"God will care for His robins"

This morning I realized that one of my deepest fears is that I am going to do "__________" wrong.

Fill in the blank.  Anything.  Everything.  Parenting.

I am afraid that I am going to mess "________" up so "___________" will fail.

Children.  Friendships.  Family.  The house.  My mission.

This has governed so many of my actions and attitudes over the years.  I have had people tell me how fake I am and it has hurt because I know that my love for them is genuine and deep and perhaps in my fear of losing them, my fear of driving them away perhaps they have sensed my desperation and wondered if what I was, who I was...was me.  

Good question.  But who am I?  If I am someone who loves and makes mistakes and is striving to be what God wants me to be...and loves people...is that not also a person?  Can that not also be who I am?

I see people around me whom I love so deeply, within my family and without, and I don't know how to show that love enough and perhaps seem a little desperate in my imperfect way of showing love.  While my time is limited (a HUGE part of the problem), my desire to let people know I love them is strong--sometimes perhaps over-eager?  Maybe sometimes I am just so afraid that I will mess up our relationship that I will never be able to adequately show them how much I love them?  When I am surrounded by people that I love it is as if I have gone into ADHD mode and at times it is hard to focus on one person for fear that another one is being left out, excluded and hurt.

How does God do it?

That is perhaps not quite the right question.

Perhaps the right question is, "Do I know that God can do it?"  

Do I know that God can fill the ones around me that I love so deeply and so intensely?  Do I know that God can help them know that I love them, despite my limited time and resources?  Do I know that it is not my love that will save them or make things better, but His?

I heard a testimony yesterday that really answered the question of my heart lately: Which part is mine? And which part is Yours?

A man was watching a nest of robins, where the eggs had just hatched and the mother and father robin were busily flying to and fro to provide for the four eager hatchlings.  As he watched them, he was filled with a desire to help ease the burden of the bird parents and was determined to go and purchase some worms from a local fisherman.

As he moved forward with his well-meaning determination to help, the Spirit gently whispered, "Am I not able to care for My birds?  Is not every feather of the sparrow known to Me?  I can care for these robins.  You take care of your spiritual growth.  Feed your spirit. I will feed the robins."

There are many "robins" in my life.  I know that my children are some of them, some of God's precious creatures. The Spirit has been whispering for some time to step back, take a deep breath and trust.  Be still.  Be silent. I know there is a time for action and a time for stillness.  I need to trust that God will let those around me know that I love them, as I try to love them as I am able and then *take a deep breath, Mary!* I must stand still and trust. 

 17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us ^acheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the ^csalvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.  (D&C 123:17)