a break but, at the last minute, was unable to travel with them.  The boat went down sparing only his wife.  He caught the next vessel to be with her and as they passed the mark where his children had perished he wrote the words to the famous hymn.  What a truly amazing example of being at peace!  He deliberately chose not to go to the depths of despair, but to declare through the words of these lyrics, that his soul was at peace." 
source: http://www.forefrontfamilies.org/content/view/402/10/ 

As I have thought today about how to teach my children how to be content (since the internet wasn't really any help), I realized that it would be most effectively taught by example :).  Sigh.  Can I truly learn the art of being content in what matters?  Not complacent...there is a difference.  Content.

Content, to me, means actively seeking to do what is best at the moment, day, or week, and then, despite apparent imperfections or imperfections or despite seeming insignificance, being okay with ourselves and what we are doing.  Content means following the Spirit, joyfully, peacefully, and full of trust, knowing God knows the end from the beginning.

Content with 10 kids.
Content with myself even if I don't speak even passing-fair Hungarian.
Content to sit and snuggle with little ones.
Content read a few pages, when chapters are beckoning, but so are the kids and house :).
Content with a day where the homeschool classes are all half-finished, we are not prepared like I would like to be for our sweet Hungarian tutor, Papaya shatters glass on the floor five minutes after spilling corn meal all down the hall, the house is in shambles, dinner needs to be made,... but the most important thing right that moment is to talk to my wonderful mother.  I know that, but to be content with doing only what I can, sometimes can be so challenging.  Doesn't that seem silly?  I mean, "content with doing only what I can" means it is just not physically possible to do more, and yet I let Satan tell me that I should be doing more?  Crazy.

I seek to be content to know that when I feel peace in my heart, (despite a house full of noise, confusion and mess) the Lord is happy with me, and He is with me.

Link to a great post on finding joy in motherhood!

I hope my dear sister Sarah doesn't mind this, but she wrote an inspiring post about her struggle to find joy in motherhood and it's fruit.  Having been through so much of this same change of heart through the past year, I connected strongly with her words.  Enjoy!

Trusting.

Today was fast and testimony meeting, a time at church where we can bear testimony of things we believe to be true.

I was feeling content to sit down and not share my testimony today, safe and snug in my chair, tidbits of Hungarian floating through my head, little phrases I could say if I bore my testimony.

Then, 10 minutes to go, I started feeling it: the slight twitter of heart, the swelling of the spirit...those little signs that I recognized oh, so well.  Heavenly Father wanted me to bear my testimony.

Now, due to past experience in not following that feeling, I knew how I would feel in 15 minutes if I chose not to listen.  And I had my list of reasons not to get up and share! The biggest reason was: I don't really speak Hungarian yet.  The second?  I already tried last month, and do they really want to hear me struggle through it again? Could it really do more good than harm for me to get up again and stumble through another 10, half-formed phrases?

I fought with that feeling, as I have so many times before, and then the phrase came to mind: "Mary, don't you trust that I can do miracles?  Yes?  Well, then, why not now?"

Oh, boy.  I guess that was the clincher.  It now was a matter of trust in what the Lord could do with me, not trust in what I was capable of myself.  I went.

I think I ended up saying something about how I knew it was wonderful to be a father, instead of a mother, like I wanted.  (At least I didn't try to say that it was wonderful that I was a mother!)  I think I ended up saying "I know the scriptures are true" twice.  (I guess you cannot say that too many times.  I just would rather not say it three sentences apart out of 10 sentences total.) I literally sat down and cried in my seat afterward, reflecting upon some obvious mistakes I had made and feeling foolish.

I wonder what the miracle of it was, because it certainly wasn't a manifestation of the gift of tongues :).  Maybe it was something that changed within me, because I think the most common theme of what the member said to me afterward was:  if you could get up speaking as little Hungarian as you do, it will be an inspiration to people who do speak Hungarian, so hopefully they will get up and bear their testimonies. I guess that is a good thing :).

Whatever it was, I trusted, I went, and, seeing what He has done with this imperfect vessel in the past, I know it was enough for Him.  He is satisfied with me, and that is enough for me :).

"What I can do..."

I have a post on this already on the side, but Lek pulled up a video today for his devotional for Vanguard that re-renders it beautifully.

http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/mormon-messages?lang=eng&id=2009-09-37-choose-this-day#2009-09-37-choose-this-day

Truly a core message in my life, one that I think about often and has changed me:  pray each day, "I don't know how much I can do, but what little I can, let it be enough."

Honesty...wow.

We watched a movie called "The Emperor's Club" starring Kevin Klein last night.  It was...interesting. (Just for a head's up, I am going to talk about specifics in the movie, so if you don't want it to be given away, watch it first if you'd like, then read this..)

For those who are familiar with the following label, it was a "broken" movie:  a movie where good and bad are clearly defined in truth, but the bad "wins."  Or rather, neither do, but it is a very powerful statement about at least two things:

#1  The power of boundaries in parenting and mentoring:  The youth in the movie begins to be transformed by a teacher who actually stands for something.  The teacher talks about the need for morals, good and bad, and lives it.  The youth is impressed despite his spoiled, willfully rebellious personality, and changes.  Then, at a competition, the teacher discovers that this same youth is cheating.  When the teacher wants to call him on it, the administrator tells him to let it go (the youth's father is a powerful senator and large contributor to the school), and the competition continues, but the teacher is able to ask the cheating youth a question he hadn't prepared to answer and so the youth loses the last round.

However, the teacher later confronts the youth about his cheating, and the youth asks the teacher why the teacher didn't call the youth on it then.  The teacher says, "It's complicated." The youth says, "Was it because of my father?"  And, although the teacher denies it, the youth recognizes the truth of the situation, and spends the rest of his years at school, and then in life, reverted to that first rebellious condition.

I just finished reading "Five Love Languages for Teens" and this is one point that the author stresses: youth recognize honesty and need boundaries of decency to thrive.

This youth had neither.

#2 The power of honesty in society:  You see the ripple affect of this moment of lack of honesty in a powerful way, as the youth goes onto to recreate the original competition 25 years later, (complete with cheating) in an attempt to draw attention to himself so he can declare his intent to run as governor.    He invites the teacher to conduct the competition once again, the teacher once again picks up on his cheating, once again doesn't publicly call him on it, and then they have an interesting conversation.  The youth speaks cynically, representing the cynicism of our society: "It doesn't matter if I am dishonest if I can get ahead and get away with it."

I don't blame the teacher (the youth has his agency) but it reinforces the power of a mentor and his influence when he chooses to use it. (Side note: he is an excellent mentor in every other instance and I love his devotion to integrity, even in choosing to not be romantic with a married woman he obviously admires.  He also teaches history in stories, with passion, and to shape his students...love that!)

I am glad I watched this movie.  Even if the boy "seems" to get away with it, you can see the negative effect of it and the negative ripples it has on the behavior of himself and his peers.  His class goes on to be rowdy and disrespectful, even carrying that behavior into their adulthood in embarrassing ways.  You can see the wrongness of it in the teacher's demeanor and reactions to the behavior, to the dishonesty, and I feel that good and bad are portrayed in beautiful starkness.

*warning: couple scenes and profanity.  Check out the "kidsinmind" website to get specifics, and make the call for yourself.  I seldom endorse movies and don't this one: it's just some food for thought :).