Which part is mine?

I am in one of my emotional funks. I can feel my sensitivity clawing at me with every tiny little thing that goes wrong.  Fortunately, I can recognize it so hopefully I will give myself (and others!) a little more space.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a mother.  More specifically, the mother of 11.  What do they need?  What is my part? There is no possible way I can meet all their needs.  It has been occurring to me more and more lately: I am not supposed to.  

My dilemma reminds me of a song I listened to as a young mother...and often wept to:

Driving myself too much over the years, I am pulling back and reflecting now that my older ones are leaving our home and going out into the world. And the children of others.  My nephew.  Friends' children.

They are amazing and capable people, no more full of errors than I am now, and each voyaging out to see and act and learn even more.  My Tova wrote a letter to me to open after she left. It was a beautiful letter and in it she said, "Thank you for stepping back this year and letting me fail."

This coincides with my musing about agency, the necessity for choice, when do we step in as parents to effect change and when do we pull back?

I think that it is different for every child and for different seasons.  Should that be overwhelming?  No.  Perhaps it should be reassuring.  Reassuring in that our children will look different, act differently and need different levels of parenting.

Could we trust them and their agency to come to us when they need us and then watch them, like new little walkers, try out their legs, stumble fall and pick themselves up?

Environment.
Support.
Love.
Respect.
Personal example.

These are things that whisper are important for me to focus on:

Teaching them to work.
Teaching them accountability and responsibility.
Teaching morality, including integrity.
Teaching them eternal principles.
Exposing them to greatness.
Provide opportunities for growth and learning.

I read an article recently from our prophet, Thomas S. Monson, where he said,

The basic goal of teaching is to help the sons and daughters of Heavenly Father return to His presence and enjoy eternal life with Him. To do this, gospel teaching must encourage them along the path of daily discipleship and sacred covenants. The aim is to inspire individuals to think about, feel about, and then do something about living gospel principles. The objective is to develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and to become converted to His gospel.

Teaching which blesses and converts and saves is teaching which emulates the Savior’s example. Teachers who emulate the Savior’s example love and serve those they teach. They inspire their listeners with eternal lessons of divine truth. They live lives worth emulating. (Ensign, Mar. 2016)

I kept reading through this quote, trying to discern how much of this applied to the curriculum I should teach my children.  Yes, it refers to "gospel teaching" but the basic goal is to help them return to His presence and enjoy eternal life.

As I have mused about this, I have realized that every person I have ever known, heard about, or studied about who had a connection with God, a true, humble connection, was motivated to learn and improve...and did so, in fact, at a miraculous pace and in ways wondrously suited to their individual situation and missions.



Back to what is enough,...what is required...I realized that I am going back to my "people-pleasing," "what is the minimum requirement for success,""checklist" mentality which doesn't really have a place in the teaching the prophet is talking about, the true teaching God wants.  He wants me to lead my children to Him...let them learn. Let them fall.  Let them try out their own muscles: physical and mental and spiritual.

There are definitely inspired boundaries and requirements to gain specific blessings I desire for my home:

Doctrine and Covenants 109:8

8 Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

But, I feel that I need to step back a bit and watch my flowers grow in their education.
 And then I will just weep when they leave...